Interleague is over and we are sprinting to the All-Star break, trade deadline and fantasy football drafts because, who are we kidding, the best part of fantasy is the draft. Soccer is still well on Smokey’s plate. As if you’re not watching and getting excited. It’s not for everyone, I can’t blame people for not liking it or force them to watch. There just aren’t enough stats in soccer to peak the fantasy end of it. Baseball has 20 x 20 leagues, what’s more entertaining than playing in a league that you can’t check via the box score in newspaper? (Yeah, they still exist, I had to check.) Week 13 brings us right up against the birth of this great country. Have at the unlucky week 13 fantasy baseball two start hurlers:
Jake Westbrook (Tor vs. Romero) (Oak vs. Gonzalez)
Just mulling around waiting/hoping to get traded. Been semi-effective. A peripheral nightmare, so expect to be wooed and then not even a peck on the cheek when you drop him off.
Jeremy Bonderman (@Min vs. Liriano) (Sea vs. Lee)
This guy gets $12 million, holy hell. Always a good swing and miss guy. Horrible matchups this week. Avoid for me this week.
Randy Wells (Pit vs. Maholm) (Cin Vs Cueto)
Not good Randy, not good at all. Anything worse than playing for your hometown team and sucking? Guess missing your bus home would suck too. But then if it’s your hometown team it wouldn’t suck as bad, I suppose. Gets Pittsburgh in first start – hooray. Another peripheral disaster.
Jason Hammel (@ SD vs. LeBlanc) (SF vs. Cain)
In the highlights as the guy following Ubaldo in the rotation. Gets Petco and is a better pitcher at home so it sounds even better. Previous shellacking by the Sox. Three previous were 0 ER. Good value pick.
Bud Norris (@ Mil vs. Parra) (@ SD vs. Correia)
Back from the dead. 2 decent matchups, and a whole mess of sleeper hype to cloud what could go wrong. Houston continues to suck and blow his confidence. He is a ping pong ball up and down like Homer Bailey.
Brett Myers (@ MiL VS Gallardo) (@ SD vs. Leblanc)
A horse this year so far. Would have about 5 more wins for another team. Lowest ERA since ’06. Gets a tough matchup in Gallardo, who is as legit as they come. Hasn’t given up more than 4 ER in a start all year.
R.A. Dickey (@ Fla vs. Nolasco) (@ Was vs. Strasburg)
Yeah, uh, R.A. Dickey has 6 wins. 6 consecutive to boot. Runs into some tough matchups. Robert Alan is hot right now so ride the train, just maybe not this week.
Manny Parra (Hou vs. Norris) (@ StL vs. Carpenter)
Think he is staying in the rotation for a while, and is great stuff wise. Just not polished at all. Great K potential, though I hate that word.
Kyle Kendrick (@ Cin vs. Cueto) (@ Pit vs. Maholm)
His home/away splits are crazy, Bruce Banner even said damn. Gets the Pie Rats and is 3-0 career vs. the ‘Natti. Looks like a call to the bookie is in order. Jump all over it, best low end add this week. 2 wins and 10 k’s.
Wade LeBlanc (Col vs. Hammel) (Hou vs. Myers)
Home cooking just like Grandma’s. Gives up way too many hits for my liking. Two home starts makes me forget that he didn’t call me on my birthday. No K’s and a propensity to go only 5 innings sucks out loud.
Dustin Nippert/Matt Harrison (@ LAA vs. Pineiro) (ChW vs. Buehrle)
It is still up in the air if both get one or 2 starts. Team is scorching the ball right now, and runs and pills are good. Both guys offer about the same amount fantasy-wise.
