We all have different conceptions of what is/isn’t gross. I hate mayonnaise. It’s the most disgusting thing and the mere sight of it makes me want to puke. Mustard too. I can deal with ketchup, but sometimes it makes me gag as well. I know, I’m a freaking weirdo. I don’t care. I don’t care. Grossness is triggered by any of the senses. Some can’t stand the sight of toe jam, while others cringe at the sound of nails scraping a blackboard. Smell can make one float in the air like Pepe Le Pew or barf like Stewie Griffin. I traveled to Hong Kong many years ago with my wife and one day she brought a bag of durian into the hotel room. Once she opened the bag, the smell. The god-awful smell permeated the entire room. It was straight-up chemical warfare. I keeled over into a fetal position, put a pillow over my head, and held my breath. I would rather die than smell another whiff of that fruit. Then my wife kicked my balls and inserted a piece of durian into my mouth. O. M. G. Heaven. Bliss. Which brings me to Robbie Grossman of the Detroit Tigers. He looks like shit and probably smells like shit after playing nine innings, but is there some savory sweetness for fantasy that can induce a chef’s kiss?
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I used to trade stocks for a living. I started out as a market maker for NASDAQ stocks right before the internet bubble then traded my own account for over 10 years. After the kids were born, I transitioned from day trading to more longer-term, position trading. With the recent euphoric market, the day trading hat is back on. With that said, there are so many things I’ve learned from trading, mostly about human psychology but that’s a discussion for another day. The one tenet that became very important for me was price discovery. Where were buyers and sellers willing to transact and at what price would there be an equilibrium. You can glean a ton of information from watching the action and identify spots of support and resistance, which I used to limit risk. If buyers were no longer willing to support a stock at a certain price, then something has changed and it’s best to get flat and reassess. Vice versa on the sell side. The closer I could buy or sell to these spots, the more information I would have and the easier I’d be able to identify if I was wrong, saving me money in the long run because all trades are not winners. For example, say a stock was trading in the $10 to $12 range. After watching the action, buyers would always step in at $10 and sell at $12. So, buy at $10 and sell at $12, right? I wouldn’t want to buy at $12 because I know sellers are stepping in there, so what’s the point? If the price broke through $10, then I’d know it’s probably going lower and if it went through $12 then it’s probably going higher. In that scenario, I don’t mind paying over $12 once I got confirmation that the sellers there were cleaned out. The bigger the sample size the better the information. This is a simplistic example but you get the point.
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One Man’s Trash: Marcus, Darling?
February 25, 2021 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball, 2021 Fantasy Baseball, One Man's Trash | 6 Commentsby: Son
Eddie Murphy’s Boomerang is an American classic. I don’t care that Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 43% rating on its Tomatometer. Rotten Tomatoes is stupid. I don’t care the audience score is only 59%. 41% of people have no taste. It has a young Halle Berry looking mighty fine, John Witherspoon showing us how to coordinate, and Grace Jones telling us what the essence of sex smells like. Then there’s Eartha Kitt, an old who keeps trying to seduce Marcus Graham, played by Eddie Murphy, by purring, Marcus, Darling, every time she sees him. This brings me to Marcus Semien of the Toronto Blue Jays. The Athletics weren’t fond of him, as they refused to pay that man his money. Offseason drafters haven’t been particularly enamored with him, as he is the 15th shortstop and 134th overall player being selected in NFBC drafts. Many are saying that he’s an old whose best days are behind him. So, will Marcus be a darling or is he someone we should be disregarding?
Please, blog, may I have some more? One Man’s Trash: Ramon Laureano
February 17, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Baseball, One Man's Trash | 12 Commentsby: Son
2010. What do you think of? Superior vision? A sense of nostalgia? Let’s see, 11 years ago, there was Toy Story 3, the Burj Khalifa opened, Winter Olympics, Spain won the World Cup, the Blackhawks hoisted the Stanley Cup, the Saints celebrated the Super Bowl, the Lakers triumphed to raise the Larry O’Brien, a 7.0-magnitude earthquake in Haiti killed over 300,000 people, an 8.8-magnitude earthquake in Chile, the Deepwater Horizon oil drilling platform exploded, S&P downgraded Greece’s credit rating, the Flash Crash…..ABORT! ABORT!! I want 2021 back. NOOOOOO! Take me back to 2010. AHHHHH! Time is a flat circle. Woo sah. Wooooo saaaaah. What else does 2010 conjure up? 20 home runs and 10 steals. Ahhh, that’s sweet music to my ears. Steamer has 33 players projected for 20 and 10 this upcoming season. Only nine have an ADP past 100. Ramon Laureano is being selected on average with the 142nd pick in NFBC drafts from January 1 to February 16. Trash or treasure?
