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So I got owned. I was razzing Donkey Teeth about his NFBC league draft (use promo code: Razzball25 and get $25 off at NFBC). I told him his team stunk. I didn’t trust his pitchers. Didn’t love his drafting of a top catcher. Felt he had some injury risk in Gallo and Mondesi, but I didn’t hate the team. It was just so…harmless at the time. Then, he put it out there…out to the hoi polloi, asking who had the better team, and that was when I got owned. No one, and I’m not being dramatic, liked my team. At one point, I think Cougs used her burner account to log in and dismiss me. Here is the carnage:

I can’t remember such ownage happening to little ol’ me in such a devastating, emotionally crippling way before. It was like my dog spoke for the 1st time (while I wasn’t on drugs) and said, “My name is Albert, not Ted, and I hate you.” That was the disrespect I felt! This was many weeks ago, and I am still sighing that long, hard sigh that can only come from knowing years of hurt and ridicule. Like a character William H. Macy would play. Well, life goes on, ob la di, ob la da. For those not in the know, this is a 15-team, two-catcher league that lasts for 50 rounds and there’s no waivers. You draft it, and manage it. Weekly moves for pitchers, bi-weekly for hitters, changing out on Monday and Friday. Most of the draft happened prior to the Winter Meetings, so who knows with playing time. I did it as an experiment to see what would happened if I stopped being polite and started–Wait, that’s the Real World opening. Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Robinson Cano went 4-for-4, 5 RBIs and became the oldest 2nd baseman to ever hit three homers in a game (and he still has 4+ years on his contract!), hitting his 7th, 8th and 9th homers, and nearly had a fourth homer, but pulled it fowl (Mets sold the rights to their foul poles to Chick-Fil-A; don’t ask).  Kill me now:

Seriously, lay me down on the hot pavement and let Tawny Kitaen stomp my genitals like I’m Chuck Finley. The awfulness of owning Robinson Cano coupled with actually owning him for a three-homer game while he’s on my bench is too much to bear.  Sprinkle Doritos dust on my head, put me in an office chair, and roll me towards Billy Butler, then run the other way so you spare yourself.  He was going against Chris Paddack (5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.84) — my baby boo! — how could I start Cano?  How? *screaming in the rain, shaking fists at the heavens* How?! So Cano hasn’t been good, but maybe this is the turnaround he needs.  More than likely, I’ll now put him in my lineup for an 0-for-45 stretch.  HOW?! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m back from vacation and ready for another week of madness with Grey Albright Fantasy Master Lothario. Lots of news with the All-Star Break approaching and we hit on all of it. We touch briefly on the London games, learn that Grey doesn’t watch “normal tv”, always bets the over, and doesn’t understand the overseas scheduling. We try to make sense of the Red Sox bullpen. Discuss Brendan McKay’s debut and his value going forward. Name some possible second half bounce backs, hit on some breakout second baseman, and touch on what to expect from Dylan Cease. But the show culminates in the unveiling of the Sogard Cycle, a new tool to predict the five to six weeks of hit hitting from The Accountant each season. It’s the Razzball Fantasy Podcast.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I love this Brendan Rodgers guy!  Woo-hoo, Cavan Biggio (3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer)!  How about that Kevin Cron?!  Can I fit Yordan Alvarez on my team?  I need some of that good shizz!  What’s Kyle Tucker doing on my opponent’s team?  Nuh-uh-uh, I just traded Scherzer for him!  What’s your thoughts on Oscar Mercado? Because I just dropped Trout for him!  Rookie call-up after call-up is, uh, called up.  Rooks flashing before your eyes.  You grab every one of them because you need that sweet taste of upside.  “Due to a water ski accident, I can only taste tart and upside.”  That’s you talking to your mouse hand as you pick up rookies.  Lourdes Gurriel Jr. is promoted, and… *hand to ear, listening*….what’s the absence of sound?  I can hear thoughts in my head wondering why parts of the ear are all former wrestlers…The Hammer, The Anvil, The Body…. Then Lourdes Gurriel Jr. hits a home run on Friday, another on Saturday and goes 4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs on Sunday with his third homer in three games.  So, are you interested now in Lourdes Gurriel Jr.?  You think about it, then, “What do you think of Mitch Keller?  Better than Ryu?” Grab that Gurriel!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?