When the celestial falls to earth; when the sublime becomes mundane; when the pure, the pious, the unadulterated is driven to corruption of the flesh and faith; when these happenings occur, it is with the greatest dread that Man witnesses a true Fall From Grace.
So has it been, in 2021, with the vaunted “No-Hitter”.
Like, who gives a shit anymore?
I jest, dear reader, I jest. Of course the accomplishment of surrendering nary a hit throughout the entirety of a contest is a mighty one, and should not– shall not!– be sullied by the recent relatively pedestrian nature of the feat.
Six no-hitters– one shy of the single-season high– have already been tossed in the first two months of the young season, but get this, dear reader… only three teams have suffered as the hitless eunuchs on the opposing side of the monumental deed.
That’s right, the Mariners, the Rangers, and the Indians have each suffered two of the season’s six no-hitters.
The Mariners secured not a single hit against the Orioles’ John Means on 5th May, and then also against Spencer Turnbull of the Motor City Kitties just 13 days later.
Before we move on with this examination, let us peer closer at that. Spencer Turnbull.
Spencer Turnbull of the 107 career ERA+.
Spencer.
Turnbull.
Moving on.
The Rangers kicked off the Season of the No-Hitter by laying down their bats as if they were French military-issue, as on 9th April, Joe Musgrove of the Padres accomplished the feat. Then on 19th May, Corey Kluber of the Pinstripes also sent the Rangers to the clubhouse without collecting a single hit.
The Indians? Occupying 2nd place in the AL Central and owning a winning record could not keep them out of this missive, as they suffered the ordeal against division-rival Chicago and Carlos Rodon on 14th April. Rodon, in point of fact, was a size 13 shoe away from a perfect game, having dropped a slider on the foot of Roberto Perez in the 9th inning. Then on 7th May, the Indians did it again– or rather, did nothing again– as Wade Miley of the Reds achieved the previously-believed-to-be-difficult accomplishment.
So how many more no-hitters will we bear witness to this season? It remains to be seen, dear reader, but with the surety I have in the eventual return of the Dread Lord Cthulhu, I can say there will be more.
But all this distracts me from my purpose. To inform you of the current status of the 2021 RazzSlam. First, where do we find out previous Top Five?
Formerly in 3rd place, Ellis Canady of Rotoballer has tumbled, like the sanctity of the no-hitter, down a hill, pell mell, tumble bumble, to 57th overall.
Formerly in 5th place, Razzball’s own Coolwhip has stumbled just a bit, to 14th overall.
But three of our former Top Five– Brian Seymour (1st place to 5th), Sammy Reid (2nd to 3rd), and current overall leader Nick Mariano (4th to 1st), remain!
Joining Brian, Sammy, and Nick in the Top Five:
Second overall is a fan entrant– though his name on the NFC site requires a Dan Brown-level attempt at scrying– Chris Dopp. His battalion consists of Trevor Bauer, Yu Darvish, Fernando Tatis Jr, Vladimir Guerrero Jr., Mark Melancon, just to name a few.
Another fan, Joe Asher, occupies 4th place, based in large part to the performances of three of the men aforementioned in this dispatch: Joe Musgrove, Carlos Rodon, and Corey Kluber.
But special kudos to Brian Seymour, Sammy Reid, and your current RazzSlam leader, Nick Mariano for maintaining their successes in now two consecutive months.
Coming next week, dear and loyal reader: a trip back to FAABidden Island!
Spencer. Turnbull.
