On this day, I’m reminded of the Imagine Dragons song, Demons. “It’s Prince Fielder‘s curtain’s call, it’s the last of all, when the lights fade out all the other players look like an upgrade. They look like an upgrade! Prince Fielder let us down! He should be hell bound! Though he says it’s all for you, stop hiding the truth! No matter what Cecil Fielder would breed. We are still made of greed, my fantasy team is my kingdom come, when will Prince Fielder’s homers come? When will they come?! When you feel my heat, look into my eyes, it’s where my hate for Fielder hides, it’s where my hate hides. Abreu, don’t get too close, it’s dark inside and Fielder might rub off on you. It’s where my hate for Fielder hides, it’s where my hate hides. They say it’s okay if he hits .280 with 85 RBIs and 20 homers around the pole that is foul. I say it’s up to fate, it’s woven in my soul, Prince Fielder is an a**hole!” Usually I’m like don’t sell so-and-so for a DVD box set of the third season of Punky Brewster, but I’d sell Fielder low. Who knows maybe someone in your league won’t think you’re selling low. I’d explore ALL (yes, capped) offers for him immediately before things get worse. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
James Jones – James Jones dropped his middle name Earl, 200 pounds and caught on in the Mariners organization. You should hear him do a Darth Vader impersonation. It’s fresh, which is to say uncanny. Now he’s the spokesman for Sprint, which is to say he’s fast.
Michael Saunders – You ever get the feeling that some teams suddenly get an extra few spots on their team? Mariners lost Almonte and now they have like 17 spots in their outfield. Glad they got rid of Almonte, he was greedy, yo!
Lorenzo Cain – Precipice: a steep rock face or cliff. Yeah? Or no yeah? Yeah. Okay, you stand on the precipice of breaking out long enough and the earth moves under your feet and you’re no longer about to break out. This is Cain…Sugar! He is back and starting, and, supposedly, he has speed and power, though all I’ve seen is a lot of injury-proneness.
Juan Lagares – He’s been starting, leading off and his last name is Latin for ‘in the middle of running.’ You need more?
Chris Heisey – If he was Heiseh, I wouldn’t be half as excited about him cause then he’d be stuttered out He-is-eh. Right now, He-is-ey, which I don’t even understand, but he is starting and has power and speed.
Denard Span – I saw Denard hitting at the top of the Nationals lineup and I was like, “Well, he’s owned everywhere. It’s not like anyone’s sleeping on Denard without sixteen cushions,” and there he was on my waiver wire.
Peter Bourjos – When fantasy baseballers (<– my mom’s term!) hear that a guy may not play over Jon Jay, they get righteously nervous, I might’ve meant rightly, or maybe I didn’t. It looks like the Cards may give Bourjos the PT and now he just needs to make it QT.
Adam Lind – Just went over him this morning. Click over to it, it’ll make me .0008 of a penny. I can get a lick of a piece of bubble gum for that. Or sex in Hunts Point.
Garrett Jones – He sits vs. some tough lefties, but he still has five homers and if I would’ve drafted him in the 4th round instead of Ryan Zimmerman, it would’ve made more sense for my team and I will now seek out a stranger and ask them to punch me in the face.
C.J. Cron – Prospect Scott just went over his C.J. Cron fantasy. I agree with him, except the part about how he wishes he were the stranger that is going to punch me in the face for drafting Ryan Zimmerman.
Eric Chavez – I don’t even know what he’s been doing or what he will do later this weekend, but the Hitter-Tron loves him today like it loves a newly-lubed carburetor.
Danny Espinosa – I’ve now told you to pick him up about two dozen times and he’s owned in 8% of ESPN leagues. Fair to say, you don’t have ESPinosa.
Gordon Beckham – If you won’t pick up Espinosa, I don’t see any way to convince you to get the newly-minted hot schmotato, Gordon Beckham. Maybe if I told you his full name is Gordon Cornelius Beckham, and he wears a feathered-hair cap over his afro.
Wilmer Flores – I just gave you my Wilmer Flores fantasy. I wrote it on the inside of a bathroom stall.
Rougned Odor – I just went over my Rougned Odor fantasy. I wrote it while saying, “What is that Odor?”
Eduardo Escobar -Ever see The Land of 10,000 Schmotatoes dance? It goes like this, “Ooh, Eduardo Escobar is hitting around .450 in the last week.” Move closer to waiver wire. “But it’s Eduardo Escobar.” Move away from the waiver wire. And repeat 10,000 times.
Hector Rondon – He is the closer! (Maybe.) You should pick him up! (Maybe.) Seriously! (Maybe.)
Robbie Ray – I’m not sure if he stays in the rotation for much longer, but he has a decent matchup on Sunday, according to the Stream-o-Nator.
Henderson Alvarez – Since his K-rate is tizzerible, I don’t want to force feed you nice things about him that I don’t believe. Real talk! He has been pitching well for close to the last four months, dating back into last season (obviously not dating back to December; 3.39 ERA the 2nd half of last year).
Roberto Hernandez – He’s going against Jenrry Mejia today in a battle of Stream-o-Nator favorable starts. Hernandez is slightly favored but they’re both above ‘solid.’
Corey Kluber – I went to his player page to try and come up with some solid reasons to buy him, and I saw his xFIP was 3.05 and I was like, “Yes, that’ll do, Pooh, not as in poo. Ooh, his K-rate is in the top 20 in the majors at 9.6. Great, more reasons!” Yes, I said all of that in my head. Then I saw his ERA was 3.60 and I was like, “Why do I even need to sell people on him?”
Drew Pomeranz – He could be staying in the A’s rotation and at one point he was a highly touted prospect. Wouldn’t be the first time Billy Beane pulled a fast one on someone. Trade Brett Anderson for him — Plouffe! (Which is the fantasy baseball version of pfft.)
SELL
Troy Tulowitzki – No, don’t sell him for a bag of candy corn that expired in October! The Buysellatops, that big lumbering beast that grazes tall grass and guys to sell, even agrees. Right now, he’s hitting over .400 and is our top rated player on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. I could actually see him finishing in the top 20, but number one? And hitting over 100 points above his career average? I’d say he’s overperforming a tad, if tads were measured in kilotons. On the fo’really, don’t sell him for just one underperforming top 20 player, but if you have multiple needs, you could name your price right now with Tulo and I’d consider it if it helps your team since this is his absolute peak.
