The Royals physician diagnosed Danny Duffy with a torn UCL, which would mean Tommy John surgery. In related news, Dr. James Andrews is filing a trademark lawsuit, saying he’s the only doctor that can shut down pitchers for longer than 60 days. In sorta related news, Francisco Liriano is still waiting to come back. In unrelated news, when Dr. James Andrews opens his milk, it goes bad immediately, then is good again in 280 to 360 days. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dee Gordon – 1-for-4 as he hits .212. I’m not pointing any fingers, but the ‘perts over at Yahoo owe some of you an apology for how high they ranked Gordon. Tell them Grey, the ‘pert who told you to avoid Grandy and the .400 hitting Wright, sent you for an apology. Write it in blood, Pianowski! Elian Herrera was called up to replace the recently DL’d Juan Uribe. In the minors, Elian was returned to Cuba to live with his father and now he feeds Castro grapes. *checking notes* Totally wrong Elian, mea culpa, my Latin American friends! Herrera has crazy speed (33 steals in Double-A last year; 9 steals in 28 games this year). He just ran into your room, tied your shoes together and ran out without you knowing. Look down. See? For now, Herrera will play all around the field, but there’s rumors that he will take some playing time away from Gordon. Mattingly said he doesn’t think Gordon needs to be sent down to the minors. Okay, but it’s not good when it’s being discussed that a player might be sent down. For now, I’d only grab Elian in NL-Only leagues, but it’s worth monitoring. I’d continue to hold Gordon, but you might have to start figuring out a contingency plan. Like standing outside of Dale Sveum’s house reciting reasons why Campana should get shortstop eligibility. That would be one contingency plan. Here’s your thinking. Here’s the box. Your thinking is not in the box, is it?
Matt Kemp – Headed to the DL with a hamstring strain. Here’s some shorthand for, y’all. When a player says under no uncertain terms that he will not land on the DL, petition your league manager to make him DL-eligible. Kemp shouldn’t miss more than 15 days. Yesterday, Bobby Abreu hit 3rd for the Dodgers in Kemp’s absence. Lineups don’t get much ethier than that. Lisper!
Desmond Jennings – On May 6th, he left a game with knee soreness. The Rays said it wasn’t a big deal. On May 7th, I said it was a big deal when a player needed to be lifted mid-game. Now, over a week later, the Rays are putting Jennings on the DL after using him as a pinch hitter on Friday. So he’ll be out another two weeks. Is it too much to ask a team to not pinch hit a guy when he might need to go on the DL? How is this ever a good idea? Rhetorical!
Jeff Niemann – He’ll be out a few months after a comebacker fractured his fibula. No lie.
Miguel Batista – 7 shutout innings against the Brewers. Look who learned something at Dave Duncan sleepaway camp!
Brad Lincoln – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks with his third win as he outpitched Anibal Sanchez (7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks). FMFBBL! Lincoln hasn’t been good for ellipse ever. His K-rate is inflated because he was working in the bullpen and he’s on the Pirates. Outside of NL-Only leagues, I wouldn’t go near him.
Daniel Nava – 1-for-2 with a homer. He’s now 5 for his last 10 with 5 runs, 5 RBIs and a steal. Here’s a short refresher about Nava. He didn’t make his college team, worked as their equipment manager, finally played college ball, going undrafted in the major league draft then was cut by the Chico Outlaws, which I believe is the minor league affiliate for Chico’s Bail Bonds. Maybe it’s all a ruse and Nava is a great prospect, who’s in the Witness Protection Program. Just to be safe, he should have Marlon Byrd start his car for him. For now, I’d grab him because he’s swinging a hot bat, but I wouldn’t expect much, even if that would make the perfect Nava script.
Brandon Morrow – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks and 5 unearned runs. Holy ticker shock!
Bryce Harper – 1-for-4 as he hit his first homer. After the homer, the Padres skipper tried to get it reversed, arguing there was too much pine tar under Harper’s eyes.
Ross Detwiler – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Padres. Ross, I would’ve been impressed with less runs. I don’t know why the pitchers I stream can’t put on their big boy pants. I should’ve went with Brad Lincoln. It’s all about the Lincolns!
