Greetings! I missed you like Jean-Claude Van Damme, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, John Cusack, and Christian Slater miss making films that actually hit theaters. HOWEVER, during our lengthy and sometimes painful separation, I was able to meditate a great deal on which direction my writing career should go. Okay, so I mostly just thought about whether or not I should shave my chest or not this summer, but I did spend a few seconds wondering how far we can take, Disgrace/Delight. Movies? Television? Books? Video Games? Porn? Music? Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, say he’s a lover of the arts… But you didn’t come here to discuss whether or not I should wax my chest (or are you?). You have come here, to Razzball.com, the greatest website ever created, to discuss the SP position for 2015, and I, Tehol Beddict, am here to force feed you a few of my thoughts on the subject. I must warn ye, the writing below is explosive, provocative and not for the closed minded. If this is you in a nutshell, I am going to request that you light some scented candles, run a hot bath, and hold downward dog for a good 25 minutes while only breathing through your nose. Ready? Good, good. Let’s hit it.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

 

Pitchers that will Delight

Taijuan Walker – I haven’t witnessed someone this young and hungry for greatness since Kim Kardashian was gobbling tubesteak, served by none other than the legendary Chef Ray J. Walker bummed us all out by only making it to the mound for five starts last season, but look for him to make it up to us in spades in 2015, as I haven’t seen this kind of promise in a young man since the Elder God blessed River Phoenix graced the silver screen. RIP. “Sky” Walker is only 22 years old, meaning that until recently he was unable to purchase his own half gallon Carlo Rossi jugs at the corner store. His measurables; 6’4” and 230 pounds, get my G-string sopping wet! What’s he done this spring though? Oh, you know, only 18 innings pitched, with a 0.00 ERA, 18 k’s, and 0.56 WHIP. Laaaaaawd!!!! If Walker is not rewarded a spot in the rotation it will be the most ghastly event to occur to Seattle sports fans since the Sonics were stolen.

Walker is going EXTREMELY late in drafts at this point in time. Strike hard and strike true, my friends.

Gerrit Cole –  This former number one overall pick checks in at the ripe age of 24. The K’s per nine jumped from 7.7 to 9 last season, so I’m not really worried about the ERA spiking a tad. Even Ray Charles can see that Cole is all about that hog life, as this prize pig has a legitimate shot at the Cy Young this season. Get on board or watch your title hopes disappear like a fart in the wind. Cole’s talent is thicker than a bowl of oatmeal (FOLLOW THAT LINK. TRUST ME), so eat you some!

Michael Wacha-Ya’ll recall when Wacha Flocka Flame was mowing down the Dodgers in the 2013 playoffs? Only once have I witnessed something that impressive, something that spectacular.  I was hanging with Stephen Dorff at Chateau Marmont in the Summer of 2002 and a squadron of French MILFS entered the premises. The man honestly railed his entire name, written on the table in Columbian snow, then proceeded to give each and every one of these women the rodgering of their lives (I received sloppy seconds), sending them home with signed copies of the criminally underrated Deuces Wild. So yes, other than Eiffel Towering multiple French babes with Dorff, witnessing Wacha single hand-idly carry the Cardinals to the World Series was the coolest thing I’ve ever been a part of. Wacha looks good to go after starting three games this spring, treating the opposition like peasants with a 1.76 ERA and an extremely solid K’s-per-nine. After his historic run in the playoffs of 2013, I viewed Wacha as a future top-10 fantasy pitcher, and though the injury scares me a tad, like Tom Sizemore refusing to admit he has a drug problem, I’m holding strong.

Tim Lincecum – Just Kidding!

Beddict on Television……

The Last Man On Earth – The homey from MacGruber is worth watching in anything as far as I’m concerned. Speaking of MacGruber, is there a more criminally underrated film in our nation’s history? [Jay’s Note: Val Kilmer is AMAZING in it.] I challenge you to sit down this weekend and watch both, Malibu’s Most Wanted and MacGruber, back-to-back if possible. You shan’t regret it.

giphy-facebook_s

I don’t normally do network television, but each episode of TLMOE has kept me thoroughly entertained. His female counterpart is a bit annoying, but the scintillatingly stunning January Jones joins the cast in the 3rd or 4th episode. The previews for the show were misleading, as they didn’t show much of anything other than a hobo looking like Will Forte do just about everything we’d ever imagine doing if there were no other humans to share the earth with. That’s simply not the case, but it doesn’t make the show any less awesome so I suppose the marketers succeeded in their job.  This show is definitely worth your time and is Beddict approved. Check it.

