It’s good to be past the trading deadline.  The closers that kept their job feel woobie-safe.  Pull down the Murphy bed, Qualls is here to stay! You might be right, random italicized voice.  Don’t forget, closers still find a way to lose their job.  In the past week, Downs is down, Jenks looks jenky, Frank-Frank is a baby sneeze away from another stint on the DL, I fully expect Lindstrom to get back in the closer picture within two weeks and Nathan seems about as safe as they come and yet, he’s still just a closer.  Look at the ground with your forward facing eyes and put some drops in the eyes in the back of your head.  In other words, don’t settle in.  Sleep is the cousin of death.  Anyway, here’s all of the closers for your fantasy baseball team, as of right now:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Joe Nathan (+1) (Matt Guerrier, Jose Mijares)
2. Jonathan Papelbon (+2) (Takashi Saito, Hideki Okajima, Manny Delcarmen)
3. Francisco Rodriguez (-1) (Pedro Feliciano, Bobby Parnell)
4. Mariano Rivera (+2) (Phil Hughes)
5. Jonathan Broxton (-4) (Ramon Troncoso, George Sherrill)


Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkey-corns.

6. Heath Bell (-1) (Luke Gregerson, Mike Adams)
7. Joakim Soria (+14) (Juan Cruz, Jamey Wright)
8. Francisco Cordero (David Weathers, Arthur Rhodes, Nick Masset)
9. Jose Valverde (+11) (Chris Sampson, Alberto Arias, LaTroy Hawkins)
10. Ryan Franklin (Jason Motte, Kyle McClellan, Dennys Reyes)
11. Huston Street (+2) (Rafael Betancourt, Matt Daley)
12. David Aardsma (Sean White, Mark Lowe)
13. Brian Wilson (Jeremy Affeldt, Bob Howry)
14. Trevor Hoffman (+9) (Todd Coffey, Mitch Stetter)
15. Kevin Gregg (Carlos Marmol)
16. Fernando Rodney (Bobby Seay, Brandon Lyon)
17. Rafael Soriano (+2) (Mike Gonzalez, Peter Moylan)
18. J.P. Howell (+4) (Dan Wheeler, Grant Balfour, Joe Nelson)
19. Brian Fuentes (-10) (Jason Bulger, Darren Oliver, Justin Speier)
20. Chad Qualls (+8) (Jon Rauch)
21. Brad Lidge (-3) (Ryan Madson)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Troy Percival– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Pena in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

22. Matt Capps (+4) (Jesse Chavez)
23. Kerry Wood (+2) (Chris Perez, Joe Smith)
24. Mike MacDougal (+5) (Sean Burnett, Jason Bergmann)
25. Andrew Bailey (-12) (Michael Wuertz, Brad Ziegler)
26. Frank Francisco/C.J. Wilson (-2) (Darren O’Day)
27. Bobby Jenks (-10) (Matt Thornton, Octavio Dotel, Scott Linebrink)
28. Jason Frasor (-2) (Scott Downs, Brandon League)
29. Leo Nunez (Matt Lindstrom, Kiko Calero, Dan Meyer)
30. Jim Johnson (-11) (Danys Baez, Chris Ray, Billy Ray Valentine)

  1. Jackie says:

    Think Accardo takes the job away from Frasor?

    Best bang from here on out: Luke Scott or Aubrey Huff

    Prior year splits tell me Huff.

  2. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Jackie: I think Frasor will be okay. Huff

  3. john says:

    Anybody starting Harang vs the Cubbies?

  4. Grey

    Grey says:

    @john: I am, but I’m worried and I’d sit him in 12 team leagues and shallower.

  5. john says:

    @Grey: Yea, I am very scarred..shaking in my boots, even. So I think I’m gonna sit him.

  6. Broadstreetbrawler says:

    My lester for his victorino?

  7. mike says:

    start him. he’s solid

  8. mike says:

    Harang will be great.

  9. Stephen says:

    @Grey: Tony Pena doesn’t play for the D-Backs anymore.

