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Felix Doubront, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

January 10, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 98 Comments

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A little insider info, I wrote all of the pitcher profiles for one fantasy baseball preview magazine. (And here I didn’t even know they made magazines anymore!) Felix Doubront didn’t make the top 100 for that magazine. Did I shortchange them and their readers so I would give more to you Razzball readers? Um, well, I wouldn’t say I shortchanged anyone. I just, you know, had selective fantasy ‘pertness for those outside of Razzball’s universe. Last year, the Po’ Sawx looked like they were a dozen eggs short of an ostrich egg. Ellsbury, Ortiz, Pedroia were hit with injuries and that wasn’t even the big problem. Their pitching looked like one of those fake vomit plastic discs where the factory in China accidentally put real vomit into one. “That’ll teach those stupid Americans to scare people with uncontrollable indigestion problems.” That’s a fake vomit factory worker in China. His name is Wei-Spray. He hates his job. He used to work at a fake doody factory, but felt like it was below him. He didn’t catch the irony of that. For starters with at least 160 innings, Doubront had the 4th best K-rate. Right behind, Scherzer, Darvish and Gio. That’s elite company. There’s not a drafter out there that doesn’t know to look at those three. Doubront’s BB-rate wasn’t great, in fact, it wasn’t good. But of those four he didn’t have the worst walk rate, that honor goes to Darvish. If you asked a hundred fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term), who will have a better season, Darvish or Doubront? I guarantee you that a majority, if not all of them will say Darvish. I’m not sure it’s that obvious. So, what can we expect of Felix Doubront for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Matt Harvey, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

January 8, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 110 Comments

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For a few years, I talked about how Mike Minor or Kris Medlen were gonna be my last round starter flyer in all leagues. Never really worked out. Sure, I snatched Medlen off waivers last year when he needed to be, but for a few years they were drafted and dropped numerous times before they rewarded fantasy owners. I don’t tell you this to remain modest. Does my mustache make me look like a man of modesty? I tell you this so you know where I’m coming from when I say I’m going to draft Matt Harvey in every league. At some point, he’s going to be a top starter. It may not be this year, it may not be next year, but at some point he’ll be there. You can look at this as a Matt Harvey sleeper post, a rookie outlook post or simply a heads up that I need to get me some of this young brother, in the non-biblical way, unless there’s a clergyman reading and he gives me his Razzblessing. Speaking of which, do we have any priest or rabbi readers? I could see a Sunday sermon including SAGNOF (Satan Ain’t Got No Face) and how Jesus Montero was a fanny pick. In Harvey’s short-stint in the majors, he did some bedazzling work on fantasy owners’ jean jackets. A 10+ K-rate and a 2.73 ERA in 59 1/3 innings. Awesome called and said he wishes he was more descriptive because that doesn’t do Harvey justice. So what can we expect of Matt Harvey for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Will Middlebrooks, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

January 7, 2013 | Uncategorized | 85 Comments

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Will Middlebrooks is the reason the Red Sox felt it was okay to trade away Youkilis. Well, that and the fact that Youk and Bobby Valentine were bickering like they were in the final rose ceremony and Red Sox fans were the Bachelor. “He told me he doesn’t love you, and he’s only using you so he can be on the cover of People magazine for the next two years talking about how his heart was broken.” That’s Youk pleading his case. Then Bobby V. started singing Rihanna’s Diamonds, and the fans chose Valentine and that romance lasted about as long as the usual Bachelor romance. Now Youk is a Yank for symmetry sake, Valentine returned to inventing new sandwich types, “I call this the Naanwich. A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Naanwich is a gentrified sandwich,” and Middlebrooks was left behind with the Red Sox 3rd base job and the six hole of the lineup (depending on Napoli’s signing). Last year, Middlebrooks’s stats were stacked like a d’brickhouse (the D is silent). In 286 plate appearances, he hit 15 homers and .288 with 4 steals when his season was cut short with a fractured wrist. He should be healed for Spring Training. So, what can we expect of Will Middlebrooks for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Jean Segura, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

