As the sun sets on another month of action in the baddest dynasty league this side of Bangkok. We check in on the happenings of the Razz30. By now the reputation of the Crab Army has reached the farthest corners of the earth scarring everyone from Rudy Poo Giants to Kim Jong Un. While controversy has been lacking the past month or so, the Crabs have been patiently waiting for their next beef. Who wants it? Will a challenger emerge? A question that in all likelihood will remain unanswered. So what have we been up to? The reality is as simple as a pancake but as complex as a transmission. The short answer, a little this, and a little that. We’ve bonded over looming and the softness of a homemade Turkish bath towel. We asked the hard questions like, is the Brewers Jared Hughes a serial killer as his ESPN profile picture implies? We also contemplated polyamory, and discussed its merits and disadvantages. In addition to all these things, the Crab Army General, Nick the Dick, and I engaged in a torrid platonic love affair, only matched by Balki and Cousin Larry. Oh, and as always we battled in a high stakes game of fantasy baseball. A game where life or death will literally lay in the balance. As the bottom two teams in each league face death by cannibalism at the end of the season. This is the only way to maintain strength in our ranks. We must dispose of any weakness, by digesting the weak, and regurgitating their remains for our seeds to feast. This is the Razz30 update for June. Claws Up!!!

 

 

Standings

The NL: The senior division, now nearly halfway through the season, owns the four top teams in the land. Not much movement at the top of the ranks as Nationals continues to hold strong with 171 points, only the drop of a single category point month over month. Dodgers still remains a very strong number 2, further separating himself from my Mets, and Nick’s Cubs, as he added 12.5 category points month over month, by far the highest point jump in the NL. My Mets have pulled ahead of the Cubs on the strength of Chris Sale’s arm and a flurry of injuries to the Cubbies. The Diamondbacks had one of the more significant drops, losing 14 category points in June. This slip has allowed the one known as Gooch Wizard Jaaaaake Hall to boost his Brewers up to 5th place with 110.5 points. All in all the race looks set. A strong second half push by Jaaaaake, could push, either myself or Nick’s Cubs out of the playoff picture.

The AL: The top two remain the same over on the AL side, with last year’s champ The Sheriff McRawDawg led Red Sox staying even Stephen month over month with 135.5 roto points. The brilliantly managed Twins are still sitting pretty in second with an opportunity to gain on the Red Stockings in July. Twins is a consummate reminder of what happens when you A. make smart trades, and pickups, and B. are no longer oppressed by your REL overlords, who seem to have evanesced themselves from the world of Razzball. The Wild Card race is far more intriguing on the AL side. As both the Yanks and Indians are not only tied for the Wild Card lead, but also are within striking distance of their respective division leaders. Now for the most dynamic of overtakings this month, as the in-state rivalry of Houston vs. Dallas took the big stage in Razz30, with those pesky Stros overtaking the Rangers, and brutalizing their oppositions gooch in the process. Month over month Astros gained 12 roto points leaving the Rangers 6 points back. Come on Ryan, Adele doesn’t like losers.

 

Weekly FAAB

After a flurry of activity through the first month with a whopping 171 adds/drops, things picked up in May with the total add/drop numbers coming in at 192!!! So it comes with great sadness that I announce a mere 118 add/drops in June. I mean there’s only so many moves one Crab can make. Right?

Giants  Claim (FA),  Eric Young Jr., OF – LAA $44
Cubs  Claim (FA),  Buck Farmer, SP,RP – DET $8
White Sox  Claim (FA),  Jose Pirela, 2B,OF – SD $10
Blue Jays  Claim (FA),  Tyler Austin, 1B – NYY $33
Orioles  Claim (FA)  Wilmer Font, SP – LAD $2
Red Sox  Claim (FA)  Tommy Hunter, RP – TD $1
Marlins  Claim (FA)  Alen Hanson, (R) 2B, SS – CWS $33
Cardinals Claim (FA)  Jake Junis, SP – KC $0

Athletics  Claim (FA)  Daniel Johnson,  OF – WAS  $15
Mets  Claim (FA)  Nabil Crismatt,  SP – NYM  $7

 

Trades

A large part of the Razz30 life is constant trading. Since the inception of the new format there have been 79 trades in total. Because discussing 79 trades would just be bananas, I’ll focus on all those that took place in June. Take a look below, and feel free to ask questions in the comments. I’m sure our gracious league managers would be glad to discuss these trades with you.