 

Pitchers that will Disgrace

Yovani Gallardo – Good luck in the AL where Y.G. is gonna get beaten like a piñata. Coming off the lowest K=rate of his career, I fully expect a declining Gallardo to fall apart in 2015.  I’m willing to bet Ralph Lipshitz’s left testicle the ERA is well over four this season. For a dude who threw four straight 200-K seasons, the 146 he threw last year is looking extremely peasant-like. To be frank, Gallardo was just plain lucky last season. Expect the worst. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

Kevin Gausman – Though this young man was the 4th overall pick of the 2012 draft, I don’t view him as more than a number three starter on his own team, and certainly not your three on your fantasy roster. Gausman simply doesn’t pass the eyeball test if my opinion. Then again, I need lasik, so I could be completely off base here. One of my fantasy clients, who happens to be a rockstar, insists upon holding Gausman in his keeper league instead of guys like Baez or Danny Santana. I’ve tried to talk him out of it to no avail, so hopefully, for his sake, I’m incorrect. Gausman is nothing but a late round flyer and should NOT be going ahead of players like the aforementioned Taijuan Walker or Seattle’s other young stallion, James Paxton.

Michael Pineda – Why is Pineda the 68th ranked pitcher on ESPN?!?!?!? Taijuan Walker and James Paxton are both ranked far below a dude who’s about as durable as two-ply toilet paper. You’ll find no bigger fan of Pineda than myself, but his career is eerily similar to that of Tara Reid. His rookie season with the Mariners was American Pie. The rest of his career is a bunch of botched plastic surgeries and Sharknado. I don’t see how Pineda is anything but a late round flyer to fill your roster. Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, say he worships Stifler.

 

Thank you for joining me for what I hope was another enthralling edition of Disgrace/Delight. It’s an absolute pleasure to write for Razzball and converse with you all in the comment section. Speaking of the comment section, feel free to drop your questions and general ratings of my column in the space provided below and let us speak of sports, love, and entertainment. I hope you’ve had a glorious week thus far and look forward to continue serving you.

Yours Forever,

TB

 

Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Tehol143.

 
  1. Maver1ck says:
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    Well done, as always, Mr. Beddict !

    Thoughts on Drew Smyly or Homer Bailey? Both look to be opening the first couple weeks of the season on the DL, which has seen them fall a few rounds in the drafts I’ve been a part of. Think either might outperform their draft positions?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Maver1ck: definitely. I mean, ESPN has Smily ranked below peons like Gausman, Dickey, Kazmir, and Pineda which is downright disrespectful. Bailey I’m not 100 percent sold on, especially with the injuries and having a weak ass season in 2014 fresh off tha 100 million dollar deal. Potentially a steal tho and deserves to go higher than he has been. Thanks for reading Mav. 100

  2. Mike says:
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    Starting piching is already a mess this year.
    What your thoughts on a waiver-wire Hyun-jin Ryu?
    Drop Brandon McCarthy for him?

    Thanks…

    Mike.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mike: tough call. I probably trust Ryu a tad more than McCarthy. think they both have solid years but don’t have a problem with that trade off

  3. Ante GALIC says:
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    Tehol,

    Very well written article. Much appreciated.

    Lincy could do well, especially Bochy rooting for him. Especially like Cole this year.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ante GALIC: Thank you, sir. I appreciate cha.

      Lincy seems finico to me. been terrible. extremely saddening.
      thanks for your checking in

  4. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    One time I did glue with Eddie Money behind a 7-11 and was the lookout while he plugged a $10 hooker for $8.

    Two tickets to paradise indeed!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: WOW! i always dreamed of plowing Anna Nicole Smith to “take me home tonight.” Eddie Money is a God. the hooker should have paid him. so you didnt watch tho?

