The Blue Demon That Injured Ohtani Has Summoned De Paula

Talking to my Shohei Ohtani bobblehehead, “You’re going to be okay. You just need to rest a few days.” [Moving his head and miming talking] “I’m sorry, what?” [picking up my Shohei Ohtani translator bobblehead] “Unfortunately, I tried to play through a shoulder, knees and elbow, knees and elbows, knees and elbows pain. I’m sorry that I failed you.” No, you didn’t fail me. You failed the entire world!!! Sorry, no, that’s not true. Pete Crow-Armstrong wasn’t failed, because he will win the MVP unanimously now. Just thought of a funny bit: Going to a sports book, and talking to the person at the betting window with my Ohtani bobblehead. Wonder if I’d get thrown out. Any hoo! Dodgers called up Itch’s top Dodgers prospect Josue De Paula. He said about him previously, “Listed at 6’3” 185 pounds, De Paula appears to be bigger than that to the naked eye–not that I’m walking around with inappropriate eyewear looking at teenage athletes. A left-handed hitter with impressive contact skills for a guy his size, De Paula has yet to really lift the ball in regular season play, topping out at 12 home runs in 98 High-A games in 2025, slashing .263/.406/.421 with 86 strikeouts, 81 walks, and 32 steals in 40 attempts. He was 2.2 years younger than the average age in the Midwest League, so we have a lot of reasons to believe the power will come sooner than later. He closed out the season with a week in Double-A, where he will likely open 2026 as one of the youngest players at that level, and I’d like to open a wound on Grey’s head.” What the heck? That’s from the previous preseason, and De Paula did not let up: 105/26/101/.302/31 in Double-A as a 21-year-old. Seems kinda unfair that someone this good could be in the Dodgers’ system. I could see picking him up in any league for an upside flyer, but the reality of the situation is with two-plus weeks left: Do you want a rookie upside flyer or a vet who is actually hitting well like Richie Palacios? There’s a reason why Dick Palace will be in this afternoon’s Buy column. By the way, Rudy, who does the titles, told me to include this:

Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Victor Mesa Jr. – 1-for-1 and his 12th homer. Don’t usually mention pinch-hit homers, which this was, but there were five games all day, and Vic Table Jr. also homered the day before, so could be a little hot schmotato alert.

Nick Martinez – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.92. You in the preseason, “I’ve studied your starter rankings for 56 days straight. I could recite your entire blurb for Spencer Arrighetti by heart and he’s your 146 starter ranked. The first 145 are committed to memory too. I will absolutely kill this draft, and by kill I mean the good killing.” You now, “So, I had Hunter Brown and lost my H2H playoff to someone who farted the alphabet through our draft and picked up Nick Martinez. I want to die. The bad dying.”

Martin Perez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.08. “So, I followed your draft advice, grabbing six starters, spaced perfectly in my snake draft. I cannot lose this league…” “…I just lost to someone who autodrafted Martin Perez in the 2nd round.”

Max Fried – 3 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.73. He recorded ten outs, allowed one hit, walked two (just recounting shizz now) and threw 80 pitches (new info). If this were ten years ago, I’d guess he was injured or nursing something, but now, honestly, I have no idea if 80 pitches is a full start; he didn’t have it or a mystery Dum-Dum lollipop behind door number three.

Anthony Volpe – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and a slam (2) and legs (8). How crazy is it that on Wednesday Lombard hit the Yanks’ first grand slam of the season? Nuts, right? Well, now they have two with Volpe hitting one on Thursday. Baseball, man.

Luis Garcia Jr. – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer, 2nd homer in two games. On the same mic Lou Gehrig gave his famous “Luckiest man on the face of the earth” speech, me chanting to the crowd, “LuGaJu! LuGaJu! LuGaJu!”

Kyle Karros – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. He won’t be in the Buy column this afternoon, but him and the Rockies are going home for ten games starting Monday. Sounds extremely promising.

Jacob deGrom – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.80. Getaway days are the best days for starters and no empirical evidence will change my mind. Give me empirical evidence and I’ll say, “Ooh, someone is an Imperial Officer for the Dark Side and you’re Darth Nerd. What’s up, Darth Nerd?” Any hoo! It’s cool to get Old School deGrom and not just Old deGrom for one game, at least.

Joc Pederson – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .234. Rangers are in such a bad stadium, they might have two guys (Joc/Burger) reach 30 homers and not even be over 50% rostered for most of the year. Their hitting sucks, I think because of their stadium, but — wait it gets worse! — their pitching ranks 21st overall for ERA with a 4.31 ERA. This is the same beguiling oh-crap-that-sucks the Mariners are pulling off.

Julio Rodriguez – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer, hitting .239. True story alert! I went to the bathroom with deGrom throwing a one-hitter and did a pee-pee (checked mirror to admire hair, but nothing that long, didn’t even wash hands! Oh stop, like you do at home) and returned to the Mariners beating the Rangers. Welp, nice to see JRod get going early. As I always say, he’s mostly a 2nd half of September hitter.

Logan Gilbert – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.72. Exhibit 34,000,127 that Wins Are Stupid. Gilbert was out-matched in every way by deGrom and Logan got the Win. If you’re in a league with Wins as a category, think on that. One whole category is totally arbitrary. That’s why I have an ulcer!

Erick Fedde – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.97. Streamonator has Fedde at the Guards next, and I don’t like it, and the robot doesn’t like it. Prepare for a Fedde whopped.

Braxton Ashcraft – Hit the IL with a made-up injury. Nice to see the Pirates using a little Dodgers’ fake-injury magic.

Oneil Cruz – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, hitting .276. His home run went 700 feet, give or take. Can we talk about how he’s a .280 hitter now and next year I’m gonna draft him and he’s gonna hit .180? How cool is that?

Jared Jones – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.10. Not sure if it’s true, but it feels like right now the White Sox (Jones’s opponent) has a 40 K% collectively. Not to take anything away from Jones (while doing just that), but the Shite Sox are stumbling to the finish line.

Cam Smith – 2-for-3 and  his 20th homer, and 3rd homer in three straight games. Okay, so I said something like him going to Driveline this offseason would get me interested in 2027, but also if he homers in 15 straight games to end the year, that would also get me interested. Smith isn’t in this afternoon’s Buy, because I think he’s rostered in more than 50% of leagues, but if he’s available, he’s clearly hot.

Cristian Javier – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.50. Streamonator actually likes his next one (a little), but I don’t trust Javier at all. If you want to try him, you are on your own. But I will be here for you after, in a strictly consoling capacity.

Zack Wheeler – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.14. This was the 2nd time Wheeler threw 110 pitches or more this season, joining Dylan Cease (five) as the only pitchers to do so more than once this year. Starters in the year 2070: “Wow, he threw two pitches? That’s crazy. Does he still have an arm? No? Aw shucks. That sucks. That’s what happens when a guy tries to throw more than one 130 MPH pitch.”