Yesterday, Bob Feller told a story about how he once threw 117 MPH while urinating. He went on to talk about Triscuits and where he left his teeth. When he came back around to baseball, he said no one’s throwing a 1.15 ERA, even that guy with no hair. Once again, the old Feller has forgotten more than you could ever know. To paraphrase EPMD, last night Ubaldo Jimenez had his ERA tooken. He gave up 6 earned runs in 5 and two-thirds innings. It’s no crime to be hit by the Red Sox in Coors and you had to expect the ERA was going to come up at some point. All things considered, he K’d 7 and walked no one vs. a club that knows the strike zone. Was his best strikeout to walk ratio game in a while. He’s still a terrific pitcher, he might just be a 3.00 ERA one instead of a 1-something one. You’ll take that medicine and like it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ian Stewart – 2-for-4 and a homer off Papelbon. Ride, Mini Mini Donkey, ride.
Jarrett Hoffpauir – 1-for-3 as Cito Gaston announced that Hoffpauir will be the every day 3rd baseman. Hip-hip-Hoffpauir! Though once Snider returns Hoffpauir will probably be squeezed for time. I went over my Hoffpauir fantasy the other day. Speaking of Snider, what happened to that young brother? He’s pulling a Kotchman, for sure. Was supposed to be ready in less than the original 15 days on the DL, now looking like we might not see him again until after the All-Star break. A hurt wrist that is lingering this long is not a good sign, says Mr. Obvious.
Tommy Manzella – Fractured his index finger and will be out for 6 weeks. Has anyone ever seen Manzella and Adam Everett in the same place? A-ha!
Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks. Kid Cueto strikes again against a weak team in a pitcher’s park. Cueto looks like he should be a 3.75 ERA pitcher over the course of the season. To get those numbers though, you have to start him every time out, which is a bit nail biting.
Edinson Volquez – 5 IP, 1 ER in a rehab start. Could be back before the All-Star break. For those in the back of the room, that’s not that long. Don’t you love how Edinson was suspended for 50 days and recovered from Tommy John surgery quicker than Erik Bedard, who was throwing in April and originally slated to return in May? In related news, Bedard’s supposed to return soon too. We shall see.
Jose Reyes – 3-for-4, steal, homer and 3 Runs. Member back in March when someone said my Reyes pick was the worst pick of the Friends & Family draft? I don’t want to make too much of it, but it is pretty illustrative of how preseason news is always blown out of proportion. (Though the same guy thought Beltran was the best pick of the draft. Hmm…)
R.A. Dickey – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. As soon as you pick up Dickey, your fantasy situation will get sticky.
Angel Pagan – Left the game with what appeared to be an oblique issue. Knowing the Mets, this will mean a 180-day DL stint.
Carlos Quentin – 2-for-3 with 2 homers as he bats over .400 in the last week. Don’t thaw out Ted Williams’ head just yet, but Quentin’s finally come alive.
Cliff Lee – 9 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks. The Adverb has 76 Ks and 4 BBs. Now read that again emphasizing different words. Still impressive, right?
Tyler Colvin – Hit his 2nd homer in the last five games. Probably will continue to hit for some power, but his average may drop with more playing time. Think 20 homers and a .275 average on the year.
Randy Wells – 6 IP, 6 ER, 12 baserunners, 3 Ks. Against the M’s in Safeco? Forget it, we’re done. Don’t ask me if you should start Wells anywhere. You shouldn’t.
Ricky Romero – 8 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. He’s on pace for 200+ strikeouts. Cust kayin’.
Stephen Strasburg – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks as he faced his toughest competition yet, the Royals. Be interesting once he takes on a real major league offense. For those zealots who like to keep score: DeJesus 1, Big Baby Jesus 0.
Ryan Ludwick – Missed yesterday’s game with leg cramps. Doesn’t Midol make something for that?
Sean Rodriguez – 1-for-4 with a homer. Unfortunately, it looks like he’s back to playing intermittently, unless this homer can shake loose some more playing time.
John Ely – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. It’s nice, but I wouldn’t start him outside of Dodgers Stadium vs. good matchups until I see more consistency.
Ricky Nolasco – 7 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks. You know how Nolasco needs at least one minor league assignment to get straightened out every year? I have an idea, whoever’s fixing his mechanics in Triple-A, let them manage the Marlins.
