As the sun sets on another month of action in the baddest dynasty league this side of Bangkok. We check in on the happenings of the Razz30. By now the reputation of the Crab Army has reached the farthest corners of the earth scarring everyone from Rudy Poo Giants to Kim Jong Un. While controversy has been lacking the past month or so, the Crabs have been patiently waiting for their next beef. Who wants it? Will a challenger emerge? A question that in all likelihood will remain unanswered. So what have we been up to? The reality is as simple as a pancake but as complex as a transmission. The short answer, a little this, and a little that. We’ve bonded over looming and the softness of a homemade Turkish bath towel. We asked the hard questions like, is the Brewers Jared Hughes a serial killer as his ESPN profile picture implies? We also contemplated polyamory, and discussed its merits and disadvantages. In addition to all these things, the Crab Army General, Nick the Dick, and I engaged in a torrid platonic love affair, only matched by Balki and Cousin Larry. Oh, and as always we battled in a high stakes game of fantasy baseball. A game where life or death will literally lay in the balance. As the bottom two teams in each league face death by cannibalism at the end of the season. This is the only way to maintain strength in our ranks. We must dispose of any weakness, by digesting the weak, and regurgitating their remains for our seeds to feast. This is the Razz30 update for June. Claws Up!!!

 

 

Standings

The NL: The senior division, now nearly halfway through the season, owns the four top teams in the land. Not much movement at the top of the ranks as Nationals continues to hold strong with 171 points, only the drop of a single category point month over month. Dodgers still remains a very strong number 2, further separating himself from my Mets, and Nick’s Cubs, as he added 12.5 category points month over month, by far the highest point jump in the NL. My Mets have pulled ahead of the Cubs on the strength of Chris Sale’s arm and a flurry of injuries to the Cubbies. The Diamondbacks had one of the more significant drops, losing 14 category points in June. This slip has allowed the one known as Gooch Wizard Jaaaaake Hall to boost his Brewers up to 5th place with 110.5 points. All in all the race looks set. A strong second half push by Jaaaaake, could push, either myself or Nick’s Cubs out of the playoff picture.

The AL: The top two remain the same over on the AL side, with last year’s champ The Sheriff McRawDawg led Red Sox staying even Stephen month over month with 135.5 roto points. The brilliantly managed Twins are still sitting pretty in second with an opportunity to gain on the Red Stockings in July. Twins is a consummate reminder of what happens when you A. make smart trades, and pickups, and B. are no longer oppressed by your REL overlords, who seem to have evanesced themselves from the world of Razzball. The Wild Card race is far more intriguing on the AL side. As both the Yanks and Indians are not only tied for the Wild Card lead, but also are within striking distance of their respective division leaders. Now for the most dynamic of overtakings this month, as the in-state rivalry of Houston vs. Dallas took the big stage in Razz30, with those pesky Stros overtaking the Rangers, and brutalizing their oppositions gooch in the process. Month over month Astros gained 12 roto points leaving the Rangers 6 points back. Come on Ryan, Adele doesn’t like losers.

 

Weekly FAAB

After a flurry of activity through the first month with a whopping 171 adds/drops, things picked up in May with the total add/drop numbers coming in at 192!!! So it comes with great sadness that I announce a mere 118 add/drops in June. I mean there’s only so many moves one Crab can make. Right?

Giants  Claim (FA),  Eric Young Jr., OF – LAA $44
Cubs  Claim (FA),  Buck Farmer, SP,RP – DET $8
White Sox  Claim (FA),  Jose Pirela, 2B,OF – SD $10
Blue Jays  Claim (FA),  Tyler Austin, 1B – NYY $33
Orioles  Claim (FA)  Wilmer Font, SP – LAD $2
Red Sox  Claim (FA)  Tommy Hunter, RP – TD $1
Marlins  Claim (FA)  Alen Hanson, (R) 2B, SS – CWS $33
Cardinals Claim (FA)  Jake Junis, SP – KC $0

Athletics  Claim (FA)  Daniel Johnson,  OF – WAS  $15
Mets  Claim (FA)  Nabil Crismatt,  SP – NYM  $7

 

Trades

A large part of the Razz30 life is constant trading. Since the inception of the new format there have been 79 trades in total. Because discussing 79 trades would just be bananas, I’ll focus on all those that took place in June. Take a look below, and feel free to ask questions in the comments. I’m sure our gracious league managers would be glad to discuss these trades with you.