  10. john says:

    @mike: Despite the wishful thinking, the 33 hits and 19 ER in his last 4 outings scares me. Not to mention his not so great performance against the Cubbies last time

  11. RIP Harry says:

    Billy Ray Valentine as in Eddie Murphy in Trading Places?

  12. Jif & The Choosy Mothers says:

    Who would you gamble on as a keeper for 2010? Blanks, Marte, Snider.

    Also, which one might surprise with strong September stats?

  13. AL KOHOLIC says:

    @Grey: stauffer vs atl or matusz vs det

  14. Dingo says:

    I don’t think “Jim Dandy…” in the last post realized that clicking the arrow automatically retypes the commenter’s full name…

  15. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Dingo: I’m guessing not.

  16. black love says:

    so i was just checking out the Orioles schedule, right now i own Tillman but looking at who the O’s are gonna be playing im not sure if i want to keep him. What do you think? He’s hardly trade bait, and there are pitchers like Stauffer available

  17. Grey

    Grey says:

    @black love: I could see going with Stauffer instead. The O’s schedule isn’t pretty in September.

  18. A Jim Dandy Of A Long Ass Name Just To See If You’ll Include It All When Responding After The @ Sign says:

    Not one schmo had gone $5 FAAB on Sergio Mitre the past two weeks in my 12-team AL-only league. So, down to my last $5 FAAB for the season and knowing that I could in no way compete in going for bigger named free agents, I did the unthinkable. I shot the $5 wad on Mitre and added him to my first place team.

    Sometime thereafter, I was having a conversation with Random Italicized Voice (RIV) and felt compelled to explain that I’d lost three starting pitchers and was a little desperate. Then out of nowhere this Unicorn Who Swears He’s A Donkey (UWSHAD) butts in to say “the bastard is going to go out and pitch 5 innings this week, give up 9 baserunners, 5 earned runs, and the Yankees are going to win 7-5.”

    I said “so I get the win, huh?” RIV jumped back in saying “hey dumbass, you sure know how to F up a bold print dream, don’t you? I really knew I was in trouble when I told RIV I’d put Mitre into my starting lineup this week and his response came out un-italicized.

    So is there any sanity to picking up Mitre or do you continue to be RIV and UWSHAD backers?

  19. Vince says:

    Who would you spot start on Tuesday :

    Holland @ Oak
    Hochevar vs Sea
    Matusz @ Det


  20. PhillyYorker says:

    Is Ian Stewart worth more than an Elijah Dukes or Fukudome the rest of the way? If I remember correctly, folks on the Razz are high on this guy but his stats leave me feeling iffy about making a switch.

  21. Jackie says:

    Stewart qualifies at 2B and aside from one month where he hit .149, he has hit in the .250 range all other months. Even in July when his power numbers were down a bit, he scored 18 runs.

    Check out his career numbers. In his first 500+ at bats, he has hit 28 homers and driven in 100 runs.

  22. john says:

    @Grey: So I missed out on picking up Soriano (1st waiver priority grabbed him), but the same guy that dropped Soriano just dropped Furcal.

    I drafted Reyes but he still resides on my DL, so I’m wondering who will be more valuable for the rest of the season? (aka, please rank)

    Reyes, Furcal, F. Lopez

  23. AL KOHOLIC says:

    i cant see reyes running even when he gets back,in fact if the mets dont make a solid push for the playoffs,he might not be back,just missed another running drill with tightness

  24. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Vince: None on certain teams… Then Holland.

    @PhillyYorker: I agree with Jackie.

    @john: Why is this guy dropping people? You should have the commissioner lock his team. Furcal, Reyes, Lopez…

  25. john says:

    @Grey: I have no idea, I mean he’s in 2nd to last place but because our league is pretty competetive he’s only 7 games out of the playoffs (H2H). I would say maybe he’s trying to go with the hot as he picked up O. Cab, but Furcal has been kinda hot recently as well.

  26. Grey

    Grey says:

    @john: Oh, so he’s just getting antsy. No need to lock that then.

  27. Spaceman.Spiff says:

    Can you rank these guys A. based on value for rest of this season B. Keeper value beyond this year.

