Back in your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru’s R-O-C-K in the U.S.A. days, I was working for a famous writing Mainer who also happened to own a radio station that doubled as a house of horrors. I was later fired for playing “The Lesbian Dating Game” and “doing things unbecoming of an employee” in the station’s van. Allegedly. But I digress. The job was cool and so was the “king”, but the program director was the kind of vertically challenged guy that put the double SOB in the word boss, if you know what I mean. I won’t mention his name either, but we called him “The Little Bastard”. He got that nickname one night backstage at a John Mellencamp show when he called the original little bastard “The Cougs” and got a face full of bourbon. *Puts pinky to mouth* come on baby, you make it hurt so good. I was never much of a fan of Mellencamp – Please, Mommy, don’t send us to Mellen Camp again there’s Mexican's there - but after watching one Napoleonic sufferer destroy another, I’ve been in his corner ever since. I fight authority and authority always wins. Thus concludes the Guru’s 432nd edition of (insert echo effect here) “Brush With Fame”. Next time we’ll talk about Aerosmith, black nail polish, and Liv Tyler – the statute of limitations has long expired me thinks. Today’s little ditty on our jam or cram has us looking at some of last week’s chart toppers and trying to decide if they are one hit wonders or Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees. We’re not talking about running [player]Albert Pujols[/player] or [player]Jose Fernandez[/player] through the ol’ jammer crammer machine© here. What we are looking for is whether or not those players that rocked last week (and are under 50% owned) are worth a hand to hold on to. Now that I’m fresh out of John Mellencamp references it’s time to jam it or cram it.
Monthly Archives: April 2014
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In case you missed it, I'm still the Creeper and the premise is still the same. I had a hiccup last week and let my 4th personality in the door and did [player]Norichiko Aoki[/player] as my Jack's Hit of the Week. For that momentary lapse of reason, I apologize to my regulars who look forward to a hot add for the coming week. As I stand here before you in my shame suit, I ask you to read on because this ride is a doozy. They say a scooter is fun to ride but you would never want your friends to see you on one. [Ed. Note -- Just like your mom!] Well I can say, they are quite fun, and if you ask not-real-life brother and sister Christian Slater and Helen Slater, they will confirm they are worth starting a rebellious social phenomenon over. Like the Legend of Billie Jean, watch the link to follow this, we are starting a revolution here today because fair is fair and [player]Scooter Gennett[/player] needs to be owned for the next week and maybe a lot longer.
If you believe in luck, it's been a bad scene for me lately. In the span of 48 hours, I lost my front tooth, totaled my car, and forgot to tell my starting shortstop to stay the hell away from [player]Ryan Braun[/player]'s backswing. I'm also 1-5 on the year with my over/under picks for those of you who are keeping track. Oh well. There are some who say we make our own luck. That's all I'm trying to do with these posts really. I take the information available to me via tools such as the Hitter-Tron and Stream-o-Nator and make the best recommendations I can to help you win. But even the best information can't protect us from [player]Jean Segura[/player] walking into a bat or [player]Francisco Liriano[/player] getting a nosebleed. If you are new to the site, be sure to sign up via our DraftKings promo link. Also, if you'd like to play against myself and a few friends in a free contest today, click here. You can win bragging rights for a whole week!
Minor Accomplishments — Week 4
April 27, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 166 Commentsby: Scott Evans
In his first plate appearance of spring training, a big league camp AB versus David Phelps, [player]Gregory Polanco[/player] turned on a breaking pitch, sending it over the right field wall. Such things happen to 22-year-olds during spring training, and most of the time, they're anomalies. In Polanco's case, however, that moment, in retrospect, seems profound -- a statement as to his readiness to produce at the highest level from the instant he stepped on a diamond this spring. Reassigned to Triple-A to begin the season, Polanco's statements have only grown louder. Through 92 PA, he's hitting .417/.467/.679 with 4 HR and 4 SB, making him the best mixed league stash in the minors. The Bucs have been fortunate thus far to squeeze some production out of their Travis Snyder/Jose Tabata platoon, but the upside with Polanco is unquestionably higher and it's only a matter of time before Pittsburgh slots him into their lineup as the everyday RF. His incredible start at Indianapolis should allow him to segue into big league ball with a shizzload of confidence.
