Oliver is a Dunn Deal

Milwaukee Brewers rookie second baseman slash heart throb Oliver Dunn was 2-for-4 with his first career home run and steal. Have a day, rook! Bernie is hypppe! It’s Oliver Dunn time. Not to be confused of course with famed LSU gymnast Olivia Dunne aka Livvy Dunne, who’s name I’m admittedly only mentioning for the SEO, however she is almost fantasy adjacent due to her relationship with Pirates hot shot phenom Paul Skenes who has been completely dominant in his first two starts. We should see Skenes sooner than later. Anyway! Despite Olivia Dunne and Olivia Dunne’s boyfriend seeming infinitely more interesting than the Brewers utility infielder this lede is about Oliver Dunn, so let’s talk about him a bit. Ollie hit 21 home runs and stole 16 bases in Double-A for the Fightin’ Phils, and had a good enough showing this spring (.282/.404/.487, 1 HR, 10 RBI, 4 steals) to make the opening day roster. The .876 OPS and 4 stolen bases really stand out to me, and that’s probably why he made the team. Did I mention the defense? Easier said than Dunn! So the assumption was he’d be in a platoon but that hasn’t looked to be the case yet. Sure, he’s a deeper league add for now but he’s a name to watch with that power speed combo and rugged good looks like Andrew Santino. Ginger players need love, too. In Mil-ee-wauk-ayy, the slam & legs is served with curds of cheddar, obviously, which I’m told you wear on your head. On hot days I hear this can get rather uncomfortable, but I also think that’s why they have a dome. Back to Oliver, here’s hoping he’s not one and Dunn, he’s got enough of that touted power/speed combo to make him an intriguing add in deeper leagues, and a keep-an-eye-on in all leagues. When all’s said and Dunn, Oliver could be a sneaky add. He was a BUY so add Dunn on the cheap. As good as Dunn! Are these puns getting annoying yet? That was the last one, I swear I’m Dunn now!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Christian Yelich – 1-for-4, HR (3). Willy Adames was also 2-for-3 with his 1st HR. Everyone was picking the Brewers to suck this year and was hard to figure why? Team’s don’t just go from first to worst because they lose one player and a manager. Also, is Craig Counsell a good manager? I don’t know that I look at box scores. What I do see is how stacked they are with high upside talent, and Christian is the nail in their proverbial cross. I can’t tell if that’s a positive analogy or not. I mean it to be positive. Go Brews!

Logan Gilbert – 5.2 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, BB, 7 K. Three homers allowed! Yeah that’s not gonna cut it, bro. Miller Park is notoriously homer-friendly and I saw the highlights and he still looked pretty nasty so we’ll chalk this one up to him likely being distracted by Caitlin Clark’s last NCAA semi-final, just like the rest of us. Is it too early to buy low? Not Clark but Gilbert. Also, this Caitlin Clark is gonna put Iowa on the map! Is that where Milwaukee is?

Andres Munoz – 0.1, ER, 4 BB, L. Wow, a Livvy Dunne and Caitlin Clark mention already? This is a big day for women’s college athletics. Look how progressive I am. I’m a champion of women, right mom? Also, if the M’s never traded Paul Sewald, he might not be hurt right now, Arizona may have never made the World Series, we’d all hate the Braves instead of love them. Non-linear equations. Paige Bueckers would be NCAA world’s darling if Caitlin Clark wasn’t a thing. Strange attractions. Chaos theory!

Abner Uribe – 1.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, BB, 1st win. I’ll take my vulture win and try not to hold this against Abner too much. Hopefully Manager Pat Murphy does the same.

Yusei Kikuchi – 5.1 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, ERA at 2.79 ERA. Lisa Loeb’s favorite player is also one of my favorite streamers and I’m just waiting for him to take the leap. Still waiting. That may never happen but he certainly looked the part shutting down the Yankees in their home opener. He gets the Mariners next week who have been mostly terrible offensively so I might consider the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure though!

Marcus Stroman – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 6 K. Turns out the guy who I prayed all winter my team would not sign is turning into a pretty solid signing! MaStro could not pick up his second win with the offense offering him no support but he still has yet to give up a run through his first 12 innings.

Alejandro Kirk – 3-for-4. I love me a professional athlete that is hard to believe is a professional athlete and Kirk might be at the top of the short fat list.