    Mat Latos, Chris Tillman, Brian Matusz, Derek Holland, J.A. Happ, Randy Wells

  28. john says:

    @Grey: Yea, I suppose so and hopefully to my benefit.

  29. peter says:

    Jaime Moyer and Tim Stauffer are scheduled for 2 starts this week.

    Stauffer: both at home, vs. Atlanta (Vazquez) and vs. Mets (Santana)*
    Moyer: both at home, vs. Colorado and vs. Florida (he’s great against the ‘lins, but crappy at home)

    *I’m only noting opposing pitchers because they’re both tough

    I think I’m liking… Stauffer. True or False?

  30. ThePoonTycoon says:

    @peter: i’d go stauffer. i’m starting latos at home v. atl and nym, and against lesser opposing SPs.

  31. royce! says:

    @peter: Super true!

  32. TheGreatVeto says:

    Wiggy or Burrell?

  33. Steve says:

    @Grey: How do you like Holland as a grabbed-him-off-the-wire-so he’s-cheap keeper?

  34. You Told Me To Take Followups to Here says:

    I did what you said and got Gallardo a month ago. Still can’t take first thanks to terrible ERA, Win, and generally average pitching stats left over prior to a couple trades. Trade deadline coming. Help me Obi-Wan.

    C Bengie Molina
    1B Prince Fielder, Carlos Peña
    2B Chase Utley, Aaron Hill
    3B Ryan Zimmerman, Maicer Izturis
    SS Ryan Theriot, Jason Bartlett
    LF Ryan Braun, Raúl Ibañez
    CF Matt Kemp, Grady Sizemore
    RF Jacoby Ellsbury, Nick Swisher
    Util Andrew McCutchen, Josh Willingham
    BN Brandon Inge, David Murphy

    SP James Shields, Jered Weaver, Yovani Gallardo, Dan Haren, Ricky Romero
    RP Jonathan Broxton, Bobby Jenks, Andrew Bailey, David Aardsma, Dan Meyer
    P Max Scherzer
    DL Jake Peavy

    Unlike prior years, I really want to win this one.

  35. Steve says:

    @Grey: Cool. Tillman was on the wire too so grabbed him as well.

    Can’t believe Al K didn’t have him already.

  36. AL KOHOLIC says:

    @Steve: the o`s have a tough schedule coming up,i had him for his 1st start but luckily didnt throw him,was hoping for a big game and some trade value,im falling in our keeper and unless i add a big bat or get a couple guys hot im done

  37. Steve says:

    @AL KOHOLIC: Yeah – not really planning to use him.

    You’re falling – I’ve fallen. Just trying to gather some cheap guys. Fowler, Stewart, Holland, Tillman…

  38. SamYo says:

    The Dread Pirate or Posednik for the rest of the year ? I need avg and SB.

  39. AL KOHOLIC says:

    @Steve: im wanting dye,make me an offer

  40. Steve says:

    @AL KOHOLIC: Haven’t had him long myself!

    I need power too…

  41. AL KOHOLIC says:

    oswalt to miss next start

  42. AL KOHOLIC says:

    @Steve: hailton was inexpensive keeper and i have a few other $5 keepers or a couple vets,let me know

  43. AL KOHOLIC says:


  44. GTS says:

    Anybody know if Hart is going to the DL or not?

  45. Steve says:

    @AL KOHOLIC: So Hamilton would be $22 if I acquired him and kept him next year, right?

  46. AL KOHOLIC says:

    @Steve: yes

  47. Steve says:

    @GTS: He is in Yahoo…

  48. peter says:

    @SamYo: If you’re just looking at avg & SB, I think it’s kind of a push. Podsednik’s running more often, but McCutchen isn’t getting caught as much. But McCutchen will help you elsewhere, too, so I’d rather have him.

  49. You Told Me To Take Followups to Here says:

    @Grey Two for every spot. Bet I could pull off that trade, I’ll try.


  51. And a HR for Miggy too, Mets getting banged around early.

  52. Steve says:

    @Elijah: My H2H opponent has TWO players active today.