Two-Startapalooza: Week 5
April 26, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Two Start Pitchers | 76 Commentsby: Pete Nice
As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click this link.
For some reason, I’m cool with the cat-and-mouse game of pitchers hiding sandpaper and pine tar, and I kind of like umpire errors. They’re quirks that are part of the DNA of the game, like grabbing your balls and lighting your teammate’s feet on fire. Do we need new rules for ball grabbing and pyromaniacs with foot fetishes? I didn’t think so.
And while I love home plate collisions as much as the next tobacco-spewing, pot-bellied third base coach, baseball done good by following in the footsteps of the NFL and NBA and addressing concussions.
I’m going to take a different approach to this week’s Deep Impact post and talk about my up-to-this-point woulda-coulda-shoulda team, and point out the surprises with whom I think will have a sustainable, deep into-the-season impact. I’m omitting the non-surprises i.e. [player]Adam Wainwright[/player], [player]Felix Hernandez[/player], and [player]Jose Fernandez[/player] who are naturally in the top-20 so long as they stay healthy.
Here are thine options (within the top-100) to date with their ESPN Player Rater rankings in parenthesis as of Friday, 4/25:
Try not to act so jealous, Frank Thomas. A new superstar has arrived in Chicago. After [player]Evan Longoria[/player] hit a go ahead 2-run home run in the ninth inning last night against the Chicago White Sox, most thought the game was all but over. But not [player]Jose Abreu[/player]. People have been telling him "No Way, Jose!" all his life. A real defector at heart, he was ready to prove them wrong the only way he knew how-- with his bat. The crowd was slowly filtering out, the concessions employees were removing the hot dogs from the rollers and placing them back in the warm stagnant water for the next day, and [player]Adam Dunn[/player] was already in the locker room, eating his post-game bucket of oats. But White Sox rookie slugger Abreu aka the Grande Dolor aka or is it el Gran Dolor? aka "I guess it doesn't really matter, he's just a monster" Abreu had a different idea. Chicago loaded the bases for the phenom and he promptly sent it into the stands with the grand slam and the walk off win. He finished the day 3-for-5, with two home runs and six RBI. Ay carumba! The final home run was Jose's league-leading ninth jack of the year, and he also tied for the lead with 27 RBI and his .632 SLG% and .968 OPS are among the league's best as well. He set the rookie record for April home runs too, and counting. Abreu is making those who gambled on him early in drafts look like geniuses, jacking homers every 10.6 at bats and rocking a sick and a 26.9% HR/FB ratio. That means he's going to hit more home runs. Like, a lot more. And if he's as fun to own in fantasy as he is to watch in actual real-life-not- in-a-box score-but-on-the-field baseball, then Abreu could likely find himself in the upper echelon of the fantasy elite as soon as this year.
Here's what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:
So it's Saturday, you ain't got nothing better to do so slide on over to DraftKings. I mean what ekse could you be doing that will take the time it takes to set-up a lineup. Mowing the lawn, really it will still be there in 10 mins. Take the kids to school, come on man there ain't no skool on Saturday. I am out of other stuff that may be going on to be honest. We here at Razzball give you all types of daily tools, Stream-O-Nator and Hitter-Tron, I mean what else do you want? How about a long boring diatribe by a dude form NJ? Well if you said yes to the diatribe, first go get a dictionary and make sure you know what that means. Second go to the garage or work shop grab a lump hammer and smash yourself over the hand with it. I am boring and what I am going to talk about usually starts with por and ends with an n. So enjoy the weekends' palate of yummy baseball goodness. Oh and good luck.
