Marcus Stroman has a slide piece that would make John Popper jealous. Last year, he was just as dominating, so it’s not like this came out of nowhere. Well, last year after he returned from his suspension for testing positive for methylhexaneamine. Did you know that no one connected to the commissioner’s office was able to pronounce what he was suspended for nor anyone directly connected to Stroman? His grandma said, “My grandy-son was suspended for menthol cigarettes?” A coach familiar with Stroman said, “It was really frustrating when people kept asking, ‘What’s he suspended for?’ After a while, when people asked during his suspension where Stroman was, we’d just say he was in the bathroom. No one wanted to try to pronounce the drug he was banned for.” Last week, he threw six no-hit innings. Here’s what Prospect Scott said in the offseason, “The 22-year-old made 20 Double-A starts on the season, posting a 3.30 ERA, a 1.13 WHIP, and K/9 at 10.4. Those of you who read my posts throughout the regular season know that I’m intrigued by Stroman — he brings a fastball/slider combo that’s as good as any in the minors, and that skill set makes for some exciting performances (he whiffed 11+ batters in four of his 20 starts). Stroman was probably ready for a big league look this past September, but the Jays opted to send him to the Arizona Fall League instead. Big time whiff potential will make him a coveted piece in the fantasy game as soon as he surfaces. Speaking of faces, I hate Grey’s.” Hey! The Jays will be finished with McGowan in the landmark case of sooner vs. later, as well they should be. Stroman could be up any day now, Annie Potts. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Trevor Bauer – I just went over my Trevor Bauer fantasy. It was written while I held my Cougar’s hand and told her it felt like a prune.
Collin McHugh – His numbers right now are ridunkiculous — 11+ K/9, sub-2 BB/9. I’d absolutely give him a try. Maybe McHugh will join Jesse Chavez on your team so when your leaguemates see you in first place, they’ll look at your team and wonder how in the world you’re pulling it off. It’s good to win, it’s better to perplex. “Grey throws him against the ropes, spins him around and drops the Perplex! Oh, it’s over!”
Josh Beckett – Here’s a guy that is strictly a Stream-o-Nator start for today. By the by, when I ask myself, “What does the SON say?”, I then start making crazy noises like What Does The Fox Say?
Wily Peralta – Opposite shituation as Beckett. I don’t love his start today, but I’d prefer Wily P. long term. It neither helps nor hurts him that Wily P. sounds like someone that would be smoking crack with Rob Ford.
Nate Eovaldi – If we’re to assume that Matthew Berry, Eric Karabell and Tristan Cockcroft own 10,000 fantasy teams to build up their virtual trophy shelf, then we can also assume that if they don’t own Eovaldi it makes sense why he’s only owned in 32% of leagues. Nothing else makes any sense. Oh, and on April 4th, Eovaldi was the lede in my 2nd Buy of the season. *blows on knuckles, goes to wipe knuckles on shirt, realizes I’m naked* And I’m not using my fingers to type this. Rawr!
Dillon Gee – He really shouldn’t be in any Buy column all year. It’s kinda stupid that I need to keep talking about him. Who will have better fantasy value this year, Gee or Hamels? Is it close? Prolly, but simply because it’s close leaves one scratching their head why Gee isn’t owned. Well, that and head lice.
Hector Rondon – He looks like the head of the four-headed monster that will close Cubs games, assuming there are games to close, and assuming makes an ass out of u and Ming the Merciless.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia – It’s taking you longer to pick him up then it takes a barista at Starbucks to write his full name on the cup.
Derek Norris – Right now, he’s owned in 0.7% of leagues. There’s a bigger percentage in the odds of a UFO landing on your house, looking for Andrelton Simmons.
Lyle Overbay – Love, love, love, love, lurve even Aloe Blacc’s new album. As my dog Ted would say, it’s the bomb dot gov. Try to listen to Red Velvet Seat less than 70 times in a row. You can’t. Subtract four love’s and a lurve even, and it’s how I feel about Overbay, but he has been playing and in NL-Only leagues you can’t be too picky, unless you have chicken pox.
Justin Smoak – In the first week, he made you stop. In the 2nd week, you wanted him to drop. In the 3rd week, you rolled to another 1st baseman. That’s a natural reaction to Smoak.
Scooter Gennett – The Brewers look like they’ve finally figured out what the entire world has known for years, Weeks sucks. Not to be confused with his uncle, Years Weeks. He doesn’t suck. Gentle man. Has a hearty laugh. Good at Connect Four.
Danny Espinosa – Someone asked the other day where Espinosa goes when Zimmerman returns. Honestly, no clue, Professor Plum, but Zimmerman can’t even hold a ball right now, and his shoulder falls off his torso in a strong gust of wind, so I’d cross that bridge when I came to it, modern-day explorers.
Brandon Hicks – All he does is hit home runs! And soon he won’t even be doing that, but while he is, it’s worth a flyer.
Zack Cozart – He’s got a low flame on a hot schmotato and I’m drizzling sour cream and draping it with Bacony Baco Bits….Okay, I should eat prior to writing these things.
Grant Green – I just went over Green this morning. It was… I forget, but prolly awesome. Go check it out.
Jace Petersen – Here’s four minutes and twenty-eight seconds to explain Jace’s value.
Gregory Polanco – I’m missing the reason why Polanco will be up before June, so I’ve been pretty recalcitrant in pimping him. I’m almost sure I’m using recalcitrant wrong. Doesn’t that mean too much calcium? I’m also sure that in the history of the world recalcitrant and pimping have never appeared in the same sentence before. Still, if your league is deep enough, you need to start thinking about stashing Polanco.
Krispie Young – The Hitter-Tron loves him today as well as covering itself in motor oil and sliding itself back and forth under a car. Slowly at first, then exceedingly faster.
A.J. Pollock – Has two homers and hitting over .300 in the last week even if the Pollock writes it 003.
Chris Denorfia – This year he’s hitting .314 with one homer and five steals… Damn, that sorta killed my enthusiasm. Well, in some leagues, that’s helpful. Plus, Christine Denorfia never put out, so the Denorfias owe me!
Cameron Maybin – The Padres are overdue for an offensive explosion, apparently. Gyorko alone owes me about 12 homers in May. Jerko!
SELL
Charlie Blackmon – The Buysellatops, that big, dopey beast that only eats vegetables, but pronounces them veggy-tah-bulls, has a thing or two to say about Blackmon’s current value. Like Jerry Maguire, I love Blackmon! But he is nowhere near this good. I think this sell is obvious, so I’m gonna give you a second one today. It’s right here… *checks pockets, removes shoes, socks* Where the hell did I put it? *opens drawers frantically, gets panicked, embarrassed* Um, I had it right here… *removes wizard hat* There it is!
Justin Verlander – It’s no secret that I haven’t liked Verlander for a few now, but he’s been really yawnstipating and it’s only disguised by a bit of luck. His K-rate is at 6.98 and walk rate is at 3.38. That’s lesser than such notable (not notable) names as Tanner Roark, Miguel Gonzalez, Chris Archer, Matt Garza…Are you getting the idea? Verlander is all name value at this point and one season away from being CC Sabathia’s pee boy, which is a terrible job since all CC eats is asparagus. I wouldn’t trade Verlander for a coffee table book about coffee tables, but I would explore my options.
