This is Part One of a three-part series.

On June 5th, 2013, T.J. Quinn, Pedro Gomez, and Mike Fish collaborated in writing an article in ESPN’s Outside the Line’s*, reporting that Major League Baseball was preparing to suspend such luminaries as Ryan Braun, Alex Rodriguez, Jhonny PeraltaMelky Cabrera, Bartolo Colon, and likely up to 15 other players who were connected to the Biogenesis clinic based in Miami Florida. The founder of the clinic, Tony Bosch, was reportedly going to testify against the players who had over the last several years established connections with the clinic, reportedly purchasing Performance Enhancing Drugs (P.E.D.’s), in order to plea-bargain and lesson the charges for his own egregious offenses.. These players faced up to a 100 game suspension, (which is actually the penalty for the second doping offense), for both denying their connection to the clinic as well as using P.E.D’s. As it turned out, Bosch provided phone records, receipts, data collected by the NSA or intercepted by drones hovering over the clinic. All of the players except for Alex Rodriguez have since then admitted their guilt, and were suspended for the remainder of the season; meanwhile, of course, AROD, the baseball equivalent of the Kardashians, has fought his case against the Lords of baseball, and will be suspended for one season, with his appeal in process.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Mon 8/4
ARI | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CIN | CLE | COL | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | ATH | CHW | DET | OAK | SEA | WSH

I have been put to the task of writing a sleeper post about Will Middlebrooks. Sorry guys, it’s the intern, J-FOH here, filling in for the man with the stache that launched a thousand ships. Hey, the man is busy, he’s a writer, husband, dog owner, constant flavor changing vaporbator, and stalker of Giancarlo Stanton. He’s only human and he needs some help from time to time. I’ve had to move the new furniture in his place three times since the wedding as the coug tries to find the right “flow” for their place. I am here to fill in and try to convince you all that 3rd base is really deep this year and that you can wait in your draft to get some really nice upside. Lets’s take a quick peek into how deep it is.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2014 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2014 Orioles Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Jon Shepherd from Camden Depot.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It doesn’t get much deeper than this, does it? That’s what she said! Not everything in a deep league setting is fun. Like hiring a convict to babysit your child, sometimes you just gotta take a guy who’s available and hope for the best as it can be completely soul-wrenching to reach for guys because of their position and be left with little to nothing in return in these types of setups. When you play in a deep league like I do – two at every infield position plus two UTIL and five outfield – you have to let your mind wander beyond the sexy picks and be willing to drunkenly amble back to your apartment with that tall, muscular chick who beat you at arm wrestling while setting a pub record for hot wing plates eaten and really hope she doesn’t have an Adam’s apple. The best part about playing the Crying Game? Not much crying involved because these guys go so deep, so deep if they put your team to sleep you can drop them. And now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you even further than the title could even take you, let’s get down to business. So here’s Matt Dominguez in all his glory and what he can do for your deep league team for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

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Seriously, how underrated were Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch?! When it comes to the top Hip-Hop artists of the early 90’s, how many were better than these guys? Basically none of them. I mean, god damn, Good Vibrations is so good. Amirite? No? Oh okay. That’s probably true, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch were actually pretty awful. Although I won’t can’t lie, Good Vibrations is pretty damn catchy. Luckily for Marky Mark, he moved on to bigger and better things like this, and this. Come on, who doesn’t wanna be Dirk Diggler when they grow up? Ahh, the American Dream… Anywho, I’m going to cover a couple players who have recently also moved on to somewhere new and should be on to bigger and better things. How about that segue (not to be confused with segway)? Yep, nailed it! Anyway, if you’ve already drafted, it may not be too late to try and make an offer for these guys before the word gets out. Well, I guess if your league-mates are smart, i.e. reading this, then its probably too late and they are onto your plan by now. Au Shizz!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2014 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. We feel this approach will be fresher, more sustainable, and require less energy consumption (for us anyway). The 2014 Rockies Fantasy Baseball Preview comes courtesy of Bryan Kilpatrick from Purple Row.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ahoy, all of youse that are apathetic about Michael Brantley, what follows is a one long love letter to said player, because, really, someone has to! I hide my Brantley love in a bunch of other players, but you can’t throw a puppy without hitting a 10 homer, 20 steal outfielder. There’s more than ten guys on this list (eleven), and I’d draft all of them, and have already in some leagues. It should work out well in (five outfielder league) drafts when you draft two outfielders before 100, then one between 100-150, then two somewhere in the next 150 picks. These are all the outfielders that being drafted after 200 overall. Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Canada) supplement to the top 100 outfielders for 2014 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2014 projections. Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2014 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Internet Friends, Razzballians, big country breakfast eaters at Billy Butler’s house…Lind me your ears. Yeah, I didn’t know how to start so I figured I’d make it awkward for everyone all around. Hey, I’m Sky. You might know me from the Fantasy Football side of this little part of the interweb universe. That was just an FYI, ICYDK. I’m not expecting you to actually click it. I mean, you can if you want to. Like big, red shiny buttons at the Pentagon, you know it’s hard to resist clicking on an embedded link in a paragraph. Case in point, this link is of a small, drunk Asian kid wearing just a bra and a Teddy Bear that was superglued to his junk while standing on top of a cop car. You’re a hetero and you still totes clicked, admit it! Ok, ok maybe you assumed it was JayWrong and couldn’t resist – and maybe it was – but ya did it. Even after everything I told you, you still decided it was worth your right index finger to push down on the mouse and have a looksee. And now after this long-winded intro that had absolutely nothing to do with Adam Lind, it’s now my duty to keep you intrigued without said links or other forms of Triple-Dub sorcery. So let’s move on from this weird little intro and see why Lind should be a nice value to nab in deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

