Vicente Padilla went to the DL with a forearm strain. Maybe it’s was straining to be a fivearm. Oofa! Who am I, Buddy Hackett? Actually, I am. No, I kid. Or do I?! No, I do, he’s dead. Unless I’m writing this post from beyond the grave! Boo! Know what I like most about Matt Guerrier? He’s not Padilla. How’s dem apples? Sour! Then we have Kenley Jansen– “Buh-buh-but, Grey! Who do we own from the Dodgers bullpen? I can’t own everyone. By the way, nice mustache. Primo!” For immediate closer action, I’d own Guerrier, Jansen, Alyssa Milano, in that order. Unless your league counts blown saves, then reverse the order. But — and unless you’re an alien, there’s always a but — I think Jansen ends the season with more saves than Guerrier. The only problem is I think he gets weaned into the job and may not be getting saves regularly at first. Frankly, it’s a committee and too many chefs make too many hors d’oeuvres and not enough entrees, or whatever that cliche is. Oh, and because any great closerousel shituation should keep fantasy owners on their toes, Guerrier pitched the 8th inning in a losing game last night. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Joe Blanton – Yesterday, he was scratched. No word if he’s still itchy.
Kyle McClellan – 8 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks. He’s getting lucky and his strikeouts have been poor. Soon there will be a plague of locust as we know from the The Book of Joel Pineiro.
Doug Fister – 8 IP, 1 ER and two punchouts. Well, ain’t that appropriate for Fister?
Scott Downs – Just when it seemed like he might step in for Walden, he comes in and gives up the winning run. Somewhere, Fernando Rodney said, “Hey, I could’ve done that!”
Howie Kendrick – 3-for-4 with his 7th home run. He’s quietly (Is it quiet even after you say quietly?) putting together a solid season that I was excited about happening in the preseason. Though, I didn’t get him in any league. Nice move, El Capitan!
Justin Morneau – 3-for-5 and his 2nd home run. Oh. Wait a second?! Did my typees just type what I think they did? No! Couldn’t be. Did they pitch to Morneau while he was standing on 2nd because they felt bad for him? Was their a solar eclipse during the at-bat which distracted everyone so Morneau could grab the pitched ball and throw it over the fence? Did Trevor Plouffe go to bat wearing Morneau’s jersey? Or could it just be a guy capable of 30 effin’ homers actually hit his 2nd homer? Dare to dream.
Neftali Feliz – It might be nothing but Feliz didn’t look so happy yesterday when he blew his second save in two days. He now has more walks than Ks and his WHIP is obscene, and not in the good, “Hey, what kind of movies can you order in this motel that you rent by the hour?” obscene. If you own Feliz, I’d be worried that he’s hiding an injury.
Derek Holland – 8 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks but lost the game to Greg Holland. Guess the Rangers and Royals decided to go Dutch.
Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. This comes after a game where he gave up 5 earned in 4 1/3 IP to Oakland. Looks like Gavin righted the ship. Love Boat humor!
Alex Rios – 1-for-4 and hitting .203. Is it me or does there seem to be a lot of players hitting under .250 really late into the season? Not rhetorical. Heyward – .214; Uggla – .194; Kelly Johnson – .181; Longoria – .234; CarGo – .245; Tulo – .247; Hanley – .217, etc. etc. etc.
Tyson Ross – Left the game with an oblique strain. This comes right when Cody Ross finally looks healthy. It’s like the butterfly effect for just Rosses. All I can say, Betsy Ross is lucky to be dead.
Justin Turner – 1-for-3 as he knocked in the Mets only run. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. You can hardly wait! No, you!
Dillon Gee – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. A broken clock is right two times a day and Dillon Gee happened to be right for seven and two-thirds.
Marlon Byrd – Hit his 3rd homer and finally broke the 10 RBI barrier. Only after batting for a month and a half in an RBI position in the lineup. Terrific.
Darwin Barney – 1 for his last 13. This could be the bottom finally falling out for The Purple Evolutionist.
Jay Bruce – 3-for-4 with 2 home runs. Bruuuuuuce! *breath* Bruuuuuuce!
James McDonald – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks in a top five park for offense. This comes a start after he was mollywhopped by the Brewers to the tune of five runs in 4 innings. Pretty hard to trust that inconsistency in shallow roto mixed leagues, but it’s a gamble I could see taking in H2H.
Ryan Braun – The Hebrew Hammer left the game with a sore shoulder. The team will reevaluate him tomorrow. Hopefully, it’s good news for the Brewers and Hebrewers alike.
Chris Narveson – Since I pointed out that Narveson should be better, he’s thrown 19 1/3 IP and given up three earned runs. Cust kayin’.
Shane Victorino – Headed to the DL, but Domonic Brown won’t be called up according to the GM. I don’t buy it. I mean, I buy that he’s not coming up immediately, but he’s still not further than a week or two away.
Josh Collmenter – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 1 K. No, he shouldn’t be this good. With an ERA of 0.69 over 26 IP, it doesn’t matter if I think he should be this good. He should just be owned and let him worry about when his deal with the devil expires.
Madison Bumgarner – Came within an out of a complete game shutout. I like Bumgarner, so don’t take this the wrong way, but the Dodgers have two hitters. Ethier, Kemp and pray for seven hit batsmen.
Al Alburquerque – 1/3 IP, 1 ER and the loss. As frequent commenter, nyydj2, said “Alburquerque got barbequerqued.”
Brennan Boesch – 1-for-5 with his 3rd home run. He’s been getting dropped across multiple fantasy leagues recently and I can understand it. He’s hitting in a cushy spot in the lineup, but I’m using the word ‘hitting’ loosely for what he’s done recently.
Alex Rodriguez – Yesterday, the Yankees scored 13 runs and A-Roid went 0-for-3. Ticker tease!
Ricky Romero – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. RR Cool Jay (see resemblance) now has a 3.10 ERA on the year and has 57 Ks in 58 IP. Yeah, he’s doing better than that other pitcher you own. Yup, and him too.
J.P. Arencibia – Hit his 7th home run yesterday and three homers in his last 10 games as he bats .235 on the year. Obviously J.P. stands for Just Passable (for shallow mixed leagues).
Jhoulys Chacin – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. It’s pronounced: Yo-Lease. Usage in a sentence: Hold onto Yo-Lease.
Jason Giambi – 3 home runs yesterday. It was a throwbackne to yesteryear. He sure hits them in bunches. Some would say in “cycles.”