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I got to save something for the forthcoming book “Life O’ Lifshitz”

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Ralph Lifshitz: mark me down for 200 copies cuz

  5. Ray Liotta's Dermatologist says:
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    god damn, you are a wordsmith

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ray Liotta’s Dermatologist: as well as c*cksmith. Thank you. i love what you’ve done with Ray’s mouth. incredible work. #Kudos

      • Swfcdan says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Dont believe you about the cocksmith part. Show your crown jewels to prove it.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Swfcdan: Imma show the whole world if Gonzaga wins national title . one hundo

  6. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    thanks,love the article,i remember when i stashed Gallardo and Joba thinking i had found gold,i stuck with them both for about 3 years, So whats your thoughts on Rodon this year

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @AL KOHOLIC: JOBA!!!!! i was so obsessed with him, bruh…SMFH! after those locusts or whatever Da phuck swarmed his ass in the playoffs he’s never been remotely close to the man he once was. I had Gallardo last year and was pleasantly surprised but he was extremely lucky.

      LOOOOOVE RODON!!! he’s all about that hog life. definely worth a late round flyer not sure how long he gonna be down but he looks like a future legend to me. thanks for checking in. what you sipping on lately, Alky???

      • AL KOHOLIC says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: mainly beer,wine and a nip of patron,love woodford reserve but its like smoking weed,if you dont do it all the time,you loose your tolorrence,hehe

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @AL KOHOLIC: nice. Blaze one for da nation

  7. Hayden says:
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    ya’ll are getting some serious lovin over at razzball

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Hayden: BOOM SHOCKALOCKA!!!! before i wrote here, I only read this website along with ESPN. we on the way. thanks for pointing that out Hay. May the Elder Gods send you their blessings

  8. Lville Jim says:
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    Just did a draft a few days ago, got Walker and Wacha. Hopefully they delight the shit outta me.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Lville Jim: ummmmmm have u seen Sky walker lately? It’s already been written, playboy. Sit back and watch. #Kudos

  9. Marley says:
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    12 tm redraft lge. got offered taijuan and eovaldi for hughes and benoit. which side u likey?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Marley: walker side. Find another closer elsewhere. I know some are very high on Hughes but he means nothing to me. Like eovaldi also

  10. Mail Kimp says:
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    Seeing that I drafted 2 of the 3 delights is a helluva affirmation for my draft. Would you deal Walker for Joc Pederson? I have Tomas ands it sounds like he will be in the minors to start the season. Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mail Kimp: hmmmmm. Very tough call. How’s ur staff (pause)? Walker is a star but Pedersen may have more value for this season. Wherever u weakest I’d go with. Can’t go wrong either way. Two hogs

      • Mail Kimp says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: thanks man! Currently rostering Harvey/Ross/Carrasco/Shoemacher/McHugh/Wacha/Walker/H Alvarez/ A Wood. The staff is strong. Pause. oF is Adam Jones/CarGo/Heyward/Tomas/Harrison. No bench bats.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Mail Kimp: daaaaaaaaaaamn, hommeeeeeeeey. We can find bench bats later if necessary

          • Mail Kimp says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: haHa! Well I guess I will let it ride. Thanks and I hope to see more posts soon!

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Mail Kimp: every week, playa. Think I’m on wednesday’s in the future.

  11. FatManWalksAlone says:
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    Please help me pick 3 keepers of the below 4 players (1 is a pitcher). Auction league:

    –Dee Gordon – Value ($13) – Auction Keeper Value ($4)
    –Jorge Soler – Value ($8) – Auction Keeper Value ($3)
    –Ian Desmond – Value ($23) – Auction Keeper Value ($15)
    –Aroldis Chapman – Value ($18) – Auction Keeper Value ($12)

    I want to keep Dee and Desmond, but I am torn between Chapman and Soler.

    THANKS!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @FatManWalksAlone: that’s a very tough call. I’m a sucker for bats so I might take soler since Chapman is forever a closer and u can find those. Could u just redrafr Chapman as soler may go for higher

      • FatManWalksAlone says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Thanks for the reply!! I feel like Chapman is the best closer in baseball, but I got my ass kicked in the outfield last year, so I guess it makes sense to grab some cheap talent…..especially if he develops more I’ll get him for cheap next year also.

        Thanks!!

