Brian Duensing went seven innings with no earned runs, 11 baserunners and 6 Ks.  I almost started him, but he was going vs. the A’s and they’ve hurt me so many times this year.  I think I owned the losing pitcher for every one of their wins.  The rest of the way, Duensing gets the Tigers twice and the Royals once.  Not terrible starts.  The Tigers hitting isn’t as good as their record and the Royals, well, ya know.  Duensing probably won’t provide you with a ton of Ks, but he has solid control and a last name that sounds like an Indonesian prison.  (BTW, his last name may only sound like that because of my new favorite TV show, Locked Up Abroad.  Next time I go abroad, I’m not even going to mule in any exotic fruit.  BTW II, instead of mule, shouldn’t they call these smugglers jackasses?  I apologize to any of our drug dealing readers.  You know who you are.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

B.J. Upton – Didn’t played for three games, then returned to go 0-for-3 in the 2nd game of yesterday’s doubleheader as the Rays fade from the playoff picture.  In September, the Rays have the 2nd worst Run total while batting .214.  Good to know for match ups.

Brad Lidge – You’re the manager of the Phils, let’s call you, Charlie Manuel.  So you’re “Charlie Manuel” and you have a 5-2 lead going into the ninth vs. one of the worst lineups.  Do you go to your ramshackle closer to try to build his confidence or do you go to ramshackle setup man-turned-closer or do you interrupt Brett Myers, who’s in the middle of boxing a kangaroo?  You go to Lidge, who nearly blows the save, and avoid Madson who blew the save on Saturday.

Ryan Madson – For the Phils nightcap, they decided to go with a less-aged scotch and gave Madson the save.

Pedro Martinez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks, then he poured out an eyedropper for the dwarfs who weren’t there.

Kyle Davies – 6 IP, 7 baserunners (one hit).  He gets the White Sox next.  It’s not an ideal match-up, but Davies has now thrown four solid starts in a row and shut out the White Sox the last time he faced them in Chicago.

Pete Orr – HR yesterday.  He can cross that off his bucket list.

Ian Desmond – 2-for-5 yesterday, 4-for-4 on Saturday.  Tomorrow… lassoing the moon!

Paul Maholm – 8 IP, 0 ER.  It’s not a September run in the H2H playoffs unless you’re starting guys you don’t trust.  Maholm gets the Padres next.

Lance Berkman – HR yesterday and his third in the last four games.  Waco my airplane…

Tommy Hunter – 9 IP, 2 ER.  And the Rangers are in the top half of the league in pitching.  Zoinks!

Chris Carpenter – 6 IP, 7 ER.  Sorry to talk real baseball, but this start might’ve cost him the Cy Young.

Derrek Lee – Hit his 32nd homer yesterday.  After a terrible April and a yawnstipating May, he hit a random homer in June and I said, “Now has his average up to .253.  I know, big whoop!  But, and I might be alone on this island, I think he’s got a month or two hot streak in him.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Turned out he had about a four month hot streak in him.  Unfortunately, the steals have completely vanished from his game.

Torii Hunter – HR yesterday.  Since I’m looking down at my nuggets to offer up nuggets, when he was at 17/13 on July 3rd, I said, “My gratuity calculator is telling me if you own Hunter, you’ve gotten more production from him than you will if you continue to hold him.” He’s now at 21/16.  So he’s gone 4/3 since early July.  That’s like one week from Robot Jones.

Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 2 ER.  After his rough stretch following his perfect game, he seems to be settling down.  He gets the Royals next.

Kendry Morales – 1-for-3, No reason to talk about him here, but this caught my eye.  He’s been caught stealing 7 times and he’s been successful one time.  Elias Sports Bureau said this is the most caught stealings for a guy who shouldn’t be running in the first place.  Actually, they didn’t say that, but something that was overheard this week in the Elias Sports Bureau compound, “For the first time ever, Natalie, in stats research, had a nervous breakdown when Jim, in Human Resources, refused her Mafia Wars invitation.”

Russell Martin – Back to back games now with homers.  Nice of Martin to show in mid-September.

Chad Billingsley – 4 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners vs. the Giants, who are just barely above the Padres as the worst offensive team in the league.  Oh, Billingsley.

Juan Uribe – HR yesterday.  If you need MI pop, he’s poppin’.

