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Greeting all! Tis I again, Tehol Beddict, your loyal and humble servant, here to help you out with all of life’s problems, and big problem many of you have right now is owning my boy Ham-bone AKA Josh Hamilton. The travesty that is the Angels 2013 season continues to baffle even baseball’s greatest minds. “Did it baffle Tehol Beddict the Great?” you might ask your friends and family, and the answer would be no. It’s well know that I hold the powers of Extrasensory perception (ESP to the laypersons), and one night while smoking mass quantities of peyote laced with the purest Colombian powders on God’s beautiful earth, I had a vision. A vision of the Angels having an impotently insignificant season a la Jonathan Taylor Thomas post Home Improvement. My visions have become a reality and am I the only one with a wood from that J.T.T. vid? It’s hard to envision the continuation of this disgraceful ball playing from Hamilton for much longer, as he should eventually turn it around. Or he could get hurt and along with Pujols, become shells of their former selves. Personally, I would never give up on Hamilton as he is one of my favorite players of all time, but I’ll let you make that decision for yourselves (or ask me in the comment section). Others are probably trying to low ball you for “Ham-borgini” as we speak. Don’t bite just quite yet, or you could end up coming up shorter than a midget on his or her knees. Here’s what else I saw this week thus far.

Yuniesky Betancourt -  With 21.5 points on the week, Betancourt continues to absolutely blow my f#cking mind. This certainly cannot be the same little rosebud who played for my Seattle Mariners years ago, because that guy sucked in a non-sexual way. I must be getting him confused with someone else, for Betancourt is absolutely killing it right now. Do I respect him enough to add him to any of my many squadrons? Absolutely not, but the numbers simply can’t be ignored. If for some peculiar reason he is available in your league, make sure you add him after you read this. I refuse to believe in him but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Shoot, the wondrous Grey Albright even owns him. What more do you need to know?

Jean Segura - The Segura show is in no danger of cancellation as this fantasy beast continues to slaughter his opposition on a seemingly nightly basis. He’s racked up 27.5 points this week already, and he seems incapable of slowing down. I punish myself nightly for not drafting him. I feel like Kim Kardashian after Ray-J put out their sex video: A stupid slut. I thought Jean was a girl’s name. Clearly it’s not. Kudos if you drafted him.

Carlos Gomez - A lot of Brewers on here today. I seem to recall some fantasy baseball sites recommending the dropping of Gomez……….. If you did this, you may want to just call it a season. I’m kidding! You’re gonna be fine……… 37.5 points already this week……… YIKES!

Dominic Brown - With 12.5 points on the week thus far, the man I once knighted “Sir Dominic” seems to be poised to break out. Anything less than 25 homers would shock me quite honestly. Witness.

Desmond Jennings - I’m starting to believe Jennings is nothing special whatsoever. 0 points on the week? Really dude? The guy is pushing 30 and it may just never happen.

Todd Frasier – Frasier’s play this week is sort of how I’d imagine another famous Todd playing baseball. The Todd I speak of starred in Wedding Crashers, dropping priceless lines such as “I’ll be in my room, doing homo things,” and “Oh would that make you love me ?” Things aren’t looking good.

Giancarlo Stanton - I love when guys I have in weekly leagues get hurt on Mondays.

Andrew Cashner - How many of you tried to get sneaky and play Cashner in your reliever spot this week? How’s that -7.5 tasting? Probably a lot like Bull D!ck I’d guess.

Edwin Encarnacion - This man has been beating the baseball with the kind of authority Ike Turner would be proud of. Chris Brown has nothing on Ike folks. Hopefully we see an increase in batting average for Edwin here in the next few weeks. If you believe, it will happen. Well, not always, but in this case I’m pretty sure.

Josh Donaldson - If only I’d grabbed this hog 2 weeks ago. This can’t keep up? Can it……. WHO IS THIS GUY!?

That’s all I have time for this week my friends. I’m traveling to Carmel for a strippers convention and won’t be sleeping the entire time. That’s the goal anyway, but don’t fret, as I’ll have my tablet to answer any questions or comments with my usual quickness. I left my chicken at my photographer’s home so pray for her safety, as my photographer has been known to practice beastiality. May the Gods forever be in your favor and let us pray I don’t receive herpes this weekend.

