Two-Startapalooza: Week 6

May 3, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Two Start Pitchers | 62 Comments

As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click this link.

When did pitchers become such complete morons?

Michael Pineda’s pine tar party is way old news now, but let’s just go back and revisit what was truly dumb about it: It’s not that he tried to use pine tar, it’s that he tried to hide it on his neck!

Last week’s dummy was Matt Cain. Apparently, he read some of the scouting reports that said his 2013 was a tale of two-halves, which might have given him the idea to make a sandwich in the Giants’ clubhouse before the team’s game last Tuesday against the Padres. Whoops! Cain sliced his index finger instead of a tomato, or whatever, and had to be scratched. It’s not dumb that Cain wanted to have a sandwich on game day. It’s idiotic that he had to make one himself. Don’t they bring in catering before the game? Why are they making their own sandwiches? Aren’t these guys pampered millionaires?

There is an actual fantasy point here. What made Cain’s first half of 2013 so rough is that he was giving up dongs despite his ability to keep the ball in the yard throughout his career. This year he’s yielded five homers, which is up among the league leaders, but not horrid. The sandwich debacle hurts because Cain needed to bounce back strong after a poop-fest in Colorado that followed two quality starts in losses.

The good news is he has two starts in pitcher friendly parks this week (PNC Park and Dodger Stadium). The bad news is that damn cut kept opening up last week when Cain tried to throw. What if it flies open in Pittsburgh and someone mistakes the blood for ketchup and slathers it on their Primanti Bros. sandwich?

Dumber things have happened. Like, say, messing around with a knife before you start a major league game …

… and some of these two-start pitcher rankings. Enjoy!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

#	MLB Starting Lineups For Thu 8/7
	ATH \| ATL \| CHW \| CIN \| MIA \| PIT \| SEA \| WSH \| ARI \| BAL \| BOS \| CHC \| CLE \| COL \| DET \| HOU \| KC \| LAA \| LAD \| MIL \| MIN \| NYM \| NYY \| OAK \| PHI \| SD \| SF \| STL \| TB \| TEX \| TOR

Getting STATy With It: Selling Albert Pujols and What to Say When You Do

May 3, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 56 Comments

by: Dano

According to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, Albert Pujols is our #3 first baseman (#17 overall) – prior to Paul Goldschmidt, Freddie Freeman, Anthony Rizzo and Joey Votto, in that order, with others dispersed in between. I’m selling Pujols for any one of these guys, for sure, but I’d also accept Justin Morneau, Brandon Belt, Edwin Encarnacion, perhaps Matt Adams and maybeeee Prince Fielder, contingent on who else can be had.

Here is exactly what you can say to your league-mate(s): “Bro/Brethren, Pujols is back. Plus, look at the .240 BABIP – that is going to shoot up!”

But this post is what I really think. Feel free to comment below with the offers you see for him or request for him, and I’ll offer my feedback, which will often be “do it”, and here is why:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sergio Santos the Line and Walks the Plank

May 3, 2014 | Daily Notes | 67 Comments

by: Dan Pants

We’re through just over a month of baseball, and I’m sure there are more than a few players you’d like to see walk the plank right now, and Sergio Santos is no doubt up there on the Captain’s log as far as closers are concerned. Santos blew another save last night, lasting 0.2 innings, and promptly giving up 3 ER off 3 hits. SAN-TOS-AAH! I ain’t even mad at ‘cha, the skip just keeps sending you out there to do it. I should be mad at myself for owning you this long. Serge gave up two home runs in the ninth, one to Pedro Alvarez (3-for-5) and the other was the walk off game-winner to Starling Marte (4-for-5). His ERA is sitting pretty at 10.61, which is almost as much money as I have in my checking account at the moment. I can’t imagine we’ll see Sergio out there for the ninth again. Best the Jays deal with him the same way the Pirates would have last night: “Arr! Blow the scallywag down and make ‘em shark bait, fer dead men blow no saves.” In any case, you may be able to grab some short-term saves from Aaron Loup with Brett Cecil and Steve Delabar seeing possible chances. My guess is the Jays go to a combination of these relievers until Casey Janssen returns in a couple weeks.