Tarik Skubal – 6.1 IP, 4 hits, 4 ER, 2 BB, 9 K. Riding high on his opening day dominance Skubal got a chance to face a real line up Friday night with the A’ss coming to town. Wait, no. Hard to gauge Tarik’s early outings so far as he’s pitched against what could be two of the worst line ups in MLB history. And while giving up four runs to Oakland doesn’t inspire the most confidence, the 2.92 ERA, 0.73 WHIP, and 15/2 K/BB certainly hint at the elite-ness you drafted too early. He looks like an Ace to me!

Jason Foley – 1.0 IP, 2 K, 2nd win. BUY. Alex Lange (0.1 IP, K, SV (1)) got the save in this one with Foley getting the call to face the fearsome heart of the A’s line up in the eighth. Andrew Chafin got the first two outs in the ninth as Manager Hinch opted to use him against the two lefties. This is less of a closer shituation than it appears and I think Hinch just trusts Foley the most and he’s still likely the arm to own in this pen at the moment.

Brent Rooker – 2-for-4, HR (1). Dime store Rooker! He wasn’t a BUY this week but he could have been last week and probably will be at some point. He’s a 35 home run hitter and even the As barely want to start him.

Matt Vierling – 1-for-3, HR (1). Normally I’m all over the lead off man, but not quite as much when he’s leading off for an offense like Detroit’s. As stacked as their rotation and bullpen have looked the o-fence is leaving something to be desired. Still waiting on that Torkelson explosion.

Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-5, HR (2), 2 RBI. After knowing literally nothing about Brotani going into 2024 other than he’s very rich now and very good at throwing and mashing baseballs, we have learned in the past two weeks he’s a compulsive gambler, liar, and bully. As long as he keeps doing this, the less I know the better.

Will Smith – 4-for-5, RBI. If you wanted your fantasy team catcher to perform like this you should have locked him up for the next 10 years.

Teoscar Hernandez – 3-for-5, 4 RBI, SB (1). Leads the MLB with 14 RBI. Of all the offseason acquisitions the Dodgers made why do I think adding Uncle Oscar could be the most impactful–well, I mean besides Ohtani. Oh, and Yamamoto ought to be a star, too. Glasnow is a CAWAR (certified Ace with a record) for sure. Whatever, they made some good adds I guess, regardless, Teo is raking, and was basically there for any team to sign for months and we all just let the Dodgers have him.

Bobby Miller – 1.2 IP, 4 hits, 5 ER, 2 BB, 3 K. Remember when I told you last week he arrived? Me neither. If last week was his coming out party, this week he spent Friday night being antisocial, scrolling TikTok and binging Love is Blind.

Adbert Alzolay – 1.0 IP, 2 hits, SV (1). Oop, was a shaky start to the inning for a second there. Hector Neris is lurking, but it was the Dodgers and they are pretty good. The closer job is his to lose. Is that a challenge??

Zack Littell – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 5 K. Little by Littel I’m learning the Rays can turn anyone into a budding fantasy star. He’ll probably never pitch more than six innings in a start but that’s how he’ll maintain those juicy ratios (0.82 ERA, 1.00 WHIP). He gets the Angels next week and they’re terrible, grab him before it’s too Littell too late!

Pete Fairbanks – 0.0 IP, 3 BB, 3 ER, L. His first save chance did not go well. I might be worried as an owner but his biggest threat Jason Adam gave up a grand salami upon entering so…yeah. Coors gonna Coors!

Justin Lawrence – 0.1 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER. “Whoa!” That’s his cousin Joey Lawrence’s reaction to this outing. This is what we get for trying to speculate on the Rox closer. Just wait until someone emerges then you can grab that guy and hate yourself.

Nolan Jones – 2-for-3, 3 runs, RBI, SB (1). There’s no place like home for NoJo and the Rockies. Whew. *wipes unusually sweaty forehead* I was beginning to think I made a huge mistake with Jones, then I remembered why we drafted him. He plays half his games on the moon basically.

Ezequiel Tovar – 2-for-4, HR (2), 2 RBI. He’s paid more than Jones so in theory he should be better, right? Unclear if Colorado extending him seven years is genius or stupid. Granted, this team does a lot of stupid things. Zeke broke the tie in the 6th with this 420 foot beauty. Give him another extension maybe?

