And just like with the Wayan Brothers, the Marlins like sequels. This offseason is a sequel to 1997’s spending spree. We’ll call this one, “Don’t Be A Miser In South Florida While Drinking Your Profits In The Hood.” Mark Buehrle signed on with the Marlins for $58 million. The Marlins are currently acting like they […]
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Santos Saves Toronto’s Christmas, 2012 Games
December 7, 2011 | 2012 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 49 Commentsby: Grey
Sergio Santos was traded to the Blue Jays for Nestor Molina, no relation to Alfred. Santos will take over the Blue Jays closing job with Frank Francisco being waved away like a stale fart — Stank Fartcisco, if you will. Santos was made for this job. He’s a cyborg. A cyborg of Ks who was […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Paul Goldschmidt, 2012 Fantasy Sleeper
December 6, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 46 Commentsby: Grey
Oh, boy, Bill James has gone and done it again. His misguided love for all things Chris Davis has reemerged for Paul Goldschmidt. He gives him the 2012 projections of 93/32/99/.266/9. Wow. Maybe after Goldschmidt’s done curing cancer he can also invent a Facebook Dislike button so I can properly grade all of my so-called […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Jose Reyes went from the King of Queens (See, Reyes is Spanish for kings. Things are much more interesting when they need to be explained, aren’t they?) to the land of retired Jews as he signed with the Miami Marlins. Did Jeffrey Loria’s great auntie die and leave him with an extra hundred million? Team […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Keeping Granderson Is Just Common Curtisy
December 2, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Keepers | 79 Commentsby: Grey
Curtis Granderson just went 41/25 with 136 runs and 119 RBIs. The least you could do is keep him for another year. Where are your manners? You know who’s going to definitely get an overrated post for 2012 fantasy? Yup. But for now let’s focus on the positives with Grandy. He was pegged as a […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? A Resigned Grady Re-Signed With Resigned Indians
December 1, 2011 | Uncategorized | 64 Commentsby: Grey
The Indians said this, “We don’t expect Grady Sizemore to play 150 to 160 games like he has in the past.” At the start of the 2012 season it will be four years the last time he played that many games, so I’m glad they’re being realistic. They should’ve also said, “We don’t expect him […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Zack Cozart, 2012 Fantasy Outlook
November 29, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 44 Commentsby: Grey
The Janish-Renteria tandem isn’t just the name of a Center for Disease Control in Sweden; it’s also what was standing in Zack Cozart‘s way going into 2011. That was an easy combo to beat out for the shortstop job. But Dusty looks at rookies and laughs maniacally while daintily pushing his toothpick to the side […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Anthony Rizzo, 2012 Fantasy Outlook
November 28, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 42 Commentsby: Grey
By my calculations, Anthony Rizzo is the top rookie 1st baseman heading into the 2012 fantasy baseball season. (For all of you screaming Paul Goldschmidt, he has too many ABs to be considered a rookie and too many Christmas presents to be considered a Jew. Sorry to all you, Zimmermaniacs. Though since we’re talking about […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?If you search for fantasy baseball, the first result is Yahoo Fantasy Baseball. (We’re first for fantasy baseball blog. Natch! Or natchurally, if you’re long-winded.) But this isn’t about Yahoo fantasy baseball. (Is Yahoo always with an exclamation mark? Yahoo has a volume problem, huh?) When people find us, they are not searching for Yahoo […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? 2012 Fantasy Outlook, Jesus Montero
November 22, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 79 Commentsby: Grey
The way the Yankees have handled Montero makes you want to say what no Jesus has said since the first one, “Oy vey.” Is Jesus Montero ever going to start? Only the Yankees and the mysterious monks that Dan Brown’s probably writing about know that answer. Last year, I said no, he won’t start. This […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? Bryce Harper, 2012 Fantasy Outlook
November 21, 2011 | Fantasy Baseball Rookies | 32 Commentsby: Grey
Is Bryce Harper the best prospect ever? Or if you’re Andre 3000, forever, ever, ever, ever? Forever never seems that long until you’re grown, which Harper has not done yet. He’s like 13 years old. He had his last birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, the first MTV VJ Bryce remembers is Jesse Camp and […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Dee Gordon can steal 70 bases. ‘Nuff said. He’s Juan Pierre before he started bulking up and hitting two homers a year. “Juan, did you eat all your spinach?” “Yes, mother!” For some reason, I picture Juan Pierre living with the mother from Throw Momma from the Train and talking like Napoleon Dynamite. Dee Gordon […]
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