January 4, 2013 | Uncategorized | 84 Comments

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You say Alcides Escobar, I say Jean Segura…Let’s call the whole thing off! That’s you and the co-owner of your fantasy team right before your eyes lock after twelve years of friendship and things suddenly get weird. “Doode, you have nacho cheese on your lip and it’s in a tear drop shape.” “What?” “Nothing. Wanna play touch football? Our team needs a tight end.” On a side-sidenote, doesn’t Jean Segura sound like an actor from the 1950’s? I imagine him lurking in the shadows of Vienna’s back alleys. Jean Segura is…The Third Man!… with Joseph Cotten and Ryan Raburn. “Between Switzerland and Milwaukee, they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock and Miller beer.” That’s Dead Orson Welles schooling you as he waits in line for Zsa Zsa Gabor. “Is she coming or what?!” That’s still Dead Orson Welles. Okay, enough hullabaloney, Segura just missed the cutoff of 150 major league ABs for a 2013 fantasy baseball rookie post, so here he is as a sleeper. Indeed, because I’m yawning. Thanks, Random Italicized Voice. What if I told you Segura once stole 50 bases in the minors? Does that hold your interest? Are you still talking to me? No, I’m talking to everyone. Sure, that was in A-Ball, but guys don’t just steal 50 bases for s’s and g’s if they’re slow as dog balls. Also, he stole 37 bases last year in the minors in about two-thirds of a season. Add an extra third and you have 50+ steals, and don’t even get me started with what he can do with that extra leftover 1%. Have your interest piqued now? I’m still drowsy, but go ahead. Ugh. So what can we expect of Jean Segura in 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Starling Marte, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

January 3, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 66 Comments

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I’m sure in a lot of leagues where people know a thing or two about a thing or two Starling Marte will be one of the things they know a thing or two about. Since it’s still relevant, let’s see what I said last year about him, “The Pirates equipment manager, Buffalo Bill, has to start making a uniform made from Jose Tabata’s skin. Put the lotion in the basket, Tabata! Tabata, “I wanna go home!” You won’t go home, ever. Because you never get on base, that’s the first step to going home. Tabata, “But I was a spring sleeper!” They’re slaughtering the spring lambs. Can’t you hear their screaming? I call that piece, The Mash-Up of the Lambs. In Triple-A, Marte’s hitting .286 with 12 homers and 21 steals *quieter voice* and 12 times caught stealing. So he’s a bit raw like your fava beans. In Double-A the year before, he had 12 homers and 24 steals *barely above a whisper* and 12 times caught stealing. But he did hit .332 in Double-A. I don’t think he’s going to be rosterable off the bat in most mixed leagues, but in keepers and NL-Only leagues, I’d stash him now. He could get 7-10 homers with 10 steals. Plus, with his speed and power combo, he could surprise with nice upside. Now, excuse me, I’m having an old friend for dinner.” And that’s me quoting me! He ended up getting five homers and 12 steals in 167 major league at-bats, and cemented himself in the leadoff spot for the Pirates like he was Jimmy Hoffa. So what can we expect from Starling Marte for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Todd Frazier, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

January 1, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 89 Comments

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I’m all about finding me a late-round flyer for the corner infidel slot. Last year, it should’ve been Edwin Encarnacion. This year watch it be Alberto Callaspo (no effin’ way). What do Luis Cruz, Josh Donaldson, Jeff Keppinger, an Eric Chavez/Chris Johnson platoon, Chris Nelson, a Luis Valbuena/Ian Stewart/Josh Vitters blahtoon, Matt Dominguez and the aforementioned Callaspo have in common? Well, besides being unrecognizable to anyone outside their respective families, they’re currently penciled in as their team’s 3rd baseman. True, pencils have erasers, but this crapoika needs a giant bucket of White Out. You have a 3rd base class that will have you looking for the cream of the crap in 2013 drafts. Oh, and don’t even think about how Longoria, Wright and Zimmerman are being looked at as pillars of health and reliability. This year you don’t even have to be of Greek origin to think Moustakas looks downright delicious. The state of 3rd base brings me to Todd Frazier. So what can we expect of Todd Frazier for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Brett Wallace, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

