If you search for fantasy baseball, the first result is Yahoo Fantasy Baseball.  (We’re first for fantasy baseball blog.  Natch!  Or natchurally, if you’re long-winded.)  But this isn’t about Yahoo fantasy baseball.  (Is Yahoo always with an exclamation mark?  Yahoo has a volume problem, huh?)  When people find us, they are not searching for Yahoo fantasy baseball, but what are they searching for when they find us?  Since it’s a holiday, I decided to break away from the normal schedule of 2012 fantasy baseball rookies and look at exactly what people do search for when they find us.  Last year, we had our biggest year.  Over 7 million people found us.  (I think about 6.9 million found us with the search query “What is SAGNOF?”  Neverthehoo…)  That’s a big Happy Thanksgiving to you from all of us here at Razzball.  Now here are 20 actual searches for people who found Razzball and my answers to their searches:

1. Is Jaymes Nix a drunk? — Nope, he just likes to celebrate Laynce and Jayson’s accomplishments with alcohol, hookers and making the Y sign from the YMCA dance.
2. Where can I get a funny fantasy baseball team name? — Your brain?  Or you can try our fantasy baseball team name generator or just go with an obscure, overweight player “Ate My Baby.”  For instance, Rich Garces Ate My Baby.
3. Hot Bat Injection of Bonnie Franklin for a Rubby — I’m gonna assume this person was a big fan of One Day at a Time and Rubby de la Rosa and just move on.
4. Sick Schnauzer might just be gas? — It’s possible, or maybe your significant other is simply blaming your dog.
5. Did Tommy Lee Jones get 160 on the SATs? — Pfft!  He has pockmarks that scored higher.
6. Zodiac Killer’s third nipple — No answer here, but if you’ve stumbled onto evidence that will crack this long-unsolved case, please notify the authorities.
7. Fantasy Baseball on Twitter? — I answer questions in the comments here and don’t do much on our Twitter feed except link to the site, but you can try Eric Karabell’s Twitter feed.
8. Wally Backman really Gordon Shumway? — No, Mookie Wilson is Gordon Shumway; Backman is Willie Tanner.
9. What reality show was Grey Albright on? — I’m not saying, but you can try to piece together clues from my (e)book, Who Is Grey Albright?
10. Watch me eat a lemon and a lime and piss Sprite! — Sounds like we had a Mythbuster reading Razzball!
11. Need to get naughty bits clean of Sriracha — Try soap and ice water.  Also, there’s a reason why the Sriracha bottle has a rooster, not a cock.
12. Razzball’s tag line? — Razzball:  Something to read between masturbation sessions.
13. Rumored Suitors is a great album title for? — Jodeci.
14. You got Rick Schroder rolled! — You just did again.
15. How do you pronounce Furbush? — It’s German.  Correct pronunciation is Führerhairkraut.
16. When does Charlie Morton make his salt? — Between seasons.
17. What does Cliff Lee’s gym bag look like? — This.
18. What happens to extra money left at a fantasy draft? — It goes to starving children in the Sudan.
19. What the hell is Garrett Atkins up to nowadays? — He’s darning sweaters.
20. How does Grey keep his mustache so full? — That I can’t share with you.  Now go spend time with your family!  Happy Thanksgiving!

  1. freak says:

    It seems that, despite my attempts to tell no one about this site so I could keep your advice all to myself, new people still have found you.

    And for that you have my hearty congratulations. Thanks for being so awesome.

  2. Doug Ault says:

    12. Razzball’s tag line? — Razzball: Something to read between masturbation sessions.

    between? now you tell me………zip

  3. chata says:

    @ Grey :

    am concerned about what new rules might evolve as a result of
    new mlb mandated policy (see comment # 77 to your previous post) , but , not enough to let it spoil my appetite .

    visiting relatives this year , but the wife is bringing a sweet potato pie .
    yum .

    hope your day is an enjoyable one .

  4. Pochucker says:

    Im twenty + yr vet of fantasybaseball (im over 60) and I would like to thank you for your wonderful site. The best compliment I can give you is that although I read many sites I put stock in only two fantasy writers – you and Ron Shandler. Whenever I have new player join our league I always point them to your site and tell them “follow this guy and I guarantee you two things –you will do fine in league while being entertained greatly!”

    God Bless have a great holiday and thanks again for your site!

  5. Grey

    Grey says:

    @freak: Thanks!

    @Doug Ault: Ah, I see what you did there.

    @chata: You too!

    @GopherDay: about time someone got a mock going.

    @Pochucker: Thanks for the kind words! Have a good holiday!

  6. SchmohawksBob says:

    Congratulations on the amazing success of your blog. It’s no accident, though, fantastic information delivered in a hilarious way. It always irritates me that no matter where I might be, say, Paris or Barcelona, I find myself clicking on your site at 2 am to see what’s up that day. You are The $hit, my friend!!

    Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving!!

    I can’t wait for Opening Day.

  7. Randy BoBandy says:

    Why did just Bruce Chen just get 2 years/$9mil? Oh to be a lefty.

  8. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    My favorite search term for razzball: “Ron Santo nipple rings”

  9. Steve says:

    Enjoy your feasting, my American friends.

    Now I feel hungry.

  10. royce! says:

    Typed “how does Grey” into the google… so how does grey water affect the environment? And how does grey goose taste? Grey hair grow?

    Okay, seriously… these letters are being typed within inches of Matthew Berry’s face…The ad is inviting me to match my fantasy football knowledge against him. In his dreams!

  11. royce! says:

    Holy crap that was stupid, sorry- tried to make a joke out of “fantasy” and “in his dreams.”

    Happy Thanksgiving.

  12. Steve says:

    @royce!: Eh, I wouldn’t worry. I’m assuming you’re in a food coma anyway.

  13. I can’t tell you how many times I have done a search for porn and got sidetracked by the fantasy baseball results. I’m pretty sure that’s how I found this site. Something involving Doug Fister, Rusty Kuntz and Mustache.

  14. Yeezy Taught Me says:

    I have (sadly) spent countless hours googling to try to figure out the answer to #9….one day Grey, one day

  15. chata says:

    hosmer or howard ? …. one year league .

Comments are closed.