Hello, new readers. No, this isn’t High Times dot com, but don’t worry there’s Doritos at the end of this post. Hey, don’t skip ahead. You have to read the post first. Yes, the computer is talking to you. Aw, I’m just messing with you. The computer’s not talking to you. You’re just reading, silly! So, Bud Norris didn’t come out of nowhere to be my new Razzpick du jour. Yesterday, he went six innings, giving up one run and K’d 4. In the not-too-decent past, I mentioned liking his upside. For our friends in Latin America, the caveat is his wildness. The love comes from the fact he has more Ks than innings. There’s only ten other starters with more than 110 innings in the major leagues that can claim that. That’s one starter for every finger. Unless Antonio Alfonseca is reading this. The wildness is still there, but he hasn’t walked more than 3 batters in a game since April. I’d absolutely grab Norris for the last month if I needed Ks (who doesn’t?) and some upside (of course you do). Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Johnson – 4-for-6, 1 RBI in a 16th inning game that saw Roy Oswalt play left field and Tim Kurkjian’s voice cracking at the sheer craziness of the game. Can you believe this game, fellas?! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Is it call-ups? Or callups? Can I get a ruling on this– Wait, someone’s at the door. August 31st, is that you? Uh… No. August 30th? Nope. August 32nd? No, you nitwit! It’s September 1st! Yes, it’s time we looked at September call ups (callups? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jose Bautista hit his 39th and 40th home runs last night. As frequent commenter, VinWins, pointed out yesterday, in the Blue Kays last 162 games, Bautista has 50 homers. Okay, I was way off with this guy, but Jose Bautista didn’t see this year coming. His own mother doesn’t recognize him. Every morning he wakes up wondering if the last five months were a dream. This is the craziest home run year since Scooter McGillicuddy blasted 6 homers in 1901 while battling scurvy. Bautista hadn’t hit 30 homers in the past two years combined in twice as many games. His HR/FB% is nearly double his career mark. His fly balls are through the roof, literally. His Isolated Power is near Babe Ruth’s career mark. The HR department thinks Bautista lied on his resume. A mouth enters on the left side of the screen and says, “Im,” a mouth enters on the right side and says, “Probable.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brandon Morrow – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks. Hello, beautiful. I hate AL East pitchers, but I might just own Morrow on all of my teams next year. Right after, I draft Daniel Hudson. Please, blog, may I have some more?
There’s a certain grind to the baseball schedule that someone with a slight case of OCD like myself can fully get behind. Day in and day out over six months. You make a small move to offset another move and it may not show up in the standings for three months. By August, you wanna strangle some of your players (Jason Bay, you bastard!) and you’ve fallen in love with some other players (Carlos Gonzalez is a God!). From what I understand this grind is akin to fantasy basketball. Day in and day out over the course of an 82 game schedule, players come and go. (Some go back to their Mother Planet; Sam Cassell for one.) Unfortunately, I stopped watching basketball around the same time Patrick Ewing was sweating so much that they called lane violations on the droplets. So it makes sense that I would never write about basketball. I have nothing to say about it. But Razzball does. With that lengthy blah blah blah, I’m proud to announce Razzball’s own Fantasy Basketball Blog. Please, blog, may I have some more?
‘Uh-oh’ doesn’t really do the sight of Stephen Strasburg throwing a pitch and shaking his elbow in pain. Word is now he might go see Dr. Freeze. Usually a visit to Dr. Freeze means the pitcher will be out for at least a year. I think a visit to Dr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Baseball is still going, I thought it was over since football has started. Soccer that is. Yeah, I know American Soccer is unwatchable, so I get my binoculars out and peer across the pond. I am sure I am alone in my passion as not many people play fantasy baseball and love the EPL. Please, blog, may I have some more?