December 31, 2012 | Uncategorized | 41 Comments

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I’m most surprised and most excited about this sleeper post because no one is going to want any part of an Astro, let alone this one. Brett Wallace has done nothing to elicit excitement thus far in his career. I could wrangle a group of fantasy baseballers together and get more excitement about the second coming of Grady Sizemore, and I’m talking about his naked pictures, not his on-field second coming, because he’s up to around a fifth or sixth coming in that arena. Wait a second, I just stumbled on brilliance. Arena Baseball! Baseballs made of rubber! A field half the size! Juiced up players! Hmm, that just sounds like regular baseball in the late 90’s. So, Wallace has meandered around the major leagues. No teams really wanted him. He was a 1st baseman in the Blue Jays, Cardinals and A’s systems prior to his current home. Where do prospects go to die? Houston. Yes. I know. In the major leagues, he has a grand total of 16 homers in 232 games. That’s obnoxiously bad. Worse, he’s a 1st baseman (though, he will be 3rd base eligible in some leagues; 5 games started there). With all of those negatives up front, what can we expect of Brett Wallace for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Ike Davis, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

December 28, 2012 | Uncategorized | 59 Comments

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Was definitely a struggle to own Ike Davis in 2012. Was uncomfortable like the air in the room when you find out on Christmas Eve that your crazy aunt is going to jail for seven years. Take it from me, for Christmas, don’t buy her a nail file or black and white striped pajamas. Or when she says she was railroaded, don’t comment that’s ironic because now you’re going to be working on the railroad. Looks like I’m gonna need to update Who Is Grey Albright? for my jailbird aunt. Thankfully, criminality skips a generation! If you didn’t outright drop Davis in the first two months, you never appreciated when he turned his season around. And, if you did drop him in the first two months, you really didn’t appreciate it. For hitters with more than 175 plate appearances in the 1st half, he had the 12th worst average at .201 and the 2nd worst case of Valley Fever since Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. Other than Rickie Weeks and Carlos Pena, Davis had the most ABs (268) from the bottom of the batting average charts pre-All-Star break, so he was causing a considerable amount of pain. At the end of May, he was hitting .154…Shoot, he ended July hitting .208. He only ended the season hitting .227, so it wasn’t like he Ichiro-slap-chopped balls for cheap hits at any point last year. His career BABIP (after this horrendous year) is .292. That would put his average in the .260 range with neutral luck. For April through September, he had two months that were in that BABIP range. In June, his BABIP was .288 and in August it was .294. In those two months, he hit .264 and .287, respectively. It wasn’t like he was super lucky to hit .287 one month. He just wasn’t unlucky. The reason why we’re not talking about anything except average is because everything else was absolutely fine last year. So, what can we expect from Ike Davis in 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Position Eligibility for 2013 Fantasy Baseball

December 24, 2012 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 85 Comments

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On Dancer! On Prancer! On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. Welcome, reader! Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire. You look festive. I love that Rudolph tongue ring. The 2013 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away. Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to place Konerko. Exciting! In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2013 fantasy baseball season. This took me far longer than it probably should’ve. Can’t someone write me a program that sorts all the players by games played at a position? Why do I need to go through every player on every roster? It totally harshes my buzz. I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2013 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m a giver, snitches! Happy Holidays! I only listed players that have multiple position eligibility of ten games or more played outside of their primary position. Not FIVE games at a position, not six, definitely not seven. Ten games. 10, the Laurel & Hardy of numbers. So this should cover Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, et al (not the Israeli airline). Yes, Christmas came a day early this year. (Or you actually got a (C)Hanuk(k)ah present this year, if you get your Jew on.) Players with multiple position eligibility are listed once alphabetically under their primary position. On a different post, I’ll make some comments about some of the players. In the mean’s while, you make comments in these comments. Say that fast 117 times! Anyway, here’s all the players with multiple position eligibility for the 2013 fantasy baseball season and the positions they are eligible at:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Manny Machado, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

