All hail his grace, Tehol of House Beddict and House Razzball, first of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of Fantasy Baseball, and Protector of the Realm.

Greetings! Tis I, the Mad King, writing these opulent scriptures from my Irone throne, deep within the Razzball castle. Smokey, bring me some edibles before I have you whipped like a dog! J-FOH, if you would be so kind, please check the dungeons to see if Christian Slater is still drawing breath, for I was hoping to continue the flaying after having my breathtakingly hot playthings hand feed my an extravagant meal of quail eggs and boar testicles. Slaters’ being scolded for not producing anything of quality since the criminally underrated Hard Rain! RALPH! Unhand my betrothed before I do you like Reek, you scoundrel! I gave five of my illegitimate children as hostage along with five million in jewels that I stole from Rudy, Warden of the North, for that flawless virgin. You can have next though! Jay, do I ask (command) too much of you in expecting that these scrolls be transferred to WordPress, so that followers of house Razzball may read the gospel? [Jay’s Note: Sorta…] I know that taking over for Littlefinger hasn’t been easy on you. It must be difficult to guzzle red wine all day, flirting with the thousands of beauties of your brothels. Grey, Lord of Light, I only ask that you continue to watch over us all, sending your fire priests, Sky and Seth, to scorch every last remaining bone of these old God worshipping peasants. A NEW AGE IS UPON US!

If you’ve been here before, you know how I do it… every two weeks I’ll be mixing baseball and Game of Thrones. Interesting concept, eh? No? Swallow my Valyrian sword point then. And as always, spoilers ahead!

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight, GOT style! Take Heed!

 

Players who do much to Delight their King

“Your bravery made him look weak. He’ll punish you for it. I don’t punish men for bravery, I reward them.” – Stannis to Jon about Alliser Thorne.

Yordano Ventura  Say one thing for Yordano Ventura, he’s got dragon egg-sized balls. I must question the incessant hate flung at this young flamethrower like horse dung at a sworn enemy who is about to be publicly hanged! If Trout or Adam Eaton had dared to rush this Oberyn Martell clone, he would have dodged them like a trained dancer at court, tiring them out while delivering debilitating blows at the most opportune times, verbally assaulting them the entire time. Let’s just hope, for the fans sakes, that it doesn’t end LIKE THIS! (NSFW) If you’re Jon Snow, how do you turn down the golden opportunity to take back your home from the traitors who you think slaughtered your entire family? Kudos to the Snowman for not breaking his vows, for I know that I would seek blood barrels of it. Either way, Ventura has appealed his suspension and I accept nothing less than greatness each time he’s out on the diamond. Witness!

Margaery_Tyrell_Valar_Dress

This is all I want to do, all day, every day, for the rest of my life” – Tommen to Margaery about consummating their Royal bond.

Corey Dickerson  Ahhh, I’d empty the vast vaults of the Bank of Braavos for one night of intense passion with the ivory skinned snow bunny that is Margery Tyrell. That ridiculously cute button nose. A rump that one could use as a goblet coaster, even when she’s standing. A bosom so perfect, it seems as if two ripe fuji apples were implanted. Yes, King Beddict could get lost in those eyes… while she looks up at me while servicing the royal scepter while having my Gregorian chanting choir sing “Brown Eyed Girl”. Do you remember when we used to sing… Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah. Young Prince Dickerson is someone I’d also pay massive sums of Lannister gold for. Not to make love to, of course, but to play for my fantasy baseball team. Rudy Gamble, the aforementioned Warden of the North, has been on top of this guy (pause) for years and deserves our praise. Much like Jaime Lannister, Dickerson has valiantly pushed forward through horrendous and painful injuries, allowing nothing to block his path to glory. With a .330 average and 5 bombs that covered the distance from King’s Landing to the Iron Islands, C-Dick is well on his way to an All-Star season. Praise him, noble followers of Beddict.

