Fantasy Baseball Advice

We’ve already went over the top 20 catchers for 2009; soon we’ll go over the top 20 2nd basemen for 2009, then the top 20 shortstops… Well, right now we’re going over the top 20 1st basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball.  It’s a look back, ya’ll!  Don’t worry, soon we’ll look forward.   With the 1st basemen, you’ll (maybe) notice that I’m a lot closer in my rankings and predictions for these guys as compared to the catchers.  This is to be expected.  1st basemen are usually guys in the middle of the lineups that produce every year; catchers are a crapshoot for hitting.  Okay, enough about catchers.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2009 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

1. Albert Pujols -  With or without a major league capable hitter behind him… With or without a working elbow tendon… None of it seemed to matter to Pujols.  Preseason Rank #1, 2009 Projections:  105/35/110/.335/5, Final Numbers:  124/47/135/.327/16

2. Prince Fielder – Here’s what I said in January of last year, “I’ve seen the big man falling into the third round of some drafts.  Makes me feel like I need to clear something up.  We’re drafting for 2009, not for what he did in 2008.   Sure, Berkman had a great 2008, but he’s hardly just entering his prime.  Yes, Fielder is the world’s fattest 24-year-old vegetarian and we should be worried about his general health when he’s in his 30s and needs a crane to get him to 1st base, but right now….”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Rank #5, 2009 Projections:  85/40/110/.285, Final Numbers:  103/46/141/.299/2

3. Ryan Howard – I can predict his numbers in February with a blindfold on.  Sure, a blindfold doesn’t impede my ability to think about what Howard will hit, but you get my drift.  Preseason Rank #3, 2009 Projections:  100/45/140/.265, Final Numbers:  105/45/141/.279/8

4. Miguel Cabrera – He threw in an inconsequential 6 steals to help boost his value a bit.  Otherwise, he fell short of mine and just about everyone’s projections, taking a step back in power.  The RBIs were down, which was due to Leyland’s inability to find a decent #3 hitter.  Clete Thomas saw 146 at-bats in the three hole and hit .205.  I believe Clete hit third simply because his first name sounds basebally.  Preseason Rank #2, 2009 Projections:  100/39/125/.305, Final Numbers:  96/34/103/.324/6

5. Mark Reynolds – Everyone was saying 3rd base was extremely shallow.  And it was.  So what do you do when something’s shallow?  You either reach or you punt.  At some point in March, I decided to punt 3rd basemen in all of my leagues.  I wasn’t drafting high enough to get Wright (phew), Aramis had too many question marks for where he was being drafted and I wasn’t thrilled with Chris Davis as an upside pick.   So going through all of the potential upside picks in the later rounds, there was only one player that could give me 30 homers and 10 steals.  Actually, the more I looked at him, the more I couldn’t understand why he was being drafted so late.  Was he that different than Chris Davis?  So in every single league, I drafted this guy — Mini-Donkey.  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked 14th for 3rd basemen, 2009 Projections:  75/31/100/.255/7, Final Numbers:  98/44/102/.260/24

6. Mark Teixeira – If I would’ve known exactly how the new Yankee Stadium would play — The Jetstream… Slide, Slide, slippity slide… — I probably would’ve guessed Tex could’ve done much more damage.  But I didn’t, and he didn’t.  Preseason Rank #4, 2009 Projections:  85/40/110/.285, Final Numbers:  103/39/122/.292/2

7. Derrek Lee – His season flummoxed me to a degree.  I didn’t see him exploding for the power he did.  I thought he still had some speed in his giraffe legs.  On the other hand, when he started poor (April — 1HR, .189), I pushed people to buy into a rebound.  Six of one, you know the rest.  Preseason Rank #11, 2009 Projections:  95/22/90/.295/8, Final Numbers:  91/35/111/.306/1

8. Kendry Morales – I liked him coming into the year, but even I didn’t think he had this many homers in his bat, which makes me think he might be overrated next year, but until then… Preseason Unranked, but he did get a Sleeper Post, Final Numbers:  86/34/108/.306/3

9. Pablo Sandoval – Went over him in the recap in the top 20 catchers.  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked #13 for Catchers, 2009 Projections:  60/14/65/.300, Final Numbers:  79/25/90/.330/5

