This year Doug Fister has been a revelation like a Dorito in the shape of the Virgin Mary telling you it’s time to change your underwear.  Mystically, making something out of nothing and turning it into a little something-something.  13 strikeouts yesterday?!  Doode has never struck out more than 6 prior to this year.  I never thought I’d say this, but I really like Fister and it hurts so good.  Sure, I’m pretty easy.  Strikeout some guys and I get all googly-eyed, but he now has a 2.64 ERA on the Tigers and a 3.17 ERA on the year with a 1.14 WHIP.  Fister?!  I hardly knew her!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Carlos Beltran – Missed yesterday’s game with food poisoning.  You can call him Upchuck Beltran.

Dexter Fowler – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and 2 homers.  Now has four homers in the past week.  Pick him up in all leagues.  For a while I’ve been saying he’s capable of being a poor man’s Shane Victorino.  You know, Feign Victorino.  So the power isn’t totally coming out of left field, um, center field.

Mike Stanton – Missed yesterday’s game and could miss several more.  I’m pouring some of my forty out for you.

Jair Jurrjens – Will be out at least two more weeks.  If you don’t have the DL room, wash that Jurrjens right outta your team.

Brian Dinkelman – 3-for-7 as he was recalled and started in both games of the doubleheader.  Take that, Ryan Seacrest!

Sergio Santos – In first game of the doubleheader, he didn’t start the ninth in a save situation then came on, gave up a run and was pulled for Chris Sale.  Santos is the closer still, but Ozzie’s been known to flip the script on sanity occasionally.

Zach Stewart – 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 0 Walks, 9 Ks.  Brilliant start, obviously, but in his last game vs. the Twins he gave up 6 earned in 4 2/3 innings and that’s just as likely to happen again next time.  Too late in the year to trust a rookie pitcher.  BTW, in Chicago, Zach Stewart’s fans should dress up like bears and they can be known as the Stewart root bears.

Jason Bay – 2-for-4 with a homer.  I feel dirty even saying this, but he has two homers in the last three games.  He’s obviously not a spectacular option, but he might be okay for a week or so.

Grady Sizemore – 0-for-4 as he returned from the DL and hit leadoff.  Just in time for the Indians to pretend they still have hope for the playoffs.  Crazy the only real race in baseball is the Rangers and Angels and I don’t really buy the Bobby Grichville Angels have much of a shot for the playoffs.  Maybe Selig will cook up some new crackpot way to get more playoff races.  Bud Selig, “We’re gonna have a Wilder Card team next year and that team will play the All-Star game winner and then the winner of that will be an automatic World Series team.  Yes, that could mean the National League All-Star team might play the Brewers in the World Series, which will mean Prince Fielder’s on both teams.  It’ll mean ratings.  Die, football, die!  My toupee will now take questions.”

Henderson Alvarez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He’s been solid in three of his last four starts, but with H2H playoffs and roto championships on the line, I wouldn’t risk it with Alvarez this year.  Of course it depends on how much risk you need to take on.

Brett Lawrie – 1-for-3 with a steal and a walk-off homer.  Desmond Jennings who?  OH, NO, YOU DIDN’T.  I did, Al Caps.  NO, YOU DIDN’T.  I did.  DAMN.

Tim Stauffer – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K.  He totally roped me in again.  I saw Petco and the weak Giants lineup and I gave him another whirl and he defecated on my teams.  He’s probably just tired, but if he can’t be counted on in Petco vs. the Giants he’s so done.

Billy Butler – Yesterday, he hit two homers.  One for each of his oversized areolas.

John Axford – Threw a clean inning for his 41st save.  Now has a 2.23 ERA, 1.21 WHIP and 75 Ks in 64 2/3 innings.  His face is a bit too over-adorned with a soul patch, but he’s having a great season.  Too bad he’ll probably end up being drafted too high next year.

Robert Andino – 2-for-5 with his 3rd homer.  After his big game, he posed for his CBS profile pic.

Mark Reynolds – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 32nd homer and 6th steal for the slam & legs.  It’s been almost 10 days since the last time I said if only he’d hit .260.  If only he’d hit .260…

Erik Bedard – Next start is getting skipped because he’s Erik Bedard and he’s never healthy.

Josh Beckett – Left yesterday’s game with a sprained ankle.  His next start will probably be pushed back a few days as a precaution.  Or maybe they’ll just wrap it in police caution tape.

Bobby Jenks – After undergoing a colonoscopy, Jenks has been ruled done for the year.  The colonoscopy camera has been ruled done forever.

Mike Morse – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 25th and 26th home runs.  Slash slash dot dot.

