I contemplated picking up Lonnie Chisenhall for about as long as it takes me to eat a pupusa from my neighborhood El Salvadorean lady that has different hairnets to match her camisas. About 12.7 seconds. I’ll risk indigestión for those cheesy-pork flapjacks of wonderful. At the waiver wire, I was like, “So many rookies have come up — rookies with great pedigrees — and they’ve been pretty yawnstipating– Screw it, he has 3rd base eligibility.” In Arizona this spring, Rudy and I took in an Indians game and saw Chisenhall firsthand. He impressed us with his hitting — seemed like a bona fide mollywhopper — and was one of those guys we felt would make an impact in 2011. This year in Triple-A, he has 7 homers in 64 games and 17 homers in 117 games last year in Double-A. He may not hit for much average, and could be off some of my mixed teams in a few weeks because his power doesn’t immediately appear, but I’ll risk indigestión for some rookie nookie upside. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mat Gamel – The Brewers recalled him. According to Rudy’s Point Shares, Gamel is a league replacement value 3rd baseman in a 12-team NL-Only league at 26/7/30/2/.256. The camera pans to Gamel for his reaction and he’s fumbling his drink. What a klutz. McGehee doesn’t have the corner locked down quite like Marlo Stanfield, but Gamel will probably only be up for a week during interleague. If Gamel hits like a beast as he’s done in Triple-A this year — 17 homers in 75 games — he could stick around. Or if the Brewers move back to the AL, which seems less likely. He’s worth an immediate pickup in all deeper leagues for a shot of adrenaline to your fantasy baseball heart.
Zach Braddock – Back up too. Hopefully the Brewers will stop hitting the snooze button on his season.
Jhoulys Chacin – 5 IP, 6 ER. You can blame the wind blowing out if you want, but I blame me for jhinxing us. Sorry, feel free to replace my name with your favorite curse word.
Carlos Gonzalez – 2-for-4 and his 11th and 12th home runs. He’s actually not far off his 1st half last year, but his 2nd half was predicated on everything breaking right, so I still think he falls somewhat below his huge year in 2010.
Carlos Pena – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. Sticking with the newly-established Carlos theme, Pena is now up to 16 homers. Can set your watch to his 32-35 homer, low average season, assuming you have a watch that keeps fantasy baseball time. Dork!
Aramis Ramirez – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 home runs. His stats: 29/8/37/.289. Ryan Zimmerman’s stats: 11/3/11/.244. What’s that? There’s been like 3 good players in the first two rounds of fantasy drafts this year? Yeah, I know. Pardon me while I go pour some McDonald’s coffee on my lap.
Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks. Now that’s not that sour, Kraut, as he struckout his season high last night vs. the Blue Kays.
Jonny Gomes – 1-for-3 with a homer. Since I told you late last week he gets crazy hot for no apparent reason, he’s hit two homers in the last four games. Wigginton may be the mayor of Hot Schmotatown, but Gomes is a newly-elected sheriff. Or seriff.
Brandon Phillips – 4-for-5, 2 runs and 2 RBIs. Hitting .299 on the year, but his power (6 homers) and speed (4 steals in 7 attempts) have been pretty pedestrian so far this year. He probably just needs a wake up call from me, which usually involves me singing Kelis’ Milkshake at 7 in the morning.
Mike Leake – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. I’m not a huge Leake fan. Tends to give up around 3 to 4 runs per game without the Ks. Than, but no thans.
Chris Perez – Hey, look a Putz in a Perez sandwich. Better than seeing a Putz in Perez Hilton. Oofa!
Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-4 with his 13th homer as Orlando Cabrera also went deep. It’s a Cabrerathon!
Mat Latos – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. He’s been good but far from exceptional. Still don’t trust Latos to be exceptional this year, which hurts me to say because I do enjoy hodgepadres. I’ll be back in next year as I practice my Saberhagenmetrics.
Mike Morse – 2-for-4 and his 15th home run. Did someone send him the message that I called him a sell last week? Or do I need to write it in dots and dashes?
Adam Kennedy – 1-for-4 with a homer. Not to rag on a guy that just homered, but the Mariners hit Adam Kennedy third as the DH in interleague. It’s like the M’s are the NL team.
Brian McCann – 3-for-4 with his 14th home run as he bats .307. It took three years of me ranking McCann first for catchers for it to finally make sense.
Brandon Beachy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks. I have nothing to say other than I’ve been telling you to own him since March.
Jonny Venters – He actually did not pitch yesterday. Crazy!
Jordan Walden – Thoreau’s favorite closer registered his 6th blown save via a 2-out HR to Danny Espinosa. Can anyone find a reliable closer in all of the greater Los Angeles area besides Kyra Sedgwick?
Scott Downs – I’d grab Downs, in the non-perverse way, if I were speculating on Walden being removed from the closer job. I don’t think it happens, or for long if it does. Though Walden has blown three straight saves, so there’s that.
Jonathan Broxton – Headed for an MRI. Looks like I altered my Toni Braxton, “Braxton Rules” t-shirt for nothing. BTW, the MRI is being administered by Dr. Neal ElAttrache. Not sure why, but the doctor’s name made me giggle. “Say aaahhh…And look deep into my dark-as-midnight eyes while I put my hair into a ponytail. I am Dr. Neal ElAttrache. I will now check your tonsils with my tongue.”
Chad Billingsley – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. Nothing wrong with Billingsley a little hideous Twins offense can’t fix. Do not resuscitate the Comatose Twins Fan.
Tony Gwynn – 4-for-6 with 2 steals. On Sunday, he went 3-for-5 and I was going to mention him in the roundup to tell you to grab him if you need steals. Damn! He would’ve been a nice play on a short schedule day. Damn! Damn! Only other thing that can generate that kind of electricity is a bolt of lightning. A bolt of lightning!
Matt Kemp – 4-for-5 with his 22nd home run. In honor of Kemp’s year, I’d like to sing a little song, “As long as there’s the two of us… We’ve got the world and all its charms…And when the world is through with us…We’ve got each other’s arms…” I love you, Matt Kemp.
Trent Oeltjen – 4-for-4 with a home run. He has some mild pop and speed and might see time for the next week while the Dodgers play in AL parks. And, to impress your friends, Oeltjen is pronounced like Meltjen. (But if you have friends impressed by that, you might want to reconsider your friends.)
Dodgers – Filing for bankruptcy protection. I never understood why they were called the Dodgers. What were they dodging? Now I know…the bills!