23 Responses

  1. Ryan says:
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    Do you seriously see brown going for 25 bombs? What gives you this inclination?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ryan: I would never lie about something like that Ryan. I just know what he’s capable of and I see him putting it all together. I wish he would steal a base every now and then but I guess that’s out of the cards. I like his home ball park and he carries that swag like he’s a star. believe

  2. HomeRunfromBehindtheMeatballs says:
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    I thank you to not point out the taste of bull d!ck in my mouth on the internet!

      • HomeRunfromBehindtheMeatballs says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: kind of like emu d!ck, but less feathery and more hairy

  3. Joel says:
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    Dom Brown or Michael Brantley?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Joel: Brown without question. Brantley isn’t a factor in my eyes

  4. LJ says:
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    Dom Brown or Garrett Jones

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @LJ: Go BROWN baby

  5. steve says:
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    What does your comment about Jennings pushing 30 mean? I thought you were referring to his age but I checked and he’s 26. An exaggeration or perhaps I am missing something?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @steve: I’m sorry I got carried away. I’ve owned him in a dynasty league for like 3 years and frankly I’m tired of waiting. Just doesn’t look he ever gonna become a star player. should be solid though. Just hoped for more. very underwhelming

  6. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yo wutup brotha Tehol!!! Hey I just traded Segura n someone else for Matt Cain n Ethier but I already have Starlin Castro and Reyes but O well. I picked up Donaldson though cause Zimmerman was out n he’s nasty! Hey I grabbed Grimm like A week ago. Do you think I should drop him for Cahill?? The thing is that I already have Corbin on Arizona and I don’t know if having 2 guys on A not so good team would be wise?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: Yea I’d probably drop him for Cahill. two guys on same team isnt a problem. More importantly, WHATS Good with you plaaaaya?!

  7. Frank Lynch says:
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    Oh also This week against my opponent has been a real tight score. All week we’ve been within 10 points frm eachother and we’re both 0-3 so its a must win! It’s a 10 team H2H points league and pitching is important cause it’s 20 plus inninghs and K’s for a win. tonight I have 3 pitchers to his 1 and tomorrow I have 4 going to his 3. Anyway I just picked up Kenley Jansen. Do you think I should drop him just to get another pitcher thats playing tomorrow added on my Roster then drop the guy tomorrow??? These are some of my options- Wade Davis against the CWS, Quintana against KC, Corey Kluber against MIN or Joe saunders against TOR?? Oh also I can most likely get Jansen back cause he’s been on waivers for a while before I grabbed him

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: id go “Dipset call Santana” and he won’t let you down. sure then u can pick kanley back up if you want to

      • Frank Lynch says:
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        Ben good kid, How bout you? You meant for me to grab Quintana right?

        • Frank Lynch says:
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          Oh and I know its cool for 2 pitchers on same team but 2 guys on Arizona kinda scares me.. Grimm is on texas ya know

          • Tehol Beddict

            Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Frank Lynch: oh yes I know Grimm. I like Cahilll a little better, plus he in national league but this isnt a huge choice either way. Grimm could be ok. yea i meant to swoop Qunitana

            • Frank Lynch says:
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              You like Corbin?

  8. Brendan says:
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    I need your opinion on both Timmy Lincecum and Justin Masterson…

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Brendan: Im truly disgusted. Masterson started horribly yesterday then rebounded and was having a quality start. He had 2 outs in 7nth, then proceeded to let this terrible twins lineup score 1 then left a guy on first, who the bum ass reliever let score on a 2 run jack on the next batter, charging masterson with another run in the process. I mean, it was almost a good start. wish they had just taken him out after the 6th. I think he could kind of be like this all season. He does have the ability to be lights out from time to time but we shall see. If he gets bombed in his next start it may be time to dump him, if not already.

      Lincecum is a lost soul with lost velocity. It’s hard for me to be a fan but some ability is still left. whos available in ur league?

      • Brendan says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: On the wavier wire I got Westbrook, Slowey, Marquis, Bud Norris, Jason Vargas, Mike Leake and J.A. Happ to name a few.

  9. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yo check out my team… 10 team h2h points league
    matt wieters
    Fielder
    Altuve
    starlin castro
    Zimmerman
    Justin Upton
    holliday
    MCcutchen
    Crawford
    ethier
    Donaldson
    Jose Reyes DL Pitching- Cain, Samardzija, Shelby Miller, Iwakuma, Dempster, Mat Latos, Hammel, Corbin, Grimm, Jim Henderson, Mujica and Jansen
    I’m 0-3 right now. How the F am I losing? Actually all 3 guys I played had the top scores for the week and I’m neck to neck with the guy this week.. What u think?

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