Gaby Sanchez – 3-for-5 with his 8th homer, hitting around .400 for the last week and over .350 in June. I wouldn’t recommend him for anything but Runs and average, but sometimes you need that sorta thing.
Chase Headley – 1-for-3 with a homer. The one league where I was stuck with Headley (Don’t confuse that with sticking with Headley. It’s a 20 team league, I’m stuck with him.), I’ve resigned myself to only expecting production on the road, where he’s batting .291.
Brian Bannister – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. He pitched well because at no point in this game did Dr. Brian Bannister turn into the Incredible Hulk of Crap.
Dontrelle Willis – 2 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners — 7 of which were walks. I really have no allegiances when it comes to baseball players. Probably what makes me half-decent at this fantasy shizz, but the story of Dontrelle’s complete collapse is kinda sad. Unless his previous success was ‘roid related, then I’m no longer sad, but I don’t think it was (who knows though, right? I know! I mean, I don’t know if I know, you know?). I think this is some Ankiel, Knoblauch yips thing. I wish I were Miguel Olivo so I could give Dontrelle a big hug.
Aaron Heilman – 1 IP, 1 ER and the blown save. Meanwhile, Sam Demel continues to dominate in middle relief. I don’t think the Diamondbacks go to Demel, but they could. At this point, if they brought in Byung-Hyun Kim, I wouldn’t be surprised.
Curtis Granderson – 3-for-5 with a homer and steal. Ten more games in a row exactly like this and we’ll be cool.
Manny Parra – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. I enjoy the Parra, I do. It’s no secret. He will kill your WHIP and he’s prone to 2 IP, 6 ER-type games, but he’s chock full ‘o strikeout potential.
Chris Johnson – 2-for-4 and a steal as he got his second start in a row. Definitely worth a look in NL-Only leagues.
Shin-Soo Choo – 2 homers, 4 RBIs as he thanked owners for Choo-Choo-choosing him.
Kerry Wood – 1/3 IP, 2 ER. Really should be replaced by Chris Perez, but I think the Indians are trying to prove Wood’s worth on the trade market. Problem is each time he pitches he’s worthless.
Daniel Nava – 2-for-3 as he still bats .382 on the year. In a few leagues, I grabbed him for the chance on some extended upside. The other day I went over what to expect from him. Search the site, it’ll burn calories.
J.D. Drew – Red Sox announced Drew won’t be back on Thursday, after announcing two days ago he wouldn’t be back on Wednesday. You think they have one guy in charge of making J.D. Drew injury announcements? Me, “Hey, you’re standing next to me at a bar, what do you do?” Him, “I make J.D. Drew injury announcements.” Me, “Of course you do, they need a guy for that!”
Josh Beckett – Threw 55 pitches on Wednesday, slated to return mid-July. If he returns and you’re hoping for better than a 4.00 ERA pitcher, you’re hoping for too much. I mean, he’s only a career 3.90 ERA guy to begin with. Oekávání. And that’s me putting expectations in Czech.
Javier Vazquez touched you in your no-no area for two months to the point where just looking at his name made you crawl up into a ball and cry, but yesterday he flirted with a no-no for seven innings. He held the 1927 Blue Jays to only one hit, a home run by HGH Wells. (In a strange twist, Bautista didn’t homer, but he did have sex with your wife. Don’t shoot the messenger!) So can Javier Vazquez now be trusted? The better question is did anyone really think he was the 8 ERA pitcher he was showing in April and May? Come on, this is baseball. It’s a sport of aberrations from day-to-day and week-to-week and month-to-month, but, in the end, people find their level. Vazquez is more or less a 4.50 ERA pitcher in the AL. So you need some months of dreckitude surrounded by some months of usability. Vazquez is still walking too many guys and, other than him striking out 9 Blue Kays yesterday and the Suckie-O’s the game before, his Ks have been down. So usable, but don’t expect a full return of 2009 Vazquez. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Stanton – He’s coming up on Tuesday. Can you hear that? It’s my heart going pitter patter. Put your ear up to the computer monitor, you’ll hear it.