The Fat Woman and The Cop

There’s a woman at my work who tried to have sex with a cop in our staircase. Let this be a reminder that Tinder giveth, and Tinder taketh. But never forget no one wants to see a manatee like woman getting plowed by a cop. No one, particularly that cop’s wife.

Beard Of The Month

With the amount of testosterone, masculinity, and grown man stuff associated with the Razz30, there might not be anything more symbolic than our beards. Below you will see the Crab Army General Nick The Dick AKA Baby Smooth Gooch AKA the OG Bloody Crab AKA The Crab Feeder AKA The Roast Surgeon AKA G’d Up Ed Norton. Test Nick and he’s guaranteed to get in that ass. The blood on Nick’s mouth is the genesis of the blood in our league logo.

Grooming Tip For June

Always use dude wipes after a messy bowel movement, and as always use our sponsor Fresh Balls to keep your gooch top notch.

 

**Going to a minor league game? Get in on our crowdsourced scouting video project! Use your phone to shoot at bats, pitches, etc of some of the top prospects, and email them to me at [email protected]**

Follow me on Twitter @Ralphlifshtzbb and Tune on Tuesday’s @ 9PM (EST) to my Live Baseball Show on Fantrax YouTube.  (and join the Crab Army in the chat)

56 Comments
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Aubrey Plaza's Pillow
Aubrey Plaza's Pillow
5 years ago

20 team h2h dynasty with a bunch of extra stats (defensive stuff, OPS, holds, relief wins, OBPA, QS, BB’s) i need a minimum 9 TEX guys.
C avila
1B desmond (LF/RF)
2B odor
SS andrus
3B beltre
LF mazara (RF)
CF blackman
RF stanton
util choo
BN gallo (1B/3B), jose mart (1B/LF/RF), goodwin (LF/RF, streamer, often backup catcher)
forced to use at least 3/4 of BN spots for hitters to prevent SP hoarding
DL dahl
NA brinson (CF), mejia (CLE), z.collins (WSOX), c.kelly (STL), e.jimenez (LF), calhoun (LAD), adames (TB)
SP e.volquez/darvish/archer/cobb/chacin/ryu
RP giles/kela/leclerc/phelps/hudson/o.perez/maton
DL hoover/andriese/morton/diekman
NA y.mendez (TEX), urias, law (SF)
somebody dropped t.murphy even though he’s stashable, drop any NA guy for murphy. oh yeah, we can only keep 25 per year, so most of the hoard has to be dropped.

Eli Man Penguin Boy
Eli Man Penguin Boy
5 years ago

10 team AL only h2h with OBP over AVG, total bases added. we keep 3 guys per year at previous season ADP cost. pitcher wise peacock is probably only possible value keeper.
C avila
1B miggy
2B segura
SS correa
3B mostsuckass
MI hanson (no starters in FA i used to have b.miller as a starter)
CI mancini
OF (4) k.davis/trumbo/zimmer/gomez
util (1) chisenhall
BN andujar
NA fisher (1 slot)
DL chapman (3 slots, i have multiple pitchers DL in active slots)

1. with that roster and mostly for this year (unless his keeper last round value is better than some others i have for next year) devers or fisher as a stash?

2. who’s best add over andujar right now (was gonna be d.fowler)
brugman (move mancini to CI)
chirinos (he’s played 3 days in a row for some reason, could move avila to CI)
kennys
valbuena (for the 6th or so time)
soler
marisnick
mahtook
7 moves on week or i’d just stream this, i have done that in past when my SP where healthy enough to not stream them as well.