    Of course, one is Mini-Donkey.

  53. Steve says:

    @Elijah: And the other is Montero.


  54. He’s 26 today.

  55. @Steve:

    Sorry, but I literally was Laughing Out Loud at that one.

  56. Ham says:

    Gregg unavailable tonight cause of tired arm. Just in case this turns into a DL stint, Marmol next? Or could Grabow be in line next and keep Marmol where he is? Thanks

  57. Steve says:

    @Elijah: That’s fine.

    I was totally expecting it to happen.

    I own Haren in my H2H league and Miggy in the RCL, so it’s not so bad.

  58. Gregg to Disgraceful List?

  59. Steve says:

    It’s a bad day to be a pitcher in Motown.

  60. Sweet, my H2H has Verlander.

  61. I’ve managed to climb from last to 6th place now, actually have a shot at the playoffs after a horrendous, injury plagued start.

  62. Dingo says:

    @Elijah: How appropriate that on his 26th birthday he hits HR# … oh wait, never mind.


  64. Ham says:

    @Elijah: haha that ball hadnt even landed before you got that comment in

  65. Steve says:

    @Elijah: OK – losing my sense of humour here a little…

  66. Its almost impossible to hit it out to right center in Mets stadium for a Righty too, amazing.

  67. @Steve:

    Think how the Mets fans feel…I think thats more HR’s than Wright has hit all year, heh.

  68. AL KOHOLIC says:

    thats a double donk

  69. @Ham:

    I can tell when he hits one just watching how it leaves the bat. Tho it almost fell in that gigantic alley at Metco.

  70. Steve says:

    @Elijah: And of course Montero follows with a single!

  71. Dingo says:

    @Elijah: Can every day be Mini-Donkey’s birthday?

  72. AL KOHOLIC says:

    @Steve: just hope montero gets majority of the starts

  73. Jupp…Mets pitching is an embarrassment.

  74. MARK has 4 Homers in Metco this year, he’s 1 off the lead (5) for all players INCLUDING THE METS. hahahahahahaha

  75. AL KOHOLIC says:

    @Elijah: yeah,id quit pushing anyone on thier dl and tell them to get healed for next year

  76. Joel says:

    I offered Mark Reynolds straight up for Jonathan Broxton back in May, in the middle of his first tear, and before I was a believer. I was turned down. In fact, no one wanted a piece of Reynolds.

    Am I the luckiest man alive?

  77. Dingo says:

    @Joel: I offered Reynolds and Votto for David Wright in mid-May and was rejected. When Votto went on the DL, I was frustrated that I didn’t get that trade to work, but in hindsight, I think I dodged a bullet.

  78. Kid might hit 50 this year, hes just white-hot right now. Grey might have been right about the All-Star snubbage.

  79. Parra 3-3. Was surprised to hear he leads NL rookies in RBIs.

  80. Dingo says:

    What? No 3-run HR?

  81. Was a laser shot right to the 3b for an out.

  82. timSTi says:

    @Grey: Stewart just got dropped by the guy i traded him to for Alexei when he was on the DL. I just picked up O-Cab. Drop the hot bat in O-Cab for Stewart to fill my MI slot?

    Also I had asked about Wigginton or G.Jones over FraGu. Does Wigginton have more value as an MI than OF? There’s still some decent talent out there in my 10 team 4 OF 1 UT league.

  83. mgeoffriau

    mgeoffriau says:

    I had the opposite “problem”….guy threw so much talent at me that I had no choice but to trade Reynolds a couple weeks ago. Trade has worked well for but I still miss the Mini-Donkey….that kid is a fun guy to have on your team.

  84. Dingo says:

    Ugh – I’ve got both Doumit and G. Jones. Bases are loaded with no outs and Doumit and Jones are on 2nd and 3rd, so I’m thinking I’m pretty much guaranteed at least one run, right? Wrong. Delwyn Young grounds into a double play (Jones out at home), and Andy LaRoche pops out.


  85. Dingo says:

    @mgeoffriau: what’d you get for him?