Derrek Lee – 1-for-3 with a homer.  Is now 7 for his last 12 with two homers.  On Friday, someone in our fantasy sports forums asked who to drop between someone, someone, someone and Lee.  I told them to lose Lee.  I’m sorry, friend.  DL’s return from the DL has been bombastic, very fantastic.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Looks like he’s fixed whatever problem was bothering him… Actually, I’m not sure that’s the case, but it seems that way.

Madison Bumgarner – 8 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 13 Ks.  How about You Can’t Get More Than Two In On This Bumgarner?  How about that name, ‘son?

Pablo Sandoval – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and 2 homers.  Elias Sports Bureau reported that with Butler and Sandoval’s 4 combined homers, there was more home run trot moob jiggling yesterday than ever in the history of baseball.

Scott Sizemore – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in 3 games.  At least one Sizemore is performing this year.  If you need a middle infidel with some pop, I’d go with Sizemore.

James Shields – 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 KS.  Here’s a riddle for you:  What do James Shields and George W. Bush have in common?  If you answered, they both hit rock bottom when they were criticized by Kanye, you’re wrong, but I appreciate you trying.

Evan Longoria – 1-for-2 with his 25th homer and 2nd steal for the slam & legs, which is also a special at a Tampa area strip club.  Longoria’s hitting .236 on the year, which is because of a ridiculous amount of bad luck.  I’ll take him in the 2nd round of next year’s drafts without thinking twice about it.

Carlos Marmol – Threw a perfect inning for the save yesterday.  Cubs say we are (not) Marshall.

Mark Trumbo – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in three games.  He’s having a great year (26 homers, 8 steals).  No doubt, Stefani.  But his OBP is .297.  Um, burp?

Dellin BetancesYankees are considering bringing up their best pitching prospect for the stretch run as a bullpen arm.  See Joba and Hughes for how I feel about Yankee pitching prospects, i.e. more hype than they’re worth.  Stephen went over his Dellin Betances fantasy not that long ago.  He wrote it while setting fire to a picture of me.

Jesus Montero – 2-for-3 with his first 2 major league homers.  The lucky fan who caught Jesus’s first homer returned it in exchange for a piece of the Shroud of Turin.

  1. Michael says:

    “Zach Stewart’s fans should just up like bears and they can be known as the Stewart root bears.”

    Are you dictating this to the voice recognition software on Rudy’s ’94 Powerbook?

  2. chata says:

    like your take on selig .

  3. WDE05 says:

    Looks like Strasburg and Tim Hudson will both be washed out of their starts tomorrow. I was counting on 2 starts from both this week and I’m going to laugh if I end up barely losing on pitching cats this week and get knocked out of the playoffs.

  4. Shin-Soo Choo Choo says:

    Drop Pagan or Tabata for Fowler?

  5. McBainus says:

    @Grey: Please rank best OF to take a chance on for ROS 5th spot in 5 OF league? Rios, Abreu, Ibanez, Bay, Beltran, Ordonez (FYI, runs are the one category i am least in need of). Thanks.

    PS should the day after Labor Day be called Post-Partum Depression day?

  6. debar says:

    locked up a h2h playoff spot last week with a 6 week winning streak thanks to napoli, lawrie & jennings (grey fantasy!), so i got to rest my starters this week. got all week to ponder some playoffs decisions:

    lawrie (@3b) only has 5 games (nyy/@bos) next week, should i pick up & start moustakas (6 gms – min/chw) or sizemore (7 gms – laa/det) or stick to the one that brought me to the dance?

    pick 5: dhudson (@lad), kershaw (ari), latos (@sf), fister (@oak), bumgarner (@col), jhoulys (sf), dempster (@cin/hou), danks (det/@kc)

    hudson & kershaw are slated to face off against each other. also have moscoso as a 2-starter slotted in as rp-eligible.


  7. MrHappytime says:

    Bourjos or Fowler? Rest of the year?

  8. CL says:


    Is Fister a dynasty keeper (10 teams)? I’ve pitched and ditched him the last couple of times out, but now I’m wondering if I need to make room for him permanently?


  9. Ned Shakeshaft says:

    The Jenks’ crack was classic, no double-entendre intendre.

  10. Matt says:

    If I need W’s and K’s and my innings are tight, should I start Worley tonight at home against Tim Hudson? Thanks in advance.

  11. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    I LOVE Shroud of Turin jokes. Very few humorists go that route these days.

  12. chunk says:

    So I’ve been talked into Fielder and Kemp for my first two keepers. For my third and final keeper, I am totally lost, gotta pick one of the following:

    Dee Gordon
    Corey Hart
    Mike Carp
    Brett Anderson

    What does everyone think?

  13. JLS says:

    Mark Reynolds has quite a low WAR despite his counting stats. Ive never known how far to read into WAR, but as a GM, is that a guy you want on your team?

