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I already put my feet on your coffee table while typing up my notes on the September call-up hitters and September call-up pitchers.  Oh, and I didn’t use a coaster for my forty of Colt 45.  Natch!  Not too many surprises in the call-ups.  The peasant Royals are dragging their feet on Mike Moustakas, not calling him up.  What else is new?  Carlos Carrasco was called up and got the start.  Go Indians, it’s your birthday.  I’ll get to Carrasco later on.  I’ll fill in a Mad Libs blurb for Wilson Ramos’ call up.  I’ll even go over J.P. Arencibia in this post.  But who I’m really pumped about getting recalled?  Brandon Allen, the wholesale home run king.  His homers are innnnnnsane!  In Triple-A, he hit 25 homers and .261 with 14 steals.  If you ever saw this kid play, you’d know why I’m so excited.  If you ever saw Kid ‘n Play, you’re awesome.  Yesterday, Brandon Allen hit a grand slam.  Allen can hit 30 homers in the majors right now.  He rocks a solid OBP.  He can chuck in a few steals.  Yes, I love this guy.  In NL-Only and keeper leagues, I’d grab him right now.  In mixed leagues, if you need power, I’d grab Allen if you can bench him on occasion if he doesn’t start.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before I get into the roundup, we’re giving some love to those of you who are married with a kid or two and risk your wife’s scorn to visit the site.  Here’s a ‘Back to School’ contest where you can win $10,000.  If you win, that’s got to be good for 6 months of non-porn surfing immunity, right?  No, next week I won’t be trying to sell you BRAND NEW ROLECKS (sic) that I won in a Nigerian lottery.  Don’t be so smart.  This was done as a favor to an unnamed contributor.  Anyway II, here’s the roundup:

Barry Enright – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Uncle Barry now has 8 quality starts in his last nine.  He gets the Giants next.  Yes, pick him up.

Ricky Nolasco – The Palm Beach Post, a paper that is packed full of early bird coupons for seniors, announced that Nolasco will get shut down.

Mike Stanton – 2-for-5 with his 15th homer.  I think it might’ve been his first hit since July, but don’t hold me to that.  Stanton looks very streaky in the first months of his career, so he might now go on a 10 homer in 10 game stretch.

Cameron Maybin – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer this week.  My old fave might be finally hitting his stride in the major leagues.  Stay tuned!  Or not, your choice.

Matt Lindstrom – Back from back problems (say that fast 117 times!).  He worked middle relief yesterday and Lyon’s been great in his stead so Lindstrom may not see saves immediately.  After a few appearances by Lindstrom to get back up to speed, they may share saves going forward.  “You want this save?”  “No, you take it.”  “No, you.”  “I’ll take it.”  “Who are you?”  “Wilton Lopez.”  “We don’t know you.”

Nelson Figueroa – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K.  He hasn’t given up more than 2 earned runs in his last four starts.  That’s nice, he’s also 36 years old.  (And he was born on Reggie Jackson’s birthday and my dog’s “I’m not just playing dead, I’m actually dead” day.)  Nelson Figueroa and Dennis Quaid should get together for The Rookie II:  The Winter Leagues.

Hunter Pence – 2-for-2, 3 RBIs and the delicious slam & legs.  Quietly having a decent year.  I wouldn’t mind owning him somewhere.  Hey, I got HP Envy.

Carlos Carrasco – 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I’m a fan of Carrasco… If he were on a different team.  If you can start a rookie Indians pitcher in September, nice huevos but I think they might be contaminated.

Jordan Brown – 1-for-4, 1 RBI with the start as LaPorta nurses his hip.  Wubba Wubba Wubba!  It’s Downtown Jordan Brown!  I’ve seen Brown compared to Sean Casey, and that’s not for his conversation skills.  I wouldn’t look at Brown outside of very deep AL-Only leagues.

Chris Sale – Got the save yesterday.  Jenks had worked a few days in a row, so I wouldn’t read too much into this, even if it does appear to be a fire sale on White Sox relievers.  Or is it a *pinkie to mouth* hire Sale?  Then again, you never know with Ozzie.  After each game, Ozzie, Ken Williams and Sharon Osbourne sit at a panel to judge each reliever.  Sharon because she’s used to insane Ozzies.