10. Kevin Youkilis – The nice thing about Youuuuuk is his predictability.  Will he hit 25 homers and bat near .300?  Yup, probably.  As with everyone, the RBIs and Runs are products of his environment.  But even those stats are usually right in line with his norms.  Death, taxes and Youk. Preseason Rank #9, 2009 Projections:  95/25/110/.295, Final Numbers:  99/27/94/.305/7

11. Joey Votto – For huge periods of 2009, Votto was a complete Failicorn.  And… Wait, needs to be bigger…  AND he still produced.  I’m very excited about Votto for 2010.  Preseason Rank #10, 2009 Projections:  85/28/100/.300/12, Final Numbers:  82/25/84/.322/4

12. Adrian Gonzalez – Imagine a world where there’s a new episode of The Wire on every night of the week, every meal consists of pork by-products in a tube shape and Adrian Gonzalez plays anywhere but Petco (and Metco).  Oh, and we all live in igloos made of grape ice pops.  Ah, yes, I like that. Preseason Rank #8, 2009 Projections:  85/34/95/.280, Final Numbers:  90/40/99/.277/1

13. Victor Martinez – Went over him in the recap in the top 20 catchers.  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked #4 for Catchers, 2009 Projections:  65/18/95/.300, Final Numbers:  88/23/108/.303/1

14. Michael Cuddyer – Confession… Forgive me, Razzball Reader, but I wrote a good chunk of this post about two weeks ago.  At that point, Cuddyer was ranked 20th.  It didn’t help that Carlos Pena and Morneau were injured and Helton’s life-sized portrait of himself began to rapidly age, but it’s fair to say Cuddyer ended his season really well.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  93/32/94/.276/6

15. Adam Dunn – Two donkeys, one list.  Yeehaw!  (He acquired 1st base eligibility during the season.)  Ranked #23 for Outfielders, 2009 Projections:  80/40/85/.245/5, Final Numbers:  81/38/105/.267

16. Todd Helton – Eh, there’s guys below Helton I would’ve taken in his stead.  Morneau, Pena and Butler for stead sake.  Helton did have a much more productive season in 2009 than I thought he was capable of.  His numbers at 1st are still kinda yawnstipating.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  79/15/86/.325

17. Billy Butler – 51 doubles at the age of 23 is something to get very excited about.  I’ve already talked about him a bit for 2010.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see an Edgar Martinez-type season from him next year.  That is a big compliment.  Butler was in the preseason cheap alternatives post, where I said, “Bust can refer to Butler’s major league career thus far or his moobs….  Potential for 20 HRs and a .300 average.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  78/21/93/.301/1

18. Justin Morneau – I’ve never drafted Morneau on any team in any league ever — yes, I remember these types of things and forget loved ones’ birthdays.  I don’t avoid Morneau as much as I never see 3rd round value in a 1st baseman that is going to max out around 30 homers.  Weird that he plays in Minnesota because he gets big city hype every year.  Somewhere Wheelock Whitney, Jr. smiles. Preseason Rank #7, 2009 Projections:  90/27/115/.285, Final Numbers:  85/30/100/.274

19. Paul Konerko – Konerko’s one of those late round corner men that is always welcome in deep leagues and always ignored in shallow ones.  He falls between the cracks like C+ students.  He also showed up in the cheap alternatives post too with the aforementioned Moobs.  Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers:  75/28/88/.277/1

20. Carlos Pena – Led the AL in homers and missed about a month of the season.  Put that in your skull bong and smoke it.  Preseason Rank #14, 2009 Projections:  75/32/95/.265, Final Numbers:  91/39/100/.227/3

Ryan Dempster hits the DL with a broken toe.  No word on how he hurt it, but Cubs fans are blaming Milton Bradley, Milton Bradley’s blaming an Italian Beef sandwich he ate in March but the Italian Beef sandwich refuses to play The Blame Game.  Way to take the high road, Italian Beef sandwich!  Dempster was at 5-5/4.09/1.37/89 through 105 2/3 innings.  Now he’s out until late-July at the earliest.  If you have a DL spot, go for it.  With a non-arm injury, I wouldn’t be too concerned about Dempster coming back and doing pretty much what he’s been doing so far, which is, well, I just told you.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mark DeRosa – Went to the DL.  It’s a move they were calling “precautionary” and they’re “very optimistic.”  They expected him back right after the “All-Star break.”  DeRosa wanted to play but the “doctors” “said” “he” “shouldn’t.”  Hopefully, his “wrist” will be “fine.”  Then it turned out there was a reason they put everything in quotes as it was all lies and he could be out for a month with a torn tendon sheath.