Here’s what else happened Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings- Derby Day Baseball

May 3, 2014 | DraftKings | 8 Comments

by: Smokey

So, it’s derby-day and fantasy baseball over at DraftKings, what could be better? My guess? Being a jockey in the derby, but to not be restricted by all the weight and height limitations. It would be fun for the horse to be totting a normal or abnormal human. I kinda wanna see Shaq on a Thoroughbred. So like every good mechanic, you need a shed full of tools. Relax, no need to run to the local garden center, unless you actually need something. It’s planting season, so go get some nice perennials and take a peruse of the Razzball shed of tools: Stream-O-Nator and Hitter-Tron. Pretty helpful stuff, all free and extremely well thought-out, unlike your last minute science project where you used the same volcano as last year, but changed the name from Vesuvius to Krakatoa. So enjoy the early games, enjoy the derby, which is a perfect interlude to the late games, and enjoy constructing your winning daily fantasy roster for DraftKings.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

OBP League Roundup

May 3, 2014 | OPS Leagues | 24 Comments

by: Tom Jacks

I figured it was finally time to switch things up and have an OBP-only post every now and then (thanks to the many of you who commented with this idea). This will be an attempt to run through a lot more players, instead of the usual handful I cover in the OPS posts. I’m still working through the format and how often I’ll do this, so feel free to chime in with your thoughts in the comments. We’re only one month into the season, so it’s important not to overreact, but there are quite a few players that have produced interesting results. Here’s my take for what it means in OBP leagues:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Stroman Buylanski

May 2, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 1,017 Comments

by: Grey

Marcus Stroman has a slide piece that would make John Popper jealous. Last year, he was just as dominating, so it’s not like this came out of nowhere. Well, last year after he returned from his suspension for testing positive for methylhexaneamine. Did you know that no one connected to the commissioner’s office was able to pronounce what he was suspended for nor anyone directly connected to Stroman? His grandma said, “My grandy-son was suspended for menthol cigarettes?” A coach familiar with Stroman said, “It was really frustrating when people kept asking, ‘What’s he suspended for?’ After a while, when people asked during his suspension where Stroman was, we’d just say he was in the bathroom. No one wanted to try to pronounce the drug he was banned for.” Last week, he threw six no-hit innings. Here’s what Prospect Scott said in the offseason, “The 22-year-old made 20 Double-A starts on the season, posting a 3.30 ERA, a 1.13 WHIP, and K/9 at 10.4. Those of you who read my posts throughout the regular season know that I’m intrigued by Stroman — he brings a fastball/slider combo that’s as good as any in the minors, and that skill set makes for some exciting performances (he whiffed 11+ batters in four of his 20 starts). Stroman was probably ready for a big league look this past September, but the Jays opted to send him to the Arizona Fall League instead. Big time whiff potential will make him a coveted piece in the fantasy game as soon as he surfaces. Speaking of faces, I hate Grey’s.” Hey! The Jays will be finished with McGowan in the landmark case of sooner vs. later, as well they should be. Stroman could be up any day now, Annie Potts. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Deep Impact (Sorta, Kinda, Maybe): Page 3 Starting Pitchers

May 2, 2014 | Deep Leagues | 53 Comments

by: Dano

Let me preface this post with the following: the next one will be much deeper. [Ed. Note — That’s what she said!] I’m talking 0% ownership. I’m talking Morgan Freeman’s deep voice in the movie Deep Impact. I’m talking real throaty [Ed. Note– Darn, shoulda saved it for that one…], but for now… Here are starters approaching 50% ownership (as of 4/28) that I’d jump on if they’re still available:

Danny Salazar – with a dominating start this past weekend, he’s back above the 50% owned mark, so I won’t expand too much here. The swinging strike rate is down to a sustainable level and the youth/homerun propensity reminds us (me) why we (I) shouldn’t get too excited. Prior to the season I pointed to Salazar’s dominating repertoire here and here. As long as he stays healthy, I think he’ll continue to be Matt Harvey Jr. According to Baseball Prospectus’ Pitchf/x Leaderboard, he’s still got a top-15 Fastball velocity, but a -2 MPH difference and 12% less swinging strikes on the fastball relative to last year will now keep me rational. He’s got the unlucky smokescreen going i.e. an elevated HR/FB ratio, LOB% and hideous BABIP. Again, as long as he stays healthy, there is still a ton to like here with the high velocity + devastating repertoire. Pluck him off waivers or buy low sooner than later.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – The King Fancies a Friday Guarantee

May 2, 2014 | DraftKings | 20 Comments

by: Schlurricane

“Schlurricane is the hottest sharp in daily fantasy sports! Nobody, and I mean nobody, can rival his recent success! He’s got today’s locks and I MEAN THEY ARE LOCKS!!! Schlurricane guarantees today’s picks or the rest of the season is free! That’s right, absolutely free!!! You heard it right, his information is so good that if you don’t win 5,000,000 dollars today every other piece of advice for the rest of this season, is 100% free! Call now to receive them on a recorded message. That number is 1-800-RAZZBALL.COM!!! THAT’S 1-800-RAZZBALL.COM!!!”

Ok, don’t call that number… But if you don’t win with this lineup today, the rest of my picks for the year are actually gonna be free. You don’t even have to hoard coupons for this deal.

When the higher ups (Sky in the plural tense) asked me if I could fill in a big Friday piece, I knew I had to bring it hard. Who brings it harder than those coked out Jersey hustlers who pretend to be kings of Vegas? Maybe the one guy who’s side job is in Tehol’s primary field of employment? Otherwise no one. The problem with those guys is they’re all BS. There’s no such thing as a lock and they know it. But, if they win, a bunch of suckas will sign up. If they lose, their crappy predictions become free to those sheepish enough to continue to follow. We don’t do that at Razzball. First of all, we got legit prediction tools thanks to the Stream-O-Nator and HitterTron. Second, we know our readers are sucka free! Tertiarily, (a Wiktionary special) we win, and want to share the chedda. But, you gotta supply your own milk. We’ll add the culture.

Remember, DFS, like all smart gambling, is only done well when you find advantages and trust it over time. It allows the anomalies to distance themselves from the norm. If it doesn’t win for you today, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. Today could be the anomaly. With that being said, I’m feeling really good about today’s lineup recommendation. Get yourself in a couple of 50/50 leagues and a couple of Triple Ups at DraftKings with the following.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Cingrani And SoDL

May 2, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 427 Comments

by: Grey

The other day I said that I smelled a Disgraceful List stint coming for Tony Cingrani from a dead arm, then yesterday the Reds announced Cingrani had shoulder tendinitis. He said he didn’t think he needed a DL stint. I’ve said this before, but it always surprises me how teams can put players who are not injured on the DL. Before a player can go on the DL, Major League Baseball should require approval from one person: a strict school nurse. “Hey, Nurse Blumenthal, this is the Mets calling and we were wondering if we can DL Bartolo Colon with an inflamed elbow?” Nurse Blumenthal gives out a disapproving groan, yanks up her hosiery and then tells them, “I saw him playing catch and talking to some girls in the parking lot. I’d say he looked fine. Goodbye!” I’d DL Cingrani for now and pray to whoever will hear fantasy baseball prayers — A nerdy priest? An athletic rabbi? Do these things exist? — that Cingrani gets right with himself and the world in two weeks’ time. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Disgrace/Delight: The Inglorious Fall of Tehol Beddict

May 1, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 142 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Ever had one of those years where everything that could conceivably go wrong, does? I can tell you all, 100 percent honesty, that this has never happened to me before, and much like Lindsay Lohan, I am feeling lost, lonely, and pretty damn confused about my embarrassing fall from grace. It all began when I was invited to participate in the #1 RCL league, which includes Grey, Rudy, and countless other fantasy legends (like not-Jay). I was beyond ecstatic at the opportunity to prove I was best in the business at this fantasy sh*t, and after the draft, there was no doubt in my mind I would compete for the title. My team seemingly had it all; A dynamic mix of power and speed, a wondrous collection of power arms who played for winning organizations, and unquestionably more upside than any other team. I had it all, baby!