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @FatManWalksAlone: always my brotha. come to me whenever you are in need. let the Elder Gods guide you

  12. Zeus says:
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    I’m picturing Cockroft telling that same story. Then his head exploding

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zeus: LMAO. cockcroft ain’t about that life , Zeus.

      • zeus says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Dude cockroft is constantly doing molly

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @zeus: i’d give give half a year’s razzball salary to witness Cockcroft at the club on Molly. #PopTheMollyImSweatin

  13. nick the dick says:
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    Stunned that you failed to mention Januarys name in the show is Melissa Shart. I expect more from you!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @nick the dick: SHAME ON ME!!!! I was tired uhhhhh how could I forget tho. FML

      • nick the dick says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Keep your head in the game, you’ll get em next time slugger! Always a fun read tho T-Bed.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @nick the dick: thanks, big dog. I’ll try not to let u down next time

  14. parrotheadFargo says:
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    TB- you missed Tara Reid in the Big Lebowski. How does that change your analogy?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @parrotheadFargo: ohhhhh thats riiiiiiiiiiight. i should have added that in there. all time classic. and who am I kidding? Id still hit it

  15. TJ says:
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    Pineda is a great value in espn, yahoo and cbs. Almost will cost you the same as walker. Wait on sps and grab them both.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @TJ: yea i took both last year and was obviously highly disappointed, especially after Pineda went down. Pineda just hasn’t been healthy but I’m sure will be great when on the mound. I prefer Walker

  16. Allan says:
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    Tehol great article. My staff in our points league is Strasburg, Zimmerman, Shields, Carrasco, Wood, Arrieta, Latos, Hutchison, and Shoemaker. Keuchal, Paxton, Miller, and Walker are all available. Drop anybody for one of the availables?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Allan: Big AL!!!! Ughhhhh what a nasty staff! id probably drop Hutchison for Walker or Paxton. are you speaking of Shelby Miller? tough calls here. shoemaker was incredible last year. can he do it again? paxton and Walker both have more upside than Keuchal but tough to drop him as of now. both walker and paxton will have far superior k numbers to Wood.

      • Allan says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Really? Steamer has Wood at #20 on projected k’s. I like Hutchison for the high k potential and hoping maybe Martin can work his catcher magic and bring his era down a little. My concern with Shoemaker is the same as yours, his minor league career numbers don’t match what he did last year. Ughh Walker and Paxton both look so tempting though.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Allan: thats interesting with Wood. only averaged over 7 ks per nine twice in career, including last year but the streamer is legit. I suppose he will make more starts than paxton and Walker but both these Mariners are K monsters. yea shoemaker numbers were incredible. I had to reread them as I forgot what a great year he had. my gods. id expect a drop off. Very tough call. u could stand pat until we sure mariners guys in the rotation. wood will definitely have more starts tho

          • Allan says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: Hmm…are we talking about same Wood? Cuz I mean Alex. He had a 8.9 k/9 in the minors and the same the past 2 years in the majors.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Allan: hahahah no my bad. Thought chu was talking bout cubs wood (pause). Yea u got to hold him playa. Haha my fault

  17. Hmm says:
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    Tehol, (How do you pronounce that anyway? Tee-hol? Te-hole? )

    Fun stuff as always. Genuine laughs homey. Agree on your delights, pitching is plentiful this year.

    Thinking a disgraces and delights with music would be interesting. What makes you come back for a listen more than most?

    Virtually yours,

    Lumberjacks Kerrywood

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Hmm: I also come from a family of lumberjacks.

      It’s actually pronounced “Tay-hol” but Capozzi said “Tee-hole” which is fine as well. In Spain they just call me Papi.

      Glad you enjoyed. pretty please, continue to come back.

      yea, maybe ill review an album next week for entertainment section. good call

      • Hmm says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Here’s hoping you stick to older albums. At least 5 yrs old. Gonna sound lame and old here but new albums generally suck.

        I’ll keep coming back since you come from nobility, like me!

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Hmm: ummmm, yea. i don’t listen to anything recent hahah. Sometimes I pirate, listen to once then delete. Ive given up

  18. FrankGrimes says:
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    Hey Hey
    She had a fat ass
    ya know what I’m sayin

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @FrankGrimes: I know what you’re saying, Frankfurter. Did you get your t-shirt yet???? i remember it took a while to get mine.