Tony Pena – Traded to the White Sox.  The Sox now have four setup men.  Guess if they ever have two doubleheaders in one day, they’re set.

Ronald Belisario – Headed for an MRI.  Geez, usually Torre can overwork his relievers for at least one season.  Luis Vizcaino, Scott Proctor and Ron Villone never needed no stinkin’ MRI.

Jose Reyes – Received a cortisone shot.  Supposedly this will push his return back at least another couple of weeks.  Though when Upton received a cortisone shot before the playoffs, it was a boost.  Guess different body parts react differently to cortisone shots.  Glad I didn’t get a cortisone shot in my fingers so I could write the best post ever.

Carlos Beltran – Was seen sharing the same news story as Jose Reyes.  He’s also in no rush to return.  Guess he doesn’t own himself in multiple leagues like me.  If I find out Beltran owns me in a fantasy baseball bloggers league, I’m going on the 60-day DL.

Freddy Sanchez – Has missed five straight games with a back strain.  Since this is all about me, let me say this really leaves me with very few options in a deep league where I own Freddy.  Get well soon, Dirty Sanchez!

Brandon Phillips – 2 HRs.  After his 2nd homer, he pointed into the catcher’s mitt and called the 2nd strikeout for Jay Bruce.

Marc Rzepczynski – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, 4 walks.  Solid strikeout numbers in the minors, but a bit wild.  He averaged over 10 K/9, but over 4 BB/9.  And, like your Mom’s cooking, he’s under-seasoned.  He’s worth a flier in AL-Only leagues, but I’d avoid him in mixed leagues for now.  Oh, and so you can impress your friends, pronounce his last name the same as Kzepczynski, but with an R.

Vladimir Guerrero – For some reason, the Angels had Ron Kovic in the outfield.  That didn’t go well.  He limped off the field in the 8th inning from discomfort in his knee.  If you own him, hope the Angels say it’s only day-to-day, which would be only a 15-day DL trip.

Juan Rivera – 2 HRs, up to 16 HRs.  Rivera’s a solid option when healthy and hitting.  He’s currently doing both.  He’s also 31-years-old and has never hit more than 23 HRs in a season because he never stays healthy.  Can he this year?  Maybe.  Maybe he’s this year’s Ludwick.  But even if he stays healthy, he has no speed and goes ice cold for extended stretches, like last year when he hit 6 homers and batted .248 in August and September combined.

Erik Bedard – 4 IP, 2 ER, 8 Ks.  On a pitch count, you can’t ask for much better of a start.  Looks solid going forward, if he stays healthy.  The same was once said of Rickie Weeks.

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu hit another homer yesterday.  Get’m while they’re hot.

Justin Verlander – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 Ks.  I wish I owned a guy that would strikeout 11 in 6 innings.  Owned in the non-biblical way.

Pat Burrell – Hit his 4th homer yesterday.  Has 20ish more to get.

Jason Bay – HR and 2 steals yesterday.  He’s at 20/8 with 71 RBIs.  If he gets to 35/15 with 130 RBIs, he’s going in the 2nd round next year.  Crazy, right?  Want crazier?  Just wait until Shaughnessy runs with that story in September.  You thought Jim Rice in the Hall was crazy; Bay could win the MVP.

Scott Hairston – HR yesterday.  Since Kris Davis went off to the minors, we lost our Reynolds vs. Davis K race, so I have a new one.  Hairston vs. Holliday, the HR race.  Hairston’s up by 3.  Yes, if you traded Holliday for, say, Rollins and picked up Hairston off waivers, you’d be doing better right now.  This is you.  This is you owning Holliday and doing a double take.

Alfredo Aceves – Will start for Wang on Thursday.  So, he goes, what?  60 pitches?  Worth grabbing in H2H leagues and AL-Only, but I’m not bothering with him in mixed leagues.