Please, blog, may I have some more? One Man’s Trash: Gold, Frankincense, and Bellinger
February 11, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Baseball, One Man's Trash | 21 Commentsby: Son
It was a cold and cloudy night. The glow from the computer screens, the only semblances of light. I looked to the heavens and asked, “How can I achieve fantasy glory?” The response was instantaneous. Select Adam Wainwright. Then thunder reverberated throughout the atmosphere as if the gods were mocking me. HA HA HA. After shaking my fist toward the sky, the clouds began to dissipate, unveiling a star that was brighter than bright. Oh, what a sight. Go forth towards the light and discover your fantasy white knight. I did what any moronic human being would do. I listened to the sky and trekked towards the light. After 40 minutes and 40 seconds, I came across a manger, situated right in the middle of the 405 Freeway, illuminated like a tornado touching ground on the Oklahoma Beltway. Cars were whizzing by, but that had no effect on the three wise men who were nonchalantly crossing the lines. Into the manger, they put gold, frankincense, and one Cody Bellinger. They waved me over. The countless hours of Frogger paid off as I was able to meet the three wise men unscathed. The trophy was glistening. I reached into the manger, picked up the trophy, then hoisted it above my head He-Man style, “By the power of Bellinger……”
Please, blog, may I have some more? One Man’s Trash: May Day
February 4, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Baseball, One Man's Trash | 15 Commentsby: Son
Language is a beautiful yet complicated thing. It allows us to convey thoughts and emotions to one another. Some for the better, I love you. Some for the worse, You’re a stupid m—-rf—-r, dumb wannabe fantasy baseball hack! Things get tricky when intonation is changed or context is altered. For example, the expression “take off” could mean that an airplane is going up, an article of clothing is removed, a leave of absence, to stop working or studying, or an increase in success or popularity. So when you read the title of this piece, May Day, what came to mind? Since y’all are savvy fantasy degenerates, you knew it had something to do with Dustin May but was it an emergency call for help or a reason for celebration? Let’s dig in and find out.
Please, blog, may I have some more? One Man’s Trash: A Pillar of Destiny
September 17, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball, One Man's Trash | 2 Commentsby: Son
A wise man once said, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” But what if that box had only one kind of chocolate in it? Then what, Mr. wise man? Because sometimes I have a favorite and just want to binge it. That reminds me of my first year in NYC. The different seasons were cool and all, but why not be in a place where it’s spring 24/7? Like LA, for example. Yes, I’m a homer. If I want some snow, I can drive an hour and half. If I want to be in a sauna-like environment, well, I can go to a sauna. Anyways, there’s a place in life for both volatility and consistency. Take the readings on an EKG machine for instance. If there are no spikes and valleys, that means the poor soul hooked up is dead. When sine waves are present, there needs to be a consistent rhythm or, doctor, we have a problem. The same can be said for fantasy baseball. It’s a game inherently based on failure, so we look for players who provide spikes in production, at a relatively consistent rate. The higher and faster spikes are produced by the superstars sitting on the pantheon of the fantasy landscape. Unfortunately, there aren’t too many. Which brings me to the pillars of the game, those who don’t stand out from the crowd but provide production across the board to allow each fantasy house to stand firm and stable. Kevin Pillar of the Colorado Rockies is such a player, yet he’s been dropped in 10.2% of ESPN leagues over the past week. Is this Pillar crumbling or is he a Pillar of Destiny to bring fantasy glory?
Please, blog, may I have some more? Bear or Bull: Double Stuf Candelario
September 15, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball, Bear or Bull | 11 Commentsby: Son
Back in 2013, a high school math teacher embarked upon one of life’s greatest mysteries: Did Double Stuf Oreos truly have double the cream between the wafers? Utilizing the free labor from his students, the experiment concluded that Double Stuf Oreos only contained 1.86 times the stuff. This is why I have trust issues. The lesson here, boys and girls? Never fully trust what your eyes see and take the time to dig deep. Which brings me to Jeimer Candelario of the Detroit Tigers, who has been absolutely en fuego to the tune of a .325/.385/.571 slash with 7 home runs, 27 runs, 28 RBI, and 1 stolen base in 169 plate appearances. Is this for realio?
