And all the pitchers in the top 10, please allow Stephen Strasburg to bump thee. Let’s see what we can say about Strasburg that hasn’t been said before. Mikhail Gorbachev’s port wine birthmark on his head is actually Strasburg mid-windup. I don’t think that had been said before. Stephen’s cheering section, The House of Strasburg, better get out its Austrian officer uniforms because Herr Strasburg is goose stepping back into town. I think in most redraft leagues you’d be able to find a dozen waiver wire pitchers that can do what Strasburg can do for this year. What’s he gonna get? 4 starts at most? Brandon McCarthy could be as valuable as him in 4 starts. I’m just tempering you like Margaret from Boardwalk Empire. I wouldn’t expect more than 20 innings of a 3.00 ERA. Don’t go dropping anyone too valuable to roll with the Strasburger. In keeper leagues, drop your priceless Faberge egg and grab him. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Casey Kotchman – Which of these statements is false: 1) He’s hitting .337. 2) He had mononucleosis for two years because the Angels Rally Monkey used his toothbrush. 3) He considered legally changing his first name to I’mplaying1stbasey.
Mike Carp – Just went over my Mike Carp fantasy. I wrote it while wearing giant gold sunglasses like Pitbull.
J.D. Martinez – He went from a lukewarm buy to a must have in less than a week. He could revert back to a lukewarm buy by (stutterer!) next week.
Brandon McCarthy – Has a 3.31 ERA, 1.17 WHIP and a 74:16 K:BB rate. McCarthy’s taking on every team this year like they’re the Reds. Hopefully he keeps it up tonight vs. the Rangers and doesn’t leave his initials on the mound.
Dontrelle Willis – For a long time his career looked as promising as the person who told Jordan a Hitler mustache was the way to go. His ERA looks the best its looked in years, but better still is he’s keeping his BBs in check better than Ralphie.
Jake Peavy – He’s looked good the last four times out. If you had him for those starts, take a lap around your computer, cheering yourself. You deserve it.
Rafael Furcal – Nothing says fresh blood infused into your fantasy team’s veins like an oldie-timer.
Eric Young Jr. – I ran into Eric Young Sr. and Eric Young Jr. Jr. at a Carl’s Jr. the other day and they agreed that the only thing that’s stopping Eric Young Jr. from stealing 60 bases a year is playing time. Then they began to argue over the real star of the duo, Junior Senior.
Jose Altuve – Has hit in ten of his last twelve games while batting .330 since his call up and is owned in 1.5% of ESPN leagues. Jed Lowrie, who has one good week every year or so, is owned in 13.4% of ESPN leagues. Then again ESPN dedicates five hour programming blocks to the Sawx so I guess it makes sense.
Johnny Giavotella – Could have some speed, power and abbreviate his last name as GTL. I’ll cop to picking up Giavotella in one league. Hey, if you can’t beat ‘em or file a restraining order…
Yuniesky Betancourt – Hitting over .400 in the last week with a homer and a steal. Not a long term add but hot schmotatoes rarely are.
Jose Constanza – His name translates to Joe With Poem so here’s one in his honor. Constanza is playing over Jason Heyward/Leaving a hole in my outfield the size of a fjord/Now I’m blahtooning Eric Young and Peter Bourjos/What rhymes with that? Orange juice?
Jesus Montero – Will be called up shortly and hit 2 to 4 homers while collecting 9 to 13 RBIs; I can hardly wait!
Rafael Betancourt – He can be found in the definition of Cuddle Boy, but that shouldn’t stop you from handcuffing Huston Street who once pulled a hamstring from around a candied ham and strained his elbow.
Vinnie Pestano – If Chris Perez blows one more game in horrific fashion, Pestano will be the closer. If Perez blows two more games in less than horrific fashion, Pestano will take over. If Perez just shows up at the game wearing a mismatched outfit, he should be fine.
Vernon Wells – If you think Vernon Wells has another month and a half of productivity in his bat, then the Blue Jays GM Alex Snuffaluffagus has a bridge in Kansas to sell you.
Derrek Lee - Has a team ever traded for someone then put him on waivers within a few weeks? I don’t know, but Derrek Lee or Ryan Ludwick might be the first ones. Pirates spokesman, “Listen, we were never really in the running and now we’re really not in the running… Anyone wanna take these schmohawks off our hands? How about Ryan Doumit? How about Dyan Roumit? How about a catcher to be named later?” Sure, Lee is wily with grit, but put grit and wily into Google and you get “Did you mean John McCain?” and he can’t play baseball.
Carlos Lee - Sticking with the old Lee theme, if you have Chuck Lee, stop fighting the power and shut him down.
Jason Heyward – I wouldn’t drop him in keeper leagues or leagues 12 team or deeper. In those leagues, I’d walk into traffic wearing a burlap sack muttering about how Heyward betrayed you. But in shallow redraft leagues, it’s time to move on. What’s the best he can give you in a month-plus? 6 homers? Rick Ankiel called and said he’d give you that, but not to call him back and his number is unlisted.