Scott Baker – 3 IP, 5 ER.  The troubling aspect (or positive, depending on your POV) is he didn’t give up any homers.  Usually if he’s hit hard, it’s because of HRs.  Think you can just chalk it up to a tough lineup and him having a bad day.

Barry Zito – 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits vs. the Marlins sans Hanley or Sansley, for those portmanteau lovers out there.

Blake DeWitt – HR yesterday as his Mom, Joyce DeWitt was arrested for a DUI.  If only Joba had such fortitude…

David Wright – 0-for-3, batting .050 in July.  C’mon, Alex Cora can only do so much.

Kevin Correia – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 Ks.  Eh, it was an okay start.  He gets the Giants next, so I’m holding tight for that start.

Luke Scott – HR yesterday and 7 RBIs.  He was almost benched in one league of ours.  Luckily, Glass Chipper didn’t play.

Garrett Jones – 2-for-3, 2 steals. He’s not a pure steal guy, but he does have 15-steal speed.  So it’s a great sign that he’s using that speed, unlike Rasmus, another rookie with 15-steal speed who only has one steal on the year.  As mentioned a few days ago, I own Jones.

Grady Sizemore – 2 HRs.  I said Sell him!  Oh, wait.  No, I’m not backing off on that.  If he has the slightest setback, the Indians will shut him down faster than you can say Rzepczynski.

Paul Konerko – 3 HRs.  Seems like he’s doing for the White Sox what Branyan’s doing for the other side of the plate in Seattle.  Has anyone seen them in the same place at the same time?  Things that make you say hmm…

Bartolo Colon – Yesterday news said, White Sox GM unsure of Colon’s location.  Hey, Kenny, it’s in the large intestine.

(Note from Rudy:  I wanted the title, “Ditch Stitch Tits.”  Over Instant Messenger, Grey thickly said, “What’s with you and the stitch tits?  This is about Vlad, not Pamela Anderson.” It means Vlad had a pectoral tear.  Your pectoral is in your chest.  Sorry none of you could bask in my preferred title.  Now, carry on, Grey — lamer!)  Vladimir Guerrero is due back on Monday from a torn pectoral.  I’m not a doctor, but occasionally I played one in my preteen years.  All I know of the pectoral is it’s somewhere in Vlad’s body.  Do I have one?  Maybe.  No idea.  So let’s go with what I do know.  Scioscia lies; he lies when he cries that Vlad can’t play the outfield, but can DH, which he said on April 7th, right before Vlad missed six weeks.  When Vlad did finally hit the DL, some source that Jayson Stark won’t reveal (because this is just so damning I suppose) said, “When those offensive linemen get (the same injury as Vlad) in the NFL, they’re out for the year.”  So, assuming Vlad doesn’t need to block Jose Guillen from trying to tackle Scioscia, will Vlad be in the clear come Monday?  Not likely.  The injury that was only supposed to effect him when he throws has already sidelined him for 6 weeks from hitting.  I’m assuming the Angels brass got together and decided half of a Vlad (or Vl) was a lot more intimidating hitting in the middle of the lineup than sitting on the sidelines doing Sudoku.  This does not mean you need to have him in your fantasy lineup.  Remember last year from June on, Vlad only hit 20 homers, or about what Raul Ibanez has done already (Raul!).  Then you throw in the risk of having a player who is a Latin 34 with deteriorating skills and knees and he’s a sell.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Brian Anderson – Could have some slight value in AL-Only leagues.  Though if you have a erection for longer than 4 hours after picking up Brian Anderson, you should seek advice from a doctor.

David Aardsma – He’s worked his way into the last two Buy/Sells going for the record of 4, which is currently held by last summer’s Cliff Lee when I kept telling people to sell him.  Hmm…

Jorge Posada – I’m not a huge fan of Jorge, but if he’s on waivers right now and you’re hurting for a catcher, I’d stash him in my DL spot.  He’s due back soon.  Act like you know, MC Lyte!

Paul Konerko – Not a thrilling name (he’s no Posada!) but he’s been hitting for average recently with power coming on.  He has 20 more homers in his bat.

Casey Blake – Keeping with the boring veteran theme, Blake’s good for 85/25/95/.270 and one alleged homicide.