“Every ambitious move is a gamble. You gambled when you drove a dagger into Robb Stark’s heart. It appears that your gamble paid off. You’re Warden of the North.” – Littlefinger to Roose Bolton.

Mark Teixeira  Did you punt 1st base in your fantasy draft, packing the rest of the lineup with succulent youth with the kind of upside we once thought Robb Stark held, only to swoop Teixeira in the last few rounds? Ahhh, yes, sons and daughters of Beddict, that tastes finer than the juicy blood oranges straight from the Water gardens of Dorne. 8-yard jobs? Sure, I’ll take that. Mark Teix down for 30. I’m a little thrown off by this story change from the books to the television show, having no clue what happens to the supple young Sansa Stark now that she’s in the clutches of the monstrous Ramsay Bolton, but I’m assuming it won’t end prettily. You’ve got to be realistic about these things. (Jay and I talked about this very thing on the last football podcast…)

tumblr_ls1s2s2GuF1qdq2vio1_500

“Someone who inspires priests and whores is worth taking seriously.” – Varys to Tyrion.

Devon Travis  Thus far no player duplicates what the luscious Daeny does on the baseball diamond than our young friend Devon Travis. It’s as if our blonde princess channeled the incredible attributes of her three dragons into one man. Yes, tis true, both streetwalkers and priests praise him for his Rhaegal level eyesight, his Viserion like speed, and most importantly his Drogon-eque power. Sporting a .368 BA with 6 homers and 18 RBI, Travis is a legitimate threat to conquer Major League Baseball.

 

Players who Disgrace their Battle-Tested and Wise King

“I taught Sir Davos that old people are terrible at learning new things.” – Shireen Baratheon to Gilly.

Don Mattingly  Much like the Onion Knight, Ser Davos, Don is struggling with something an 8-year-old with internet access would have figured out after the first at-bat for the young hog Alex Guerrero. Let me make this clear, so that Don can understand me; When a young player is batting .500 and dropping a bomb every 3 at-bats, you FIND A WAY TO KEEP HIM IN THE LINEUP! The man is more daft than one of the those mountain clan members Tyrion bribed to take him back to King’s Landing in season one! Does he cook his meals over a fire pit and use dial-up internet? I’m assuming his only email address is at Hotmail.com. I haven’t been this disgusted with a man since Jaime took his sister underneath the corpse of their freshly poisoned son. You start Guerrero EVERY DAY until he cools off. It’s quite simple,really. Say one thing for Don Mattingly, he’s a moron.

PHILADELPHIA, PA - MAY 31: Domonic Brown #9 of the Philadelphia Phillies in action against the Milwaukee Brewers in an MLB baseball game on May 31, 2013 at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Brewers defeated the Phillies 8-5. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)

“Hypocrisy is a boil. Lancing a boil is never pleasant.” – The High Sparrow to Cersei.

Nothing’s more hateful than failing to protect the one you love.” – Brienne to Podrick.

Domonic Brown – Yep, this gelding deserved two quotes. It’s official, one hundred percent; I’m finished with the man formerly, affectionately known to me as “Prince Domonic”. [Jay’s Note: Heresy…] Don’t be surprised if you find him on his toilet with two arrows lodged in his athletic frame…NERF ARROWS guys/gals, I’m not a murderer! Yes, the man I once worshipped like one of “the Seven” is now deader to me than Janos Slynt (that was incredible beheading by the way. Well done, Jon Snow. Well done! Kudos). Domonic going from the man he was two season ago to this (10-for-53 in the minor leagues), is like going from Theon Greyjoy, heir to the kingdom of the Iron Islands, to Reek; penniless, dongless, and with kind of dingleberries that would make even “the Mountain” cringe in terror. Brown was like a son to me… It pains me to turn my back, but it is something that I must do. He must learn to flourish on his own, much like Tyrion without Bronn (not to be confused with Ryan Braun, who blows Hodor “d”), and I will give him the space he needs to grow. Fare thee well Prince Domonic. I shall never forget you.

