If the name Casper Wells doesn’t get you excited, check your pulse. You probably still have one, otherwise I’m not sure how you’re reading this. Are you reading this from beyond the grave? Wow, nothing else to do in the afterlife but read about fantasy baseball? That’s awesome! In Triple-A last year, Casper Wells hit 21 homers and chucked in 7 steals. He’s never been much of an average hitter, hmm, that’s not exactly true. He’s a very average 5th outfielder for fantasy, but he doesn’t hit for much of an average. He fails to take a walk and strikes out a decent amount. Earlier this week, Casper hit the sheets out of the ball, homering in four straight games. That’s obviously the ceiling, but, for some pop (assuming you’re not from Minnesota), I’d grab Casper. BTW, Casper’s cheering section should boo. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Ramon Ramirez – What do you get when you mix a Horacio Ramirez (Hor-Ram) and an Asdrubal Cabrera (As-Cab)? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kevin Youkilis, the Greek God of Back Pain, is off to the DL. Yesterday, Ortiz took a boot to the foot and today this. The Sawx are officially in rest up for the playoffs mode, which is great for all the pasty-faced Sawx fans, but it’s not great for fantasy. So far this year, Youuuuuuk has 17 homers in 395 at-bats while batting .266. So that means, if he were healthy in September, he’d give you some runs, RBIs and 3 homers. I just popped a zit into a mirror and the puss read, “Whatever.” You can find a replacement for Youk on waivers in most leagues. So put on your Burger King crown you stole from some kid, open up your fantasy waivers and replace him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Ryan Lavarnway – Was called up. Stephen just went over his Lavarnway fantasy. He wrote it while throwing darts at a picture of me. Lavarnway is worth noting because he hit 30 homers between Double- and Triple-A this year. Now, rookie catcher is a tough position to be in. Ask any recently incarcerated felon. But Ortiz and Youk are both out, so Lavarnway will see everyday time at DH for the time being. This is great news since he’s catcher eligible. Please, blog, may I have some more?
This week we’re starting a new weekly column that will be here every Thursday afternoon, it will be all about 2012 fantasy baseball keepers. The column will then move to Friday in the offseason. Since many fantasy baseball keeper leagues don’t decide on their keepers until the start of the new season, I figured I’d go over some fantasy baseball keepers from now until next spring. These aren’t guys that are obviously keepers. You won’t find Braun or Pujols here. These are guys that you might’ve been able to grab in deep leagues and hold onto for next year on the cheap. Who doesn’t love a bargain?! My dead grandmother loved a bargain. Her death and bargains were in no way related. Filene’s Basement was completely acquitted in that case. Though me and Grandpa we believe. We believe…
Mike Stanton is gonna be a Hall of Famer in 25 years. Me, you and the Mayans may not be around to see it, but if a tree falls in the forest does it not make a sound? It does when Stanton bumps into said tree, picks it up and uses it as a toothpick. I was too distracted by drugs, girls and hormones to fully appreciate Frank Thomas coming onto the scene back in 1991. But let’s say I wasn’t, let’s also say I had a webblog back then when they didn’t exist and, finally, let’s say my web admin was Al Gore. I would’ve wrote this, “Instead of Herman, you’re inside Frank Thomas’s head, here’s what you’d see. A cobbler with crooked fingernails and stumpy legs writing on a chalkboard the equation for the perfect swing. You’d also see hitting coach Charley Lau bitching out Yeardley Smith for her outright refusal in letting Frank Thomas eat a whole cow. Finally, you’d see this Hank Azaria guy who might have a big future if I could just hear him and not see him.” And that’s me fabricating me! Stanton’s Frank Thomas without the stupid walks (no offense to real baseball) and it’s not like he can’t take a walk, but what he does is mollywhop with his pony sticks. He could hit 40 homers with ten steals as early as next year. The average may stay in the .260 to .280 range, but whatever. Next year, he’ll only be 22 years old. For keepers, that’s a slam dunk. Whether it’s 2012 fantasy baseball, 2013 fantasy baseball or 1991 fantasy baseball. Please, blog, may I have some more?