Scott Hairston – Wait, where are the exciting names?  A hitter on the Padres?  This is the worst Buy/Sell ever! Thanks, random italicized voice.   Yeah, Hairston’s boring as dog balls and yawnstipating at best, but he’s hot right now and hitting in the middle of the Padres order.  I wouldn’t trade for him, but if you need a Hot Hitter Injection in your outfield, he’s worth a looksee.

Mat Gamel – Interleague is here and Gamel will see DH ABs.  Just hold him until the end of interleague because if he torches right handers this weekend, you’ll wish you gave him a few more days.  Oh, and if he hits righties like he’s capable of, he might platoon with H.A. double hockey sticks when they go back to those old school NL vs. NL match-ups.  Or Hall might move to 2nd.  All we need is just a little patience.

J.A. Happ – Will Happ be crapp?  PPotentially.  But he’s worth a pickup (don’t start him) in 12 team or deeper leagues.

Homer Bailey – Never trust a pitcher named Homer?  Well, not at first I wouldn’t.

Kris Medlen – Hmm… Let’s see if Grey can take out his magic stick on these schmohawks.  Happ, Medlen then Bailey, in that order.  But, guys, they’re all rookie pitchers.  You’re taking on a lot of risk.  As I’ve said before, a rookie hitter goes 0-for-16 and he does little damage to your team.  A rookie pitcher gives up 6 earned in 4 innings and it hurts.

Gil Meche - Like Meche much?  Yup.  Though not quite as much as this guy likes Brian Shouse.

Rafael Betancourt – Do I trust Betancourt at all?  No, but picking up cheap saves isn’t a trust exercise.

Jesus Guzman – He has Bugs Bunny numbers down in Triple-A, but he can’t field to the point where Gamel would be used as his defensive replacement.  Might just be up for the interleague series or he might relieve the Giants fans of having to watch Ishikawa bat.  In deep leagues and NL-Only ones, he’s worth a flier.  Oh, and in ESPN leagues, he’s eligible at shortstop.  Zoinks!

Jonny Gomes – Worth a flier in NL-Only leagues.  But Gomes is so AAAA.  So, in that way, he’s twice the player that Josh Hamilton is.

SELL

Jair Jurrjens – Jar-Jar’s a lot closer to a 3.75 ERA pitcher, instead of a 1.96 ERA.  His Ks are low and his luck is high.  But for those of you with Restless Trade Finger, don’t trade him for a bag of buttered popcorn and a postcard stamp.  He shouldn’t collapse.

Corey Hart – ’80s pop icon has been struggling, though hitting fine against righties.  (Fine’s obviously subjective here, but no worse than how he’s hitting against lefties.  But if the Brewers really wanted to mess with his mind, they could start Gerut against some righties.  You shouldn’t be dropping Hart, or selling him low, but it’s a situation to track.

Jose Lopez – Who are you, Lopez?  You’re not even a Sparky Anklebiter.  You suck.  Goodbye.

Adrian Beltre – A drain on my patience.  I’m done with you too.  Now don’t make me ever watch the Mariners again.  Frankly, I don’t ever even want to go to Seattle now.  You ruined it for me.  Are you happy?

Howie Kendrick – Batting 9th, but let’s assume that’s the 2nd number one hitter in the order.  Okay, so he’s batting in front of Figgins and Erick Aybar… He’s going to get bunted to third every time he gets on base?  Goodbye, hate you too.

Trevor Hoffman – Currently has a 0.00 ERA. That actually might have people believing he’s about to save 40 games.  Well, maybe he does, but if you can trade Hoffman for an every day hitter or a “go pitcher,” remember SAGNOF.

Roy Oswalt – Name value is all that’s carrying him at this point.  His Ks are down.  He’s not even being particularly unlucky.  His men left on base are about where they should be.  He’s looking like a 4.50 ERA pitcher right now.  Hold the sides of your head because I’m about to blow your mind.  Wandy’s better than Roy.

Conor Jackson – Gag me with a spoon!  Jackson contracted Valley Fever that turned into pneumonia which has given his owners the boogie woogie blues.  This pneumonia – which may drag on all year like Casey Kotchman’s mono – makes him droppable in all but NL-only formats.

Andruw Jones – Your laissez faire attitude was fine when you were in your twenties, but now you’re just fat and lazy and hope everything comes easy to you.  Me to Andruw, not my Mom to me.  I’m not fat.

