When we started the hitter rankings, we were mere boys. Now, we’re men as we come to the end of the road for hitters and we can’t go on, it’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you. You, “Hey, look at that, I’m in a crazy/stupid/gooftarded deep league and everyone in this league that I’m talking to myself about is well-versed in this fantasy baseball shizz because they are also in this crazy/stupid/gooftarded deep league yet they forgot to draft Matt Holliday. Cool, I’ll take him with my 350th pick.” Yeah, that’s not going to happen. If you’re drafting from guys in the top 100 outfielders for 2014 fantasy baseball, your league is deep and you know you’re not going to get much from these guys. Potatoes to chips, most of these guys will be worth owning at some point in the season. If you’re joining us late, here’s the top 20 outfielders, top 40 outfielders, top 60 outfielders and top 80 outfielders. Next up in our 2014 fantasy baseball rankings will be the pitchers. You can hardly wait. No, you. Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2014 fantasy baseball:
81. Josh Reddick – This tier started in the top 80 outfielders for 2014 fantasy baseball. This tier goes from here until Michael Saunders. I called this tier, “Grey’s upsides yo’ head.” I almost moved Reddick way up in the rankings to around B.J. Upton, but the thought of a Reddick after a B.J. made me shudder. I even tried to put Domonic Brown between them for a con-Domonic, but couldn’t justify it. Reddick was dealing with a wrist injury last year and is only 27 years old. He’s more than the 12 homer hitter he was last year. How much is the question. Or if you’re looking at the Riddler’s leotards in a department store window, then it’s how much is the question in the window? 2014 Projections: 64/20/72/.234/8
82. Junior Lake – Jr. Lake made quite the impression when he was called up. Like that time he did that thing…and that other time he did that other thing. Didn’t he hit two homers in one game or something? Any the hoo! He does have ten homer power and 20-steal speed. And that doesn’t grow on trees (unless you’re in the Dominican Republic). 2014 Projections: 62/10/45/.267/15
83. Jackie Bradley – Did you ever hear about the time he walked three times in his first game? If you ever get a chance, make sure to check out the video of the game. The third ball on the second walk was a thing of beauty. It was maybe five inches off the plate and Bradley didn’t even flinch. Wow! Bradley was a mess last year in his short stint in the majors, but the Red Sox let Ellsbury go and looked fully committed to giving Bradley the job, until they signed Grady Sizemore. I’m gonna go ahead and assume Bradley gets and holds the everyday job, but I’m an ass in front of U and Me. Huh? For 2014, Bradley might look like Omar Infante stat-wise, but there’s a chance he’s more like Norichika Aoki, or Aoki-dokie (with everyday at-bats). 2014 Projections: 61/9/67/.262/11
84. Michael Saunders – He could get a 20/20 season with a .260 average. Likely? No, not likely. But I likey the flyer. *drops mic, explains the mic sent an unexpected electrical jolt into hand, picks up mic again* I’ll go over Saunders more as we get closer to the season. *drops mic again* 2014 Projections: 62/16/68/.242/13
85. Nate Schierholtz – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Lambo. I call this tier, “Splitsville.” These guys will split time with someone else, but in daily leagues you could do well by owning them and one other guy for when they’re benched. It takes up bench room and you’re gonna get sonavabenched when a guy like Schierholtz enters the game late and hits a homer. Also, you’ll need to look at the schedule every day. Ooh, real work, you poor dear. Maybe you can hire an intern to do it. As for Nate Sharesplitz, he had a great partial season last year — 21 homers, 6 steals and a .251 average in only 462 ABs. Bench him against those that use the ‘special’ scissors and you have a nice platoon player. 2014 Projections: 51/18/62/.262/5
86. Drew Stubbs – Here’s what I said when he ended up in Colorado, “Hey, a move to get excited about! I’m downright giggly. I’m dancing in my Lazy Boy. Spinning my remote control on my finger because that’s something joyous I can do without exerting too much energy. Seeing that Stubbs is now on the bench in Colorado. Can’t I have anything nice, Offseason Moves?! Offseason Moves, “You had Peter Bourjos. Don’t get greedy.” Stubbs probably wouldn’t be able to keep his value up even if he played every day, so he’ll get lefties with Corey Dickerson taking the other half. In only 143 ABs last year, he hit .266 vs. lefties (and only 2 homers). I’m not concerned about the lack of power there. It’ll come in Coors. He could go 15/15 in 300 ABs, and be a solid guy that you platoon in and out of your fantasy lineup for daily fantasy leagues.” And that’s me quoting me! 2014 Projections: 41/12/44/.241/15
87. Krispie Young – He’s not slated to platoon, but I think if there’s anything in that giant melon on the top of the Mets organization that is personified by Mr. Met, Krispie will be a platoon player. Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed with the Mets. That gives the Mets an outfield of Young, Young and Brown/Duda, which was also the law firm that represented Madoff. Let’s just hope Krispie’s feelings aren’t inadvertently hurt when hearing he’s being compared to Brown/Duda. “Yeah, well, the infield besides Wright is white doodie!” That’s Krispie getting pissed off. Krispie might be a starter or a platoon-mate. We’ll see. Or not. Your choice.” And that’s me quoting me! 2014 Projections: 58/14/51/.218/14
88. Emilio Bonifacio – Went over him already in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2014 fantasy baseball.
