Yo, Meteorologist Grey here and I’m standing in Chesapeake Bay to show you how high the water has risen. It’s usually up to my waist, but, as you can see, the water is now up to my shoulders. Would I normally be standing in Chesapeake Bay if there was no hurricane? No, this is for ratings, snitches! That was it, that was the big news all across the world of baseball this weekend. How there wasn’t any on the eastern seaboard. ‘See, bored?’ is more like it. But there was Justin Verlander winning his 20th game, and locking up the Cy Young. His line so far 20-5/2.38/0.90/218 in 215 2/3 IP. Those numbers are sick as in very healthy not sick as in sick. When you have over 200 innings and more than a K per inning, you deserve the accolades, which only sounds like something you take for an upset stomach. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jimmy Rollins – Won’t return when eligible, i.e., the Phils are coasting into the playoffs and don’t care if any of their regulars play the entire month of September. Just a friendly reminder that you need to have back-up plans in place if your H2H team is riding Phils like Marlo Thomas.
Rafael Betancourt – The Rockies announced Betancourt would stay in the role of closer even after Street returned, then later that night he blew the save. Cuddle boy! Then he came back and recorded the save on Sunday. I’d keep Betancourt for now, but think he cedes the job to Street in the landmark case of sooner vs. later.
Hanley Ramirez – Will return on Wednesday unless he gets a bee in his bonnet.
Michael Brantley – Will have season-ending surgery on his wrist. Indians might think about digging up center field and making sure there’s no Brady Bunch tiki idols buried out there.
Jonathan Sanchez – Sounds like he’ll be out for the season. Safe to drop him. Could backdate that to June. You know what’s nice? Your mustache? Random Italicized Voice, you giving me lip service? Is that a pun? Kinda. No, what’s nice is at this time of the year you don’t have to contemplate whether or not to wait out a DL stint. Just drop.
Sergio Romo – Returned to the Giants on Sunday and looks like the favorite to get saves. BTW, you think when Sergio was in summer camp and wrote his name on his shirt tags that people just thought it was the designer’s name?
Jordan Walden – The Sciosciapath removed Walden on Saturday after he loaded the bases and brought in Takahashi for the save. I think Walden will continue to get saves for the Los Angeles Not Actually Los Angeles Angels, but if you’re speculating on saves there ya go.
Dayan Viciedo – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and a homer. With Quentin finally hitting the DL, the Pale Hose promoted Dayan Viciedo, a highly touted Cuban raftee. In Triple-A, Viciedo had a .296 average with 20 homers in 119 games. He’s in that Delmon-Alfonso-Vlad mold of swinging at just about anything near the plate. As with Alfonso and Vlad, it hasn’t really hurt his hitting. He can play all over the field to get at-bats, but, for whatever reason, Ozzie hasn’t really thrust him into a starring role. If he gets the ABs, see, he’d be good for mixed leaguers — Yo, dawg, I’m a mixed leaguer….Now why won’t girls talk to me? — but until we see Dayan’s PT, I’d only look at him in AL-Only leagues.
Chris Capuano – 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 0 walks, 13 Ks. Feliz Capu anos!
Johan Santana – Now unlikely to return this year. Really no shocker here. Hence, my credo not to bother with drafting pitchers in March that are supposed to be out for the majority of the season. Setbacks happen yadda3.
James Shields – 9 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 12 Ks. Sometimes Shields gets a little flaky (7 earned vs the M’s, 10 earned vs. the A’s), but for where you drafted him and his 192 Ks, 2.96 ERA, you’ll take it and like it.
David Price – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 14 Ks. It’s funny how his season ERA is at 3.40 with a 12-11 record compared to 2.72 ERA and 19 wins last year, but he’s actually pitched much better this year. Obviously not haha funny, but more like not funny at all funny.
Desmond Jennings – 4-for-5, 2 homers and a steal. The only real drawback so far with Jennings is I need to buy more Trapper Keepers to write his name in hearts with my sparkle marker.
Joe Mauer – Has been out for five days with a pain in the neck. How appropriate.
Luke Hughes – 2-for-4, 2 homers on Sunday and a homer on Saturday. Luke, you are my waiver wire fodder.
Collin Cowgill – 4-for-4, homer, 2 runs 2 RBIs. Hasn’t been playing every day, but maybe after this big game we’ll get more Cowgill.
Aaron Hill – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer as a D-Back. He’s fared slightly better than Johnson since the trade. Perhaps being surrounded by a team of hackers is making him feel more comfortable.
Tommy Hanson – Has a rotator cuff tear. I once had a cuff tear on my Girbaud jeans and it knocked me out for a day. Hanson’s cuff tear is not as major as it sounds, but will still knock him out a few weeks (no relation to Jemile). Can go ahead and drop Hanson in most leagues, i.e., Mmmdrop.
Zach Britton – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. Britton took down the Yankees revenging The Revolutionary War. Though I thought exporting The Spice Girls was their payback.
Nelson Cruz – Strained his left hamstring on a double. His right hamstring said, “I got next!”
Jason Motte – Got the save on Sunday. Let’s see, Salas’s last two appearances were in non-save situations, then La Russa sends Motte, who hasn’t given up a run in his last 29 appearances, out for the save yesterday. I think La Russa’s Feathered-Hair-Covered Brain finally made a smart move with his bullpen. Motte should be the closer. Now whether he’s the closer or not is up to FHCB.
Jordan Zimmermann – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER. About two months ago, I asked whether or not the Nats would shut down Zimmermann at exactly 160 innings if it meant in the middle of the 3rd inning. They didn’t; they shut him down for the season in the middle of the fifth inning.
Joey Votto – 2-for-5 with two homers. Joey makes me coo coo roo.
Yonder Alonso – Hit a pinch hit homer yesterday. Now is hitting .467 with 3 homers in 30 ABs. Too bad he doesn’t have a position to play. Rather, Baker starts Fred Lewis, Dave Sappeit and the Winner of a Skyline Chili contest instead of Yonder.
Carlos Lee – Left Sunday’s game with a slight ankle sprain. Send El Caballo to the glue factory!
Andre Ethier – Said he’s playing with an injured knee all year. Then the always sympathetic GM Ned Colletti said, “What am I supposed to be concerned about? That he has those numbers, that he’s hurt or contends he’s hurt?” Snap in the 0-for-12 formation. I will say Ned Colletti, aka No Coddle-letti, is refreshingly frank, but I’m not sure today’s athletes respond to it. Why not just call him Andre the Pissant and wear a shirt that says ‘Obey?’
Matt Kemp – Joined the 30/30 club this weekend. The gift basket included a free weekend stay at a Howard Johnson.