      • FrankGrimes says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:
        nope no biggie tho
        I’m sure it’ll be here one day

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @FrankGrimes: Like a bowl of oatmeal

  19. Bobby Nice says:
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    Tehol, I enjoy your style and appreciate ya’.
    I’ve thought of sitting most hitters against #1 SP’s this year. Have you ever done anything like that? If yes, where do you draw the line? From both the pitchers they are facing and who the hitter is? I’d only consider sitting guys against top 5-10 SP’s. And maybe starting guys against these studs who are in the top 20 – 40? It could get tricky, but I just hate the days when all number 1’s are going and you get 5/0-4’s and 3/1-5’s. Am I crazy…like a fox?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bobby Nice: Thanks dog. i also am known to get a little crazy with the lineup but 1) you have to have the bodies on the bench to be able to remove guys from the lineup and 2) yes, you have to start your stud hitter s no matter what.

      If you have better solid guys on bench with great match ups than sure, shorty swing my way and stick em in there. user the hittertron thang on razzball which is proven to be more accurate than almost any other site’s tools that I know of. I like how you think tho…….#Kudos #MadGenius

  20. Big James A'int says:
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    Val Kilmer

    5 words

    Tombstone

    Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

  21. ONCE AGAIN another EFFING teholriffic artical. I have my usual off base question . The scoring in my league is 9×9. Avg, runs, HR, RBI’S, SB, BB, K’S, TOTAL BASES, and OPS.
    PITCHING
    Wins, losses, WHIP, ERA, K’S, QS, BB, SV’s, and blown saves. I think it’s redundant but that’s where it’s at. My basic Strategies had been go heavy hitter early and get most of my Starters after round 10. Does anyone even like that many stats. Your thoughts on how you would approach this league. It is head to head. Max 4,pick ups a week 12 teams

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dnut eastwood: Eastwood, what up doooooe?!!?

      I’ve NEVER played in a league with that many categories. that’s nuts, but all in good fun. i sort of like your strategy. i’ve always been a streamer when it comes to pitchers. nice to have one ace in there tho you know what I mean, buddy boy? I’m a hitters guy tho so if you can swoop up all those young pitchers late and hit on a decent percentage of them and then stream 2 start pitchers with nice matchups you should be good to go.

      The K’s drop down some of the hitters obviously. I’ve played in points leagues where you get penalized for k’s and it burns like gonorrhea. Laaaaaaawd. but don’t let it sway you too much.

      If i haven’t answered what you were asking please let me know. I’m here all day

      • @Tehol Beddict: I’m going into this year with a unique strategy which is basically little prep or none. Go for the sluggers I guess. I read enough to know who’s who but this is the only site I have read up on Rankings. So that said I hope I never feel the burn down low ya know. Gawd bless the lawd asks keep up the Great work

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Dnut eastwood: that’s my favorite kind of strategy in life, wether its a fantasy draft, a speech at a funeral, studying for a test, or a job interview. You’re good man. look how far I made it………ughhhhh

  22. Todd says:
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    Hey, Tehol.

    Great article! So, will my staff disgrace or delight?

    Kershaw
    Felix
    Cole
    A Wood
    Shoemaker
    Hutchison
    Brett Anderson

    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Todd: Good Gods, how is this even possible? What’s ur lineup lookin like? Top 3 are guaranteed hogs.wood could dominate. Shoemaker should regress but remain solid. Always been a Huchison fan so he’s intriguing. Brett is always tantalizing. Double #Kudos points

      • Todd says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Thanks!

        It’s a 6-keeper league. I’m a Dodgers fan, so I drafted Kershaw when he was, like, 20, and have always kept him. Once upon a time, I had Josh Hamilton during the hottest month of his life, and the second he slowed down, I traded him for Felix. It’s easier to build a staff when you’re starting with Kershaw and Felix.

        my starting lineup: Ramos, Miggy (K), Cano (K), Arenado (K), Danny Santana, Fielder, Puig (K), Dickerson, Crisp

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Todd: Oh.My.God.

          #LegendaryStatus

          • Todd says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: Sweet! Glad to hear you approve.

            Thanks for taking a look.