Ricky Nolasco – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks in Metco. God forbid Nolasco were to put together an entire freakin’ year pitching how he’s capable. Maybe if I’m ever in a freakin’ league with a xFIP category, I’ll draft Nolasco.
Brandon Morrow – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. the Yankees. Even more encouraging was the one walk he issued after only giving up 2 the game before.
Brad Penny – Out for another month or two. Can’t Dave Duncan rub his hands together and touch the injury or some shizz?
David Freese – Is on ice. Out until Friday with an ankle sprain. This would never happen to my neighbor. She has cankles.
Colby Rasmus – Left the game with tightness in his calf. If he had four teats, he could be a cow.
Orlando Hudson – Likely headed to the DL. It’s the hoosegow for the Hudson.
Doug Fister – On the DL with a sore shoulder. Maybe he hurt it when he was pitching so far over his head.
Dontrelle Willis – Six scoreless on Saturday. Seemed like every time he got himself in any trouble a lefty came up and he dominates lefties. I’d wait to see at least two more starts from Willis before considering him.
Josh Hamilton – Should return on Monday after having a cortisone injection in his knee. I wonder if he helped the doctor find his vein.
Matt Capps – 2/3 IP, 3 ER and another Cappsizing. Riggleman said Capps will remain the closer, but if you’re trolling for saves — troll on, troller! — Clippard is the first pickup, though he’s probably owned already. If you’re real desperate for saves, I won’t stand in your way of grabbing Drew Storen.
Scott Rolen – Hit his 14th homer. Sonavabench! Why must guys who aren’t starting come into the game and hit a home run? Rhetorical!
Jeff Francoeur – 2-for-4, hitting over .500 in the last week and one freedom fly.
Hisanori Takahashi – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER and has been about as tasty as Kashi. Member about two weeks ago when I said he’s getting by with a funky delivery that people aren’t familiar with? Yeah, that’s over.
Nick Hundley – Home run yesterday as he bats .306 on the year. He has a .380 BABIP, which is obscene for him. He has very little pop and he’s around a .260 hitter. I’d prefer about 20 other catchers over him.
Chase Headley – 4-for-5, 2 runs. How do you hit cleanup, go 4-for-5 and not get any RBIs? Headley might need to be added to the definition of yawnstipating.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 9 baserunners, 2 ER, 8 Ks. Damn, he was rocked!
Michael Wuertz – Got the save vs. the Twins because the A’s want Bailey to be rested for the upcoming series vs. the Angels. There was no explanation for why Ryan Sweeney was hitting third.
Jack Cust – 3-for-4 and 7 for his last 13. Cust is streaky like Bret Boone’s hair in the 90′s. Unlike Boone’s hair, he’s on a good type of streak right now.
Lou Marson – Hit his first homer of the year. The Indians should not only leave Carlos Santana down in the minors, but they might want to trade him. /sarcasm
Carlos Quentin – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs. I swear, when I saw he had 2 hits, I looked to see if this was his first multiple hit game of the year. Not a good sign.
Randy Wells – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks. All the stats point to Wells being better than he has been, but you can’t afford to start him right now outside of NL-Only leagues. All’s not Wells.
John Jaso – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs, a steal and a home run as the DH, hitting leadoff. This was the first time a DH hit leadoff since 1983 when Billy Martin turned in a lineup card on a cocktail napkin. John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt has little power and hits for a decent average. For those reading from the beginning of this post and not skipping around willy-nilly, I’d take Jaso over Hundley.
Carlos Pena – The star of Friday’s Buy/Sell hit his 9th homer yesterday. Where we putting the over/under for his homers this month? 8? Not sure if I’d take the over or under. Damn, those oddmakers are good!