  14. Ed Nugent says:

    Trumbo or Youkilis for the rest of the season?

  15. TravestyJones says:

    Currently in a bye. Trying to get things ready for next week’s playoff:

    Pick two for my last 2 SP bench spots: Norris, Collmenter, Lowe, Buehrle, Wolf, McCarthy, Wells

    Pick one for a source of steals: Dee, Maybin, Coco

  16. Keith says:

    Jose Lopez went 3-4 last night with a double and HR. Since the all-star break, he’s batting .365 with a 1.170 OPS. He had a 1.118 OPS in AAA during his demotion as well. He hit 25 HR two years ago, and he’s only 27 right now. What do you think about him for next season?

  17. Dad says:

    Not to threadcrap, but I was going on to the football page to download the latest non-PPR cheat sheet for my draft tonight. I swear this morning there was one updated on 9/2 and now that i’m at work, everything is from August. Anyone know if there’s anything going on or if i’m just losing it?

  18. Eng says:

    Anyway of ranking Werth, Lind, Viciedo for ROS please? I’ve got to run two of the three out there (I have no MIs but one too many talented CI/Ofs).

  19. paddyman says:

    @ gray -who should I start from these today 1.Gallardo (v bad last time vs st louis) 2. Niemann vs texas (also poor last tinme out vs them) and 3. Lilly vs washington?

    Thanks man,

  20. TheNewGuy says:

    K Johnson or the currently red-hot Ian Desmond (OBP league)?

  21. prince of dahkness says:

    Please rank Bourjos, Viciedo, and Presley rest of season. Thanks

  22. now what says:

    Player knocked out of playoffs drops most of his players while we still have this week and next week for playoffs. Should all of his dropped players be un-addable or only ones that are owned in x% of the league? Wide range of players from Bourne/Trumbo/Gio Gonzalez/Avila/Bell to Wakefield.

  23. TheNewGuy says:

    Just read the piece on S Sizemore and yeah he is red hot right now. Him or K-Jo ROS (OBP league)? And yes I really wanna dump Johnson…his sub-300 OBP is killing me!

  24. Bsw says:

    If I have kinsler at 2b, lawrie at 3b and M Young at utility, is there any reason to keep Zimmerman? My only concern is that my biggest competition in the league is #2 in waiver order. Although maybe that’s a plus.

  25. TheNewGuy says:

    James McDonald… breakout or hot schmotato. Drop either Holland or Niemann for him?

  26. Tom says:

    Glad I dont have to decide between Jennings and Lawrie since I listened to you Grey and picked both of those bad motherf***ers up!!!

  27. Nate Marcum says:

    Gonna have to tell Dinkelman that you referenced him on Razzball. Kid’s from Centralia<—-my home town. Pretty sure it would actually mean more to him than the actual call-up.

  28. busta says:

    Have 3 starting bats with only 5 games next week in league favoring power bats – who do u like:

    K.Johnson (5 – [email protected],3v.NYY)
    A.Hill (6 – [email protected],[email protected])
    J.Lopez (8 – [email protected],[email protected],[email protected])
    S.Sizemore (7 – 3vLAA,4vDet)

    Encarnacion: (5 – [email protected],3v.NYY)
    Infante (8 – [email protected],[email protected],[email protected])
    J.Lopez (8 see above)
    S.Sizemore (7 see above)

    Lind (5 – [email protected],3v.NYY)
    Austin Jackson (7 – [email protected],[email protected]) or
    any others above

    I appreciate your help in helping me get this far Grey!

  29. Schmohawks Bob says:

    Jemile Weeks or Dee Gordon?

  30. Steve Stevenson says:

    Drop Utley for Lawrie for H2H playoffs? Shallow league, I’m on bye this week, but have limited moves (10 left for the yr, will probably burn many for SP matchups and/or to gain ABs if it’s close in the semis or finals).

  31. Dave says:

    What’s up with the razz football site? Full topics/comments keep disappearing…. and now the site even seems to be backdated an entire week, back to late August.

  32. WDE05 says:

    Hey Grey…

    With Hudson and Strasburg’s starts tonight looking like washouts, I’m considering changing my strategy for the week. I was expecting to have 5 2 start pitchers this week, but now I will only have 3. My opponent has Felix Hernandez and Gallardo going tonight. For the week, he will have 12 starts and I will have 10 assuming nothing else is rained out.

    After last night, I have 3 wins, 1 HR allowed, 23ks, 1 GIDP, 1.71 ERA, and 1.00 WHIP. My opponent had a solid day also, with 1 win, 1 HR allowed, 16 Ks, 2 GIDP, 2.00 ERA and a .61 WHIP. The other pitching Cat is saves and I trail 1-0 after yesterday, but should have an advantage with Kimbrel, Walden, Parnell, and Betancourt vs my opponent’s Soria and Axford.