Candelario is 26 years old, 6′ 1″, 221 pounds, and bats from both sides of the plate. He signed with the Chicago Cubs in 2010, then was traded to the Detroit Tigers in 2017. Throughout his minor league career, he exhibited good plate discipline, often having a walk rate over 10% and a strikeout rate below 20%. The batting average was all over the map, though. While he did exhibit a little bit of pop, the ISO only exceeded .200 once. His high in home runs was 11 for a season.
Please, blog, may I have some more? One Man’s Trash: BML Movement
September 9, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball, One Man's Trash | 23 Commentsby: Son
Black. Lives. Matter. Period. Enough of the bullshit. Yes, all lives matter, but all lives are not treated equally, so hopefully people empathize with those who experience life on a different difficulty setting than themselves. Ok, rant over and shoutout to the BLM Movement, but it’s time to talk about the BML Movement. Brad. Miller. Lives. Yes, THAT Brad Miller who slugged 30 homers back in 2016. He’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. What can Brad do for you?
Miller is 30 years old, 6′ 2″, 215 pounds, and bats from the left side. The Seattle Mariners selected him in the second round of the 2011 MLB Draft. He was traded to the Tampa Bay Rays in 2015, moved to the Milwaukee Brewers in 2018, signed with the Cleveland Indians in March of 2019, was waived a month later, picked up by the New York Yankees, then traded to the Philadelphia Phillies in June. Before the start of this season, the St. Louis Cardinals signed him to a one-year deal. As the boys and girls be saying in high school, he been around.
Please, blog, may I have some more? Bear or Bull: Thumbs Up or Arozarena?
September 8, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball, Bear or Bull | 21 Commentsby: Son
Korean clubs are unique. Physically, there is a dj, dance floor, blinding lights, fog machines, earthquake-inducing bass speakers, and all the stuff you’d find in a normal club, but the setup is disparate. Guys have to reserve a table and purchase bottles of alcohol, which are marked up thousands of percent, while girls get in free, as they are the showcase for the “booking system.” The hosts (waiters/pimps) of a table would go out and bring girls to a table. Those at the table would give a thumbs up or say naw and move on, until the next group is brought over. Don’t hate the messenger. Hate the game. Anyways, whether we like it or not, the fantasy club isn’t much different. The stats and highlights are the hosts, while the players are constantly brought to our table, when we must give a thumbs up or say naw before getting to know them better. Randy Arozarena of the Miami Marlins has caught the eye of many and looks good so far in his young career. Thumbs up or Arozarena?
Please, blog, may I have some more? One Man’s Trash: Jason Rises Again
September 3, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball, One Man's Trash | 7 Commentsby: Son
April 5, 2010. 20-year-old Jason Heyward catches the ceremonial first pitch from Hank Aaron, then comes to the plate against Carlos Zambrano in the bottom of the first, with two on, one out, and the scored tied at three a piece. KABOOOM! A laser bombed into the back of the bullpen beyond the right field fence. It. Was. On. We were all witnesses to the genesis of the next great superstar career. How could he fail? His rise through the minor league system was as quick as my lovemaking. He was rated as the top prospect in the game, and his rookie season was a phenomenal success (.277/.393/.456 with 18 HR and 11 SB). But then the dreaded sophomore slump happened, but he rose like a phoenix in year three. Only to roll over and embark upon years of mediocrity. With that said, he was left for dead many of times, only to bounce back, like his brother from another mother, Jason Voorhees. So far in 2020, Heyward is batting .299/.411/.563 with 5 HR and 1 SB. Is this for real?
Please, blog, may I have some more? Bear or Bull: Is Frankie Montas Dead?
September 1, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball, Bear or Bull | 14 Commentsby: Son
I bought a 30-gallon fish tank a few years ago and began my aquarium hobby journey. I enjoyed watching the fish fly around in the rectangle abyss, adorned with plants and driftwood, but when I learned about fully aquatic crabs, it was on. I’ve bought a few and have never been disappointed. Upon arrival, they are around an inch big, but they eventually get to around five inches or so. They grow by molting, which is the shedding of their old shell to make room for a new, bigger one. I knew about this process but wasn’t prepared for the actual thing. On the floor of the aquarium, I saw a crab, but it didn’t move. For days. I was a little heart broken, as I thought one of my crabs was dead, but then I poked it and saw that it was just an empty shell. A few days later, I saw the new, bigger crab emerge. I mention this story because it was the first thing I thought of when digging into Frankie Montas. He’s been left for dead after three horrendous starts, but is he really? Let’s dig in.
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