Brad Lincoln – Pirates are calling up their top pitching prospect for Wednesday’s start. First, let’s see what Stephen said in his Pirates Minor League Review, “Lincoln works a low-to-mid 90’s fastball, a power curve, and a changeup. He keeps most of his pitches near the strike zone, which is both a plus and a negative – he gives up too many homers, especially when the ball is in the upper half of the zone. If there’s one bone to pick, he’s never thrown a fastball at Grey’s big, stupid head.” Hmm… That last sentence must’ve slipped by me. Lincoln’s a fantasy number two to three starter in his prime, which he is not right now. I’d grab him in keepers and NL-Only leagues, but he’s not worth bothering with in mixed leagues right now. Best case scenario for this year in mixed leagues, he could have matchups appeal if he catches big league hitters by surprise.
Bobby Abreu – 0-for-6 as the Angels had 18 hits and 9 runs. Ticker tease!
Mike Napoli – 4-for-5, 3 Runs, 2 RBIs, his 9th homer and one almost head nod from Scioscia.
Hideki Matsui – 2-for-5 with his 9th homer as he hits near .500 over the last week. For the first time in a while, Matsui is hitting some flies that have nothing to do with the porn stashed under his bed.
Adam Everett – Designated for assignment. Leyland said, “”We just didn’t see anything happening (offensively) with Adam.” Um, did they ever see, read or hear anything about Adam Everett that would’ve led them to believe otherwise? This opens a spot for Danny Worth, who looks like a young Adam Everett, so there’s that.
Jeremy Bonderman – 5 2/3 IP, 7 ER. Hey, there’s the Blunderman we all recognize.
Manny Parra – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks. Anyone who’s read Razzball for a while knows the love I have for Parra. He’s so tantalizing with his Ks! Unfortunately, everything else is a mess. I mean, c’mon, he has a 1.71 WHIP.
Alcides Escobar – 1-for-5, has two steals on the year. In other news, Josh Willingham has 5 steals. In other other news, Jason Kendall has 5 steals. Matt Stairs has 2 steals! Matt Stairs doesn’t have legs, he has feet glued onto two beer coolers.
This is the conundrum of fantasy baseball that leads us to the battle for the final rotation spot. These guys either have one of two options: drive around on a bus with the Savannah Sand Gnats, or float for awhile (swimming is an entirely different sport). These guys aren’t necessarily the sexiest group of fantasy options, but if your league is deep or shallow, streaming is streaming. I do it a lot in limitless inning leagues. It’s not cheating — it’s taking advantage of other owners who don’t do it. Picking your “spot” starts is always hit or miss, best way to tell if you should stream is to read the betting line — I can’t make this stuff up. People who stand to win/lose money know what is going on here. So here we go: the 5th starter battles for 2010 fantasy baseball at the midpoint of Spring Training:
Braves
Kenshin Kawakami – Pitched decent last year. Under 4.00 ERA from the 5th spot is gold. SP/RP eligibility is platinum. I’m for this guy — he keeps the ball on the ground.
Kris Medlen – Maybe youth can be served in the A T L. Minors number show he has some potential. To me, he looks like a midseason trade guy for offense.
Phillies
Kyle Kendrick – I bought some of his juice 2 years ago. I’ve seen him twice this spring already and he looked pretty decent. Plays in a HR friendly environment — not good.
Jose Contreras – Grizzled old Cuban not named Livan. Gives them the “I have been there before” guy to have in a pinch. Moyer is lurking around somewhere too.
Reds
Aroldis Chapman – Now we are getting to “ooh” guys. We all know about him — he is climbing up the ADP boards. I think he gets 5-6 starts in minors. Awesome potential; future number 2.
Matt Maloney – The designated place holder at the onset of the season. Has potential. Do not sleep on him — he may be a better contributor after they trade of Bronson/Harang.
Mike Leake – Yeah, he is still in contention in my eyes. Awesome polish. Well beyond his years on the mound. Ponder this for next year: Cueto, Chapman, Bailey Volquez and Leake. WOW. Pretty decent, I’d say.
Brewers
Dave Bush – It’s feast or famine: head for the mountains and choose anyone but “bush.” Having a decent enough spring to make you go…. maybe.
Manny Parra – Potent offense may help both of these guys. Good K numbers, bad everything else is not a fair trade off for me. Mostly NL-Only help here, but roll the dice when it gets warmer.