Ryan McMahon – 3-for-5, Grand Slam HR (1) slashing .414/.471/.586. Kris Bryant also homered. It really is amazing what a ballpark can do. They should honestly extend Coors Field, if anyone’s gonna get paid. McMahon’s walk off grand slam was just the third in Colorado history, and yes Charlie Blackmon has one of them. Can you name the other???

Grayson Rodriguez – 6.1 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 2nd win. That’s 16 Ks in 12.1 innings for GrayRod and why do I not own him everywhere. Honestly, did the O’s really need Burnes? Baltimore has enough prospects raking at Norfolk to go get any pitcher they want but seeing the home grown kids develop into bona fide stars is special.

Jared Jones – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 7 K. OK, I’m pretty much convinced. The home runs have always been the knock (pun 100% intended) against JJ, but the weather was snowy and windy and weird and both of the bombs were just barely homers. He gets to put my confidence to task next week versus the Phils at the homer-happy Citizen’s Bank Park but I’d add him everywhere.

Gunnar Henderson – 2-for-5, HR (2). Ryan O’Hearn and Cedric Mullins also homered. Did I mention that “the kids” are absolutely raking down in Norfolk. Heston Kjerstad is hitting over .500 with six homers, and you already know about Jackson Holliday and Coby Mayo. Time to step it up, Jordan Westburg, the youngsters are gaining on you! Serious question, would you rather have the Orioles roster/farm system, or the Dodgers? I know, too easy. The Dodgers have Mookie.

Oneil Cruz – 3-for-4, HR (2) slashing .344/.382/.531. Cruz Missile! That one was for Grey!

Dylan Cease – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K. Dylan’s lawyers sending out Cease and Desist letters to all the crazed Southside fans who are begging him to come back.

Jordan Hicks – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 5 K. The seven innings was a career high, by two innings, and the one walk through 12 innings is especially impressive, but maybe the Padres just swing at everything. Unfortunately for me I only took my chances on one reliver-to-starter experiment this year and I’ve now watched enough AJ Puk starts with one eye closed for a lifetime.

Michael Conforto – 3-for-4, RBI. He was a BUY! The hipster’s favorite player is sadly no longer on-trend–cheugy, if you will. But that’s what makes him trendy, the irony! Also he’s hitting everything.

Jose Quintana – 5.2 IP, ER, 4 BB, 4 K. One good thing about CitiField being so empty is you can really hear the boos.

Edwin Diaz – 1.0 IP, R, BB, K, SV (1). Keep it up! If you pitch well enough and pray hard enough you might get traded to the Dodgers.

Hunter Greene – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, 6 K. My favorite color and my favorite pitcher. If only the Reds had St Paddy’s day jersey, my hunter green Hunter Greene official authentic MLB jersey could be almost as ugly as the Fanatics ones the players wear.

Spencer Steer – 1-for-3, HR (2) slashing. Don’t have a cow, Steer! I underestimated the love for Steer this year (rhymes!) I thought I was targeting him pretty aggressively in drafts in the top 50, but he was always gone way before that. There’s a saying about not buying a cow when you can get free dairy because of your mom’s secret affair with the milkman. Well, you should have bought the cow, err, Steer.

Aaron Nola – 5.2 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 4 BB, 4 K, 1st win. A-aron was out of control, like NOLA in February. Velocity was down and he had issues locating his pitches. Luckily, the (g)Nats are awful.

Patrick Corbin – 6.0 IP, 9 hits, 4 ER, 3 BB, 6 K. Nope. No thank you. No.

Bryce Harper – 3-for-5 and slashing .292/.346/.750. Hmm. I’m not sure booing Harper is the best strategy, Nats fans? It only fuels him. The last thing this guy needs is a chip on his shoulder.

Spencer Strider – 4.0 IP, 7 hits, 5 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. Strider’s headed for an MRI on his elbow after struggling versus the DBags. He said he “felt discomfort” and his velocity was down. RIP. F. Why is this happening to me? Are you happy now God? Los Bravos won this one but AT WHAT COST! Wait. Chill, don’t overreact, let’s wait for the results before you say your final goodbyes.

Ketel Marte – 1-for-5, HR (2). These Zona box scores are wild these days! There’s too much going on in this line up I literally can’t keep up. It’s like the Dodgers except everyone’s mostly available. One thing I know for sure is I should have drafted Lourdes Gurriel Jr.