Jake Peavy – Thinks he can return by this weekend vs. the Royals.  He said yesterday, “The stamina was definitely better, the sharpness of everything (that can easily beat the Royals), the fastball command (that will strike out Royal hitters), the breaking ball (that the Royals hitters won’t be able to hit), so I’ll be ready to get in a game (versus the Royals) sometime soon.”

Hideki Matsui – 3-for-5, HR, 5 RBIs yesterday.  When he got home, his wife congratulated him.  She’s very animated.

Derek Jeter – 3-for-5, 3 Runs.  Big weekend for Jeter as he passed Gehrig’s Yankee hit record.  Now he only has one hallowed Yankee record left, the Most Times He Has To Defend A-Rod Without Actually Defending Him Only To Later Write A Book Defaming Him.  Record currently held by Joe Torre.

  1. big o says:

    @ Grey :
    another testimonial …. always wash fruit .

    something i heard yesterday …
    the padres have won 6 consecutive series …. 7 of last 9
    cust kayin’ .

  2. big o says:

    @ Grey :
    should i sign desmond to a 5 year contract @ league minimum ?
    i don’t even want to tell you how weak i am at ss , but i just picked up ID to replace manny burriss as my back-up .

  3. TheGreatVeto says:

    Billingsley is getting hit hard. And I think the Dodgers might start to shut him down ’til the real playoffs. But for the sake of MY playoffs, I’m considering dropping him for Clay Bucholtz who has been pitching well. Whatcha think?

    Oh, and guess how long its been since Bills has gone longer than 6 innings….. wait for it…. 3 %*#$in’ months!!

  4. Steve says:

    “Torii Hunter – So he’s gone 4/3 since early July. That’s like one week from Robot Jones.” Yeah – but the asshole went 2/1 of that 4/3 this week.

    “Russell Martin – Back to back games now with homers. Nice of Martin to show in mid-September.” No, Grey. It’s actually not.

    “Derrek Lee – Hit his 32nd homer yesterday. ” And third of the week. Love him in the RCL. In H2H, he just ran off with my wife.

    “Kyle Davies – 6 IP, 7 baserunners (one hit). Tommy Hunter – 9 IP, 2 ER. ” What have I ever done to you, Grey?

    I (hopefully) maintain my equilibrium over most things, and I was almost over it for a minute there, but right now, I’m back to being a VERY bad loser.

  5. Mr. Rickey says:

    Any suggestions for a couple of middle relievers to help me with WHIP and ERA?

  6. Influawesome says:

    Start Oswalt on Tues @ CIN or drop him for Buerhle or Maholm?

  7. papasmurf says:

    Gotta love how the Daily News threw this line in hahaha:
    Matsui, also known back home for his large collection of porn films, said he and his wife have been planning their wedding for a year.

    Hate the Yanks, but I like Matsui. He’s a funny guy.

  8. Jeff says:

    B. Molina or Soto this week? Soto has been playing well when he gets the stars so I’m starting to wonder if it’s time to start playing him again.

  9. kwak says:

    MI help: I’ve got Coghlan, Barmes and EvCab stinkin up the joint. I can make one or two moves to clear the air in a H2H semis.

    Thinkin Desmond, McGehee, Uribe.

    I’m very poor on steals, so it may be a lost category anyway, does Desmond have any chance to run? Looks like he had 27 sb in the minors last year.

    I’ve only kept Barmes this long because I can hold him as a 21st round keeper next year. But this is the playoffs and money is big now.

    Do I drop Barmes’ broke-ass, or Coghlan’s empty average, or EverCabs weak steals? I only get 5 waiver moves/week and usually stream a start or two so I need to be careful.

    Sorry… that’s a lot of info. Any help is appreciated!!

  10. VanHammersly says:

    I’ve got my H2H finals starting up this week and want to pick up McGehee to help spell Wright at 3rd or Lopez at 2nd if need be. Would need to drop one of my “weaker” (i.e., not Braun, Bourn, or Kemp) OFs… McLouth, CarGo, or Seth Smith. Haven’t used McLouth since he’s come back from the DL because of my better options, but he’s still attempting to make his stats look decent with a nice game yesterday. Do you think CarGo is the one who loses more playing time with Fowler back in the mix?

  11. Grey

    Grey says:

    @big o: How deep is the league? Do you have to hold him for five years? Who’s the best SS in the league at the draft?

    @TheGreatVeto: I’d make that switch.