Cardinals
Jaime Garcia – Rook is ready. Saw him pitch live and he has the goods that you’re looking for. The “Lou” is definitely going lefty with the 5. Minor league numbers are good enough to buy for a dollar.
Rich Hill – I told you it’s either Mickelson or Gomez. Duncan’s pet project this year. Had the goods to make everyone believe 3 years ago. Yeah… you know who you are.
Dodgers
Eric Stults – Loved him as Rocky Dennis — not so much for the Dodgers. Thirty-year-old may be a late bloomer. Worrisome high walk rate. Pitching well in Spring Training.
James McDonald – E I E I O, minor league success at every level. Dodgers SP is very overrated. They may need his potential at the back end of the rotation.
Yankees
Phil Hughes – Joba has fallen into the pen, IMO. Hughes has only himself to blame if he goes to join him. Awesome potential three years ago; he was a top 5 prospect. Still only 23. SP/RP eligibility.
Alfredo Aceves – Gaudin is helping his cause. Destined for long relief. ‘Fredo could be a guy who sneaks in. Had a year talking to the G.O.A.T in the pen.
A’s
Gio Gonzalez – Awesome punch out numbers. Favorite of mine for sneaky late round pick. His peripherals make me sad.
Vin Mazzaro – A fellow “Dirty Jerzian.” Is the opposite of Gio: pitches to contact. For my money, he is the extremely poor man’s version of Slowey. Last seen with JWOWW and Snooki at Jenks.
Twins
Francisco Liriano – I’m truly tired of talking about this guy. Now they want him to be a closer… Minny is throwing in the towel already. Not a great idea. That Pierzynski trade right now looks good for this year.
Royals
Kyle Farnsworth – Yeah him. I got nothing. Horrible as a reliever. Hillman drinking the sauce for an early unemployment check.
Kyle Davies – Still have nothing. For giggles, look up his Spring numbers. I haven’t seen that fat of a number since 7 ate 9.
Robinson Tejada – Time to take the training wheels off. Previously admired by me. Great K potential. Looked great in final 6 starts last year. RP/SP eligible a plus.
Rangers
Matt Harrison – Arlington bleachers gobble up fly balls in summer — unfun for pitchers. My money says Feliz pitches out of the pen to start the year. Decent Spring so far.
Derek Holland – Great potential. Needs to develop a third pitch. There really is no loser here: both will get starts as Harden and McCarthy are “fra-gee-lay” and neither are Italian.
Orioles
Davis Hernandez - Great K numbers in the minors. Did decent enough last year to be considered here. Not the prospect that his competition is.
Chris Tillman - Another sleeper guy for non-dynasty leagues that I like. Is part of the handful of Baltimore top pitching specs. Don’t sleep on him.
Tim Lincecum missed yesterday’s start vs. the Padres (there goes that 14 K start) and gave way to the Giants big-time rookie pitching prospect, Madison Bumgarner. Lincecum should be back by this weekend. A detailed Madison Bumgarner outlook can be found where it says, “Madison Bumgarner outlook.” (Yeah, still haven’t figured out how to naturally link to something. I feel like Buzz Bissinger. Bleh! What are these things you call links? Bleh! Actually, that sounds more like The Count.) So one in for Mad-Bum, and no harm done. 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 Ks. I think he can supplant Joe Martinez in the rotation. He sure as heckfire has a better name… Go with Jose at least, geez. Bumgarner will have value in all leagues down the stretch if he has a rotation spot. He’s risky, but in the NL West and with his stuff, well worth a look in mixed leagues. In keepers, pursue him aggressively. He’s real and he’s spectacular. I expect he’ll take the David Price route next year. Start in the minors, then get the call in June. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brad Lidge – Prior to getting removed from a save situation for Madson, Manuel said that Lidge will remain the Phils closer. HA!!! Sorry. Lidge hasn’t been a closer in three months. Are they freakin’ kidding me? Lidge is pitching like he’s wearing contacts that bear Pujols’s face. Please, someone tie Lidge to a bed and break his ankles to put him out of his misery.
