Joel Hanrahan had 2 saves yesterday in the Nationals’ sweep of Colorado 6-3, 6-3 as they decided to emulate a successful tennis player instead of a successful golfer for a change (hitting below par). Hanrahan set a new Nationals record for most saves in a doubleheader, series, week, and month. On a related topic, Chad ‘Rip-Cord’ Cordero spent the day ironing his hat brim. One of the stars of the game was Emilio Bonifacio, who went 4-for-10 in the doubleheader. I mentioned him yesterday for fantasy baseball hittters to pickup, but I feel like he might need to get flogged a little into your collective minds, because I’m not feeling the love. He is the lightning fast, leadoff man/second baseman for the Nats. This schmohawk could steal as many bases in the last two months as Roberts did in the 1st half. What, you say you don’t like players whose last name you can’t pronounce? SAGNOF! SAGNOF! Saves/Steals Ain’t Got No Face! Felipe Lopez was dropped by the Nats to show their commitment to Bonifacio. Now show yours. The other star of the twin bill was Lastings Milledge, who went 5-for-9 with 2 HRs. Now has four HRs in August. He could continue his hot hitting. Luckily the Nats bring in less than 1,000 fans per game or that would be a lot of high fives. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Scott Schoeneweis – With Wagner out, the question was who would step in his shoes. Schoeneweis entered the ninth and promptly blew the save. Looks like the Mets found a Wagner replacement. Now to find a closer.

Aaron Heilman – 2/3 of an inning and the gift win. Don’t worry, he’ll balance it out with a loss when he’s inserted into the closer role.

Jody Gerut – Another HR yesterday. Okay, this the last time I’m mentioning him.

Chase Headley – 2 HRs in last two games. In the one league where I had Headley, I got bored of him and the Padres’ offense so I picked up Andy LaRoche. What invariably happens when you drop someone? They get hot.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 5 IP, 6 ER. I told you last week, “Last year, (Ubaldo) had a solid July then got progressively worse as the year went on. Caveat emptor, for those in Latin America.” And that’s me quoting me!

Justin Duchscherer – 5 IP, 4 ER. Member that correction I warned you about? The one where I said Duchscherer is going to fall back to earth? Yup and uh-huh.

Scott Feldman – 7 IP, 2 ER. Mazel Tov. You’re a man now!

Clayton Kershaw – 7 IP, 7 Ks, 1 ER. Evidently, Alyssa Milano’s advice to breath through his eyeballs helped. That and the blow job.

Jeff Francis – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER also known as the ‘Colorado Rockies Quality Start.’ Throw Francis in the Snell Bag of starters who were useful last year, but currently are not.

Chris Volstad – 6 IP, 0 ER. While his name makes him sound like a cocky little douche like Josh Beckett, he’s actually a sinker ball pitcher. Go figure.

AJ Burnett – Despite a 4.50 ERA and pitching for the Jays, Burnett pitched a so-so game to net his 14th win. That’s worth 9 wins in America. Ask Johan.

Dan Uggla – 0-for-4. .179 since July 1st. It’s a long, bumpy road back to a .250 career average.

Brian Giles – Might be traded to the Red Sox. Could be interesting to see him hit some walks off The Green Monster.

Jim Leyland – Suggested newly appointed closer, Joel Zumaya, go to an instructional league this winter to learn to be a closer. If that makes no sense to you, welcome to my brain. Hopefully the instructional league is somewhere without forest fires or Guitar Hero. Leyland volunteered to visit him in hopes that the Caribbean Duty-Free stores have nice discounts on Marlboro Reds.

Manny Ramirez – HR yesterday. The league is investigating the circumstances surrounding the Red Sox-Dodgers trade of Manny Ramirez. When asked about his departure from the Red Sox, Manny responded “By plane.”

  1. Grey

    Grey says:

    @JR: “Rank these pitchers for effectiveness over the next 2-5 weeks (I’m in a league with playoffs. I know, I know… But I need who will be hot at the right time):

    Wakefield, Filthy Sanchez, Gio, Francis, Wandy, C. Perez, Scherzer

    I need to drop 2 over the next two weeks because I have Maine and Wood coming off the DL. (I include the closer and the swingman because it’s a points league. I know, I know…)”

    Sanchez, Gio, Perez, Wandy, Scherzer, punt.

  2. Grey

    Grey says:

    @JR: I’m tempted to line them up Gio, Perez, Sanchez, Wandy, Scherzer… It really is a motley crew.

  3. Nicky B says:

    Great blurb on Volstad. Brings a smile to my face.
    Hey, maybe you can help with this dilemma: if you had a choice between Dave Bush, Josh Johnson, Jason Bergmann and Doug Davis, which two would you keep? It’s NL-only five by five. I’m doing well in K’s, tied for last in W’s, and I’m decent but under serious attack in era,whip. Johnson has 5 k’s combined in last two starts, wondering if his arm is feelling it.

  4. Nick says:

    Did you just find me the 2nd baseman I’ve been waiting for!? Pickup Bonifacio over current 2B Polanco (was Kendrick yesterday)? I could use some SB’s as the race is close and I’m in 4th of 8th, just 20 SB away from 1st in that category.

  5. royce! says:

    That Giles shit was hilarious! I had a double take: “wait, Giles isn’t going to hit any walk offs…OH. That sounds about right.”

  6. Steve says:

    Sit Hawpe against Peavy?