3. any faith in bridwell today vs SEA? SON isn’t showing him but it’s giving nolasco a decent rating for tomorrow vs SEA

Jaaaaaake.crab
Jaaaaaake.crab
Reply to  Eli Man Penguin Boy
5 years ago

@Eli Man Penguin Boy: Obligatory not Ralph, but I am a crab.

1) I think Ralph would say Fisher but with hope that Devers makes it up soon. I would also consider going ahead and stashing both for next year if possible, even in an only. They should be regular contributors next year. You still have a whole off season to decide.

2) not sure what ralph would say but of those I think i’d take Soler for playing time.

3) I would stream him, go for it man.

Eli Man Penguin Boy
Eli Man Penguin Boy
Reply to  Geoff
5 years ago

@Ralph Lifshitz: grabbed devers, yeah SON’s bridwell numbers weren’t showing up when i asked this, hard to believe he’s that much worse than the next day’s nolasco vs SEA (same as today). now i see andujar is back up from the time i asked and when it was answered, not in lineup today and i gotta guess that’s about him not getting to stadium in time or something. haven’t figured what pitcher to drop fisher for (stream slot i dropped junis), probably just when i take my own off DL slots (duffy/shoemaker/morton/salazar)

Old School Brother
Old School Brother
5 years ago

WOW i am late to the party, but Adele skype’s me every night to reassure me the AL West is mine. I mean, i got freaking COLE HAMELS back! Keep hating Ralph, it only fuels his flowing hair and dreamy eyes

Old School Brother
Old School Brother
Reply to  Old School Brother
5 years ago

@Old School Brother: oh and a big shoutout to Sam Dyson and Tony Barnett for completely killing my ERA

ferris
ferris
5 years ago

Holding Rosario (nym) in an only league. Been frustrating.

What do you think Rosario’s dream upside line is for 2018?

Zachary Lorenzen
Zachary Lorenzen
5 years ago

Jon Duplantier ARI. Eric Lauer, SD. TB. Joey Lucchesi SD. Ranger Suarez PHI. Corbin Burns MIL. Tom Eshelman PHI. Ariel Jurado TEX. Jamie Barria. Logan Allen SDP. Matt Pearce STL. Zack Littell NYY.

Who are the best of this group to add in a 20 team minor league rosters dynasty league?

Zac
Zac
Reply to  Zachary Lorenzen
5 years ago

@Zachary Lorenzen: Dang Ralph must not have liked my question? lol I just wanted some input on who are the best of the group.

Laura Holt
5 years ago

I continue to find everything about these RAZZ 30 posts both slightly horrifying and mildly fascinating. And I hope you all take that as the compliment it’s intended to be.

Old School Brother
Old School Brother
Reply to  Laura Holt
5 years ago

@Laura Holt: <3

Jaaaaaake.crab
Jaaaaaake.crab
Reply to  Old School Brother
5 years ago

@Old School Brother: Can confirm, we viciously end the lives of those who leave.

Grey
Admin
5 years ago

I love that Nick bit a chicken head off before taking a pic for the site. Classic! If everyone doesn’t have Aunt Flow dropping from their gums in their Razz30 pics, no need to apply!

nick the smooth dick
nick the smooth dick
Reply to  Grey
5 years ago

@Grey: If only you could have seen the contents of the bowl I was bleeding into…while I watched Ralph’s baseball show with the dedication of a million soldiers

Grey
Admin
Reply to  nick the smooth dick
5 years ago

I wanna believe it was just nasty case of gingivitis

nick the smooth dick
nick the smooth dick
5 years ago

Fat Kelly and Patrolman Fred was a nice touch

nick the smooth dick
nick the smooth dick
Reply to  Geoff
5 years ago

@Ralph Lifshitz: We are Perfect Strangers no more. But can I be Balki? I wanna be the funny one.