Alex Gordon – He returns from his Triple-A stint. A lot has been made of his trip to the minors. (Because of the minors stint, he’ll be under contract through 2013.) People are saying the Royals pulled a low move to delay free agency. Um, and Gordon’s done something to stay in the majors? At this rate, he may not be a major leaguer by 2013. Though, February Grey still will probably find a way to talk him up for next year.
Pedro Martinez – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER. Not great vs. the Nats, but I would’ve taken it over the roofie-ing I took from Carlos Torres. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that.
Raul Ibanez – 3-for-4 with 2 HRs yesterday. I swear, after three months of homer sobriety from Ibanez, I was a twitch away from pulling the trigger on him. Now, he’s hot. Someone was looking out for me. They obviously didn’t care enough to warn me about Carlos Torres. Fantasy baseball, because every day stress is not enough.
Carlos Torres – 2/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the A’s. I hate you, Carlos Torres. I swore off rookie pitchers earlier this year because of a start by Hochevar vs. the A’s. Why do the A’s hate me? Someone, help! I was roofied and I’m hemorrhaging from the A’s.
Julio Borbon – 2 HRs yesterday and a steal. Someone’s been talking to Drew Stubbs.
Elvis Andrus – 2 steals yesterday. If you need steals, maybe he’s running now, cause he hadn’t been.
Frank Francisco – 1 IP, 2 ER. Kazaam!
Nick Swisher – 2 HRs yesterday. Hitting over .300 in the last seven games with 3 homers.
Evan Longoria – Has 5 homers in the last 8 games and is hitting near .500 in his last seven games. H2H teams rostering Longoria tip their caps.
Garrett Jones – Hit his 19th homer yesterday. If I didn’t see it myself, I wouldn’t have believed it, but after Robot Jones hit his homer, he elevated five inches off the ground to allow wheels to slide out from his cleats and he rolled around the bases.
Dustin Pedroia – This might be Scrappy Doo’s first appearance in a daily roundup this year. Well, anyway, he hit two homers yesterday against the Orioles’ Double-A pitching.
Felix Pie – 0-for-3, and 2 for his last 13. I think he’s back to being lame.
Carlos Beltran – Returned with a 1-for-4. Now he has three weeks to hit 35 homers and steal 20 bases. Or if he just outproduced Angel Pagan, that would be nice, too.
Cameron Maybin – You’re going to hear about every positive thing he does until next year. Yesterday, he hit a homer.
Nate McLouth – Hit his 2nd homer since he returned. This is a hunch, but I think he realizes he has three weeks to make his season’s stats look somewhat palatable.
Manny Parra – Left the game with neck spasms. Manny, you don’t watch the ball off the bat. That’s how you get a crick in your neck.
Mat Gamel – Was recalled. But McGehee’s got the corner locked down like Marlo Stanfield.
Corey Hart – Is back from the DL. He says he wants to steal bases. I have no idea if he’s lying. I couldn’t see his eyes through his sunglasses.
Chris Davis – 3-for-4 with a HR in yesterday’s nightcap. In the, uh, daycap he went 0-for-5.
Michael Brantley – He’s stealing bases. You know you wanna. Go ahead, pick him up.
Franklin Gutierrez – Hit his 16th homer yesterday. The Big FraGu’s having a better year than Carlos Beltran, Grady Sizemore and Josh Hamilton. Cust kayin’.
Matt Murton – Called up by the Rockies. Score this a victory for the National Association for the Advancement of Gingy People. But the NAAGP won’t rest until Murton gets playing time, so there will be a lot of late nights for them.
J.A. Happ – His strained oblique is still vaguely hurting and will miss another start.
Jeff Baker – The pride of Bad Kissingen, West Germany went 3-for-4 yesterday as he hits near .400 in the last week.
Jake Fox – Piniella hates him. Bobby Scales? Sam Fuld? They sound like the bassist and drummer for the Cubs’ heavy metal band, Quite The Riot.