“So you were ministering to the needs of these devout prostitutes.” – Qyburn to the High Septon.

Xander Bogaerts – Even the Priests of Westeros can’t withstand hot, young flesh. It seems to be the same here in America, but I’m not one to judge… Reminds me of Bostonians and they way they cream their boxers for Bogaerts like Joffrey used to at the thought of murdering harmless animals with his crossbow. I can’t withstand much more, I truly cannot. The other day, some tweep told me Bogaerts has 30 homer power! Really? Maybe after a couple “training sessions” with Mark McGwire and a high protein diet, but I just don’t see it. Much like many priests, I’m a sucker for talented, athletic young men (Just not in the same way), so I’ve reached on Bogaerts in each of the past two seasons and haven’t regretted anything this much since I walked in on Ralph Lifshitz wearing my crown with a naked Smokey hogtied on my Lion pelt covered waterbed. The little fellow has one jack and no speed. With Grey, the Lord of Light, as my witness, I’ll admit that I’d rather have Brad Miller, without question. It huuuuuuurts.

Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? I appreciate you  joining me for another edition of Disgrace/Delight and look forward to all your questions and comments below. Your television and book recommendations are much appreciated as you guys/gals ALMOST never steer me wrong. You can tell your friends you knew me before I was famous, for Beddict is coming………..pause.

 
 

Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Tehol143.

 
  1. Brian says:
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    JD Martinez/Ventura for Springer/Boxberger (holds league). What side are you taking?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Brian: probably springer because I’m obsessed

  2. Phil of the Future says:
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    Dickerson owner here.
    I’m shopping him. I feel like he was gracious enough to give us a window. You holding? You really feel like he can be awesome the whole year with his plantar’s?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Phil of the Future: at first, I was concerned. Then he hit 3 jacks in 2 games. I worship him. Maybe won’t steal many but the foot seems minor so I assume he will play through it. Trading him now isn’t terrible idea however, just depends on if others are scared off as well and the u won’t get fair value

      • phil of the future says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I just traded him. Moved Dickerson and Keuchel for Harper and Rubby De La. Tell me I didn’t screw the pooch

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @phil of the future: FOR HARPER, THE MFing GOD? know, sir, you certainly did not. #DoubleKudos

          • Phil of the Future says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: Thx dude. I hope you’re right!

  3. Will says:
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    how did I do in these trades? 12 team 6×6 keeper head to head league

    I traded Segura, Todd Frazier and Grilli for Encarnacion, Gregory Polonco, and Cody Allen

    I also traded Justin Upton for Rendon and Shelby Miller.

    My other SS’s are Ian Desmond and Danny Santana (we don’t play with MI or CI spots). Yet my OF’s are Stanton, Myers, Marisnik, Span (now Polonco instead of Upton). We only play with 4 OF spots so I can rotate the other one in or use them at UTIL. I also have Tomas on the bench too.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Will: my goodman, you should be arrested for that first trade for its absolute thievery.
      2nd is closer but solid move. I don’t think miller will be world beater but Rendon could be game changer #kudos to u sir

      • Will says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: the only problem would be that our league could veto the trade. Hopefully they allow it to go through.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Will: gotta let that one slide. COME ON, MAAAAN

        • goodfold2 says:
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          @Will: that is trade rape right there, you got better at each position in it, so it’s like you won three separate trades in that.

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @goodfold2: totally. he must be smoking that sherm! #GetWet

  4. Juan says:
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    Hello,

    12 team, H2H, Keeper league. We keep 10 players and I need a 2nd baseman

    I would trade Kendrys Morales and my #1 pick (which would be the 11th round pick) for Devon travis and his #6th pick (16th round).

    What do you think?

