Actually, the title’s completely inaccurate. I don’t rock rough or anything with Aubrey Huff. I think he’s one of the few players in the major leagues that I’ve never owned anywhere. Sometime you gotta give me a call and let me know what it’s like to own him, loyal Razzball reader. Um, yeah, my number’s listed. Under mustache. Speaking of which, is there anything sadder than the people who call you to see if you got a Yellow Pages? Not only am I not sure why they still make Yellow Pages, but calling to find out if I got it? Really? Are they calling from 1987? Hey, go see the movie Wall Street, it’s great! So, Aubrey Huff hit three homers and drove in 6. In the last two games, four homers. It’s terrific, but I still think he falls way short of last year’s numbers. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Xavier Paul – 4-for-5, 2 steals (and attempted a third). Now for the Mystique behind X-Man. He failed to catch on with the Dodgers then they went with Jay Gibbons, Jane Goodall’s favorite player, but now he’s getting a “kinda” look in Pittsburgh. He also likes long walks on a beach and juggling oranges. Sorry, I pulled that from his Plenty of Fish profile. (BTW, That site name is really close to Plenty Oafish, which could describe some of the men on there. Am I right, three lady readers, or am I right-right?) Paul looks like he could swipe 20 bags with full-time duty (hehe, I said duty) and hit 10 home runs. In other words, a poor man’s Angel Pagan without a full-time job. Yay, let’s stop traffic and let the Jabbawockeez dance. Paul’s the kind of guy that can help win NL-Only leagues, but, unless he’s playing every day, I’d hold for now in most mixed leagues. Now if the Pirates decide to bench Tabata or Robot and Diaz then this new X-Man opens wide.
Garrett Jones – In trouble of losing serious playing time. If it’s not the argh-forementioned Pirate, Matt Diaz got the start yesterday vs. a righty.
Carlos Beltran – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 9th home run. In the 19 games since I told you to sell him after his 3 homer game, he has 7 runs, 1 home run and 8 RBIs. 718 is also the Mets area code. Jayson Stark could write 2500 words on that significance and get Tim Kurkjian’s voice to crack multiple times.
Mike Pelfrey – 5 IP, 7 ER as he couldn’t keep the bats off the Pelfrey.
Lance Lynn – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks. You didn’t have to see the game to know that 4 baserunners and 5 runs means he got unlucky. I’m not saying he’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy, but I’m still holding out hope in NL-Only leagues.
Colby Rasmus – 2-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 5th home run. May be a day late on this but he’s a decent buy low candidate. Still plenty of time for him to get to 20+ homers and 15 steals.
Jim Thome – Headed to the DL. Very suspicious that his injury stint comes at the same time as the 2011 Log Rolling & Straw Chewing Championships.
Jason Kubel – Also headed to the DL. Before the Twins game, they raised their 7th pennant flag. Wait a second, that’s not a pennant flag.
Jordan Zimmermann – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. His Ks are way down this year — maybe Liriano is telling him to pitch to contact — but he still has a 1.14 WHIP and 3.61 ERA. Like the quarter of Harrison Ford that is Jewish, not too shabby.
Michael Morse – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and now hitting .999* in the last month. *Only a slight exaggeration.
Tim Stauffer – 5 IP, 5 ER. Who fed this hodgepadre after midnight?
Chase Headley – Has a twelve game hitting streak but only 15 hits, 4 runs and 4 RBIs. Snooze…BRAYNK! BRAYNK! BRAYNK! BRAYNK! Whoa, onomatopoeia, you are annoying.
Brett Lawrie – Set to be called up today. I already went over my Brett Lawrie fantasy. I wrote it while getting a piggyback ride from a Tongan woman.
Felix Hernandez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks. Now F-Her just needs to lower his ERA into the mid-2′s and me and him will be copacetic.
Carlos Peguero – Hit two home runs yesterday. He showed good power in the minors, but he’s got K’s for days, as the kids say as said by someone who has no idea what the kids say.
Matt Joyce – 2-for-4 with a delicious slam and legs that he smothered in hot sauce. Better eat up cause he’s in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell and it’s not on the right side which is to say it is on the right side. Huh? Yeah, you follow.
James Shields – 4 IP, 7 ER. Sing with me to the tune of Spider Pig, “Schadenfreude, schadenfreude… Does whatever a schadenfreude does…”