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Closer news, closer news… We need a musical about fantasy baseball, sorta like Newsies, but with a little Book of Mormon thrown in.  Perhaps a musical adventure of sonnets and mignonettes by Stephen Sondheim.  Come on, everybody loves a musical… he, no.  Okay, it’s just me then.  So drafting season is here, it’s the first and last time you will see over 20% of the guys drafting in your league until… well, never.  Ahh, the internet and its anonymity. So with the games in the land of koala bears and oil cans happening this weekend, baseball is here.  Officially.  I have confirmed with multiple sources and gave them credit for groundbreaking stuff via twitter.  So the week before the fake regular season I have 4 questions that we still need answers to, or was just wondering in my own stoned malaise.

So it came to me that some of you or most of you or the whole damn lot of you might not be overly familiar with some basic information regarding Draftkings and the whole daily fantasy thang.  BTW, if you are gonna play some DFS on Draftkings?  Help us help you.  That’s our promo link.  Yes I’m grovelling.  Yes I’ll move on…but before I do, after you sign up through our promo link?  How about joining in on the Razzball Kickoff Jamboree for $1.  Keep in mind it has to fill or it won’t go.  I have my spot, there’s only 19 seats left.  Don’t wanna throw down your money into this game yet?  Why not join the Freeroll for opening day?  What, you don’t know what a Freeroll is?  Well, read on…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Y’all know why this is happening to Kris Medlen, right? Why he’s preparing for Tommy John surgery? It’s the breeding patterns of the Flat-Billed Pitchypus and their likely extinction. If you iron your hat brim, you are putting yourself and potentially your family in grave danger. Exhibit A: Shawn Chacon now works at a Los Pollos Hermanos, making ‘deliveries.’ SPOILER ALERT! Wait, you need to know what I’m spoiling first. True Detective SPOILER ALERT! The Yellow King’s face looks like that due to ironing the brim of his hat while it was on his head. So, due to climate changes, mating rituals and the long hunting season of the Flat-Billed Pitchypus, the Braves went out and got Ervin Santana. The Baltimore Orioles said, “Aw, shucks, we were gonna sign him for sixteen dollars the day after the season started.” Too bad, O’s. Against me better judgement, I’m gonna talk like a leprechaun and move Ervin Santana up a hair in my top 80 starters and my top 400. Plus, we lost Randall Delgado, Kevin Gausman and Brandon Beachy, so there was room. Oh, have I mentioned I moved Beachy down? Yeah, I don’t like that he has soreness in his biceps. Prediction Alert! In the next few years, Dr. James Andrews is going to reveal to the world a serious gambling problem, and that’s why everyone that goes under his knife needs follow-up surgery and a massive amount of check-ups. Someone’s gonna pay the kitty, ya heard? Anyway, here’s what else I’ve seen in Spring Training for 2014 fantasy baseball:

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I’m stepping out before my Khris Davis deep sleeper call goes off and giving him a nickname right up front. You can call him Khris Kross after old school rappers Kris Kross because…because nicknames. I’m telling you, it’s good! I’m great at nicknames! Just ask my cousin, Sarah Tess Davidson. Some would call her ‘STD’ but I went with something beautiful: Chlamydia. You don’t even need to ask, of course the name stuck! Friends, family, you name it, they called her it. You can imagine how popular she was in High School. The boys wouldn’t leave her alone, I tell ya. As a freshman, she was invited out to drive thru movie after drive thru movie, but she never remembered what movie they went to nor much of, if any of the plot and along the way she had 3 kids and dropped out of High School. I never understood all that, my cousin Chlamydia was such a smart girl…but neverthewho! We’re not here to talk about all the nephews and nieces I have on welfare, we’re here to discuss how you don’t want to miss the bus on Davis in your deep leagues for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

Please, blog, may I have some more?