    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Juan: in a keeper league I’m fully on board with that. Sounds like something I would do. #kudos

  5. Don says:
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    Rank these ROS: Xander, Wilmer, T Beckham

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Don: Don Juan, how are you sir? Begrudgingly Id still put Xander first, flores second, and Beckham 3rd with Franklin looming

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Don: ALways, my Goodman

  6. kisses says:
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    5 seasons in and winter is still coming. It’s like a brazzers original, but somehow GoT has more nudity. And more Dinklage. All hail Dinklage.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @kisses: shout out to Brazzers. I’d say GOT has better guy on guy stuff tho….pause. but yes hopefully winter continues to come on for many a year. Pause

  7. Sir Barristan says:
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    I’ve got Carlos Gomez coming back on Saturday…

    I need to drop one of the following:

    -Kenny Giles
    -YIMI
    -Tyler Clippard (on the struggle bus and about to lose his j-o-b)

    Saves league, Losses count, no holds, and I love my staters:
    Sale, Carrasco, McHugh, Wacha, Hughes, Quintana, Morrow

    Thoughts, sir Tehol?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Sir Barristan: Ser Barristan, you old dog, you!!!! Feel free to dump YIMI. no worries there. clippard wouldnt be bad drop either but YIMI can go. matter fact ANY of them can go hahahhah. Maybe Giles strictly because he wont get saves.

      legit starters . Im feelin it in a major way brotha.

  8. Ante GALIC says:
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    Tehol!!!

    very nice write-up, top shelf man stick-side.

    In a SUPER shallow league would you drop Marte for Moss. want to have maximum pitchers for greatest streamer/2-start options.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ante GALIC: Ante, my old friend! how are things? I wouldn’t drop Marte. Moss is streaky and I like marte for the long haul. but what does that have to do with pitcher spots if you’re dropping one hitter for another? lets dig deeper

      • McNulty says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        I can only think of Moss’s 1B/OF eligibility, but you never know……

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @McNulty: i suppose

  9. Zeus says:
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    If they make Brienne kill the one true king, I will be cross. First they had her take out the Hound now she’s on a vengeance quest against my main man? She’s just boring in the books but the show she’s more of an arsehole. F Brienne.

    Sorry I had Greene and the Shark going today.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zeus: Yea I noticed that somehow drop into the storyline. made me a tad nervous. hope they don’t take it that route but it sure seems like it don’t it hahah.

      SMADGE got ass blasted

  10. Shawn of the Living says:
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    HA! Good one Tehol!

    Nice Natalie Dormer pic too, that also happens to be what I want to do all day while enjoying my unquestioned rule as king.

    You get a chance to read any of Red Rising? No GoT fan should miss that one!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Shawn of the Living: Yea man i looked back at your old comment other day and commented back. I’m a 3rd of the way through book 2. legendary shizz. YOU’RE THE MFing NOW, DOG!

      I cant thank you enough.

      Dorner is a legend

      • Shawn of the Living says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Glad you enjoyed it man! The third and last book isn’t out until next April though!

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Shawn of the Living: ughhhhhh, i hate waiting on this stuff

      • Shawn of the Living says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I read you’re comment in the other post just now. You flew through those books, same as me. Really fast paced addicting story right? Too short! They’re making a movie I hear.

        I have loads of recommendations in that genre. But if you’re a fast binge reader type like myself you’ll enjoy a longer, more epic series, I’m sure. If you haven’t yet read:

        “The way of Kings” by Brandon Sanderson (book one of ten!), you owe it to yourself to check it out . I know some people that claim that book to be the best fantasy novel they’ve ever read. Totally debatable of course, but I bet you’d greatly enjoy it.

        My mother is a huge fantasy fan (reason I got into GoT) and I get a lot of great recommendations from her. I texted her what her favorite fantasy novels are and she replied with:

        “Wizards first rule” I haven’t read that one. And she hasn’t read “The way of Kings”. But if you’re looking for new reads those are both highly recommended, lengthy reads that you would most likely really enjoy.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Shawn of the Living: On it, playa. on it!!! I live for this shizzzzz. thank you. i truly appreciate it.

