It’s official because we don’t deal in unofficial. Whatever that means. Which is nothing, if you’re wondering. But it does make the post feel more important. Delusions of grandeur? That’s my life story bro. And that also might describe the life story of many here who reside at Razzball HQ. Which is basically our basement. With bountiful supplies of Hot Pockets and Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Oh, wait, nevermind. Sky called, he want’s his everything back. Jokes on you buddy. I’m keeping the Hot Pockets. So, where were we? Oh, that’s right, delusions of grandeur… and Hot Pockets, it happens to the best of us. And that’s why we make these picks. Because we think we’re right all the time. Except for me. I’m just very wrong. But don’t let that stop you from looking at our well-thought out (maybe) picks for this upcoming 2014 season. (Now with more Grey and Rudy!) We all can’t write a 1500 word exposé on these players, so you get this nifty assortment where you’ll gain a general sense of which players we like and which we don’t. All in a simple box for you to stare and giggle at. Kind of like what you normally would do if you were looking at Tehol.
But before we get to the good stuff, here’s what each category means:
Rookie of The Year (ROY) — Pretty self-explanatory. The criteria is pretty much the same as the MLB– if you haven’t passed the threshold of 120 AB’s or 50 IP, then congratulations, you’re eligible. The only difference is we picked one instead of two. Deal.
Break Out Player of The Year (Sleeper) — You might think we’re describing someone who breaks through walls and then falls asleep really fast. Which seems weird. So I wouldn’t really put it past us… To limit the confusion, I’d better point out that these are our potential break out candidates that you should be grabbing long and grabbing hard.
Come Back Player of The Year (Come Back) — Again, pretty easy to figure out what this one means. Unless you’re Josh Hamilton. BURN.
I Think I Love You, So What Am I So Afraid Of? (Infatuation) — Yep, we all have one. Find out which player your Razzball writer has an undying love for, despite any rational reason or purpose.
Most Overrated Player of The Year (Bust) — These are the guys being held on a pedestal’s, who will, in return for all your worship and sacrifice, ruin everything thing you hold dear. See: 2013, Stanton, Giancarlo. Take heed Razzballers, avoid these guys at all costs.
Most Valuable Pitcher (MV Pitcher) — This is where things get sticky. That’s what she said. Technically, this could be the best pitcher overall… but the key word here is value. You know this because I underlined it. While the vanilla picks of Yu Darvish and Clayton Kershaw, etc. could still technically be the most valuable pitchers at the end of the year, there’s still enough room in the definition to allow the possibility that Bruce Chen will have an ERA of 2.50 and get 20 wins. Seeing as his ownership rate stands in the nothing-to-negative digits, a performance like that would be the most valuable. And probably destroy the universe as we know it.
Most Valuable Hitter (MV Hitter) — Same thing, but with hitters. CRAZY, I know.
Note: Everyone chose their picks blind, meaning they didn’t see anyone else’s choices, and possibly used a blindfold. Also, the choices were locked on 3/19/2014.
Some random thoughts…
– The Guru, Sky, Smokey, and our Prospector Scott Evans all love Javier Baez. And it’s hard not to with the spring he’s had. Long-lasting marriages have come from much-much less. But will he produce enough if he gets called up around June-ish? And will contact issues suppress that power? (Says the only guy who picked Gregory Polanco as his ROY. Who?)
– Everyone had their own specific sleeper. JB Gilpin jumps into Sharky waters (HAHA), but he should have asked me about my swim last year. Look, I love spell-check nightmare Jeff Samardzija as much as anyone (and told you to buy last season), but he sorta leaves you with that weird taste in your mouth when you own him. Tastes a lot like Brandon Morrow. And Guru, my man, Jose Abreu is a sleeper? I haven’t seen him fall past round six in any of my RCL leagues. Did you mean he’s sleepy? That might be raycess. Also, Justin Ruggiano was selected as a sleeper by more than zero contributors (Dano and Tom Jacks), officially becoming the 8th sign of the end of world.
– A lot of candidates for Come Back’er this season, and a lot of great cases to be made by everyone. Though, if I could pick over, I’d probably have to go with the baseball right now. You know, the baseball that beat Aroldis Chapman in a game of chicken? (Too soon?)
– There’s a little too much Mike Moustakas love going on. I’m not quite sure how to process this, other than to try and ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen.
– A bust might mean different things to different people I’ve surmised. In Nick the Podcast Host’s case, it has to do with the federal authorities. For Dan Pants, choosing Matt Kemp as a bust right after a season when he busted as much as he could is a bold strategy. Not sure what he could do worse to be bust from that. I guess he could just randomly combust? HUUURRRR.
– Grey goes against the grain of pretty much Earth by selecting Julio Teheran and Robinson Cano as his two most valuable players. He must have done what I did when I made my most valuable picks in R.A. Dickey and Troy Tulowitzki… and that’s drink copious amounts of alcohol and then confuse the bowl of Werther’s Original for the bottle of rohypnol.