Henry Rodriguez – 1/3 IP, 3 BBs. Before yesterday’s game, Davey Johnson said HanK-Rod is still the Nats closer. After the game, Davey didn’t have to say anything. Clippard could see some saves, Burnett might see a situational save or two, and Rodriguez, well, it was an okay run.
Bryan LaHair – 3-for-4 with a slam (#9) and legs (#1). Shhh, don’t tell him that this is all a dream. Just glad someone benefited from the movie, Inception.
Josh Reddick – 1-for-4 with his 9th homer, and 5th homer in the last ten games. His last name sounds like an STD and he’s burning hot.
Elliot Johnson – 1-for-2 with his 6th steal. Member how we were all excited about Jed Lowrie a few weeks ago? Well, here’s your newest MI hot schmotato.
Allen Craig – 2-for-4 as he hit cleanup. Can we just assume he gets two hits in every game so I don’t have to keep writing about him? Thank you.
Tim Stauffer – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks. Returned from the DL after a month plus of a sore elbow. Someone forgot to read the explicit directions on his elbows. Don’t feed after midnight. Don’t get wet and don’t, under any circumstances, pitch in away games.
Yonder Alonso – 2-for-4 to raise his average to .300. He’s hitting cleanup and he has 7 runs and 10 RBIs and 1 homer on the year, so the average is pretty empty. At least the average is good though, I’m farting in your general direction Aramis Ramirez.
J.J. Hardy – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs with his 9th homer. From the comments, I noticed something about Hardy. People can’t wait for him to cool off so they can drop him. To the point where they’ll drop him even if he’s still hot. Just get J.J. off people’s teams! Sigh. I wish I had him on all my teams.
David Robertson – Missed out on the save because of sore ribs that have lingered since Friday. When Fred Flintstone had ‘saur ribs, he was only out of commission for a day (after uprighting his car).
Christian Friedrich – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks. Okay, it was against the Ain’ts in San Fran, but that would be a great start even against the Mariners. Speaking of which, he gets them next. Don’t mind if I do!
Troy Tulowitzki – Dexter Fowler hit a line drive that nailed Tulo in the leg. Wait until Tulo finds out Dexter was using one of Ubaldo’s old bats. Tulo stayed in the game, but then was lifted when he seemed to be favoring his leg. As of this writing, it’s not known how long Tulo will be out. Once someone tells me in the comments, I will let you all know.
Nelson Cruz – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Hang on, Cruz owners, because he’s about to go into turbo and hit 10 homers over the next 12 days and then pull a hamstring.
Eric Hosmer – 0-for-4 to lower his average to .174. I’ll be organizing a pray circle for Hosmer’s owners at 4 PM at the Reseda Kiwanis Club. After we meet there, we will be tracking down all Adam Dunn owners demanding they give us his stats.
Freddie Freeman – Threw in the towel in the 7th with blurred vision in his right eye. He needed Bobby Cox in his corner to tell him to piss lightning and crap thunder.
Randall Delgado – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. A few solid starts ago, I said monitor him. Then a couple of solid starts ago, I said I’d pick him up in deeper mixed leagues. Now, no more quantifying. Pick him up.
Drew Smyly – 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. Uh-oh, this might be the beginning of the end for his fantasy usefulness. Sad emoticon.
Addison Reed – He got the save yesterday because it was getting too predictable the other way around.
Frank Francisco – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save. The Mets decided to stick with their beleaguered closer and he rewarded their generosity by closing the door (after allowing a run). Let’s see if you can guess what owning closers are similar to getting checked for: Closers are completely nuts and after you grab them, they cough up runs.
David Wright – 1-for-3 with a run. His average just dipped down below .400. He’s a very good baseball player and I apologize I didn’t appropriately tout him during draft season. May your piss and vinegar rain on my head. Or if you looked at my slightly old draft sheet where I did tout him prior to his injury concerns, you’re welcome.
Yovani Gallardo – Still in the running for the most frustrating SP in the world. Gives up only 2 hits in 6 IP vs the Mets and loses. 6 BB don’t help. His ERA is still above 5, but it’ll be down sooner than his owners’ blood pressure. Stay thirsty, Yovani.
Torii Hunter – Out for an unspecified amount of time as he deals with his son’s alleged sexual assault charges. His son hopes to get this all cleared up and attend Penn State in the fall.