  11. Bugg says:
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    Sire, you are needed in Letheras. Stop messing around in Westeros.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bugg: TRUE INDEED!!!!!!!! BuG , i miss you dearly

  12. Jim says:
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    How are you feeling about Greene after 2nd straight disaster?
    Also,do you like Happ?

    • Bye Felicia says:
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      @Jim: If the Twins light you up for 7 runs you’re DONE!

      Drop him quicker than your girlfriend coming home with cold sores.

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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        @Bye Felicia: so sale is GONE!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jim: Im not high on Greene whatsoever. nothing exciting there. id move on. Happ is superior pitching in SAFECO but not big upside obviously

  13. Fister Furbush says:
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    1.What is the meaning of life?

    2. Should I should I trade Ian Kinsler for Devon Travis in a h2h points league? Or is that going a little “two” far?

    • Zeus says:
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      @Fister Furbush: life has no meaning other than what you decide.

      Keep Kinsler man. Travis is a rookie and will slow down.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Fister Furbush: 1. Mr. Furbush, I am on an ongoing quest attempting to discover the meaning of life. I would guess it’s doing whatever makes you happy while making enough money to survive! Once we’re in the mud nobody will be forgotten for all of eternity. You have something special in store. i can feel it.

      2. I wouldn’t do that. Travis is going to slow down obviously. i don’t hate the trade tho. Id probably hold tho

  14. Bye Felicia says:
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    I rather own Travis than Cano.

    Wow. .did I just type that!

    Grab my Wong & follow, as I rise to the top of the Taints!
    #WITNESS

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bye Felicia: MY GOODNESS!!!!! thats ballsy, super ballsy.

      Touch my WoNG

  15. JoeCool says:
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    Vmart, Alex Gordon, werth or mcCutchen, Cobb in a 6×6 ops and qs?

    Seems easily cutch side in this trade of slumpers right?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @JoeCool: Cutch without question, my friend!

  16. slimbo says:
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    Keeper league trade…giving up cano for polanco and sonny gray? What do you think of that?

    We keep 14, my current roster is abreau cano frazier dozier bautista marte betts fielder davis russell reyes rendon yelich

    Bumgarner kluber teheran martinez zimmerman pineda gonzalez iwakuma

    He has a few guys on his roster that I want…bryant, Joc pederson,carrasco

    What do you think I should do? My pitching has been a mess so far

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @slimbo: In a keeper league? mos def, Slimbo, mos def. could also look to trade Baustista as I don’t know how many years he has left. loving the rest of you young squad. pitching will be fine other than maybe gio and iwakuma

  17. Scooterboy says:
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    I currently have, Wong and Dozier in my lineup, with Bogaerts on my bench. None of them are exactly lighting it up right now. Alex Guerrero is available on the wire. Would you dump Bogaerts for Guerrero, and if so, would you start Guerrero over Wong or Dozier? Thanks

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Scooterboy: if Guerrero was starting every day id take him over all 3 without question. problem is, he’s not. not anywhere close. we shall see what happens but id probably hold there. do you have another bum you could drop

      • Scooterboy says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Here is my team. I’m already carrying three offensive bench players, which is more than I like. I’m in an 8 team H2H private league. My pitching staff, has been my biggest problem, last in ERA and WHIP, but I was wondering if I should grab Guerrero before someone else does. I don’t like carrying a lot of offensive bench players that I can’t play everyday. I’d rather use bench slots to stream pitchers. We are allowed five bench spots in this league. I thought my team looked pretty good, but so far I’m 1-2, and getting plastered again this week. Thanks again, for any suggestions to improve my team.

