Brandon Morrow left yesterday’s game with an oblique injury that was considered substantial. Sounds like he’s headed to the DL. I’d gloat, but then he’ll return in three days and hit .400 for a month with little power. I’d say I told you to sell Morrow, but no one likes an “I told you so.” They’re more unlikable than that Joe fella from MasterChef. I’m just going to say one thing, I feel really sorry for Morrow’s owners. But I said that sarcastically. Ooh, the reverse middle finger roll! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carl Crawford – About two weeks away from game action. Vegas just set the over/under for his next setback at two weeks.
Josh Beckett – 7 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks as he went against Josh Johnson (7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.) The Joshes ERAs are low-4’s and their K-rates are below where they’ve been in the past. Josh’s FIP is way below his ERA and his K-rate isn’t terrible around 7 and a half; Johnson that is. Other Josh’s FIP is nowhere near as pretty and his K-rate is way lower (below 6 and a half). If I had to go with one Josh, I’d go with Hamilton. If I had to go with two Joshes, I’d go with Johnson and Hamilton. If I had to go with three Joshes, I’d probably go Reddick, Hamilton and Johnson. Four, probably Willingham. Five, would be Beckett. But what’s Josh Brolin up to?
Scott Podsednik – 3-for-4 with his 4th steal, now batting .405. Put Ted Williams’s head by the microwave, but don’t defrost it yet! I could see picking Podsednik up for steals, but if you have an erection longer than 24 hours after picking him up, see a doctor.
Gaby Sanchez – 1-for-3, 1 RBI. Can you tell there weren’t any games yesterday? Seriously, I’m talking about Gaby after going 1-for-3 with a ribbie; what about Solano with a 1-for-3, ribbie and a sacrifice?!
Donovan Solano – 1-for-3, RBI and a sacrifice! Solano has no power, no speed, but I hear he can sac fly like nobody’s business. If your fantasy league has a “Fundamentals” category, Solano’s an immediate pickup.
Edwin Jackson – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. His ERA is now 2.91, 1.00 WHIP and solid Ks. He’s now 71% owned in ESPN leagues. 29% of ESPN owners are A) Three thousand aliases created by Matthew Berry so he can win lots of virtual trophies. B) Three thousand aliases created by Brandon Funston so it looks like ESPN owners are dopey. C) There’s no C.
Bryce Harper – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI and a steal. Glad to see his back is feeling better. Must be tough carrying around the hopes and dreams of an entire sport. I can’t wait for the 2019 thirty minute special on ESPN about his decision to sign with the Yankees.
Adam LaRoche – 2-for-5 with his third homer in the last week. I realize he was miserable on average for the month of May, but I’d slot him in my corner slot for the year and not worry about it. Remember, he’s a guy that gets crazy hot in the 2nd half of the year too.
Mike Trout – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (6) & a double helping of legs (15). Okay, how about when a different player gets a slam & legs we just say he got a Mike Trout? Or better yet, when any player does anything exceptional, they pulled a Trout. Can we get Benji Franklin off the hundred and put on Trout? Who makes this happen? Obama? Biden? Biden will do it… Someone get Biden on the line!
Garrett Richards – 5 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. Had 5 BBs yesterday and if you own him, he will shoot your eyes out.
Ivan Nova – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. Has now only given up one earned run in his last 15 innings, and his ERA is still 4.64. Bit of an odd story with Nova’s stats. He’s been unfortunate with BABIP, but he has 8 wins, so he’s not that unlucky. This year his K-rate is up almost three Ks per nine, which is huge. Wait, let me say it again with teenager punctuation. It’s huge?!?!?!!! His walk rate is down almost a half walk per nine, which is nice. Let me say that again with 2006 emphasis, it’s niiiiiiiice. But, oddly enough, his ability to get people to swing at pitches outside and inside the strike zone are almost the same as past years and the times he gets a batter to swing and miss is average. So, what gives, Marla Gibbs? If Nova’s out there, I’d go ahead and add him in most mixed leagues, but I wouldn’t start him in most home games and I wouldn’t expect the Ks to continue. To nerdify that further, this super Nova is not going to continue to burn this bright.
Brett Gardner – Went to see Dr. Freeze and didn’t like what he told him so he’s going for a third opinion on Thursday. I imagine on Thursday he’ll hear everything’s fine. That’s usually the case when an injury sidelines you for two months and you need three opinions. Now divide that by “all the positive feelings you once felt for Gardner” and subtract everything.
Rafael Soriano – Has a blister. Probably from throwing heat. He should be able to go today. It’s something to watch. Not literally, unless you’re in the same room as him.
Matt Kemp – Dodgers announced Kemp has no timetable to return. What, did Magic Johnson buy the team and burn all their calendars? Are the Dodgers now going to show up for their Friday three game series on Tuesday? Are the Dodgers protesting Marie Callender’s? I got questions, y’all!
Colby Rasmus – 1-for-4 with a homer. (NOTE TO SELF: Copy and paste advice to pick up Rasmus from a previous post. Afterwards, make sure to erase this note, otherwise I will look like a bleeping idiot. Who uses bleeping when they’re talking to themselves? I’m quirky and handsome!)
Yan Gomes – Hit his third homer. If Yan can hit, so can you! Two points if you get that reference. You can redeem points later for a sticky rubber spider that crawls down your wall.
Sergio Santos – After a bullpen session, he felt shoulder discomfort. There’s still no timetable for his return. Wouldn’t be surprised to see him out until after the All Star Break. Speaking of which, during the All Star game festivities MLB should have an all-DL game. “Chase limps over to grab the grounder from Chipper, but… It seems like Utley’s pulled something else… Chase nudges the ball towards 1st with his nose where Ryan Howard sits on a swivel chair… Mat Gamel wheels Howard over to the ball…grabs it… And wheels him back towards first… It’s a foot, uh, swivel chair race back to the bag… Chipper stretches for the bag… Make that stretcher! We need a stretcher!”