  86. Grey

    Grey says:

    @SamYo: The Dread Pirate

    @GTS: Yup

    @Elijah: Nice!

    @timSTi: I’d hold on O-Cab. More value as an infielder for Wigginton.

    @Dingo: Ha!

  87. Ham says:

    next in line in Chicago.. Marmol still? or does Grabow serve as next in line to keep marmol in his role now? thanks

  88. Robert says:

    @Grey: What value do you think Beltre has coming back?

  89. Corey says:

    In a league where I just traded steals for power, I find myself needing more steals all of a sudden. Would I be selling too low on Garret Jones if I traded him for Elvis Andrus?

  90. jbatkins says:

    Alright, if David Ortiz going 0-5 with 1 RBI in an 18-10 game is a ticker tease, what is the term for a situation where the Rays put up 10 runs and you check the box score and your starting OF, the Rays’ leadoff man, gets a DNP next to his name?

  91. jbatkins says:

    @jbatkins: I’m thinking it’s “Ticker-Punch-to-the-Nads,” but I am not good at naming things.

  92. G says:

    Someone just offered me F-Rod, Soria & Chamberlain but I have to give up Howell, Qualls & Aardsma. Would you pull the trigger?

  93. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Ham: Marmol

    @Robert: He wasn’t doing anything when he was out there the first half of the season.

    @Corey: It’s okay, if you need steals. A bit low. Maybe go for Nyjer.

    @jbatkins: Ha!

    @G: That trade’s fine for you.

  94. mgeoffriau

    mgeoffriau says:

    @Dingo: I gave up Peavy, Javy Vazquez, and Reynolds, and I got Josh Hamilton, Aramis Ramirez, Asdrubal, and Cliff Lee.

  95. Pete says:

    Drop Hart for Ankiel, Matsui, or Burrell?

  96. Pete says:

    or Laporta?

  97. jbatkins says:

    @mgeoffriau: Can you explain to me where the name Mini-Donkey comes from? I want to use it, but I feel I can’t do so without knowing the history. All I know is that he drinks your milkshake up.

  98. He’s the smaller, sleeker version of the Big Donkey (aka Adam Dunn)

  99. mgeoffriau

    mgeoffriau says:

    It’s like an Adam Dunn you can carry in your pocket.

  100. Pops says:

    @Elijah: I had Mini – Donkey last year. All of these stories of moon shot home runs and piss rods in the power alley make me sad. I miss the Mini – Donkey.

  101. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Pete: Burrell

  102. The story, for those who haven’t heard, started after my league draft (we take it pretty seriously even tho theres no money), I started ripping on one of my rivals for taking Adam Dunn in r5 when I got Reynolds in r1000. He was saying Reynolds was crap etc etc, I kept saying Reynolds was gonna be just as good as Dunn but more steals and he plays 3b, that he was the “Mini-Donkey”, smaller but faster etc. I certainly got the last laugh on that one.

  103. @Pops:

    The crazy thing is it wasn’t a piss rod into the power alley it was a piss rod to the opposite field alley, and in Metco!

  104. Then he strikes out twice just to even things out heh.

  105. Mike says:

    Do I start Kuroda tomorrow?

  106. Pete says:

    Thanks Grey! One last thing, my lineups have been rotating Hart, Fowler, and Mccutch for a while now and after having Mccutch on my bench for his 3 hrs I’ve had enough. Is it safe to have the Pirate be my everyday OF?

  107. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Mike: Sure

    @Pete: At this point, I’d hope so.

  108. @Grey:

    Quentin or Matsui?

  109. Dingo says:

    @jbatkins: Hey, he could’ve started and gone 0-4 or 0-3 like Longoria and Zobrist did. That game was a veritable ticker belly dance.

  110. Qualls, you donkey-corn you.

  111. OK, I had Hart but of course he’s pretty much shelved.

  112. Vince says:

    12 teams, H2H, 5×5, Non Keeper

    Would you rather have Span or Morgan for the rest of the season?

  113. Vince says:

    @Grey: Thanks!