        C Ramos
        1B Rizzo
        2B Wong
        3B Arenado
        SS Desmond
        2B/SS Dozier
        1B/3B Texiera
        OF Harper
        OF Dickerson
        OF Cargo
        OF Myers
        OF Adam Jones
        U Hosmer
        Bench: Beltre, Pederson, Bogaerts

        SP Cole
        SP Alex Wood
        SP Lester
        SP Carlos Martinez
        SP Danny Salazar
        SP Drew Smyly
        SP Shane Green
        SP Carlos Carasco
        SP Iwakuma (DL)
        RP Allen
        RP Storen
        RP Soria

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Scooterboy: id drop greene for him in a heart beat. no need to hold that cum dumpster

  18. birrrdy! says:
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    Braun must have read your post. 2 HRs today with a grand salami. coming back atcha better than Mountain in a battle to the death. Never count out the brawn when he’s on the ground and you’re gloating over him. He’ll squish your cranium! ????:)

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @birrrdy!: Good gracious!!!! Braun returns to us in our time of need!!! Thank the 7, for I own him in at least 3 leagues. I couldn’t take much more. GLORY

      • birrrdy! says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: LOL! Thank the 7 as well for tricking my wife into watching D&D porn religiously when she cant stand anything to do with the fantasy genre (LOTR, Narnia, Jenna Jameson…).

        She commits to our Sunday nite HBO viewings better than kids birthdays!

        Maybe Mountain not the best comparison for Braun. Sneaky Littlefinger? The Faceless Man? Hell, Brienne?! (Briaunne)

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @birrrdy!: yea, maybe the Hound. wounded mentality but still potent with the sword when tested.

          Your wife is a winner in my book. Praise her!!!

    • J-FOH says:
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      @birrrdy!: 3 dongs in two days is delightful. I got so much grief for having him too high in my top 100 this past Sunday

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @J-FOH: the good ole triple donger.

        Who gave you grief! I want names!

        • J-FOH says:
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          @Tehol Beddict: I got it under control, my gloating on Sunday will be good enough.

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @J-FOH: looking forward to it, my friend

  19. J-FOH says:
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    Why do I have to keep checking on Christian? He refuses to put on his pants and I refuse to not look

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @J-FOH: really strange looking penis. not surprisingly

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: it look like someone ran over an over cooked hot dog and then dragged it behind the car

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @J-FOH: Yummerz

  20. Chris says:
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    Mattingly needs to be replaced (read: receive the Eddard Stark treatment) by Tywin Lannister. Then sh*t will be done proper.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Chris: I think you’re on to something, Christopher. chop that melon off PRONTO

  21. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    That wasn’t me it was a Ralph clone I swear! Next on the virgin sounds cool though. Hymens are weird…

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: Its been crushed by King Ding a ling. feel free

  22. mcBlunty says:
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    would you trade Alex Gordon for DeScalfini

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @mcBlunty: I certainly wouldn’t but I’ve been wrong before…..

  23. Qbert says:
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    T!

    Tis I, Qbert Snow! Jk I’m not an Antonio Bastardo. Long story short, I gotta add some legs to my team before I’m buried under the rest of the league in steals (picture the wall of dead bodies from 300, and I’m underneath).

    Some guys available: Doobie Hererra, Rajai the great, and Ben revere. Any worthy of a pickup? Can banish one of my mediocre pitchers to castle black if need be.

    Thanks again as always

    RIP tywin

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Qbert: You know nothing, Qbert SNow!!!!! RAJAI the Don!!!! thats what I ALWAYS do when I’m in desperate need of steals just have to make sure he’s starting if it’s daily league and throw his ass in there. I love I’m like a son. truly. as I do, you, my bastard boy.

  24. FrankGrimes says:
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    Sorry I tried to spit roast your mom.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @FrankGrimes: My mother loves a good pig roast………

      FRANK!!! is your T-shirt there yet? please tell me so.

      • FrankGrimes says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:
        Yes last week. Thanks.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @FrankGrimes: glad it finally got there. the Gods are just

          • FrankGrimes says:
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            @Tehol Beddict:
            Trade in rcl?
            Odorizzi for Cishek.
            I need K you need saves.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @FrankGrimes: done deal. send it, FG

Comments are closed.