Carlos Beltran, or as I like to call him Rickie from My So Called Life because of his resemblance, went 3-for-5 with 6 RBIs and 3 homers yesterday. 2006 called they want Beltran back. I’d put Beltran in the same boat as Sizemore. In fact, I did yesterday. He’s not going to steal bases anymore. Those days appear closer in the rearview mirror than they actually are. Beltran hasn’t even attempted a steal this year. Watching him play and you realize Ron Kovic could give him a run for his money. So if someone in your league thinks, Beltran is back to the 30/20 player he once was I’d check raise to the bettor and see what they have to offer. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Justin Masterson – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners, 6 Ks. A pimply teenager runs into frame and screams, “Watch out! Justin Masterson is falling back to earth!” Then Roland Emmerich calls cut, but it’s too late.
Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-3 with his 6th homer. Justin Morneau has one home run. I want to remake the movie Seven and cast the role of Gwyneth with Morneau.
James Shields – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. You’d think I would’ve accidentally owned him in one league, right? I mean, I am in something like ten leagues. After all the misery he caused me last year, you’d think my kismet, karma or some touchy-feely K word would’ve backed me into owning him. You’d think.
Eduardo Sanchez – With La Russa out with shingles (which you don’t get from raising the roof too much), Dave Duncan named Sanchez the lead candidate for saves in St. Louis. That’s kinda brilliant. A Cardinals beat reporter overheard Duncan’s side of the conversation with La Russa. “Who did you want closing games– Sorry, Tony, I’m losing service. Stupid iPhone! You’re gonna have to call back later.”
Ubaldo Jimenez – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER. I warned you in the preseason to not expect the 1st half of 2010 again, but this is getting ridiculous. Something’s up. He shouldn’t be this bad. He’s not a 6 walks in 3+ innings pitched, uh, pitcher. He’s better than that. If his owner is fed up with him, I could see lowballing them to see if you could get him on the super cheap.
Matt Cain – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. And he took out two hippies in center field.
Eric Hosmer – Now has back-to-back games with a home run. Also, has twice as many homers as Morneau. FML. And the M there stands for Morneau’s.
Melky Cabrera – 2-for-5 with his 5th homer. And to think the Royals only signed him so they could confuse their fans into thinking the M. Cabrera in their lineup was Miguel.
Daniel Hudson – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks. Nothing’s changed from yesterday when I said he was a buy low.
Jaime Garcia – 7 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. Fangraphs Database is on a 24-hour watch to make sure it doesn’t do anything it might regret as it waits for Garcia to regress.
Matt Holliday – 2-for-4 with his 5th homer as he bats .390. I don’t want to yell fire in the theater of Razzball with this next statement, but Holliday is usually a bit more of a 2nd half hitter. Yummo.
Brandon League - Second blown save in a row and his ERA is up to 5.87. Jamey Wright has been solid but has no closer experience and it doesn’t exactly put the fear of God into hitters to hear they have to face Jamey. Jameys get a bikini wax, they don’t close games. Next up, Dan Cortes. Loved him as the host of MTV’s Rock N Jock, but he has six and a third career major league innings, which means, League is probably safe, but in crazy deep leagues where you’re hurting for saves grab Wright just to be sure, and bench him.
Zach Britton – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks as he dueled with the M’s Jason Vargas (9 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks). Somewhere, Bonds is muttering to himself, “That’s what you get with no steroids. Sure, I’m the villain. But you need a villain. Muahahahahahaha…”
Javier Lopez – Notched the save because Brian Wilson needed the day off. His beard was ready to go though.
Jordan Zimmermann – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks. Now there’s the pitcher I signed up for back in March. J-Z has 99 problems but a pitch ain’t one.
Ike Davis – To the DL with an ankle sprain. He was seen walking around the clubhouse with a boot. Supposedly, Garfield from Parking Wars put it on him.