  114. john says:

    @Grey: Would you touch Stauffer with a 10 foot pole tomorrow vs Atl?

  115. Steve says:

    @john: I’m touching him with a three-foot one.

    Of course I might beat the living daylights out of him with it afterwards, but I’m starting him.

  116. AL KOHOLIC says:

    @john: he told me yes on stauffer

  117. RIP Harry says:

    Neftali Feliz struck out the side in a perfect inning for his MLB debut. I can see him having beast #s the last 2 months of the season, unfortunately as a middle reliever though.

  118. AL KOHOLIC says:

    ah,the old disappearing site trick he he

  119. AL KOHOLIC says:

    anyone else notice brett anderson has been real hot lately?

  120. Steve says:

    @AL KOHOLIC: He’s going pretty good.

    Except, from memory, the one day I started him.

    Be nice if Latos could get out of this jam…

  121. john says:

    @AL KOHOLIC: @Steve: Thanks..I think I’ll grab him but I’m sticking with my 10 foot pole Steve, 3 feet is too close for my liking

  122. AL KOHOLIC says:

    @Steve: ha granted,,i have him also

  123. AL KOHOLIC says:

    feliz throwing strikes,the rest will take care of itself if he can do that

  124. AL KOHOLIC says:

    huff had another productive night,finnaly he is getting hot

  125. Steve says:

    Who to drop in order to start Stauffer tomorrow?


    Or none of ’em?

  126. AL KOHOLIC says:

    c.j gets smacked now hoffman vs manny bases loaded 2 out,i own them both

  127. AL KOHOLIC says:

    @Steve: me,i would drop dukes

  128. Robert says:

    @Grey: Anderson is one I had not noticed. Would you rather have him or Price on your team for the rest of the season. I have Price and Anderson is available at the moment.

    Also, if G. Jones has settled down when Snider comes up, would you rather have Snider? Thanks

  129. Steve says:

    @Grey: Sorry for the annoying follow up, but Stauffer a better start than Holland?

  130. Steve says:

    @Steve: Never mind. Too slow on Holland. Stauffer it is.

  131. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Robert: Price since you can’t drop Anderson in September when he probably gets shutdown.

    @Steve: I would’ve said Stauffer anyway.

  132. Adam says:

    Rumor on my Cubs message board ( is Jake Fox will attempt to play 2B after the season in the Fall League…close to zero chance it works, but has potential to be awesome for fantasy purposes next season if he somehow becomes serviceable there

  133. Marc says:

    Grey, I like your stuff, but what has Mariano Rivera done to you to be ranked below Papelbon and Franky Rodriguez? He has superior numbers to both of those guys this year. And he had better numbers than both of those guys last year as well. And I’m pretty sure he was good before that as well… someone please back me up on that one. We’re talking about the greatest closer ever in the prime of his career (yes, for Mariano, the late 30s have been better than ever). And don’t cop out by telling me that #4 is still a pretty high ranking and you consider them all similar. Tell me why you have Mariano ranked below Papelbon and K-Rod.

  134. wreckless says:

    Personally, I think MacDougal is my favorite kind of donkey-corn. He’s got the job for the rest of the year, no matter what. When a team just gives up, there’s a lot less pressure on the closer. Plus, he was a freebie. That’s why I only target closers on crappy teams. Hell, even Matt Capps still has his job. And how much are those 23 earned runs really hurting you anyway?

    I couldn’t care less about a closer’s ratios. Which is strange (or maybe not?) since I’m a big-time Mr. B. I get closers for nothing, and saves for free.

  135. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Marc: I were trading for one of those three, I’d prefer the 27 or 28 year old over the 39 year old.

    @wreckless: MacDougal’s been fine, but he’s a hiccup away from a breakdown.

  136. Marc says:

    K-Rod: 3.31 ERA, 1.35 WHIP, 50 Ks, 2 Ws, 24 SVs
    Mariano Rivera: 1.91 ERA, 0.89 WHIP, 52 Ks, 1 W, 31 SVs

    But, but… K-Rod is the better choice for the next 2 months because he is younger!!!!

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