As I now look at the standings and witness my team falling all the way to 11th place, my dreams have been utterly demolished. Finally, an opportunity to play with the big dogs, and I totally disgrace myself. I feel like Christian Slater attempting to get into an A-list Hollywood party. The rejection is too much to bear, and I’m having thoughts about going back to doing solo porn jack-off videos. Let’s analyze the team that keeps me up at night. What went wrong? To me, this was a championship contending team, without question. It’s become a bottom feeding bum-fest, and I’m strongly considering throwing in the towel.

Shall we meet the team?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Closer Report

May 1, 2014 | Closers | 68 Comments

by: Smokey

If you cheated and looked ahead before reading, shame on you! But, for those who didn’t, I am attaching my cart to Francisco Rodriguez. Not only has he done nothing wrong (which seems impossible for closers nowadays), but looks in no danger of getting the rug ripped out from under him. The team is winning, the bullpen is toight like a tiger, and Jimbo Hendo looks to be doing a swell job as second fiddle. Not only would I marry K-rod right now, he can also fart in my dinner… tonight. (Ed. Note– Protip: I wait until at least the second date before letting farts in my food.) I mean what he is doing is pretty remarkable– most saves in April, EVER. It reminds me of the good times when I played the jug in the band The Dixie Cups. For a barely drafted guy who wasn’t even the teams first choice for saves… and to also be giving your team a saves boost for basically nothing, you should wanna carry his luggage. So keep reading to see what other closer goodies I got for ya… or just skip to the comments and tell me something awesome.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – Let’s Sacrifice Our Souls For This Santana

May 1, 2014 | DraftKings | 32 Comments

by: J-FOH

Carlos Santana provides the back drop for today’s headline of the May Day Draft Kings special. Well it’s not a special contest but it happens to be my Thursday that coincides with it being May Day. Before we move forward lets make it clear that this is Carlos Santana the guitarist’s song I’m word playing with and not the poor hitting catcher and the Santana I’m talking about in the title is the pitcher Ervin Santana who is not related to any of the previous mentioned Santana’s. Wow, that’s a lot of Santana’s. When I was a kid I jacked my dad’s Santana tape and listened to that thing until I broke it. Then when I got older and did drugs and all the songs made sense. I got your Jingo right here. Ervin Santana is what I like to call my sure thing pitcher who most will probably start but I don’t want to be behind the eight ball because that wold suck buy or S.T.P.W.M.W.P.S.B.I.D.W.T.B.B.T.E.B.B.T.W.S.B. I think I need to work on that acronym. Maybe I should ask the baby’s mama what she thinks I should call it? First she gives me “pick of the litter” but that really plays into all this kitty business around here and I can’t be having that. I love puppies too much. Then she turns to me and says he’s your 24 carat play. I like it, he’s my 24 carat play today, he cost’s a lot and he’s worth every penny of it. I love her Long Beach ghetto vernacular. When you get the Marlins and their 2nd worst 24.7% K rate and you play for a team that should score more runs than the other team then I think you got a 24 carat play. The dude has been on fire this year posting 3 wins in 4 starts a 1.95 ERA, and 10 K/9. Those numbers mean it’s a yes and thank you please. The Stream-o-Nator loves him today as it’s second favorite play on the day at $16.8. If you are looking for a second opinion on the Miami hitters, after Giancarlo Stanton, Christian Yelich is the next highest Hitter-Tron option at $6.7, which is not good for daily. Here are some other plays I like today.

Please, blog, may I have some more?