Alex Castellanos was called up by the Dodgers to replace the DL’d Kemp, so what’s this guy’s story? He was found in an orphanage in Crete. He grew up eating ambrosia, feta and olives. He spent all of his waking hours either playing baseball or pooping because of his diet. Oh, you mean what’s his story as in what’s his stats like? He looks like a product of the PCL, which is more glamorous than a product of Greek economists, but just as dangerous. As we know, hitting in the PCL is like hitting on the moon with an aluminum bat. So far in Triple-A this year (21 games), he has 4 homers, 7 steals and a .361 average. That’s being wholly supported by an inflated BABIP because his K-rate isn’t pretty. He’s closer to a .270 hitter with 10-ish homer power and 15-ish steal speed. That’s solid enough in NL-Only leagues for a placeholder, but I’d hold off in mixed leagues for now. In keepers, I’d pursue slightly more aggressively, but he is already 25 and from his picture it looks like it’s a Latin 25. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Matt Kemp – Won’t return for at least 4 weeks with a strain in two different places. One place is his hamstring, the other place is his ears from the high-pitched screeches of his fantasy owners. Hopefully, he only needs a month, but no one’s saying yet. As Vin Scully would say, “The truth is out there.” Wait, that’s the wrong Scully.
Ted Lilly – Headed for an MRI on Friday. Sounds like Friday is dress up day in the Lilly household. This week he’s being Chipper Jones.
Chad Billingsley – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks. His ERA is now at 4.09. Member in the beginning of the year when some people got sucked in by Billingsley? Ah, yes, we were younger then, and you had more hair!
Nick Markakis – Injured his hamate bone and will miss a month. That’ll teach Markakis to anger Hamatheus, God of Wrists.
Jeff Samardzija – The Cubs announced every player is for sale, except Samardzija. So the Cubs voweled to lose everyone.
Troy Tulowitzki – Placed on the DL today after we reported yesterday that he would be placed on the DL after reading about it elsewhere. It’s the world we live in. I blame Twitter.
Carlos Gonzalez – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs as he homered in his 4th straight at-bat. You’re clutch, CarGo. The Elias Sports Bureau said CarGo’s month of May gave more fantasy baseballers an erection than any month since Jeter’s owners in July of 2009, but that was because his then-current girlfriend, Rachel Uchitel, was in the stands at every game. Actually, they didn’t say that, but this was heard this week around the Elias Sports Bureau, “Bill, in accounting, asked 17 different people if they thought his Facebook statuses were funny, which was a new record, besting his previous week’s 16 times.”
Michael Cuddyer – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs as he takes over the cleanup spot in Colorado. So far, Cuddyer’s been surprisingly valuable. I don’t mean no one expected it, I mean if you look at his power and speed stats, they don’t seem great, but he’s on pace for a 90/20/100/.280/12 season, which is valuable. Considering Uggla will hit .250 with 30 homers and no steals, it’s basically the same fantasy value as Cuddyer.
Jordan Pacheco – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and a steal. He’s now hit in 15 of 16 games, but since he’s had little outside of just hits (no steals or homers), I haven’t talked much about him. So let’s, shall we? Thanks, clunky expository question! Pacheco, might have a name that sounds like a Japanese video game company, but he doesn’t put up video game numbers. If you combine all of his minor league homers above High-A, he has 10 homers in 2 years. In the same amount of time, he has 5 steals. The toilet called and said flush me. He’s really nothing to see outside of NL-Only leagues, and even there he has little upside. I’d say he’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he won’t. I just talked about him here. Go back to the word, “Jordan,” and read again.
David Robertson – (Someone just got caught in an endless loop of reading Pacheco’s blurb. That’ll teach them to listen to me!) Robertson’s out another two weeks, though there’s no discomfort in his oblique — vague (why he needs 2 more weeks then). Stop flying so close to the sun with your dazzling K-rate and pitch for our deep league fantasy teams.
Brett Gardner – Could take BP this weekend. Where’s he taking Brandon Phillips? He has games! *checking notes* Oh, that means batting practice.
Alex Avila – He left yesterday’s game after taking a foul ball off the nose. The Tigers are calling him day-to-day. Hopefully he has unlimited minutes.
Will Middlebrooks – I found this to be hilarious. To help get him in the lineup, the Red Sox had Middlebrooks take grounders at shortstop. I picture them saying, “He’s never played middle infield, but he has middle in his name so he should be a natural.” Next thing you know, the Red Sox are going to commission a play from Daniel Bard.
Josh Beckett – 7 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 K. Since baseball thought it was Sandy Koufax and Thursday was Yom Kippur, it scheduled next to no games, so I got to watch a full Red Sox game for the first time all year. My biggest takeaway is… Who is Jenny Dell? This girl should be a sportscaster for every sporting event ever evented. Who’s her agent? Who’s her husband? Who lives next door to her and can they sublet me a room? My other takeaway is Josh Beckett was lucky to only give up 4 runs. He fooled one guy — the cameraman who panned up when it was just a line drive.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs as he homered yesterday. As previously mentioned aforementionedly, there was next-to-no baseball yesterday, so I got to thinking about how if Saltalamacchia’s parents had come over to America when there was a backlash against ethnic surnames, he would’ve shortened his name to Salt. So that’s a vote for homogeny.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. He just seems to go through moments of lost focus. Their lines aren’t that different, but Scherzer looked a lot better than Beckett. Then again, I’m not a scout; we were all fired when Moneyball came out.
Quintin Berry – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 steals. He went 1-for-9 with 7 Ks in the two prior games. Also, Austin Jackson is due back shortly. I’m not trying to rain on his parade, just suggesting you bring an umbrella.
Bud Norris – 1 2/3 IP, 9 ER at Colorado. I love you, but you were a gooftard if you started Norris in this game.
J.D. Martinez – 1-for-4 with a homer. Ya know, he would’ve been a smart extremely short schedule day pick up. Alas, hindsight is Freddie Freeman’s vision with goggles.
Adam Lind – He was sent to Triple-A yesterday, after the Blue Jays sent him to waivers, and he wasn’t claimed by anyone. Nick Punto has a major league job and no one’s claiming Lind. Imagine the grimiest nightclub, then imagine the coat room at 4 AM. Now look inside the one coat that’s left there? There’s a dead prostitute in that jacket! That’s Lind!