The walks weren’t really an issue when Francisco Liriano was striking out twenty-seven guys a game.  He walked to the mound and you knew you were getting 10 Ks.  Maybe nothing else.  But you got ten Ks.  Even if he faced only nine batters.  The scorer would give him an extra one just because he was Francisco Liriano.  His numbers since Frank Jobe surgery are disturbing.  Disturbing like one of those Discovery Channel shows where they show plastic surgery gone wrong.  Liriano’s throwing his slider less (his old strikeout pitch) and chucking up salamis, pitch after pitch.  Could he be laying off the slider because of the surgery?  My guess is yes.  *pointing my index finger at you*  That is my guess.  He looked like he turned a corner when we hit May and K’d nine Tigers.  Could it be the old Liriano, you pondered while nestled in your woobie.  Alas, it was not.  The old Liriano’s in a medical waste bin outside Dr. James Andrews’s office.  Liriano’s now consistently showing himself to be a 7 to 8 K/9 pitcher instead of the 10+ he was prior to surgery.   He’s at 6.04 ERA on the year, but I think he should get that down to a 4.25 by the end of the year.  But it’s a far cry from the 2.16 of 2006.  A far cry, friend.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Mark Reynolds – 4-for-9, 2 HRs, 5 steals.  Get on the mini-donkey-donkey… Could he become the first player to 10/10 on the season?  Do you really care if he bats .240?  Is Mark Reynolds not King-Sire of our land and everyone else is simply called, Not Mark Reynolds?  Where were you when Mark Reynolds was suckling from his mother’s teat?  Reynolds’s straw reaches across the room to drink your milkshake.  He drinks it up!  He drinks your milkshake!  Did you think your song and dance and superstition would help you when Mark Reynolds wasn’t on your fantasy team?  He’s smarter than you!  Chris Davis is a false prophet!  Aramis Ramirez is a false prophet!  Reynolds is a revelation!  Reynolds is King-Sire of this land and he calls it Mini-Donkeyville.  Bow down.

Joey Votto – Reds will release his tests on Thursday.  Hopefully, it’s not a press conference.  Press conferences are never a good sign.

Edinson Volquez – Will miss a start because he’s suffering from lower back spasms.  He should totally sit in one of those massage chairs at Brookstone.  They are so comfy.

Grady Sizemore – Supposedly he’s battling a sore elbow.  Indians player does poorly (V-Mart ‘08), they blame the elbow.  What’s in the water in Cleveland?  Actually, don’t answer that.

Justin Upton – 2 HRs, one steal.  He hits moonshots.  Moon.  Shots.  He’s one of my regrets this year.  I pegged him as a sleeper.  Talked him up.  And here I am with Fred Freakin’ Lewis.  Damn you, Fred!  You lied to me!

Nelson Cruz – HR yesterday.  Doode’s super streaky.  You need to just ride the waves.  Sometimes they’re high.  Sometimes they’re low.

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks.  Get on the Wandwagon!

Chris Sampson – Got another save.  Honestly, I have no idea if LaTory Hawkins will be back tomorrow or never.  With closers, react now, ask questions later.  Pick up Sampson for desperation saves.

Aaron Harang – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 Ks.  Looks like the ugly 2008 that’s in his rearview mirror is not closer than it appears.

Scott Kazmir – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  The A’s’s offense is terrible and they’re worse against lefties, batting .198 on the season.  Further, the Rays bullpen stepped in and only gave up one hit in the last 4 and two-thirds of the game.  I’m benching Spaz until further notice.  In 10 team leagues, I could see dropping him.

Yovani Gallardo – 5 IP, 6 ER.  After having his last start shortened because of rain, he looked rusty.  Rain will do that.

Jorge De La Rosa – 3 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  ¡Naranjas en la cabeza!  That great control George of the Rose showed was gone and so was all his promise.

Matt Harrison – 5 IP, 5 ER.  Apparently it was a bad night to be a crappy pitcher.

Javier Vazquez – 5 IP, 0 ER.  Hey, Bobby Cox has been reading Razzball!  He dropped a preemptive strike on Javy’s One Bad Inning Syndrome™ by removing him in the fifth after 71 pitches.

Omar Infante – Broken hand that coincided with Kelly Johnson’s hot streak.  Thinking he might’ve Tonya Hardy’d him.  Pure speculation!