The Fat Woman and The Cop

There’s a woman at my work who tried to have sex with a cop in our staircase. Let this be a reminder that Tinder giveth, and Tinder taketh. But never forget no one wants to see a manatee like woman getting plowed by a cop. No one, particularly that cop’s wife.

Beard Of The Month

With the amount of testosterone, masculinity, and grown man stuff associated with the Razz30, there might not be anything more symbolic than our beards. Below you will see the Crab Army General Nick The Dick AKA Baby Smooth Gooch AKA the OG Bloody Crab AKA The Crab Feeder AKA The Roast Surgeon AKA G’d Up Ed Norton. Test Nick and he’s guaranteed to get in that ass. The blood on Nick’s mouth is the genesis of the blood in our league logo.

Grooming Tip For June

Always use dude wipes after a messy bowel movement, and as always use our sponsor Fresh Balls to keep your gooch top notch.

 

**Going to a minor league game? Get in on our crowdsourced scouting video project! Use your phone to shoot at bats, pitches, etc of some of the top prospects, and email them to me at [email protected]**

Follow me on Twitter @Ralphlifshtzbb and Tune on Tuesday’s @ 9PM (EST) to my Live Baseball Show on Fantrax YouTube.  (and join the Crab Army in the chat)

  1. Jaaaaaake.crab says:
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    Claws up!

    Oh, we are going after Towers are we not? Just need the right topic.

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Jaaaaaake.crab: Hahaha you’d need to watch his twitter for hot takes.

  2. Miketron says:
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    Claws up for my team going belly up. Next year I will be back strong hopefully with Gleyber!

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Miketron: Hahaha you have Fowler up already too!

  3. Scott says:
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    Hey Ralph! Big thanks for all the prospect help to date…navigating my league’s dynasty draft currently with your help.

    Similar to the question I tasked you with last week, would you mind helping with a bit of free labor again and letting me know your 5 favorites names from the remaining list below:

    Adam Haseley, Colton Welker, Ryan Mountcastle, Luiz Gohara, Taylor Trammel, Mitch White, Tony Santillan, Oscar de la Cruz, Matt Chapman, Dane Dunning, Lourdes Gurriel, Wander Javier, Austin Hays, Marcus Wilson, Khalil Lee, DL Hall, Logan Marmoth

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Scott: Adam Haseley, Taylor Trammell, Luiz Gohara, Ryan Mountcastle, Khalil Lee, Matt Chapman, Mitch White

  4. Jaaaaaake.crab says:
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    Top 100 prospects soon?

  5. nick the smooth dick says:
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    The blood pic!! That is my half ass beard too. Rocking a gloriously unkept one now, coulda sent you a new pic. But then I would have to go and slice open my gums to get the full effect, woulda been a whole ordeal…(3)
    Claws way the fuck up, Tuesdays are life!

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @nick the smooth dick: Hahaha Claws Up General. I needed to share some Crab-lore with the group.

  6. Lance

    Lance says:
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    Everything about this post I love
    <333333

    • nick the smooth dick says:
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      @Lance: Everything about Lance the Crabs love

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Lance: We love you too!

    • Old School Brother says:
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      @Lance: <3

      • Jaaaaaake.crab says:
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        @Old School Brother: lance, I can neither CONFIRM nor deny that we have lewd photos of you.

  7. Sport says:
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    Can’t wait til Sunday!

    Senzel dropping in it? Or more specifically, is Ryan McMahon moving ahead of him and what kind of AB can he get in that line up?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Sport: Senzel won’t drop, and McMahon will be probably a good 30 spots behind him. Needs to see

      • Sport says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: Would love to add McMahon in my 10 team but it’s hard to see where the AB come from, barring injury. And I don’t have anyone to drop at this point too! I still have Christin Stewart dangling out there to grab too.

