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Psst!  This post is gonna list 2nd basemen that you should target in your 2014 fantasy baseball drafts.  I’m whispering because you don’t want everyone to see this post.  No, I can’t whisper louder.  Then it WOULDN’T BE WHISPERING!  Okay, gig’s up (or maybe that’s jig’s up), the love I’m about to reiterately (Made Up Word of the Day!) confirm are guys I love later in drafts. Am I drafting any of these guys in the first 12 rounds? Probably not (except for Brad Miller — hello, beautiful! Come here, let Grey massage your balls…The balls of your feet, silly!  Oh, that feels good on my hands.  Can I tickle your toes with my mustache?  Weird?). These are players that you’re looking at later and all of them have ADPs after 200.  Some could be the 2nd baseman on your team, they are more than likely MIs.  This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Spanish-speaking-ones) supplement to the top 20 2nd basemen for 2014 fantasy baseball.  Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2014 projections.  Anyway, here’s some 2nd basemen to target for 2014 fantasy baseball:

Brad Miller (MDC 195, Yahoo 212, ESPN 299) – I dropped on you a Brad Miller sleeper post and ranked him about 100 spots before any other site.  Haven’t felt the love like I want so I’m gonna go over again why you should love him compared to others.  I’m going to take me out of the equation.  Steamer’s projections have him down for 83/15/63/.267/14.  Cousin Oliver’s projections have him down for 74/17/70/.273/13.  I have him down for 69/14/62/.272/13.  So, I’m not even the most optimistic.  If you believe Steamer (which you should since he had the best projections when Rudy makes the playing time adjustments), and compare Miller to Howie Kendrick’s projections at ESPN (67/12/66/.285/10), it’s not really close.  Miller is much better than Kendrick, and ESPN has Kendrick at 173 overall.  Rudy has Miller down for twelve dollars worth of fantasy value in Yahoo leagues (where he has 2nd base eligibility).  That’s more than Matt Carpenter, Daniel Murphy, Howie Kendrick, Brandon Phillips, Chase Utley, Jed Lowrie and on and on and on.  So, I love him, but you don’t even need to trust me to draft Miller.  Oh, and here’s what my dog Ted had to say about Brad Miller.

Jurickson Profar (Yahoo 192, MDC 217) I almost didn’t include Profar because I’m getting the sense that he’s being overvalued as a sleeper.  I still like him and if you can get him at a discount, then by all means.  I’m worried Profar might suffer from Bernie Williams Disease.  The Center for Disease Control and Prevention lists Bernie Williams Disease as a non-fatal disease that causes a runner to pick ’em up and put ’em down without going anywhere.  Colloquially, the disease is also known as GNF (Going Nowhere Fast).  Only real side effect to this disease is a player looks a whole lot faster than they actually are.

Kolten Wong – (ESPN 276, Yahoo 283, MDC 331)  You’re going to get a director’s cut blurb.  Before Mark Ellis signed with the Cards, I wrote this but never posted it, “Now that Kolten Wong gets a full time job, he’ll immediately be mixed league relevant and around a top fifteen option with a chance for more.  He reminds me of Pedroia and not just because both need their tippy-toes to get on a roller coaster.  A 2nd baseman with 10-homer, 20-steal speed and a solid average is legit, but also on the precipice of Whatever.  He comes up short — no comment on his size — and he’s a guy that gives 7 homers and 15 steals with a .280 average and is exactly that — whatever.  This is the nature of what hitting has become.  Goodbye are the days when you were deciding between a 30-homer and a 30-steal 2nd baseman.  Am I as excited about him like I’m a pre-teen girl going to see One Direction?  Nope, but I’m not entirely sure why not.  He’s as cute as Harry Styles, but I think his yawnstipating first dip in the majors is playing a role in my lack of enthusiasm.  If he would’ve played better after his promotion, I’d be slightly more jazzed, bebopping around.  Knowing the Cards though, he’ll probably get 120 runs batting out of the eight hole.  I’m only half joking.  No idea which half, but since girls laugh when I remove my pants I’m gonna say it’s my bottom half that’s joking.”  And that’s me quoting non-posted me!  Then the Cardinals grabbed Mark Ellis and wet-blanketed the heck out of my already waning enthusiasm.  I bet there’s gonna be a moment in the summer when Ellis is hurt and I’m telling people to grab Wong like Pee Wee Herman in an adult theater, but for now, your league has to be deep to draft him.