    Tomorrow I have Verlander @ Clev, Beachy @Philly, and Dempster vs Cincy. Depending on what Gallardo and Hernandez do tonight for my opponent, I’m considering sitting my starters for the rest of the week. If I do that, I should win ERA, WHIP, and HRs allowed and then hope my 4 closers can produce more than his 2 to give me a 4-3 win on pitching cats.


  33. Joel says:

    GreY: for the next couple of days, is it worth benching Zobrist for Beltran in RF? This is the first week of the playoffs in h2h, and Zob has been ice cold while Beltran hot (when not puking). who should I go with for rest of the week?

  34. Mick says:

    Looking for a spot start today. You like Surkamp @ SD or Volstad vs. NYM.

  35. AL KOHOLIC says:

    yeah the season has sprung some mixed results for us fantasy peeps,next years top 100 will be interesting

  36. Play Off says:

    For my H2H playoffs, two quick ones:

    Ian Desmond or the highly touted (today) Cliff Pennington?

    LoMo or Torii Hunter?

  37. Nathan says:

    So I’d love to pick up Dexter Fowler for the H2H playoffs, but it’s a relatively shallow league. My outfield is Pence, McCutchen, Krispy Young, Victorino, Trumbo in one league and Markakis, Melky, Holliday, Stubbs in another. Any of those guys worth dropping for Fowler over the next 2-3 weeks?

  38. Oz.J. says:

    @ Grey: A bit too risky throwing Niemann out there tonight? Could use W, but my ERA & WHIP can’t really afford to take a beating.

  39. Nuke LaDouche says:

    Is the football site still not up and being updated or am I having some sort of weird computer issue with it? Baseball and Hockey are both updating ,but football has been the same since the 31st.

  40. Steve says:

    Austin Jackson should join in the fun any time he feels like it.

  41. Wilsonian says:

    Can you rank these fine/pseudo-decent baseball players for the rest of the season:

    Murphy, Bourjos, LoMo, Viciedo, Espinosa, DLee?

    Many thanks.

  42. Wilsonian says:

    Hill, Utley, Kendrick for 2B?

  43. Steve says:

    F****** Gallardo. This is a pretty bad time of the year for him to go all untrustworthy on me.

  44. Eddy says:

    I need an absolute slugfest in the Cubs v. Reds game.

    So why the hell is there a pitching duel going on between Rodrigo Lopez and Mike Leake?!?


  45. Eddy says:

    Fernando Salas pitching in the 7th inning of a 3-0 lead.

    Shit, I think I just lost a closer.

  46. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:10 team 8×8(XBH’s,OBP,TB’s)….drop Pennington for Gordon?

    which reminds me….do you have any hope of seeing Rollins in the next two weeks?

  47. Howard says:

    Sparky Anklebiter! What a ticker tease!

  48. Terrence Mann says:

    Jeebus. How bout the Mets trade Reyes to get KRod and when he gets back, he gets to punch Isringhousen and Parnell in the face? Fair?

  49. BlinkULDHC says:

    Anyone else’s team tank last week thanks to Crispy Young???

    .053-0-0-1-0 in 19 at-bats, that’s healthy as f***.

    Got him in 2 of my H2H leagues. Last week was final week in H2H regular season. In one league, I was 2nd place going into last week, and got knocked to 4th place by Sunday night (with a 2-8-0, losing all 5 hitting categories), and lost my first round bye. The 2nd, 3rd, 4th place teams finished 5, 5, 6 GB — which means that if I grabbed just ONE win out of any of the 5 hitting categories I’d be tied for 2nd.

    In my other league, I dropped from 2nd to 3rd with a 3-6-1, with the tie in RBI. The 3rd place team jumped to 2nd with a 5-5-0 and finished half a game ahead of me. All I needed was 2 RBI out of the whole week from Crispy.

  50. BlinkULDHC says:

    Oh also, since the beginning of Week 14 (July 4), Chris P. Young is hitting .169/.296/.264 with 24 runs, 3 HRs, 18 RBI in 52 games and 213 plate appearances. Granted, I could/should have dropped him, but it is Crispy, who is notorious for supernova hot and absolute-zero cold streaks.

    Craziest part of the Chris Young downfall?

    On July 4, my team was 81-41-8 (.654), with a clean 10.5 game lead over 2nd place, 14 game lead over 3rd place with only 8-9 weeks to go.

    Since then, my record is 29-51-10, and that formerly-3rd place team that was 14 games back is now in 6 games ahead of my 4th place team.

    In 9 weeks/90 H2H games, a team made a 20 game improvement over and above me…which is insane. Thanks, Crispeeee!

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