  7. jimmyz says:

    I’m in last place in a 3 player keeper league – so you know what that means… time to focus on next year (trade deadline is Sunday). If you had to pick one for next year, who do you pick; Aramis Ramirez or Brandon Webb? (I’m already keeping Pujols and Carlos Lee).

  8. ben says:

    I don’t think Scho was in there as the “closer.” The Mets are using bullpen by committee, and there were lefties coming up, so he happened to get that matchup. He wasn’t blowing an audition, or anything. He just was sucking against lefties. Which is the only thing he’s not supposed to suck at.

  9. Frank Rizzo says:

    Anyone have insight to the David Price situation? Is there a time table for this guy’s arrival to the bigs? I’m holding onto my waiver priority for him.

    I wonder how many starts he gets in before Yahoo even makes him eligible to pick up?

  10. jph says:

    I proposed either CC or Lackey + Chipper for Pujols and he countered with one of the Santanas (Ervin/Johan) or Volquez for Pujols straightup. Don’t think he will give up Chipper–here are some other people on his team i’m interested in.

    Trade deadline is in T-75 MINUTES

    Vlad,Abreu,Jose Guillen,Milton Bradley,Figgins,Jenks,Cook,Carpenter

  11. mc serch says:

    Hey Guys, what do you think of of my Kinsler, Duchscherer, Glaus and C. Guillen for J. Rollins, R. Cano and J. Grabow? Too much?

  12. El Duque for Mets closer….

  13. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nicky B: First off, those are pretty bad. Not that you don’t know this, but I’m putting it out there so when I tell you to keep someone, others don’t jump down my throat saying he’s awful. They’re all awful. With that disclaimer said, Dave Bush and Jason Bergmann. I hope I don’t go to hell for telling someone to keep Bush. This isn’t keep like a keeper, right? If so, don’t keep Bush for next season or Bergmann.

    @Nick: I hope we all found some steals.

    @royce!: Double takes are good. We’ll take those.

    @Steve: He’s .333 with a HR vs. Peavy.

    @jimmyz: I hate to keep pitchers, but Webb’s too good to throw back. BTW, I used to buy my Zubaz pants from a Jimmy Z’s.

    @ben: Who’s the closer then? Heilman? Sanchez? Do you know something and you’re not telling us? BTW, I eat corned beef from Ben’s on the Island.

    @Frank Rizzo: I hope this is a keeper league if you’ve been holding your waiver this long. Who would you bump in the Rays rotation for Price? Maybe if Kaz gets hurt, otherwise during September callups, then he pitches a few games here and there. Maybe some middle relief.

    @jph: Volquez for Pujols? I do this trade immediately. Is that what he offered?

    @mc serch: This is not a game, ladies! And that trade is too much.

  14. jph says:

    I wanted Lackey or Sabbathia + Chipper, i guess I was biting off too much.

    He countered with Pujols for either Volquez/Johan/Ervin straight up. I was leaning towards Volquez but am nervous–perhaps it’s the fact he is on the Reds or Dusty is his coach,i don’t know. I feel more comfortable with Lackey or Ervin but also expected to get someone else plus a SP for Pujols…am i being too cautious?

  15. jph says:

    @Grey: It’s a 10 team non-keeper,head to head league

  16. Grey

    Grey says:

    @jph: Wait, hold everything. You’re getting Volquez? Or giving him away? If you are getting him, no, do not do that trade.

  17. jph says:

    @Grey: Yeah I would be giving up Pujols. Would you do Pujols for Johan or Ervin straight up? Doesn’t seem like he wants to give Lackey or CC. Deadline is ine 20 minutes so it’s his move.

  18. Grey

    Grey says:

    @jph: I’d do Pujols for Johan. Not the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Santana Santana.

  19. Denys says:

    I get: Soto, I give: Navarro, Kershaw.

    Du eet?

  20. Dumbmutt says:

    Should I drop Carmona for R Johnson 8Team H2H Looking for Era/Whip

    My SP – Zambrano – Harden – Verlander – Billingsley – Liriano – Felix – Lester – U. Jimenez – Lowe – Cain – Wainwright(DL)

    WW – Greinke – Guthrie – Meche – Buehrle – Wakefield – Pavano – Blackburn – Wandy – Parra

  21. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Denys: Eh, Soto’s a .260/4 HR a month guy outside of a torrid April. You need those extra 6 HRs that bad?

  22. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Dumbmutt: Guthrie’s been great all year.

  23. Nick says:

    Which 2 guys to bench today? C. Lee, Markakis, Quentin, Dye, Burrell, Delgado

  24. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: Why don’t you trade some of these guys? You have too many valuable guys on your bench., with that said — Delgado and Dye

  25. Nick says:

    @Grey: Haha you must have some short term memory. Recall yesterday,

    I Get: Reyes/Howard
    I Give: Rollins/Ortiz/Burrell

    & Now I have one less OF!

  26. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: That’s what happens when you look at a hundred teams a day. You could stand to lose another hitter.

  27. Nick says:

    @Grey: Really? I’m going to have 1 guy benched on my offense as soon as this trade goes through. & that guy will probably be Delgado…Unless he turns the heat on again, I don’t think I’m going to get much for him in an 8 team league

  28. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Nick: I forgot this was an 8 team league. My bad. You’re good with Delgado riding the bench and just slotting him in when others are not playing.

  29. Grey

    Grey says:


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