It feels like yesterday the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in September, you screamed out “I love you, Chris Davis!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend, unless your girlfriend was Bill James. C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2013. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2014. To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?” It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players, then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. It’s cold hard math, y’all! Please, for the love that all is holy, don’t ask me if this is for next year. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2013 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:
1. Mike Napoli – Showed a bit more in the counting stats department in Boston than I expected. His mom showed a bit less nip. A push? P to the erhaps. Preseason Rank #9, 2013 Projections: 64/23/77/.242/2, Final Numbers: 79/23/92/.259/1
2. Wilin Rosario – Really not very far from my preseason projections, but five spots higher in the rankings. What does that mean? Catching position is a real wasteland. Like New Jersey. Actually, that’s not fair. Offense is a wasteland. Like Jersey. Preseason Rank #7, 2013 Projections: 58/25/75/.252/3, Final Numbers: 63/21/79/.292/4
3. Yadier Molina – Had a chance for a number one ranking, but an injury derailed him and Yadier Yadier Yadier. Preseason Rank #12, 2013 Projections: 58/13/68/.295/6, Final Numbers: 68/12/80/.319/3
4. Jonathon Lucroy – Seriously, look at the projections vs. the end of the season numbers and tell me it makes sense these guys are ranked so much higher than where I had them in the preseason. Don’t literally tell me, I can’t hear you. I’m writing and you’re reading. Preseason Rank #10, 2013 Projections: 61/16/76/.272, Final Numbers: 59/18/82/.280/9
5. Victor Martinez – I got a secret for you. No, you don’t have to lean in closer. I wrote up these end of the season rankings last week, then filled in the end of the season stats on Monday. I tell you this now because V-Mart was 3rd and Yadier ranked 5th last week. Goes to show you that a week can change everything for catchers because they’re all very close in value with none of them really standing out. Preseason Rank #6, 2013 Projections: 82/15/105/.307, Final Numbers: 68/14/83/83/.301
6. Carlos Santana – Total crapshoot as to which catcher will be first each year. It’s a guessing game that Carlos Santana will win one of these years. This year he came about six homers short of winning. Preseason Rank #2, 2013 Projections: 79/26/94/.259/3, Final Numbers: 75/20/74/.268/3
7. Buster Posey – I told you not to draft him. I wrote a Buster Posey overrated post about not drafting him. I didn’t draft him. Did you? Oh. Sorry about that. My condolences. Preseason Rank #1, 2013 Projections: 74/25/97/.309/1, Final Numbers: 61/15/72/.294/2
8. Matt Wieters – One of these years he’s going to luck into a .275 average and be the number one catcher. This was not that year. Preseason Rank #3, 2013 Projections: 71/24/85/.264/2, Final Numbers: 59/22/79/.235/2
9. Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Salty is the first catcher from these rankings that sat on waivers for most of the year even though he put together a decent season. Salty will also be the first catcher ranked this high that won’t have anywhere near this good of a ranking next year. Salty’s BABIP was over .350 and his K-rate was north of 30%. Those two don’t make for great upside moving forward. Preseason Rank #18, 2013 Projections: 38/17/53/.217, Final Numbers: 68/14/65/.273/4
10. Jason Castro – Here’s our first illustration of punting catcher. You could’ve had Castro off waivers as late as July in most single-catcher leagues. In my RCL Expert league, I owned Salvador Perez and Jason Castro for the year. Their Frankenstein numbers were 60/13/77/.308. I won that league. Do you see how pointless it is to draft a catcher? I didn’t just win because of my pitching. My hitting carried me and I didn’t have a legit catcher. Repeat after me, punt catchers. Ah, Simon didn’t say repeat after me. You’re out! Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 63/18/56/.276/2
11. Salvador Perez – In all my preseason ranting and raving about how much I like Perez, there was one thing I forgot to research: his abuelita’s medical history. If I would’ve known Luz was about to start playing kick the can, I would’ve lowered his preseason ranking. Speaking of Luz, my housekeeper, Maria, was at my place the other day and I asked her where the other girl, Consuela, is. Due to my poor Spanish, the conversation goes like this: “Where’s Consuela? Donde esta?” Maria says something and I think I hear, “She’s in the army?” Maria says something else. I’m like, “She’s at the army surplus store in Watts, California?” Finally, Maria pulls up a picture on her iPhone of Naomi Watts. “She’s at Naomi’s?” Maria smiles, “Si, she cleans her place.” My housekeeper name drops! When I then said to her, “I wonder if Consuela is telling Naomi Watts that you’re at Grey Albright’s place,” she uncomfortably smiled. Preseason Rank #5, 2013 Projections: 62/19/79/.312, Final Numbers: 48/13/79/.292
12. A.J. Pierzynski – Ever wonder if this guy and A.J. Pollock are the same person and Pollock is just cruder. No? Okay, it’s just me then. Preseason Rank #13, 2013 Projections: 51/15/60/.265, Final Numbers: 48/17/70/.275/1
13. Joe Mauer – If you had a category in your league that was “Minnesotan Women Diddle Themselves To This Player,” Mauer carried you in that category. Preseason Rank #4, 2013 Projections: 83/13/89/.315/7, Final Numbers: 62/11/47/.324
14. Evan Gattis – Because of our lack of press credentials we were not able to interview Evan Gattis’s ex-coworker, ski instructor buddy, Sunflower, but we called Mt. Snow and talked to her anyway. When asked what she thought of where Gattis was now, she said, “If you see him, tell him he owes me $37 for that ski lift ticket we were supposed to split.” When we explained to her where he is, she said, “Totes?” Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 44/21/65/.243
15. Brian McCann – Because you could’ve used someone else in McCann’s place while he was on the DL, he’s actually more valuable than this ranking is telling us. Stupid, lying ranking! Preseason Rank #14, 2013 Projections: 40/12/57/.242, Final Numbers: 43/20/57/.256
16. Russell Martin – His ranking offered a real dilemma for Alyssa Milano in her 15-team league. Preseason Rank #20, 2013 Projections: 44/14/58/.239/5, Final Numbers: 51/15/55/.226/9
17. Ryan Doumit – My preseason projections and final stats for Doumit are about as close as you get. If my preseason projections for Doumit helped you in any way, nice league. You carry 4 catchers and only roster Twins players? Preseason Rank #17, 2013 Projections: 44/15/62/.268, Final Numbers: 49/14/55/.247/1
18. Wilson Ramos – I’m going to underline Ramos’s name with pink highlighter for next year. Then I’m going to put stars around it. And none of those rinky-dink stars you draw yourself. I’m getting factory made stars from Taiwan that are embossed in gold and have lead in them. Then I’m going to lick them to apply them around his name, risking lead poisoning…JUST TO MAKE A POINT! Oh, and this year he was just okay. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 29/16/59/.272
19. Yan Gomes – You ever hear of those people who have face blindness? In a way, that’s what I think happens to people with the last name Gomes. They have “spelling John” blindness. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 45/11/38/.294/2
20. John Buck – There’s a team in your league where the owner was saying this on May 1st, “I got Justin Upton and John Buck and I’m the greatest fantasy manager of all time.” On September 1st, they were saying, “Hey, Sky, what do you make of the backfield in Philly?” Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 39/15/62/.219/2
