In just under two months at Triple-A (45 games), Brett Lawrie hit 12 homers and stole 10 bases. To put that in context, Dave Winfield hitting against Queen Latifah in the 2003 All-Star Celebrity Softball Game never got past 2nd base, on the field. The Blue Jays GM Alex Snuffaluffagus said, “I’m more excited about (Lawrie) today than I was in April when he was hitting .430.” That makes two of us. Once he’s called up, his 2nd base eligibility makes him instantly startable in just about any league. If that doesn’t excite you, he’ll play 3rd base for Toronto. “Wait, what about playing time? Who’s playing 3rd base now in Toronto?” That’s you talking to yourself while you lick your Dorito-stained fingers. John McDonald, Jayson Nix and Edwin Encarnacion. Don’t worry if you didn’t know that. Sometimes John Farrell even has to call Jayne Nix, Jayson’s mom, before the game and ask to be reminded who his third baseman is. Seems like the easy answer there is yes, Lawrie will play. If he’s called up in the beginning of June, as I anticipate, I’d expect a 15/15 season. That’s pretty terrific for a middle infidel in three-quarters of a season. Now Lawrie’s on your radar, but is he on your team? Snap! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Brandon Belt – Just went over my Brandon Belt fantasy. I wrote it while sitting in the Statue of Liberty’s torch thinking about our forefathers.
Anthony Rizzo – The best part about Rizzo is his power. The worst part is he’ll be hitting in Petco. The moderately good part is the Padres are fools if they don’t call him up and play him every day. The moderately worst part is the Padres are fools.
Juan Miranda – Carmen’s son was hit by a pitch on Sunday and hasn’t played since. Sounds like someone you want on your team immediately, huh? Yeah, I seduce you with my lukewarm buys. I know I do. Now come here and scratch my back. Lower. Lower. Wait, where were we? Oh, yeah, Miranda. The D-Backs released Branyan and are giving Miranda room to sink or swim. He was swimming before he was hit by the pitch. He should be back in the pool soon.
Ryan Ludwick – Sorry, having a hard time finding something nice to say, but he’s been hitting recently.
Josh Reddick – I just went over him this morning. If you scroll with your right finger, your left will get jealous.
Nolan Reimold – I did used to love Reimold. Thanks for asking, long time reader of Razzball. Right now, I’m still smarting from how many times he’s burned me, but I’m willing to apply an ointment and try him one more time.
Mike Morse – Some of these waiver wire pick ups are, to misquote Wilco, “It’s a war on bore, it’s a war on bore, it’s a war on bore…” I mean, Ludwick? Really? But not Morse. He actually has the potential to break out and be a contributor for the rest of the season. I’d grab him across all leagues.
Mike Moustakas – Big voice, “I’ll tell you what, those Royals are gonna be incredible!” Small voice, “In, like, two years if everything breaks the right way.”
Tsuyoshi Nishioka – He’s due back in a week or two. When he first signed in the states, here’s what I said, “(He) hit .346 last year and the first player in the Pacific League to get 200 hits since Ichiro. He also hit 11 homers and stole 22 bases. Before last year though, he hit .260 with 14 homers and 26 steals. You’d take that at middle infield and like it. Only problem is sometimes things get lost in translation. Kaz Matsui hit .332 with 36 homers and 33 steals when he was a 26-year-old in Japan. We all know how well he turned out in the States. So will Nishioka be great in his first year or will he look like he’s fresh off the bloat?” And that’s me quoting me! Assuming his speed isn’t hurt by the injury, I’d stash him now.
Eric Young Jr. – The Rockies designated Jose Lopez for assignment. That assignment was to stop sucking. Good luck! The Rockies matched that ‘making sense’ move with another I’m fond of. The recall of Eric Young Jr. I tried to grab him in every league, but 9 out of ten fantasy baseball ‘perts beat me to it and I only got him in one league. I suggest you grab him everywhere, because at MI it’s kinda nice to have a guy that can steal 35 bases in three-quarters of the season.
Rubby de la Rosa – Could see some Dodger saves, and he sounds like a Venezuelan masseuse. I say buy and you say how much! Or you just say “No, I’m not in an NL-Only league or that desperate for saves.”
Jon Rauch/Octavio Dotel – SAGNOF!
Grant Balfour – Not only was he just terrific on Melrose Place, but he’s getting saves in Oakland. It’s called SAGNOF and it sounds just as it’s spelled.
Jonathan Lucroy – He used to play for the Ragin Cajuns and he’s striking out at a high rate. I will call him, The K’ing of Mardi Gras. Also, he’s getting lucky with balls in play and he doesn’t have big power, but he is currently hitting, so there’s that.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Has 4 homers in his last 6 starts. Unfortunately, that’s over 11 days because Tito’s playing Jason Varitek like he’s on a farewell tour. I’d call the tour, This Is Shit.
Asdrubal Cabrera – Said a’la Duffman, “Not. The. Drubal.” Said a’la Cher from Clueless, “As…DRUBAL!” I have much love for Asdrubal. He’s so money that money borrows money from him. But, I mean, c’mon. He has 10 homers already and he’s the fifth best hitter for all of fantasy, according to ESPN’s Player Rater. There’s no way he comes anywhere near this pace. If he only got to 17 homers on the year, it wouldn’t surprise me. I’m not saying sell him for a pair of Champion shorts that lost their drawstring, but I’d explore options. His value will never be higher.
Josh Tomlin – Aw, man, no offense to the Indians, but Tomlin has a 4.53 K/9 and is leaving men on at a 85% rate. Those numbers don’t jive with his ERA.
Kyle Lohse – Looking at his photo, don’t you picture a minituare Fred Astaire standing on his lips, leaning against his upside down, umbrella-shaped facial hair like in Singin’ In The Rain? Okay, maybe it’s a mirage. Kinda like his insanely low ERA.