Josh Rutledge (Yahoo 293, MDC 435, ESPN unranked) Everyone who followed my lead last year got burned by Josh Rutledge, and you might get burned by Nolan Arenado this year, but any time a guy in Coors has a chance to walk away with a full-time job, you have to take the gamble.  Rutledge still has 15/15 potential, and shouldn’t hit .235 again.  He might need to Jeff Gillooly DJ LeMahieu though.  BTW, I have a theory that one of the Daft Punk guys is really DJ LeMahieu.

Scooter Gennett (ESPN unranked, Yahoo unranked) The Brewers said Scooter (hehe) would start at 2nd base, but since they did that prior to trading away Weeks (nice negotiating tactic!), they now have a platoon that doesn’t work.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the Brewers give Weeks away for five cents on the dollar at some point during the year, but until that happens Scooter (seriously, your name makes me giggle) could win a full-time job because the Brewers are so done with Weeks.  If there was no Scooter (c’mon, it’s just silly!), the Brewers seem like they’re so fed up with Weeks they would play a man short before letting Weeks take the field.  It’s kinda like when you dislike a girl so much, you break up with her even if you don’t have a back-up option and you know this will mean a good two years before you have sex again.

Emilio Bonifacio (MDC 332, ESPN unranked, Yahoo unranked) Since I did my rankings, Bonifacio got the boot from the Royals and landed in Chicago.  The Purple Evolutionist supposedly has 2nd base on lock, but he’s a Quad-A player; Malbuena is making 3rd base the Not Corner and the outfield is a jamboree of playing time for players that have never been full-time players and may not know what to do with the job.  Bonifacio could replace any and/or all of them.  He might just platoon with Darwin to be The Evolvo Dinosaurio.  Shoot, let the Cubs go with just Rizzo on the right side of the field and just Bonifacio on the left.  Right now, Steamer’s Projections has Emily Goodface down for 206 ABs, but that feels low.  I have him down for 401, but that feels high.  I don’t hate the late-round gamble that Goodface can get the ABs and steals.

Anthony Rendon – (ESPN 240, Yahoo 253, MDC 268) Before you say there’s no 2nd basemen to draft late, there’s not.  It’s all right; if you follow my rankings, you’ll draft Gyorko much earlier then grab a shortstop for your MI spot.  If you go with a 2B for MI, Rendon might be nothing but a poor man’s Daniel Murphy.  Call him Daniel Burpy.  Rendon doesn’t have big upside with power or speed.  If he has a 10 HR, 3 SB year, it wouldn’t surprise me.  Ugh, I gotta get out of this blurb before I lower Rendon in my rankings.

Dee Gordon (ESPN unranked, Yahoo unranked, MDC unranked) – Alexander Guerrero really only had the unknown thing going for him.  It’s sorta like when a terrible professional wrestler dons a mask or some disguise and is suddenly taken serious, until he’s unmasked and gets pinned in under two minutes.  Alexander Guerrero is basically Doink the Clown.  The Dodgers unmasked Doink in Spring Training and are considering going with Dee Gordon.  I haven’t bumped Dee Gordon up in my rankings yet, because this situation is still fluid.  I have dropped Alexander Guerrero, because when a team that signs him doesn’t even want him, I have my doubts about taking him for my fantasy team.  Right now, I have Gordon down in my top 400 for 250 ABs and 25 steals.  He could easily get 40 steals and be a poor man’s EverCab.  I will call him WhateverCab,