            • LT Murray IV

              Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Todd: I’m here for you whenever you need me, Toddler.

              Here in my water bed

  23. KMDA007 says:
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    Great article, Tehol!
    Thoughts on Carlos Rodon and CJ Cron?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @KMDA007: Thanks, big dog!

      Rodon is about that Hog life and when he arrives his K rate will be near the top of the league. not sure when he’s coming tho, so theres that.

      I bet Cron rakes as the every day DH. No Josh Hamilton means closer to everyday at bats and my body quivers at the thought of this bucking bronco smashing 30

      • KMDA007 says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Kinda my thoughts…I’m super stoked about Cron as well

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @KMDA007: glad we on the same page. good luck to you, sir

          • KMDA007 says:
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            @Tehol Beddict:
            One mre thought…..TJ House?

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @KMDA007: decent late round flier option. I’m not overly excited about him, but, hey, if you are, draft him and throw a party!!!!! love his k rate so theres upside there. you’re full on interesting questions, my man. Keep em comin!!

              • KMDA007 says:
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                @Tehol Beddict:
                Thanks for the help brother!

                • LT Murray IV

                  Tehol Beddict says:
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                  @KMDA007: cheeeeeeeeea

  24. thesportsguy says:
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    10 Team AL only, can keep for this year only…

    $5….Tajuan Walker or Derek Holland?….three weeks ago it was defintely Holland….now?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @thesportsguy: Im on Walker, man. I truly am. Holland is replaceable for me on waivers. Walker could dominate right away. sort of a tough call tho. WOuldnt blame you either way, but me???? Personally, I’m going Walker there.

      thanks for checking in

      • thesportsguy says:
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        I agree on Walker upside…but remember this is 10 team AL only…replacement value a LOT harder….Holland isnt losing his job….4 bad starts from Walker?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @thesportsguy: I got you I got you. I’m just thinking Walker may have one of those crazy breakouts and be even more valuable in AL only but surely Holland is the safer bet I suppose.

  25. SallyCips says:
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    What up, TB,

    Pineda may’ve been up to his old tricks last season, but he was aces when around. Enough so to make me wanna gobble him up again this season.

    Paxton’s on my wire, but my team is immovable right now. Waiting for McGee to hit the DL.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @SallyCips: Pineda is sexy, I’ll give you that. But not as sexy as you Sally!

      As soon as McGee hits that wire you pounce like a jackal!

      • SallyCips says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Yeah, I’m like praying to the Fantasy Baseball Gods for no one to notice him!

        I once sported a nickname of Sexy Sal, so there’s truth to this.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @SallyCips: I think you should bring it back. check that, you MUST bring it back

  26. Just for accuracy sake, Pineda is more like The Big Lebowski, where ms Reed was ridiculously hot, AND would fellate you for $1000.

    But Brandt can’t watch, or it’ll cost him $100
    ????

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Lucky Dog: Oh, Brandt. who doesnt like watching a solid Beej?

      Yea, Mizzz Reed can still fellate me but we might have to settle on $250 as she’s clearly no longer at that $1000 level

      • @Tehol Beddict:

        Agreed. And if she shows the frankenstomach the price drops to $200, with no tip.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Lucky Dog: never tip a streetwalker. something I learned in Bangladesh

  27. Nick says:
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    You are on fire this year! Where are all the naysayers from articles past? They can’t hate because you are coming correct every time this year (much like a younger Ron Jeremy). Keep killing it. Looking forward to more.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nick: I suppose that maybe the naysayers just aren’t reading, period! hahahaahh. either that or they’re reading in secret, waiting for me to slip up.

      Thanks Nick!

  28. Drexel Hill Dragons says:
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    I drafted a great staff, but I keep thinking I need to find a way to get Daniel Norris on my team.

    It’s a keeper league. Thoughts on Daniel Norris this season?
    Also, what’s your opinion on Duffy?

    Here’s my current starting staff:
    Kluber
    Cole
    Samardzija
    Tanaka
    Archer
    Walker
    Peavy
    Dickey
    Duffy

    Thanks!

    • Drexel Hill Dragons says:
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      @Drexel Hill Dragons: Note: Carlos Martinez (STL) is also available.