Chris Jakubauskas – 6 IP, 0 ER.  He’s not a worth a pickup outside a 20 team league that only uses Mariners.  BTW, you think he ever misspells his own last name?

Ervin Santana – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER.  Much better start obviously and a good opportunity for you to trade him away.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – HR yesterday.  You look at his season numbers and you think blech, but he’s been good of late.  If you need a corner, he’s worth a shot.

Paul Konerko – Two games, two homers.  Another corner guy that is currently hot.

Gil Meche – 6 IP, 2 ER.  As I mentioned yesterday in my pitchers who should be better thingamajiggywitit, I’m suddenly a fan of Meche.  If he’s on waivers, you pick him up.

Philip Hughes – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 Ks vs. the Orioles.  Last start was 5 IP and 3 ER too.  Start before that, he gave up eight earned in one and two-thirds to the Orioles.  Oh, and Wang’s up on Friday.  Confused yet?  Yeah, me too.

Nolan Reimold – HR yesterday off Mo Rivera.  Now we’re cooking with gas.  If Reimold gets hot, you might be able to ride him for a week or two then sell him high.

Wilkin Ramirez – HR yesterday as he filled in for Clete Thomas against a lefty.  I know I mentioned this before, but this is really comical to me (which is to say boring and not actually comical), but Leyland hit Wilkin third because that’s where the guy he was replacing was hitting who was only hitting third because he was replacing the three hole hitter.  So can anyone manage the Tigers now that we have a set lineup card?  Did Leyland misplace his blank lineup cards and he’s Xerox’ing?  Seriously, this is mind boggling.

Brad Ziegler – Got the save yesterday.  I think this was because Bailey threw 44 pitches the day before.  But it shows us that Ziegler isn’t completely out of the picture.

David Ortiz – Someone located their stash of HGH.  Trade. Him. Now.

Chris Carpenter – 5 IP, 0 ER.  Exactly what you should hope for every time out.  Pray they don’t try and throw him more than 100 pitches for at least two months.

Daniel Murphy – Was assigned the Mets 1st baseman job vs. righties as he makes his first start there. Trial by fire, you say! I say, who cares?  This does nothing for his value.  Sheffield should see more time too.  Doesn’t really get me that excited about him either.

Jose Reyes – Aggravated his calf.  PETA will be paying him a visit.

Chien-Ming Wang – the two-time 19 game winner – is pitching historically bad.  How bad?  Some TV highlight show quoted some statistical service that the 15 earned runs he’s given up in the past 2 starts are the most ever for a Yankee pitcher’s first two starts of the year.  For fantasy purposes, he’s more toxic than Chinese air, waterways, and land combined.  As for Ted Lilly, you have to respect a guy who can overcome the ignominy of being traded for Hideki Irabu and Jeff Weaver.  He’s been a very underrated late game starter for the past two years with the Cubs. Today, he went 6 and 2/3, giving up only one hit.  Not to take anything away from Lilly, but the conditions were lousy at Wrigley for hitters.  If Ubaldo didn’t walk 6 batters in less than 4 innings, the Cubs wouldn’t have scored as many runs either.  We think Lilly’s risky for this year as he’s been relying a bit too much on breaking pitches.  But it’s not as if the Cubs training staff hasn’t had experience with sore-armed pitchers (see Prior, Wood, Harden)… Oh, and Wang?  We’re very worried about him.  Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edinson Volquez – I feel bad saying I told you so when someone’s not going well, but I told you so… Actually, that didn’t feel that bad.  Schadenfreude, you make me feel good!

Fausto Carmona – 5 IP, 4 ER.  Okay, I didn’t say to stay away from this schmohawk and it feels awful.  Damn you, karma!

Orlando Hudson – Orlando is living it up in LA.  Disneyworld meet Disneyland!  O-Dog used up his month’s offense production in one day as he hit for the cycle.  O-Dog’s about as hot as they come these last few days.  Is he worth owning?  Sure, I suppose.  He’s a 10/10 hitter with a decent average.  There’s a place for that but I’d prefer a 2nd baseman that could get you 25-40 steals.  One thing I will say is Hudson seems like he’s running more in the early going with 3 steals already in the first week.  But his career high in steals is 10.