        Thanks for the help.

        • Ralph Lifshitz

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @Sport: I’d grab Stewart first personally.

  8. Chud says:
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    Luis Castillo seems to have all of the ingredients coming up from the minors – high heat, 3 pitches, control, production …..why not the love from the prospect world?

    Would u target him, Luke Weaver, Woodruff, or C Adams in a dynasty league? Production this year is also needed.

    Thanks!

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Chud: He sort of burst into the radar last year, and he feels like a high velocity guy with middling strikeout numbers. Always a top 200 prospects but at least as far as my coverage of the minors goes, it’s fantasy slanted, so it’s hitter slanted.

      It’s very tough to figure out which pitchers are going to be worth it.

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Chud: Weaver for me still

      • Chud says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: thanks! I appreciate your insight. I’ve stayed away from young pitching n built up my hitters but at some point I need a young arm.

        • Ralph Lifshitz

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @Chud: Haha true

  9. Cabby says:
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    Am currently sitting on Bichette and Rhys. Was thinking of trying to acquire Senzel while his stock is low, who would you trade if either? I m assuming Rhys is up shortly but both Bo and Nick are a couple yrs away. Is that a correct statement? Thanks

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Cabby: I think Senzel could be up next year if he plays well. He’s in AA so he’s not that far away. Bichette is probably 2 years away. Rhys could be up anytime. Denzel’s not a bad get, you’re not trading those two to get him though I hope.

      • Cabby says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz:

        Would you drop Bichette for Senzel since Rhys is so close? Or do you not project Rhys making a big impact at MLB level?

        I appreciate all the help!

        • Ralph Lifshitz

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @Cabby: I don’t want to drop Bo anywhere. He’s moving up the list with a bullet. Rhys vs Senzel is a tough call.

  10. nick the smooth dick says:
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    Fat Kelly and Patrolman Fred was a nice touch

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @nick the smooth dick: Yeah thank god I just caught the typo in the title lol.

      • nick the smooth dick says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: We are Perfect Strangers no more. But can I be Balki? I wanna be the funny one.

  11. Grey

    Grey says:
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    I love that Nick bit a chicken head off before taking a pic for the site. Classic! If everyone doesn’t have Aunt Flow dropping from their gums in their Razz30 pics, no need to apply!

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Grey: Yes you need to be a filthy Cannibal Crab. You don’t choose The 30, The 30 chooses you.

    • nick the smooth dick says:
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      @Grey: If only you could have seen the contents of the bowl I was bleeding into…while I watched Ralph’s baseball show with the dedication of a million soldiers

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        I wanna believe it was just nasty case of gingivitis

        • Ralph Lifshitz

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @Grey: Did anyone else read this comment in the voice-over voice from every Listerine commercial?

  12. Laura Holt

    Laura Holt says:
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    I continue to find everything about these RAZZ 30 posts both slightly horrifying and mildly fascinating. And I hope you all take that as the compliment it’s intended to be.

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Laura Holt: It’s like a biker gang or the mob. We have that effect on people.

    • Old School Brother says:
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      • Jaaaaaake.crab says:
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        @Old School Brother: Can confirm, we viciously end the lives of those who leave.

  13. Zachary Lorenzen says:
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    Jon Duplantier ARI. Eric Lauer, SD. TB. Joey Lucchesi SD. Ranger Suarez PHI. Corbin Burns MIL. Tom Eshelman PHI. Ariel Jurado TEX. Jamie Barria. Logan Allen SDP. Matt Pearce STL. Zack Littell NYY.

    Who are the best of this group to add in a 20 team minor league rosters dynasty league?

    • Zac says:
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      @Zachary Lorenzen: Dang Ralph must not have liked my question? lol I just wanted some input on who are the best of the group.

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Zac: Oops! Sorry was answering questions at work and got lost. I love Duplantier.

  14. ferris says:
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    Holding Rosario (nym) in an only league. Been frustrating.

