Oh, hello there. I’m not quite sure why I’m greeting you like you’re at my front door, but if you are, well played! Here’s a restraining order OR a certificate of approval. (To be fair, I never know the difference, at least legally speaking.) As the title reveals, the 2015 Baseball season is upon us, and I’m here to just take a moment to give you the insider info of what to expect from Razzball this season. As this series continues weekly, we’ll review what happened the previous week on your favorite fantasy baseball site (and if it isn’t your favorite, just lie to me and say it is), and what to expect the following week. Kind of like going over the lay of the land, if you will. The land of mustaches, math, and, um, well, I can’t really think of another ‘m’ word. Midgets. Yes. The land of midgets. That makes no sense. Regardless, whether you’re brand new to the community, or a veteran among the Razzballian (Razzballer?) readership, follow me after the jump for intriguing and interesting things. Anybody have another “I” word for me? Anybody?
Starting off your Sundays, Mike will have his usual Prospect Report, an in-depth look for all you prospectors out there. Unless you’re mining for gold. That’s not the type of prospecting I’m talking about. Right after that, J-FOH will be getting creepy (DEFAULT POSITION) with the Creeper of the Week, a post covering which hitter to stream for the upcoming scoring period. But there’s more! He’ll also be ranking the Top-100 Hitters weekly, so you can get your knives out to argue over the numerical order of things. I’ve ordered a new set of knives just for this!
On Monday, you’ll get the special treat of not just reading Grey’s insights, but hearing them too on the Razzball Podcast. Oh, yeah, JB Gilpin is there, but you’d be hard-pressed to hear him over Grey’s cackle. Tune in all season, as we’ll have special guests and probably some math lessons from Rudy. Lance will then take you on a SAGNOF journey, so special, we’re calling it the SAGNOF Special. For those not initiated, SAGNOF stands for Steals/Saves Ain’t Got No Face… because they don’t. It would be creepy. Like J-FOH. During this series, Lance will go over some attractive and available options for your team if you are in need of steals or saves. If only he could do that for my dating-life. Rounding up Monday is JB Gilpin…again? What happened here? Special volume rate or something? Just like J-FOH did the day before with the hitters, Gilpin will spotlight a pitcher you just have to know (with GIFs!) and bring you his Top-100 Pitcher Rankings of the week. More knife action!
Tuesday brings some unique OBP coverage from TheHukillEffect (seriously though, hu did you kill, and what is the effect, amiright?), followed up with the RCL Update, hosted by J-FOH. He’ll be following all your leagues and reporting back to everyone that you actually rostered Bruce Chen for the week. Ending the day is the popular series One Man’s Trash, where Magoo will go over the biggest wavier adds and drops and go contrarian on those moves. You’re dropping B.J. Upton? I say yes, but he’s gonna say no. So I guess the lesson here is to never say no to a B.J. friends. (Low-hanging fruit alert!)
Mike returns with even more Prospect content on Wednesday, setting the stage for Paul Singman to do… well, who know’s what he’s going to do? I have no idea. I’m not even sure Paul knows, but that’s what makes it so interesting. Nobody knows anything, so obviously he’ll be talking about politics. The day finishes off with a heavy dose of sexual innuendo, sexual anecdotes, and sexual chocolate with our very own underwear model Tehol. He’ll go over his disgraces and delights, which usually involve Christian Slater and Domonic Brown. And really just them. That’s all he ever talks about.
Blues will bring us back to OBP leagues on Thursday, a growing category in this fantasy sport we play, but just between us, it could use a little more Thelonious Monk. Smokey then comes to you with his Weekly Bullpen Report and recommendations of what to do with all those Closers and Set-up men. He’ll also talk about DonkeyCorns, which is probably my favorite part. We all have fetishes man. Bridging us to Friday, Magoo will go over his animal thoughts in Bear or Bull, one of my favorite series. And it’s totally not because I used to write it. Totally not. Totally. Not. He’ll be spotlighting players that have both short-term and long-term fantasy appeal, and use radical things like numbers and stuff to convince on what kind of animal they are. Sounds like a LSD trip, so get your popcorn ready! (Does popcorn go with LSD?)
Friday brings Malamoney and his army of Excel’s, promising both riches and prosperity in Points Leagues. Seth will follow up with his deep leagues report, properly named Deep Impact. If he can somehow involve Morgan Freeman, I’d faint. Both of these series are the tasty meat in what is the Grey sandwich (yum!), as Grey will end the day with his Buy/Sell post.
We all get busy sometimes, fantasy baseball becomes secondary, that’s okay! Leading of Saturdays (Hey! Just like today!), I’ll be going over the highlights of the week on Razzball, everything you need to know in one post, and I’m going to win a Nobel Peace Prize for it. I mean, how hard could it be? President Obama has one, and he wasn’t even born a United States citizen. Right after, Dan Pants will return with his Friday Round-Up, a recap of all of Friday’s games. Ralph ends the day with all of your Two-Start Pitcher options for the upcoming week.
And then we do the whole thing over and over again. That is, until the season is over. Or you switch for Fantasy Football. Whichever comes first! (Usually me.)
Remember, we’ll have Daily Fantasy Strategy every day of the week as well, helping you set up your lineups with tips, strategy, and boobs. Okay, I’m lying about the boobs, but I feel like that’s the shot in the arm DFS needs…
And, you know, I didn’t mention it, but I don’t think I have to. Grey is here everyday giving you love, laughter, and uh…anybody have another “L” word?
Welcome to the 2015 Fantasy Baseball Season. Welcome to Razzball.