For the Ministry of Silly Names, this is a great day. Finally, Coco Crisp gets his just deserts, or is it breakfast? Coco Crisp has had a problem with injuries in the past, constantly going snap, crackle, pop. Now I’m with Coco, as long as he doesn’t move to TBS. His game was Baroque, now it’s roCoco. He steals so many bases, it could be considered cereal. The amount of puns with Crisp is radicchio. Since August he’s hitting .345 in August and has 15 steals in the last two months. You say tomato, I say SAGNOF. He’s only owned in 32% of ESPN leagues and that’s about 68% short of making sense. Dyslexic gang members aren’t the only ones that should show Crisp some love. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Eric Young Jr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Paul Konerko went 5-for-5 yesterday with his 31st homer. Paul Konerko is also winning your league for you. You had your back up against the wall. You took Hanley in the first round, Halladay in the 2nd and then you hit the 20th round and you were like, “Hmm… I totally screwed myself by not taking a 1st baseman. Do I take that guy on the Marlins with a girl’s name or should I take Konerko?” When you took Konerko, you figured you would need to trade for someone. Whoa, what’s this? Konerko’s hitting? “Hey, baby, you’re eating dinner by yourself tonight. Paul Konerko due up sixth this inning, according to Fantasycast. Now please don’t come into my man cave.” When you go to the White Sox Fantasy Camp in seven years, you can tell him how he won your league for you while ruining your marriage. These late round fliers in drafts are always so maddening. If I would’ve just took Konerko instead of Stupid-Face Headley. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. His season ERA is down to 3.87 and 12 wins is pretty good, but that’s now 8 Ks in 28 IP for August. Is there a less aptly-surnamed player in the game? Seems like Mark Crafty or Mark Wiley would be better names. Please, blog, may I have some more?
This isn’t meant to replace Smokey’s two-start pitchers for fantasy that comes every weekend. This is meant to supplement that, like something A-Rod’s cousin would give you. This isn’t two start pitchers, this is barely owned guys that could give you one start. A pick up and a drop. They’re all owned in less than 50% of ESPN leagues. Pretty much everything I told you in the beginning of the year about trusting your big guns and not trusting the wayward sons-of-bees goes out the window this time of year. If you’re battling for pitching points or a playoff spot in H2H, you need to take some chances I wouldn’t necessarily take in April. Suddenly, James McDonald looks ownable and Ross Ohlendorf doesn’t look like Ross Ohlendorf, but looks like a guy who’s facing a team that he has an under 3 ERA against. So I’ve assembled one, two or three starters from Friday, the new Humpday, until next Wednesday, the old Humpday, that you could take a chance on depending on how bad your pitching shituation is. I’m not completely proud of all of these guys, but their mommas are (even Momma Ohlendorf). Anyway, here’s some borderline starters for this week in fantasy baseball:
Friday, August 20th
Homer Bailey – Looked solid in his last start, but it’s risky because I don’t always believe the 2nd time’s a charm. Against the Dodgers in LA looks like a start where Bailey can hold his own. Or at least not totally screw the pooch. Or pouch, if you’re a kangaroo. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Braves should totally give Derrek Lee the number 01 and paint him orange. Too bad Waylon Jennings isn’t around anymore to announce him when he comes up to bat. Lee-haw! The Cubs received back Tyrelle Harris, who I believe is a male model, Robinson Lopez, who dispenses candy from his neck, and Jeffrey Lorick, who owns the Marlins. Derrek Lee has hit 4 homers in his last four games and his numbers should only continue to trend upwards as we head into the home stretch. I could see him getting to 24 homers on the year; he’s at 16. Do the math! The real LUZR in this is Troy Glaus, who the Braves put on the DL with a severe case of We-Don’t-Want-To-Play-You-Anymore-itis. It’s curable, but you usually need a new team. Kelly Johnson had a similar malady when he played for the Braves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Xavier Nady – 1-for-3 as he played 1st base yesterday, but Micah Hoffpauir was recalled. Hip-hip-Hoffpauir! Not really. I wouldn’t pick him up in any league until I saw him start hitting. Please, blog, may I have some more?