December 21, 2012 | Uncategorized | 64 Comments

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You see how I’m segueing from the 2013 fantasy baseball rookies into the 2013 fantasy baseball sleepers. Shizz is seamless, yo. You’re welcome. When Manny Machado was first called up, I compared him to Hanley Ramirez, because of his power/speed combo and his maturity beyond his years. (That’s baseball maturity, I can’t speak to Hanley or Machado’s ability to make responsible decisions; to have confidence and the capacity for self-assertion, certainly; the ability to laugh, and to laugh at yourself, not at the expense of others; to take risks and– well, other signs of maturity as suggested by Ann Landers. I don’t know from maturity, I had to Google it.) Unfortch, Machado no longer has middle infield eligibility. Whatever, his power and speed at the age of 20 (!) will play at 3rd base. Also, I love that the Orioles are going with him. By the age of 22, he could be drafted in the top rounds. So, what does that mean for Manny Machado in 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Seattle Bats Need Cialis, Settle For Morales

December 20, 2012 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 52 Comments

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Now, it makes sense. That’s Justin Smoak and Dustin Ackley sitting in bathtubs overlooking Mt. Rainier. “The beans acting up on you, Smoaky the Bear?” “Why do you ask, Ackalacka?” “Cause I heard bubbles coming up in your tub.” “Nah, I get bubbles in my tub when I get an erection.” The move to Seattle will definitely reduce injury risk for Kendrys Morales. Not because he’s now assured a DH role, but because he can’t hit homers as easily. Snap in an inverted W formation! Kendrys is listed as a Latin 29. If you think he’s 29 years old, I have a bridge in Nova Scotia made of smoked salmon to sell you. It smells and it’s greying on the edges, but it’s worth a lot in retail at the butcher. “Saul, I can get my hands on a bridge made of lox, can you resell it?” That’s you talking to your butcher. Kendrys took forever to come back from his limp-off homer, but finally looked to be in a groove in the 2nd half of last season (14 homers in 238 ABs). He’s a possible Zombino, even though if he’s really 29 that shouldn’t apply. 29? Ha! And I’m fifteen with the most beautiful mustache that your deity of choice ever created! Please! His numbers at Safeco aren’t nearly as bad as you might think. In 120 ABs, his line is 19/7/23/.292/1. I’ve seen worse. Nick Punto in any ballpark over the course of three seasons combined. That’s worse. I imagine now people will look at Morales with a real puss on their faces because he’s in Seattle, but, while the park and lineup aren’t great, he doesn’t have to worry about platooning randomly whenever the Sciosciapath feels like it. For 2013, I’m still going to predict a bounce back for Kendrys, even though I was thinking of an even bigger one before this trade. The projected stat line I’ll give him is 77/26/89/.272. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2013 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Josh Rutledge, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

December 18, 2012 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 40 Comments

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For whatever reason the Rockies never gave Eric Young Jr. a fair shot at an everyday playing job. I’m pouring out some of my forty-oh for EY. Okay, enough of that sob story. What is this a Lifetime movie? Sheesh! BTW, if I ever had a son, I’d name him Sheesh. Talk about the annoying looks he would get. “Sheesh, where are you?” “I’m on my way other, why are you so annoyed?” “I’m not. Sheesh!” “You sound it.” “Sheesh!” “What?!” Man, my offspring could lose a good three years total of his life just explaining his name. The Rockies have committed 2nd base in 2013 to Josh Rutledge. In 356 Double-A at-bats last year, he dominated with 13 homers and 14 steals with a .306 average. Then jumped to the majors and kept it going. In 277 ABs, he had eight homers and seven steals with a .274 average. So what can we expect of Josh Rutledge for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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