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Drexel Hill Dragons: I will never stop loving Carlos Martinez! drop Peavy for him, without question.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Drexel Hill Dragons: Whats cooler than Ice Cold????? Daniel Norris! looks like he’s going to be the 5th starter and with Stroman down for the season, the Blue Jays need a serious spark.

      I’ve always liked Duffy’s upside and don’t worry too much about spring numbers but he’s kind of struggalin. i would consider dropping Peavy or Duffy for Norris..unless you think you can wait to get a start out of each of them and then grab Norris as the Jays don’t need a 5th starter immediately

  29. Connor says:
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    Tehol! Would love your opinion on the first team I’ve drafted this year. 12 team 10 cat roto with QS instead of Wins.
    C- Hundley
    1B- Rizzo
    2B- Gennett
    3B- Arenado
    SS- Tulo
    2B/SS- Danny Santana
    1B/3B- Crush Davis
    OF- Cespedes
    OF- Yelich
    OF- Polanco
    OF- Soler
    OF- Avisail
    UT- Kennys
    Bench- Arcia, Semien

    SP- TRoss, Carrasco, Richards, Archer, Ventura, McHugh, TWalker, James Paxton

    RP- Storen, Clippard, Boxberger

    Thanks man!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Connor: Con-Dog!!! whattttup. love the colorado SS/3b combo. RIzzo is obviously all about that hog life. Scooter should be solid at 2B. Santana nice upside.

      oooooooooooooohweeeeeeeeeee, this outfield is full of more sexy young mean than Menudo in its prime. Love Yelich, love polanco, love Soler, love Cespedes.

      Oh my god, you have Paxton and Walker on the staff? I just jizzed in my man thong. Ross is a beast and I’m shocked ventura is ranked so low. he’s a legend. if richards is recovered that’s a steal. Love Storen.

      #kudos on an excellent draft, my man

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Connor: hmmmm, i just wrote this huge long post response and it didnt post. hahah here we go again.

      Love Tulo/Arenado combo. Rizzo is up and coming legend in the game. Davis bounces back. Your outfield has more hot young men in it than One direction. Love yelich and Polanco and think cespedes has monster year.

      Jizzed in my man thong when I saw you drafted both walker and Paxton. Ventura is most underrated pitcher in entire draft. where he’s going is unacceptable. like a total joke. #Kudos on a great draft, my man

      • Connor says:
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        Thanks man! Love your articles and following you on twitter is hilarious. @Tehol Beddict:

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Connor: glad you enjoy. you may be the only one hahah

  30. Wowzers says:
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    yikes…the only thing worse than your attempted humor is your grammar. Abysmal. Stick to the stats kid.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Wowzers: maaaaan, if you didn’t find this funny, you’re either 45 years old or just a lame. stick to my chode, kid.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Wowzers: wowzers, i just looked up who you are. u should have just left your real name. hahahahhahahahah you’re done

  31. Wowzers says:
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    The only even slightly humorous part of this entire “article” was the world hip-hop link, which I’m sure you probably ripped from someone way cooler than you with better taste. I’ll pass on your hotdog sized chode tho, thanks. #disgrace

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Wowzers: i ripped it from worldstarhiphop,. nobody on earth has better taste than I. don’t ever forget it. if you disagree, it’s just because you’re not living right. get it together and see if you prefer tomorrow’s post. I forgive you

      • Wowzers says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: highly debatable. & for the record, fucking kevin gates drops more useful knowledge in his instagram videos than you do in any of these post. #idontforgiveyou

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Wowzers: Fluck Kevin Gates.FU!!! make sure to read my post tomorrow tho Bud

          • Wowzers says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: why fluck Kevin gates? You guys have so much in common…all he talks about is eating and sucking asshole & you have perfected that. Come on bro.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Wowzers: well when dat azz got a glaze on it….. anyway I appreciate ur support. See u manana …that’s Spanish for pop tart

              • Wowzers says:
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                @Tehol Beddict: id rather ride shotgun with Stevie wonder …but maybe I’ll check up just for shitZ n gigz. See ya!

                • LT Murray IV

                  Tehol Beddict says:
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                  @Wowzers: I’m so excited, and I just cant hide it.

                  I know, I know, I know, I know I hate you, I hate you….

                  JP see you tomorrow

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