After calling Alex Bregman overrated, I’m sticking with the trash can theme, as in, grab a trash can because you’re about to vomit:

Me in the locker room interviewing Kris Bryant, “Yo, Kris Bryant, are you the worst hitter who people think is great or is it me? And, honestly, I don’t think it’s me.” After being chased from the locker room, I look back and scream, “Hey, I wasn’t the one who compared you to Daniel Descalso!” Door slams on my face, then, after two beats, I pop my head back in, “At least it was 2018 Descalso, the year he was relatively good for him and hit 13 homers and .238!” Seriously, what in the holy eff is the deal with people liking Kris Bryant? I feel like to do justice to writing an overrated post for Kris Bryant, I need to first interview some people who like Kris Bryant at his current top 50 overall price tag. “Hello, I see you like Kris Bryant, can I ask you why?” Listening, then, “Because he’s handsome? Hmm…Wait, what’s that? Because he had a great year in 2016? Oh, okay.” Well, obviously, I’m not wasting my time interviewing anyone, but I imagine that’s about the summation of their defense for drafting Bryant. They’re not people who are looking at his recent numbers, or it’s some anecdotal nonsense about how he was great not that long ago. Hate to break it to you, but I think that’s ship’s sailed or you need to stop pretending you’re ‘shipped to him. So, what can we expect from Kris Bryant for 2020 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

His average exit velocity of 87.4 was about the same as Raimel Tapia and Yadier Molina. Yadios amigo! Much like Alex Bregman, Bryant has a launch angle that is like a super nerd whipping out his protractor to make a perfect 360-degree circle. I’m surprised Bryant’s 19.3 degree launch angle doesn’t cause him to scrap the ground during his swing, or doink the catcher on the head on his follow-through. Someone should put out a straight-to-home VHS tape series called, “When Launch Angles Kill,” and have Dwayne Murphy screaming on the tape cover with the simple caption, “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” To give you an idea of how bad Launch Angles can damage someone, Brandon Belt’s peripherals aren’t that far off on Launch Angle and exit velocity. Let that sink in real good like a lavender essential oil, Kris Bryant in San Fran would be Brandon Belt. *insert GIF of someone saying WTF* In Chicago, Bryant’s still at least got those glory winds, and the ability to see the fences, paradoxically since they’re covered in ivy. Any hoo! Back to the crizzap that is Kris Bryant. His Hard Contact% of 35.8% is 26th worst in the league with Jackie Bradley Jr. and Miguel Rojas surrounding him. The number of pitches Bryant hits in the zone is elite, but he might be losing a step already on his swing, because his swinging strike percentage was top 25, around that of Rougned Odor. He’s also far from an elite speed guy, and has stolen six bases in ten attempts across two seasons and 249 games. (I’d laugh now if I weren’t being deadly serious at how awful Bryant is.) So, Bryant’s hitting .284 in his career, but it’s with a .342 BABIP. A lot fewer line drives with more fly balls and his goofy launch angle will lead to weak contact and is not a recipe for a high BABIP. If his BABIP backslides to .300, he’s going to hit .265. Couple that with barely 27-homer power and no speed, and how exactly is he being drafted 150 picks before J.D. Davis or Christian Walker or Hunter Dozier, three guys I wrote up in sleeper posts. Draft any of them before Bryant. Or maybe even wait and draft 2018 Daniel Descalso.