    @Steve: I’m assuming the H2H playoff didn’t turn out well.

    @Mr. Rickey: Give me the top five guys available…

    @Influawesome: I’d go with Maholm.

    @papasmurf: Yeah, he’s famous the world over for collecting porn. Hard not to appreciate that.

    @Jeff: Soto

    @kwak: Desmond has light power and speed. EverCab has better speed. I’d lose Coghlan for McGehee.

    @VanHammersly: I’d lose Smith for McGehee. Yeah, I know on McLouth. He should be played over CarGo.

  12. Mr. Rickey says:

    FA pool includes Hughes, Neftali Feliz, Lyon, Rhodes, Masset, Darren Oliver, Coffey, Wuertz. Madson is available but I can’t afford major ERA/WHIP blow-ups at this point so I’m inclined to pass on him. Any help is appreciated.

  13. Lines says:

    Buchholz or Pedro to replace Burnett?

  14. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Mr. Rickey: I’d own Feliz, Hughes and/or Wuertz, in that order.

    @Lines: Pedro

  15. Mr. Rickey says:

    Uribe or Bartlett this week?

  16. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Mr. Rickey: Uribe for pop, Bartlett for any modicum of speed.

  17. pallet says:

    Start Nolasco @ STL?

  18. chisox says:

    Start De La Rosa this week @ SF, or James Shield home against Toronto?

  19. GTS says:

    Lose Theriot for Uribe?

  20. Grey

    Grey says:

    @GTS: If you don’t need steals or runs, sure.

  21. vinko says:

    What would you do with Weaver tonight against the Yankees?

  22. Grey

    Grey says:

    @vinko: Sit him.

  23. Steve says:

    @Grey: Better spot start for today?

    Pavano v Tribe
    Correia v DBacks
    Garland v Bucs

    Would be sitting Weaver as per your recommendation above.

  24. Commish Cauda (formerly Mike) says:

    Need some last minute starting pitching help. Pick ONE:

    Wade Davis @BAL (Hendrickson)
    David Huff @OAK (B. Anderson)
    Clayton Richard @PIT (TBD)


  25. Steve says:

    @Grey: Hmmm. Had to think for myself on this one. Went with Pavano. If you look at the two of ’em their numbers are almost identical for the last 15 and 30 days (eerily so – look it up), so I went with the guy with the better offence.

    And to add dumbness to stupidity, I got distracted and didn’t get Weaver out of my lineup in time. Could be an interesting day…

  26. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Steve: I actually have Pavano going on one team too (and Correia on two), so I hope you’re right.

  27. Steve says:

    @Grey: Starting Pavano feels so wrong it’s just gotta be right.

  28. GTS says:

    I need to lose an OF: Hart, Rivera, or Coghlan (CI/OF). Advice?

  29. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Steve: Hopefully for tonight at least.

    @GTS: Drop Rivera if good on power, lose Coghlan if you’re fine on Runs/Average.

  30. GTS says:

    @Grey: Thanks Grey! It looks like I’ll be 2nd place heading into playoffs in my H2H league. At the end of the year it’s usually better to have less hitters on my bench and more pitchers to rack up K’s and W’s. I might lose Rivera for Morrow or some other schmohawk pitcher.

  31. Toffer Peak says:

    To be fair you have also consistently compared DLee to Overbay many times this season.

  32. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Toffer Peak: Why do we have to be fair? No, you’re right. I did. I believe I called him a rich man’s Overbay. But still… As even said above, Lee stayed hot for two extra months than I thought he had.

  33. Martin says:

    would u start oswalt tomorrow? Also i dont want to jinx it but one “ace” for the reds is doing amazing

  34. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Martin: He’s been great in the 2nd half. I’d start him vs. the Reds.

  35. Steve says:

    @Grey: Hmmm. Didn’t quite work out. Frasor neither.

    On the bright side for you, my ignoring of Correia virtually guarantees he tosses a two-hitter.

  36. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Steve: I hope so, re: Correia.

  37. papasmurf says:

    @Grey: I LOL’ed at the line not because he collects porn, but because how casually and how gratuitously the NYDaily News threw the line in there.

    It’s like writing in an article “Known for his penchant for shagging geriatric ladies past their prime, AROD hit his 716th homer today, surpassing Hank Aarons, otherwise best known for once giving Bob Uecker a sponge bath after losing a bet.”

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