Andre Ethier – 2 HRs yesterday.  Nice!  Now twist an ankle or something so Kemp could slowly start working his way up the lineup.  Aw, you know I’m just playin’, Ethier.  I love ya! (Actually, I don’t really, but I’m semi-rambling.)

Zach Duke – Shutout? Shuddup!  The Astros are not a very good offensive team. (Which seems like a complaint for them for the last so many years.  Maybe they might want to think about upgrading that.  Just a thought!)  Duke’s fine for an NL-Only league flier.  In mixed leagues, it’s Zach Puke.

Cristian Guzman – My Fantasy Razzball team (and really it’s all about me) took some hits (literally!) yesterday as Guzman went 5-for-5 then limped off the field.  He surprised last year by maintaining a .300 average and staying relatively healthy after failing to do either in his last years with Minnesota.  I was banking on a regression but not on the health part… There is nothing more frustrating then losing a guy on a Monday in a weekly league.  I should’ve just left Belliard in there… Wait, is that my inner monologue?  My bad.

Jesse Litsch – Left with forearm tightness. Another guy I had on my team that I want to suck.  I don’t think highly of Litsch, but would’ve been nice to see him stay healthy.  He’ll be out a few starts is my guess.

Mike Pelfrey – 5 IP, 5 ER.  I’m not defending Pelfrey because I don’t like him this year, but he did give up some bleeders and bloops.  Cust kayin’.

Jon Lester – 11 runs in 2 starts.  He was a risky pitcher too (in addition to Pelfrey).

Zach Greinke – 2-0, no earned runs thus far.  Because our dipolma from the College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston says we have to report when we’re wrong 17% of the time, Greinke was a risky pitcher too.  Maybe trade him if you think we might still be right.

Matt Holliday – 3-for-4 with 2 RBIs.  Batting between Giambi and Garciaparra is really paying off! *sarcasm off*

B.J. Upton – Matt Joyce sent down as The Beej returned to action with a two steal night.  Good to have the Bossman back in town.

Carlos Pena – HR and 6 RBIs. *Random observation that is neither funny nor that enlightening alert* Pena reminds me of Delgado.

Ryan Franklin – First Save last night.  He will get more.  As far back as March 17th, I’ve been saying Franklin will get saves.  I’m not going to link to all the times I said it.  Just search in the search-a-ma-jig on the left.

Travis Snider – 2 HRs.  Still like Lind better, but I also like anyone who’s hitting two home runs in a game.  Even you, Ethier!

Chad Billingsley – 7 IP, 1 ER, 11 Ks.  Since last summer, I’ve said he’s headed for the 2009 NL Cy Young.  The Verducci guy clinked the armor, but I’m still holding tight.

Milton Bradley – Out a few days with a right groin strain.  How appropriate since he’s a jerkoff.

Justin Upton – O-for-the season.  The ‘Backs have too many options for him to continue on the path of ugly.  He’s going to be a good one, but it may not be the first half of the year.  Or this year at all.  Color me worried.

Jermaine Dye/Paul Konerko – Back to back 300th HRs.  According to the Elias Sports Bureau, this was the first time two players hit back to back 300th homers.  Actually, they didn’t say that… Well, they might’ve.  I have no idea.  Another thing possibly heard today in the Elias Sports Bureau office, in Accounting, Julio said, “Who took my pen for the third time this month?  Which is a new record!”

DeWayne Wise – Separated shoulder and out 6 weeks. This also really hurt my Fantasy Razzball team.  Wise looked like he was headed for one of the all-time worst years ever if Ozzie would’ve continued to play him.  And that’s a small “if,” because of course Ozzie was playing him.  Alas…  This opens up the centerfield job for the Jerry Owens promotion (SAGNOF, but he’s a truly crappy player) or Brian Anderson (poor average, some pop, not much to see here either).  This could also mean Ozzie moves Alexei Ramirez up the order.  Honestly, Alexei hasn’t done much to deserve it so that could mean Ozzie does move him up.  Oh, who are we fooling?  Ozzie’s going to continue to plug Wise into the top of the order, DL be damned!

Jed Lowrie – To the 15-Day DL.  Oh, well.  He’s done.  Feel free to cut him loose.  Probably the best thing that could’ve happened so you can move on from him sooner vs. later.  (BTW, Sooner vs. Later battled to a draw last time out in the octagon.)