Cabby
Cabby
5 years ago

Am currently sitting on Bichette and Rhys. Was thinking of trying to acquire Senzel while his stock is low, who would you trade if either? I m assuming Rhys is up shortly but both Bo and Nick are a couple yrs away. Is that a correct statement? Thanks

Cabby
Cabby
Reply to  Geoff
5 years ago

@Ralph Lifshitz:

Would you drop Bichette for Senzel since Rhys is so close? Or do you not project Rhys making a big impact at MLB level?

I appreciate all the help!

Chud
Chud
5 years ago

Luis Castillo seems to have all of the ingredients coming up from the minors – high heat, 3 pitches, control, production …..why not the love from the prospect world?

Would u target him, Luke Weaver, Woodruff, or C Adams in a dynasty league? Production this year is also needed.

Thanks!

Geoff
Ralph Lifshitz
Reply to  Chud
5 years ago

@Chud: He sort of burst into the radar last year, and he feels like a high velocity guy with middling strikeout numbers. Always a top 200 prospects but at least as far as my coverage of the minors goes, it’s fantasy slanted, so it’s hitter slanted.

It’s very tough to figure out which pitchers are going to be worth it.

Geoff
Ralph Lifshitz
Reply to  Chud
5 years ago

@Chud: Weaver for me still

Chud
Chud
Reply to  Ralph Lifshitz
5 years ago

@Ralph Lifshitz: thanks! I appreciate your insight. I’ve stayed away from young pitching n built up my hitters but at some point I need a young arm.

Sport
Sport
5 years ago

Can’t wait til Sunday!

Senzel dropping in it? Or more specifically, is Ryan McMahon moving ahead of him and what kind of AB can he get in that line up?

Sport
Sport
Reply to  Geoff
5 years ago

@Ralph Lifshitz: Would love to add McMahon in my 10 team but it’s hard to see where the AB come from, barring injury. And I don’t have anyone to drop at this point too! I still have Christin Stewart dangling out there to grab too.

Thanks for the help.

Geoff
Ralph Lifshitz
Reply to  Sport
5 years ago

@Sport: I’d grab Stewart first personally.

Lance
5 years ago

Everything about this post I love
<333333

nick the smooth dick
nick the smooth dick
Reply to  Lance
5 years ago

@Lance: Everything about Lance the Crabs love

Old School Brother
Old School Brother
Reply to  Lance
5 years ago

@Lance: <3

Jaaaaaake.crab
Jaaaaaake.crab
Reply to  Old School Brother
5 years ago

@Old School Brother: lance, I can neither CONFIRM nor deny that we have lewd photos of you.

nick the smooth dick
nick the smooth dick
5 years ago

The blood pic!! That is my half ass beard too. Rocking a gloriously unkept one now, coulda sent you a new pic. But then I would have to go and slice open my gums to get the full effect, woulda been a whole ordeal…(3)
Claws way the fuck up, Tuesdays are life!

Old School Brother
Old School Brother
Reply to  nick the smooth dick
5 years ago

@nick the smooth dick: tis a fine beard, soaked in blood

Jaaaaaake.crab
Jaaaaaake.crab
5 years ago

Top 100 prospects soon?

Old School Brother
Old School Brother
Reply to  Geoff
5 years ago
Scott
Scott
5 years ago

Hey Ralph! Big thanks for all the prospect help to date…navigating my league’s dynasty draft currently with your help.

Similar to the question I tasked you with last week, would you mind helping with a bit of free labor again and letting me know your 5 favorites names from the remaining list below:

Adam Haseley, Colton Welker, Ryan Mountcastle, Luiz Gohara, Taylor Trammel, Mitch White, Tony Santillan, Oscar de la Cruz, Matt Chapman, Dane Dunning, Lourdes Gurriel, Wander Javier, Austin Hays, Marcus Wilson, Khalil Lee, DL Hall, Logan Marmoth

Miketron
Miketron
5 years ago

Claws up for my team going belly up. Next year I will be back strong hopefully with Gleyber!

Jaaaaaake.crab
Jaaaaaake.crab
5 years ago

Claws up!

Oh, we are going after Towers are we not? Just need the right topic.