Matt Olson – 2-for-4, HR (2). I just like how he hits it super far.

Travis d’Arnaud – 2-for-5, RBI. He was a BUY and he’s the catcher in the best line up in the league. Don’t you guys love players like this?

Kevin Ginkel – 1.1 IP, 2 hits, ER, 2 K, BS. Too be fair to Ginkel, things fell apart after a fielding error, but Kevin did give up a run in his second straight outing. If there were better options for saves Ginkel might be in trouble but there isn’t. Oooh, maybe the D-Backs should trade for Diaz?

Luis Robert – 1-for-4, left game with hip injury. I’d accuse the White Sox of throwing but they’re not even moving to Vegas.

Salvador Perez – 3-for-3, RBI slashing .387/.424/.613. Sally was VERY draftable, and probably one of the safest picks I could have made! But yeah, I’m not drafting a catcher that high lol.

James McArthur – 0.2 IP, SV (1) as Will Smith pitched started the inning but continued to struggle. General McArthur could be the closer by the end of the weekend. If he isn’t already. Yes, you should probably add him.

Michael Kopech – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, ER, 2 BB, 3 K, L. Another guy who’s probably the closer. Pick him up if you hate yourself.

Hunter Brown – 3.0 IP, 8 hits, 5 ER,  4 BB, 3 K. Hunter became the Hunted. Rangers took Brown to town. Brown town. The concern is he hasn’t made it more than 4 innings, but he gets a bit of an easier assignment next week in Kansas City.

Cody Bradford – 7.2 IP, 2 hits, ER, 4 K, 2nd win. Hey, here’s a player I know barely anything about who leads the league in wins and plays for the World Series champions. What I do know: he’s a lefty with strong command, he’s got a 10/1 K/BB, he’s on one of the highest scoring teams in the league. He’s basically Jordan Montgomery. No wonder they didn’t resign him. He gets a sweet match up with the A’s next week, yes I’d stream that and see if our budding relationship could maybe turn into something more?

Adolis Garcia – 2-for-4, HR (4), 4 RBI. Marcus Semien was 3-for-3, HR (1), 3 RBI. Seriously, what’s the stigma with Adolis? Is it racism? You can tell me I won’t judge you. Well, that’s a lie. Don’t be racist. It’s not that hard. Adolis currently leads the AL in home runs and RBI. He could be a top 15-20 player you got in the top 40.

Logan O’Hoppe – 2-for-4, Grand Slam HR (1). The Angels may be the most sad sack of all the bad teams right now because they lost Brotani. But do not lose faith, Angel fans! There’s still O’Hoppe!

Triston Casas – 2-for-4, HR (1). Casas is where the heart is! Mi Casas es tu Casas. I’m asking seriously, you want him? Should I sell high?

Trevor Story – 0-for-2. Injured his shoulder making what could have been a fairly spectacular play. Unclear if he’ll miss much time but it certainly doesn’t look great. Was Trevor Story the last one remaining on our injury-prone player bingo card? I think Byron Buxton is still standing. We’ll give it another week. Also how about this tweet denouncing the death of the Sox season because of a Trevor Story injury? Not sure hopes were too high to begin with, but it was never riding on Story.

Jarren Duran – 2-for-5, HR (1). He was a BUY and you need to run as fast as Duran can if he’s still available in any of your leagues. For the unindoctrinated, that’s very fast. Dude flies. Also, between Casas’ sun bathing yoga routines and the bodybuilding bros Duran and O’Neill this team has quite a few characters on it. Dare I say I’m kind of excited to see this dumb Netflix show for jerks?

Tyler O’Neill – 3-for-4, 2 HR (4) slashing .409/.536/1.155. Yup. We all knew he was capable of this we were just two years early. I drafted him with my third pick in 2022! Amazing how some injuries and a bad manager can derail a true shooting star. He went undrafted in many leagues. Tyler actually has just one less home run than the entire Cardinals team so far. Oof. Tough few weeks to be a Cards fan. Is it me or is Oli Marmol the worst manager in baseball? Might be best not to look at what Jordan Hicks and Jack Flaherty are doing since they left you either.  TO leads the league in wRC+ and is top five in fWAR, basically all the stats nerds care about. Just show me the dingers, nerds! Those biceps are all I need to see to show me Tyler O’Neill is winning me my fantasy league.

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!