Manny Ramirez – 1-for-3 in his White Sox debut where he batted fifth and pushed Quentin to the bench.  I think Quentin will still get his ABs.  Andruw Jones really shouldn’t.  Oh, and I’d take live Strasburg on the toilet coverage compared to what ESPN is now doing with Manny.  Guy’s pretty irrelevant at this point, do we really need non-stop Manny coverage?

J.P. Arencibia – DH’d last night (0-for-4), but I’m not confident that arrangement is going to last.  Without an everyday job, he’s not much use for you outside of AL-Only, two catcher or keeper leagues.  In related news, Buck hit a homer yesterday.

Sean Rodriguez – 3-for-3 with a homer and steal.  He has 9 homers, 11 steals and a .264 average in 299 ABs.  I kinda wish they went with him all year instead of Zobrist.  Would’ve been nice to see what he could’ve done.

Desmond Jennings – 0-for-3 as the Rays inserted him right into the two hole (not that two hole, silly).  Zobrist took the bench yesterday.  If you need steals in mixed leagues, you’ll want to add Jennings right now, just in case he sees more ABs than I think he will.  He will definitely see time in the final week of the season when the Rays have their playoff slot locked up.

Freddie Freeman – 0-for-3 as he got called up and the start.  I don’t think today’s start is any indication of playing time.  Grab Freeman in NL-Only and keeper leagues.  In redraft leagues, I wouldn’t bother unless Lee gets hurt.  Though, like Jennings, if the Braves wrap up a playoff spot, Freeman could see time at the end of the year.

Tommy Hanson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners (1 Hit), 3 Ks vs. the Mets.  Spoiler Alert!  In this afternoon’s borderline starter post, I mention how the Mets are the 2nd worst offense since the All-Star Break.  Brand new Mets, same as the old mess.

Roy Oswalt – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  He only gave up one hit to go with 6 walks as he did a better impersonation of Clayton Kershaw than Clayton.

Cliff Lee – Received an injection in his back to relieve some lower back pressure.  The problem late Lee has been stiff Lee?  Supposed Lee.  He says he should make his next start.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s bumped a day or two.

Mitch Moreland – Now has two homers in two games.  Cantu will steal time from him vs. lefties and he hasn’t hit for much of anything average-wise lately, but it looks like Moreland’s hot.

Jose Reyes – I read he took BP.  Where, to see the fish they’re killing?  Oh, batting practice!  Yeah, Reyes said he might be able to play this weekend.

Tom Gorzelanny – Last week one of my borderline starters on the Pirates was injured by a comebacker.  This week the Pirates injured Gorzelanny with a comebacker.  I sure hope no one finds out I’m the puppet master behind all of this.  Hmm… Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that.  Okay, move on to the next blurb now.

Brett Anderson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Yankees.  Was kinda surprised to see Anderson not owned in 100% of ESPN leagues.  He should be.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Hit his third homer this week.  Still having a hard time recommending him, but you can take my non-committal recommendation as a recommendation.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. Max Scherzer’s 9 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Why don’t any of my leagues award no decisions?  I pillaged some seriously good people in a former life for the win karma I have.

Wilson Ramos – Ivan Rodriguez strikes me as a guy who won’t want to take a seat very often for some rookie upstart.  *while chomping a cigar* Yeah, I’m Pudge, see.  And I don’t take no seat for no kid. *removing the cigar*  On a side note, my Pudge nickname wasn’t always ironic.  So in NL-Only keepers, grab Ramos if you must, but unless he’s playing every day, there’s not much here.

Nyjer Morgan – Didn’t you think Nyjer was a good guy up until about two weeks ago when he threw a baseball at a fan?  I love this heel turn.  Too bad Tito Santana had the last laugh.  I mean, Gaby Sanchez.  Hehe, you got hit by a guy with a girl’s name!

Yonder Alonso – Young man, there’s a place you can go.   I said, young man–  Wait, was I typing that?  Alonso’s another great future prospect that you can read about at my call-ups post.  This year, he has no playing time.  I’m sure December Grey will go over all of these guys for 2011.

Aroldis Chapman – 1 IP and his first win.  I imagine it’ll be easy for hitters when they are seeing him more than once in a game.  Right now, I’ll be shocked when someone gets a hit off him.  Call his fastball The Keyser Soze because he throws it and…  Poof, it’s gone.