The Mets doctors said Johan Santana would miss a start or two. That was a year ago. He’s still working his way back. The Mets doctors said Jose Reyes would miss a weekend series in 2009, he missed three months. The Mets doctors said Carlos Beltran would miss a game in 2009; it took him two years to come back. The other day someone asked me for money for Doctors Without Borders so they could help people in The Congo. Why isn’t there a lady in front of Whole Foods asking me to donate to find a cure for David Wright? Because I sure don’t trust the Mets doctors. Film a PSA with Chipper Jones and Julie Andrews and show that shizz before movies. “I’m Julie Andrews.” “And I’m Chipper Jones” Both, “And David Wright needs our help.” The Mets are saying Wright has a tear in his left side and Mets fans have a tear in their eyes. Word on the street is Wright has a similar injury to Ryan Zimmerman’s last year when he missed two months. The prognosis, if prognosis is the right word, is not good. Wright is saying he can be ready by Opening Day. I say great, terrific, other sarcastic word, I don’t want to draft him anywhere. If Della Reese touches his bat while dressed as an angel and Wright gets 500 ABs this year, how good do you think those 500 ABs are gonna be? Do you think he’s going to show power? If 22 homers were the low end for his projections, I’d be surprised if he breaks 17 homers now. What if when he slides, he feels pain in his side? He’s not going to be stealing bases. You see Wright there in the 5th round now, I say pass. Yes, third base just got shallower. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Salvador Perez – Tweaked his knee badly and the Royals sent him for an MRI. I liked Perez late in drafts, so I went looking around for updates on this injury and ended up at the Kansas City Star. Their article started with this line, “The Royals awaited word Tuesday night on the status of their $7 million catcher.” It was funny — and by funny I mean not funny at all — to me how that was the attention grabber in KC. KC is fretting over seven million dollars that is over five years. Yeah, parity is alive and well. Well, whatever the case is, it’s bad news for Perez. He has a meniscus tear and will need surgery. As of this writing, there was no timetable for his return, but I’m guessing six to eight weeks. I’d avoid him in all leagues. Too bad, so sad.
Desmond Jennings – Collided with B.J. Upton and both needed to be carted off the field. This is the worst B.J. related news since that girl with the braces… Well, you remember. Jennings says he’s fine and should be back on the field in a day or two.
B.J. Upton – On the other side of that collision, Fellatio Upton took the worse of it. Yet, he too says he’ll be fine after a couple of days. He’s just dealing with general soreness. General Soreness is his bodyguard.
Freddy Garcia – Hit with a comebacker. He told A-Rod he slept with his ex, and A-Rod said, “Yeah, well, that ex was really a man!” *checking notes* Hmm, seems like he was hit with a different kind of comebacker, one off a bat. The X-rays came back negative, which is actually bad news because it means he can keep pitching.
Tim Hudson – Cleared to throw a bullpen session, but will still be out until at least the first few weeks of the season. Bring on Randall Delgado!
Bryce Harper – Told reporters that he doesn’t expect to make the club. Then the next day, Nats GM Rizzo (not Anthony) told reporters Harper could still have a shot. We have a Razzball exclusive as to what really went down. Harper to reporters, “I’m not making the club.” Rizzo to Harper, “We’re trying to sell frickin’ tickets to frickin’ fans to see frickin’ Nats games and you’re telling them you’re not playing?! Shut your pie hole!” Rizzo to reporters, “He’s still in the picture. We’re still early in the decision-making process.” Riiiiiiight. That’s seven I’s.
John Lannan – Mike Rizzo said he’s fielded several calls on Lannan, but are not shopping him. He must’ve learned how to neg from The Game.
Chris Perez – Threw from 150 feet yesterday. Looks like the Indians found a Grady Sizemore replacement. It’s sounding more and more likely that Perez will be ready to go for Opening Day.
Lance Lynn – With Carpenter almost definitely maybe heading to the DL to start the season, Lynn looks to move his way into the rotation. Out of the bullpen last year, Lynn’s fastball regularly touched the high-90’s as he put up a 2.22 ERA and 32 Ks in 24 1/3 IP. As a starter, he was much less exciting (5.23 ERA, 8 Ks), but like a man who needs prunes that was in limited duty (10 1/3 IP). From his minor league track record, we see a guy who has a 7+ K-rate and moderate control. In NL-Only and very deep mixed leagues, I’d grab Lynn late to see if he can surprise in an early season role with the Cards. There’s a chance for some sweet, sweet upside here.
Tyler Greene – Battling right now for the Cardinals’ 2nd base job with Daniel Descalso and Skip Schumaker. Obviously, unless you’re in a deep NL-Only league, you stopped reading this blurb already. Nothing gets people excited like the mention of Skip Schumaker! Greene did well in Triple-A last year (14 homers, 19 steals in 66 games), but that’s probably because he was 27 years old, i.e., he was old to still be in the minors. In 150 major league games, he’s hit .218 with 5 homers and 16 steals. Best case scenario, we get a Baha Man year. Most realistic scenario, there’s a three-way time share at 2nd.
Josh Hamilton – Jammed his heel. For those that like things delivered in comic book form, Texas hero deals with wounded heel. Rangers are saying this is the first of five dozen minor injuries Hamilton will endure this year, but he should be fine.
Aroldis Chapman – Pitched well yesterday in his bid to become a starter. There’s only one catch, the Reds have five starters already. They would need an injury to someone on their staff. Popping his head in, Dusty says, “Did someone say we need a pitching injury?” Okay, but if you’re drafting today, you’re drafting Chapman as a middle reliever.
Anibal Sanchez – Maybe you’ve heard me mention this brother with the name of a mother before. Yeah, I love him and guess what? He struck out 4 yesterday through two innings with no problems from his previously sore shoulder. When I say boo, you say ya. Boo…Ya… (By the way, I think the Marlins might be watching a bit too much of The Voice.)
Juan Carlos Oviedo – Will report to camp this week. No word yet when Leo Nunez is reporting.
Ryan Howard – Yesterday, Jimmy Rollins said he’d be surprised if Howard plays this year. In related news, the team announced Rollins is out of the running for Director of Phillies Public Relations.
Brett Jackson – As expected, the Cubs announced that Jackson will start the year in the minors. There’s no way Byrd, Soriano and DeJesus are all still starting in the outfield by July. Worth noting in keeper and deep NL-Only leagues. Earlier in the offseason, I went over my Brett Jackson fantasy. I wrote it while watching Luck with the closed captioning on, so I could read what the hell Nick Nolte was saying.
Garrett Jones – Looks like he will be the starting 1st baseman for the Pirates vs. righties. As I mentioned in the 1st basemen to target post, in deep, daily leagues, you can get some value there. Or not. For instance, “Hey, horse, here’s water.” Horse, “Neigh.”
Jacob Turner – Going through a dead arm period. The doctors weren’t sure what the problem was at first, then Haley Joel Osment said he saw Turner’s arm.