David Ortiz must not have fed the meter yesterday because he was fitted with a boot. Southie police officer, “You ahr naht above the lah! Now sign my badge for my boy, Tommy.” Turns out Big Papi has right heel bursitis, which is a fancy word that eHow has seven useless articles about that is essentially inflammation. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brad Peacock | RHP (SP): | Washington Nationals | 6’1″ | 175 lbs | B/T: R/R | 41st rd, 2006 | WAS #10 ranked prospect per Baseball America 2011 | MiLB Player Page
I’ve spent the last couple months watching Peacock’s prospect stock rise in Washington behind the veil of Bryce Harper and the recovery of Stephen Strasburg. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Charlie Manuel confirmed Cole Hamels would have his next start skipped after an MRI showed he had shoulder inflammation. But Manuel was wearing a wooden barrel being held up by suspenders so it made it difficult to pay attention to what he was saying. Manuel then said, “When I ask for a straw, I don’t want a drinking straw. Drinking straws are for 13-year-old girls!” You know what would’ve been nice? If Hamels settled all this MRI shizz before I had to set my weekly fantasy lineup. Yes, this is all about me. Here’s hoping Hamels only needs to miss one start and then can come back at full strength. Though for a club that can afford to rest him and coast into the playoffs, it seems like a pipe dream. But what about my H2H playoffs?! Have I mentioned recently how much I hate H2H? You got your marbles on the line and teams are resting their best marbles for the playoffs. Marbles! BTW, no one knows what that means, but it’s provocative. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Roy Halladay – 9 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 14 Ks. From Rudy, “My DVR still has The Golden Girls from when my parents visited. Oh, Estelle Getty, your delivery is prettier than Roy Halladay’s.”
Casper Wells – Has now homered in four straight games. Casper was one of those cases where I saw him hit a homer and disregarded it, figuring he wouldn’t hit another one immediately. Then disregarded the 2nd and 3rd homers too. After four in a row, it’s hard to disregard. He’s really not this good, I promise you. But, and unless you’re an alien there’s always a but, he’s hitting the cover off the ball so you may as well grab him to see how long it can continue. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jesus Guzman – Over 11 years ago, in 2000, when Guzman was 16, he signed a minor league deal with the Seattle Mariners. The Venezuelan wouldn’t see real minor league action until 2004, when he debuted at A+ ball. He acquitted himself quite well, going .310/.393/.443. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Took a few years, but the Twins found out that youth is wasted on the Young as they sang, “May You Stay (Away) Forever, Young.” Yesterday, the Detroit Tigers became the first club to acquire both Meat Hooks. A distinction that I’m not sure other clubs wanted. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Master Standings are here. Here’s the update:
Last week’s co-leaders went in opposite directions this week. Random ItalicizedVoice (RCL 5) gained 2 points to 115 while Pesky Pole Dancers (Trippin Baseballs) lost 3 to fall to 110 points and dropped to 3rd place. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Logan Morrison was optioned to Triple-A New Orleans. Easy to say he was demoted because of his struggles since the All-Star break, but what fun would that be? He just started to hit again — 4 for his last 11 with a homer and steal. As Fredi Gonzalez and Dan Uggla before him, Logan’s run out of town by the Han-Man. Easily having his worst season, it’s pretty incredible the nerve Hanley has putting his full 5-hour energy drink towards getting rid of Morrison. Billy the Marlin would like to demonstrate the size of Hanley’s cojones. I imagine Logan won’t be down in New Orleans longer than a couple of weeks so don’t do anything rash in deep keeper leagues. Hopefully Morrison doesn’t take a bath in that French-influenced city. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Brian Wilson – Out with a back pain. A back issue sent him to the DL in April, so if this a recurrence it could be trouble with a capital beard. Romo would be the first option out of the bullpen but he has a tender elbow — I always prefer al dente. Next up, Affeldt, who’s voiced by Gilbert Gottfried, but he’s a lefty so the Giants might just go with matchups as they did yesterday turning to Ramon Ramirez aka Ram-Ram. Please, blog, may I have some more?