    What do you think Rosario’s dream upside line is for 2018?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @ferris: .310/.370/.480, 90 runs, 15 homers, 70 RBI, 22 steals.

  15. Old School Brother says:
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    WOW i am late to the party, but Adele skype’s me every night to reassure me the AL West is mine. I mean, i got freaking COLE HAMELS back! Keep hating Ralph, it only fuels his flowing hair and dreamy eyes

    • Old School Brother says:
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      @Old School Brother: oh and a big shoutout to Sam Dyson and Tony Barnett for completely killing my ERA

  16. Eli Man Penguin Boy says:
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    10 team AL only h2h with OBP over AVG, total bases added. we keep 3 guys per year at previous season ADP cost. pitcher wise peacock is probably only possible value keeper.
    C avila
    1B miggy
    2B segura
    SS correa
    3B mostsuckass
    MI hanson (no starters in FA i used to have b.miller as a starter)
    CI mancini
    OF (4) k.davis/trumbo/zimmer/gomez
    util (1) chisenhall
    BN andujar
    NA fisher (1 slot)
    DL chapman (3 slots, i have multiple pitchers DL in active slots)

    1. with that roster and mostly for this year (unless his keeper last round value is better than some others i have for next year) devers or fisher as a stash?

    2. who’s best add over andujar right now (was gonna be d.fowler)
    brugman (move mancini to CI)
    chirinos (he’s played 3 days in a row for some reason, could move avila to CI)
    kennys
    valbuena (for the 6th or so time)
    soler
    marisnick
    mahtook
    7 moves on week or i’d just stream this, i have done that in past when my SP where healthy enough to not stream them as well.

    3. any faith in bridwell today vs SEA? SON isn’t showing him but it’s giving nolasco a decent rating for tomorrow vs SEA

    • Jaaaaaake.crab says:
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      @Eli Man Penguin Boy: Obligatory not Ralph, but I am a crab.

      1) I think Ralph would say Fisher but with hope that Devers makes it up soon. I would also consider going ahead and stashing both for next year if possible, even in an only. They should be regular contributors next year. You still have a whole off season to decide.

      2) not sure what ralph would say but of those I think i’d take Soler for playing time.

      3) I would stream him, go for it man.

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Eli Man Penguin Boy: Devers and he’ll get keeper value for next year and going forward. Don’t think you can go wrong either way.

      Brugman is playing the most so why the hell. If check who and where they play the next few weeks too.

      I wouldn’t, SON doesn’t like that start -12

      • Eli Man Penguin Boy says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: grabbed devers, yeah SON’s bridwell numbers weren’t showing up when i asked this, hard to believe he’s that much worse than the next day’s nolasco vs SEA (same as today). now i see andujar is back up from the time i asked and when it was answered, not in lineup today and i gotta guess that’s about him not getting to stadium in time or something. haven’t figured what pitcher to drop fisher for (stream slot i dropped junis), probably just when i take my own off DL slots (duffy/shoemaker/morton/salazar)

  17. Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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    20 team h2h dynasty with a bunch of extra stats (defensive stuff, OPS, holds, relief wins, OBPA, QS, BB’s) i need a minimum 9 TEX guys.
    C avila
    1B desmond (LF/RF)
    2B odor
    SS andrus
    3B beltre
    LF mazara (RF)
    CF blackman
    RF stanton
    util choo
    BN gallo (1B/3B), jose mart (1B/LF/RF), goodwin (LF/RF, streamer, often backup catcher)
    forced to use at least 3/4 of BN spots for hitters to prevent SP hoarding
    DL dahl
    NA brinson (CF), mejia (CLE), z.collins (WSOX), c.kelly (STL), e.jimenez (LF), calhoun (LAD), adames (TB)
    SP e.volquez/darvish/archer/cobb/chacin/ryu
    RP giles/kela/leclerc/phelps/hudson/o.perez/maton
    DL hoover/andriese/morton/diekman
    NA y.mendez (TEX), urias, law (SF)
    somebody dropped t.murphy even though he’s stashable, drop any NA guy for murphy. oh yeah, we can only keep 25 per year, so most of the hoard has to be dropped.

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