It feels like just the other day the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in July, you screamed out, “Give it to me, Giancarlo!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend. C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2017. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2018. To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?” (If you missed it, I interviewed B-Real last year on our podcast, though that might not have been as good as our Jose Canseco interview.) It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players, then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. It’s cold hard math, y’all! Please, for the love that all is holy, don’t ask me if this is for next year. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2017 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:
1. Gary Sanchez – Nailed his preseason ranking and close enough on the projection after you include a 15% increase for Guatemalan baseballs sewn tighter than your Mandex. Sanchez is also the exception to the rule as to why you Reggie Roby catchers. He’s the only catcher in the top 59 for all players, and would’ve been only the 5th best 1st baseman. Preseason Rank #1, 2017 Projections: 71/27/82/.260/3, Final Numbers: 79/33/90/.278/2
2. Yadier Molina – Nailed the preseason ranking for Molina too. Dot dot dot. If you stop reading the number 20, after the two. But, really, zero isn’t a number. It’s the absence of a number. Like how white is the absence of rhythm. On the reals, Molina is getting better with age like an actor from ER. Well, except Noah Wyle. Sorry, Noah. Preseason Rank #20, 2017 Projections: 53/7/57/.288/3, Final Numbers: 60/18/82/.273/9
3. J.T. Realmuto – Just Tomato was so much more of a real Muto. That’s like fantasy advice from the Sphinx. Good luck understanding it, non-Pharaohs! Once again, if you just add 15% increase on power–Actually, it’s more like a 70% increase. This power increase makes me think Kurt Suzuki could almost hit 20 HRs. *glances down* Oh, wow. Preseason Rank #8, 2017 Projections: 54/10/57/.281/11, Final Numbers: 68/17/65/.278/8
4. Salvador Perez – If you drafted Perez, he cured your catcher scabs because he was an excellent *pinkie to mouth* Salve…Good, right? No? Okay. Perez actually had a legit shot at being the #1 catcher if he didn’t miss about 20 games. Preseason Rank #6, 2017 Projections: 55/22/73/.256/1, Final Numbers: 57/27/80/.268/1
5. Buster Posey – Catchers are so pathetic… Audience replies in unison, “How pathetic are they?” Posey hit two homers in the 2nd half of the season. I wouldn’t let that Bust my Posey. Preseason Rank #4, 2017 Projections: 78/16/86/.291/4, Final Numbers: 62/12/67/.320/6
6. Willson Contreras – Know how I do tiers in the preseason? Yeah, I don’t do that in the recaps, but, if I did, the first tier would end here and the rest of the catchers are all punts. Preseason Rank #5, 2017 Projections: 62/16/74/.267/4, Final Numbers: 50/21/74/.276/5
7. Mike Zunino – I’ve talked a lot about how I completely dominated Tout Wars this year, but I haven’t mentioned that our very own Rudy Gamble destroyed his Tout Wars league too, winning by twenty points. (I won by 27 points, natch!). Any hoo! I bring this up now because Rudy was all about Zunino this past preseason, drafting him in a bunch leagues. 25 HRs from a last round catcher in a 2-catcher league goes prettttttttttay, prettttttttttay far. Preseason Rank #26, 2017 Projections: 37/17/49/.204/1, Final Numbers: 52/25/64/.251/1
8. Welington Castillo – Where’s the boeuf?! Hitting homers and not much else. 44 runs is hilarious. He was tied for the lowest runs total for any hitter who qualified for the batting title (even though Castillo didn’t qualify). Guess who he tied with? Hint: Arnold played him in Batman. Uh, no, Mr. Freese! Preseason Rank #18, 2017 Projections: 38/16/59/.239/1, Final Numbers: 44/20/53/.282
9. Yasmani Grandal – Went a different way this year in my RCL. I picked up OBPWulf around May 1st, and I didn’t drop him again until mid-September, not picking my catcher scab for about five months. I know, that’s easy with a top ten catcher, but when he went barren like Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface in August it wasn’t that easy. Preseason Rank #9, 2017 Projections: 57/20/69/.240/2, Final Numbers: 50/27/58/.247
10. Robinson Chirinos – If Welington’s runs are hilarious, Uh-oh Chirinos’ everything except homers is a laugh riot. He’s the tenth ranked catcher and he has 38 RBIs! And you wonder why I tell you not to draft a catcher. By the by, he wasn’t ranked by me, but I doubt anyone ranked him since he squatted (for the anthem?!) behind Lucroy on the depth charts. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 46/17/38/.255/1
11. Brian McCann – Basically, this list is telling you, if a guy hits 18+ HRs and does nothing else, he’s worth owning in a 12-team mixed league. Preseason Rank #10, 2017 Projections: 66/19/75/.237/1, Final Numbers: 47/18/62/.241/1
12. Kurt Suzuki – 19 homers from Suzuki is exclamation worthy, but it gets better. He did it in only 276 ABs! Who are you, Kurt Bonds? You Barry Suzuki? I demand you tell me your name, because you are not Kurt Suzuki! Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 38/19/50/.283
13. Alex Avila – I’d contend (for the pre-teen, featherweight belt in women’s boxing) that Avila wasn’t even ownable after June and he’s ranked this high. Zoinks! Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 41/14/49/.264
14. Manny Pina – In 85% of leagues, you could’ve picked up Manny Pina easier than picking up a girl dressed like a Pina Colada at a Jimmy Buffett concert. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 45/9/43/.279/2
15. Tyler Flowers – What’s super sad (to me) is I owned Austin Hedges all year in one 15-team league, and I could’ve picked up Flowers. I wonder if it’s a subconscious thing because no one has ever given me flowers. I hate everyone! Preseason Rank #30, 2017 Projections: 31/15/47/.227, Final Numbers: 41/12/49/.281
16. Travis d’Arnaud – He made the top 20?! Was he owned in more than 5% of leagues at any point this year? I may rank five catchers next year, and then call the sixth ranked catcher, “Grab bag.” Preseason Rank #15, 2017 Projections: 41/14/48/.259/1, Final Numbers: 39/16/57/.244
17. James McCann – Here’s something that is depressing, I nearly nailed McCann’s preseason projections, but I thought those numbers would only be good for the 24th best catcher. These are not the days of Piazza’s bacne and Pudge getting Canseco to eject his butt. Preseason Rank #24, 2017 Projections: 42/14/56/.251, Final Numbers: 39/13/49/.253/1
18. Chris Iannetta – Besides the obvious takeaway from this post that every catcher does better when they leave the tutelage of The Sciosciapath, there were a lot of part-time catchers who played three to four times a week that hit a bunch of homers and not much else. Preseason Rank #27, 2017 Projections: 41/10/44/.217/1, Final Numbers: 38/17/43/.254
19. Christian Vazquez – I legit laughed when I saw this schmohawk listed. He had one good week all year! His end-of-the-season stats look similar to Scooter Gennett after one good week. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 43/5/32/.290/7
20. Evan Gattis – This was shocking to me, Austin Hedges didn’t even make the top 20? That kinda bums me out, like a young Gattis. C’est la vie–*smacks self* Don’t you try to French me! Preseason Rank #11, 2017 Projections: 39/20/56/.255/2, Final Numbers: 41/12/40/.263