89. Corey Dickerson – I could see a situation where you own both Dickerson and Stubbs and platoon them. I mean, even if you’re not Rockies management. 2014 Projections: 57/12/37/.274/10
90. Jarrod Dyson – You don’t have to draft him. He will run into your room, muss your hair, draft himself on your team and run out without you even knowing it. 2014 Projections: 36/2/20/.250/30
91. Ichiro Suzuki – At least Ichiro’s aged better than other one-named people like Madonna and Cher. Was Madonna using a cane at the Grammys because she can’t stand without it? It’s cool to have a pimp cane as long as you’re young enough that no one will ever get confused if you actually need it. When you’re rocking a cane and you look like you’re in your sixties, people don’t think it’s just a fashion accessory anymore. 2014 Projections: 45/7/49/.274/17
92. Andre Ethier – “I’m going to play Rihanna in the clubhouse and when Kemp runs out I will club him in the head with a sopressata left behind by Lasorda.” That’s Ethier plotting. 2014 Projections: 43/14/51/.277/3
93. Dustin Ackley – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen for 2014 fantasy baseball.
94. Andrew Lambo – “I will eat Jose Tabata and Gaby Sanchez’s playing time with a nice chianti.” That’s from the off-off-Broadway production of The Silence of the Lambo. Lambo looks like he can be a Ludwick-type player before Ludwick was old. Lambo needs to impress to get everyday at-bats, but considering the guys in front of him, he shouldn’t have too hard a time if he gets hot to start the year. 2014 Projections: 41/17/48/.239/1
95. Nick Markakis – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the list. I call this tier, “They have everyday jobs, and…um…well…yeah.” It’s important in deep, weekly leagues to get players who get everyday at-bats. In that case, I’d move this tier above the Splitsville tier. No reason these guys can’t give decent ribbies and runs like you just dined at Tony Roma’s. As for this doode, he hasn’t given a Sparkakis in about five years. A Lightsmokecomingoffanextinguishedmatchakis is more like it. 2014 Projections: 72/12/60/.267/2
96. Angel Pagan – The Angel in me wants to say he’s batting leadoff for a major league team. The Pagan in me wants to say it’s the Giants, he can’t ever stay healthy and he’s going to be 33 years old this year. The Pagans have it, unless Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks from the Dragnet movie can do something to stop them. 2014 Projections: 63/7/39/.275/17
97. Carlos Quentin – I’d rank him about 40 spots higher if I were ranking, “Guys that seem like they were on ‘roids and could attack your number one fantasy pitcher.” I’ll never forget! 2014 Projections: 52/18/58/.250
98. Ryan Ludwick – Last year was a lost year — way to economize your keystrokes, Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario! I expect Ludwick to either have a Zombino-type year or get injured, take up residence on your couch and demand you make some chili in that crock pot that’s collecting dust in your cabinet. Or maybe something in between. 2014 Projections: 48/17/61/.238/1
99. Cody Ross – At some point in-season, I’ll tell you to pick up Cody Ross because he’s hitting. You can set your watch to it. No, I’m not sure what time zone that is. No, I don’t know how to set your watch to some amorphous time. Leave me alone. 2014 Projections: 54/15/65/.262/4
100. David DeJesus – You get extra points if you draft him and download Ben Zobrist’s wife’s song, “DeJesus Is In The Heart.” 2014 Projections: 69/11/39/.261/8
101. Logan Morrison – Here’s what I said when he landed in Seattle, “Morrison had knee surgery last year, but he’s a lot younger (than Corey Hart) and more prone to saying hashtag. I’m guessing Seattle GM Zduriencik saw Morrison had 363 homers in his four-year career and wanted him bad. Too bad Zduriencik moved his finger down the homer column and accidentally slide to the left and was actually reading his games played. There’s a chance Seattle will push Morrison and Hart to DH/1B and be done with Smoak like the Marlins were done with Morrison, but it’s too early to say. I’m just hoping Seattle trades Brad Miller for Starlin Castro so the Cubs can field a Barney/Miller at middle infield.” And that’s me quoting me! 2014 Projections: 61/17/70/.245
102. Nolan Reimold – I almost didn’t rank Reimold at all, but anyone that has followed my rantings for any period of time knows I have a special place in my heart for Reimold. Does that mean I can fool myself into thinking he’s going to do anything with his everyday DH job? Yes, yes I can fool myself. 2014 Projections: 42/14/56/.235/3
103. Robbie Grossman – I enjoy how when he hits leadoff for the Astros, his last name looks like it’s describing the lineup. 2014 Projections: 45/7/49/.258/14
104. L.J. Hoes – Does he go to bat with Ludacris’s song chorus, “I got Hoes in different area codes?” He should. 2014 Projections: 41/3/44/.277/16
105. Melky Cabrera – There’s a lot (a few) outfielders that I’m leaving off, but not a whole lot of note. Maybe Travis Snider finally breaks out or Juan Lagares says, “Yum-yum hits” or Joc Pederson comes up in May because Kemp, Ethier and Crawford are all injured or maybe January Grey just needs to get his finger bunions checked and is stopping now. 2014 Projections: 63/9/71/.272/9