Who could have predicted that [player]Justin Morneau[/player] would have a career revival after moving to Coors Field? Nearly everybody. Yes, he’s clearly benefitting from his favorable home park, but he’s also hitting well on the road. He appears to be swinging at nearly everything and, fortunately, is hitting it so far. However, this approach isn’t sustainable, even in Coors. I think he’s a great sell-high candidate if you can find somebody who believes that he’s going to maintain anywhere near this level of performance due to his new home ballpark. Even with some regression, I think the park and aggressive approach will allow him to have a noticeable improvement from his past couple seasons, with a .280/.350/.480 line going forward. This is roughly his career slash line, so it’s a reasonable expectation for him. Anyway, here are some other players on my mind and what it means for OPS and OBP leagues:
Jon Singleton Presents “Buyz n the Hood”
April 25, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 997 Commentsby: Grey
Growing up was tough in the Phillies organization. His older brother, Ryan Howard, got mixed up with the "Three Outcome" gang and couldn't get out when the homers stopped coming. His moms wanted a better life for Jon Singleton and called up his Pops in Houston to provide a safer home. In a perfect world, Jon wouldn't have to grow up fast -- stay with the minors -- but they need a man in the house in Houston and who they have at first base now could only look worse if he had jheri curl. In the last few games, Chris Carter's DH'd and Marc Krauss has played 1st base. Doesn't entirely matter, the Astros have to make room for Singleton. Makes no sense to keep him in the minors. Just as it didn't for Springer, and they called him up. Why do we care? Singleton is in the mold of a young Ryan Howard. He could hit 40 homers right now. In the minors this year, he has 8 homers in 19 games while batting .325. There's nothing left for him to prove. I've already stashed him in one league, and I rarely waste roster spots on rookie stashes. Moo stashes on the other hand, well... I did already give you a Jon Singleton 2014 fantasy, but that was projecting for a June call-up, and I think he could win the landmark case of sooner vs. later, which would tag about six homers on his projected total. Anyway, here's some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
"He is a prince of Dorne. Men and women will line up to f*ck him until the day he dies."
[Game of Thrones spoilers ahead!] The probable reign of Prince [player]Giancarlo Stanton[/player], aka The Yardfather from House Ravishing, is upon us. Has anyone among you ever witnessed such a statuesque and magnificently proportioned beast? Has a single one of you viewed a more virtuous and angelic presence, possessing both kindness and strength? Here and now I command you to step forward if you have knowledge of a more deserving candidate! Did someone just say, [player]Adam Jones[/player]? That sort of insolence is usually rewarded with a swift kick to the chin from my steel toed, ostrich leather boots! Stanton leads the majors with 27 RBIs and holds a sturdy .357 OBP, and that's with the usual disgraceful lineup protection. I swear to the Elder Gods, I almost came in my Versace man-thong when Stanton crushed that walk-off grand slam against Seattle (my home team) last week. Is Prince Giancarlo's emergence near the time of disgraceful King Joffrey's death coincidence? I think not.
Stepping aside from my DraftKings role here, I used to feel sorry for coach Porter. He's dealing with all the fluff that won't be in an Astros uniform by 2015 in his starting 9 minus Springer right now. He's there to instill the day to day process and hustle into these kids. But you know what he's not here to do? Stir stuff up. Yeah, yeah, you're trying to show your team that you have heart by taking exception to [player]Jed Lowrie[/player]'s bunt in the first when you're down 7-0 in the first inning last week. Well then don't play the shift! Give up now, Bro Porter, or forever hold your beef. BTW, I don't call people Bro unless I don't like them, Porter. So now that we're clear on that mess, Bro Porter had the audacity to send his reliever out to plunk Jed last night after he'd already gone 3/4 against his team while he was down 8-1. Now, I'm not a big believer in 'revenge' games but Oakland is just the better team right now, Bro Porter, and you've essentially kicked the hornet's nest. What's this all mean to you, you ask? Well, I'm hard-pressed to believe this mess puts a charge into the lethargic Astros and [player]Jesse Chavez[/player] gets to mop up. I'm not gonna lie and tell you I'm a full season Chavez believer but what I do believe in is this: the Astros as a team strike out at a 4th worst 24.3% strikeout rate and Jesse averages over a strikeout per inning on this young season. When you add those numbers together, JC Super-Arm is due for at least 57.2 Ks today...give or take about 50. The reality is, he has zero weather issues and looks to be the safest arm to rely on for Friday given the weather concerns circling the East Coast. Even though the Stream-O-Nator is lukewarm on the idea, there's some gold here and I'd take advantage if I can afford it. I'll put it to you this way: the highest rated batter on Hitter-Tron for this tilt that plays for the Astros is [player]George Springer[/player] and he's batting .171 at the moment. If this were twitter, I'd say #yikes. But it's not so I'll move on and remind you that today - yes TODAY - is the Sweet Spot kickoff. We've been talking about it for forever and now you get to put your moola to work. I wish you the safest of journeys on your trek to financial glory. May the best man/woman/fantasy baseball vermin win. And with that, let's get on with the pickins...
