The Cardinals never not produce prospects out of nowhere. Double negatives don’t not be damned. Or is that be damned? There’s likely hundreds if not thousands (maybe five or six) prospects that have come out of nowhere for the Cardinals. The big one I can think of is Albert Pujols. Pujols was originally signed as the 402nd pick overall and turned down an offer of $10,000 to play instead in the National Baseball Congress, against Dick Gephardt and Nancy Pelosi. Finally, he signed with the Cardinals when no one else wanted him. We know how that turned out. Jason Motte was a 19th round selection in 2003, and he was still closing games this year (though for the Cubs). In 2001, the Cards drafted a little known shortstop, Michael J. Fox, in the last round and he had a fine career in sitcoms and starring film roles. So, Thomas Pham was drafted in the 16th round of 2006 and came up with little fanfare. “Little fanfare?” No way, this is St. Louis baseball, we have the best fans yadda whatever! Pham was considered a fringe prospect at best and a Thai beef salad at worst. Could’ve Pham just got lost in the shuffle? In 2014, he had 10 HRs, 20 SBs, hitting .324 in Triple-A. Then, with no room to play in the majors, he went back to Triple-A this year and hit 6 HRs with 9 SBs and a .327 average in 48 games. He’s likely more interesting in fantasy than real baseball, but, guess what, you numbnuts, we’re talking about fantasy. For 2016 fantasy baseball, I could see him being a 14 HR, 25 SB, .280 hitter, who gets a huge boost if he stays at the top of the order as he’s been doing thus far. For right now, Pham’s hitting near-.400 in the last week, and taking this back to the beginning with Pujols, he’s in the two-hole with his Phamy jewels. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
J.T. Realmuto – This is funny (not funny in the least). I went looking for a catcher to stream and saw Realmuto was hitting well, so I was like, “Okay, I’ll grab him. Dot dot dot. If he’s starting today. Let’s wait to see.” I dot dot dot’d Realmuto on a short schedule day, so obviously he’s not a terrific option, but he has been hitting a little.
Greg Bird – You know what would be awesome? If every time Bird came up to bat, the drummer from Birdman played in the first row.
Travis Shaw – You know what would be awesome? If every time Shaw came up to bat, Meg White played the drums in the first row. Ya know, cause.
Justin Bour – Today will go down in history as the greatest day ever to pick up a free agent 1st baseman. .07% better than July 17th, 2004.
Steve Pearce – All of these 1st basemen free agents have me slamming my hand against the shower wall like I’m Ray Liotta in Goodfellas.
Mitch Moreland – I could make a whole team of just 1st basemen (with Goldy and Edwin and Rizzo and, okay, some of these waiver guys too).
Eddie Rosario – Well, we had some corner men at least. 2nd base pickups are barren like my Cougar’s– Need for a better man. What did you think I was going to say? C’mon!
Jed Lowrie – Been hot schmotato’ing a little something, though not sure if the emphasis is on little or something.
Jedd Gyorko – If the next name on this list is Jeddd, the universe will collapse on itself and the Mayans will be right to have sold all of their possessions on eBay at a deep discount.
Erick Aybar – Has been leading off and hitting, which is more than I can say for you. Sorry to make it personal.
Khris Davis – He has 17 homers in the 2nd half, the eighth most in the majors, tied with Edwin Encarnacion, and two homers in front of Bryce Harper. Davis is also owned in only 43% of leagues. Oh. *leaves to have car washed, gets to car wash and it starts raining, heads home, waits three days, heads back to the car wash, has car washed* Kay.
Angel Pagan – I grabbed Angel in one league where I need steals and a miracle. Figured I covered both with one pick up.
Domingo Santana – I just thought of something that’s tangentially related (like 98% of everything I write). Could fantasy baseballers (<– my mom’s term!) be taking so long to grab Davis and Domingo because they play on a bad team? Guys and five girl readers, the Brewers are awful. Their pitching. They also play in a great hitters’ park. *checking Brewers schedule* Okay, so they’re not home anymore, but Sunday Santana and Davis have still been hitting.
Ender Inciarte – This is interesting (kinda interesting in how uninteresting it is), Ender is owned in 48% of ESPN leagues. He’s owned in 87% of Razzball leagues. So, I’m preaching to the choir on owning Ender with Kirk Cameron yelling amen.
Andrew Heaney – These are straight Stream-o-Nator picks like when the Stream-o-Nator picks up Hitter-Tron from a night in the drunk tank.
Kris Medlen – Okay, not straight SON picks. Medlen gets a bad dollar value for his Saturday start, but I could see still streaming him. For at least a win, which is not the same as for the win!
Roenis Elias – Jumping to Monday for this streamer, because Sunday is a mess for streamers. If you’re desperate on Sunday, I’d go Chacin in Petco, but you might also be chasin’ that with a bottle of whiskey.
Jake Peavy – I’d start him every time at home, and he gets the Dodgers at home on Monday. The Dodgers hitting doesn’t really scare me, especially not with Mattingly managing them. “Rollins brings two gimpy legs, diminishing skills and experience that Seager can’t begin to understand.”
Kevin Jepsen – There’s a chance Jepsen could see saves until the end of the year with Perkins looking a bit wonky. There’s also a chance Jepsen doesn’t see another save.
Darren O’Day – If you needed saves, then O’Happy Day… *pulls out Jimmy “Mouth of the South” Hart-style megaphone* RIGHT?!
Neftali Feliz – If you need saves and grab O’Day and Neftali, then O’Feliz Day…*pulls out…* Hey, anyone see my megaphone? I just had it. Also, in Detroit, Alex Wilson might get saves, so act accordingly like Lawrence Welk.
SELL
Any Starter That Doesn’t Have A Good Final Matchup – Don’t do a “Find” on your team page for “Any Starter That.” He’s not an actual player. This is self-explanatory. There’s no time left in the season to be waiting on a guy that gets, say, the Blue Jays next. I’d even look at cutting top arms after their next to last start if they’re headed to the playoffs. Greinke, for unstints (that’s how I spell it now), could only go a few innings in his final start. Or get skipped completely. Gerrit Cole may pitch a full game tonight, but then only three innings in his final start. You, more or less, need to think of every pitcher as a streamer from here until the end.
Any Hitter That Is Cold Or Day-To-Day With An Injury – The Astros are saying Carlos Gomez is going to return. Swell, but you’re goofy in the coconut if you’re waiting around for him. Matt Holliday’s back, which is the start of every article ever written about him since it pertains to him returning from injury or his sore back. It’s all good, KMD’s Mr. Hood, but you can drop him. There’s no time to be waiting around for cold hitters either. Kipnis sure had a great 1st half. Are you playing fantasy in a DeLorean? Who cares! Cut him! I really liked what Adam Jones brought this year in its inverse, and I’d lose him with the quickness of a thousand monkey-fighting ninjas. Today, is your Independence Day from cold players, so don a Benjamin Franklin wig and start losing guys!
