Sometimes, I’ll be wrapped in my Cardinals blanket, the one I take out on cold days, with Willie McGee’s face stitched on the front to scare off people, and Keith Hernandez on the back (which sits by my butt crack, because I don’t have a cocaine butt) — there is no Mets Keith Hernandez, by the way. I’ll sit by the fire, and focus on the red part of the flames, and see Cardinals of the past, Ken Boyer (never a Met either!), Darrell Porter (never a Royal!), Albert Pujols (never an Angel — he’d agree with that too), and Tom Pagnozzi. I see Cardinal Pizzaballa, but refocus my vision so it’s only baseball Cardinals. I never see Randy Arozarena, Adolis Garcia or Sandy Alcantara. My visions are pure. The Cardinals highlights playing in the flames are chronological and towards the end, rising from the flames like a Phoenix, is Joshua Baez swatting home run after home run after home run and that’s just his first game. Oh, it’s glorious! Watch him swing! Watch–Uh-oh, his swings and misses are putting out the fire now. Crap, he’s extinguished my Cardinals’ fire. Why did he have to swing and miss so many times? So, what can we expect from Joshua Baez for 2027 fantasy baseball?
First, let’s see Joshua Baez hit some em-effing dongs!
Joshua Báez extends his Triple-A HR lead with a 112.7 MPH ROCKET 🚀
The @Cardinals’ No. 3 prospect tallies his 33rd long ball of the season for the @memphisredbirds: https://t.co/glOPfoOiVV
— MLB Pipeline (@MLBPipeline) August 8, 2026
112.7 MPH! That ball traveled, what, 400 feet? And after 400 feet, it would’ve still hurt if you tried to catch it. If the earth didn’t stop that home run, it would still be going. Let’s continue with an even more impressive homer:
Joshua Báez (AAA) crushes a go-ahead 3-run homer with a 113.1 MPH exit velocity.
His 18 HR on the season are tied for second-most among Triple-A batters. https://t.co/z2APHfJPft
— Cardinals Player Development (@CardsPlayerDev) June 10, 2026
I love this guy. What a specimen. Here’s the aforementioned MLB debut:
3 home runs in his first 3 Major League at-bats 😤
Did Joshua Báez put on the best MLB debut EVER?! https://t.co/P43Qi4d4cn
— MLB (@MLB) August 15, 2026
He hits dongs, he strikes out a lot and he stole 21 bags in Triple-A. Guys and six lady readers, we have ourselves a bona fide donkey! Call him Donkey Dong Jr. Jakkers gave you a full post about Donkey Dong Jr. — his Joshua Baez fantasy — and there he talks about his swing is built in a lab for bombs, and, yeah, the Cards have the Oppenheimer of home runs. (And are the Einstein of failed outfielders.) Itch said in his top 100 fantasy baseball prospects, “A 2nd-round pick out of high school in 2021, Joshua Baez had generally struck out at a 35 percent clip in his time with the club, but in 2025, he cut that down to 20.6 percent in 117 games between High-A and Double-A. He even improved in that area throughout the season and dropped from 21.4 to 20.2 percent in the jump up a level. The slash line reflects his growth: .287/.384/.500 with 20 home runs and a jaw-dropping 54 stolen bases in 63 attempts. Good time to buy, I suspect. The Cardinals have no cause to get in his way, and I’d be a suspect if Grey turns up, face down in a river.” What?!
If Joshua Baez gets his MLB K% down to 20%, he’s going to be a HOFer. I’m not even kidding. Donkey Dong Jr. is hitting 700+ homers if he’s doing it with no strikeouts. Alas, he seems like a 30+ K% guy, which is fine, but is going to hinder his ability to provide five-category value. I don’t care, don’t get me wrong. He has 50-homer power and could steal 20+ bags. Yeah, I’m signing up for that nonsense everywhere, even if it comes with a .210 average. My biggest worry is that he strikes out so much, slumps so badly, that he falls into a platoon or just gets sent down. Guys who *could* hit .175 are subject to the occasional minor league demotion, so even if I’m seeing him in my Cardinals-themed fire, he could flame out. Still, Donkey Dong Jr. is absolutely worth the squeeze for those barrels. For 2027, I’ll give Joshua Baez projections of 66/27/71/.212/15 in 497 ABs with a chance for more.
