This has less to do with Jedd Gyorko than it has to do with panicking. You drafted Gyorko this year because of what he’s done in the past. Yes, you’re hoping for better in the future, but you’re going on what he’s done already. Fact or not fact? FACT or NOT FACT?! Fact. You want him primarily for his power. Fact or not fact? FACT or NOT FACT?! Fact. You knew he was on a lousy team. Fact or not fact? FACT or NOT FACT?! Fact. You knew he hit .249 last year. Fact or not fact? FACT or NOT FACT?! Fact. Last year, he hit zero homers in 93 ABs in April. It’s simply a fact! Of course you want better this year, but he hasn’t done anything less than he did last year thus far, and you still drafted him. If he does exactly the same as last year, but doesn’t get injured and miss a month, he will hit around 27 homers and have 75-ish runs and RBIs. You’re getting that from another 2nd baseman? Which one, cause I’d like to get in on that. Can we double date? Wanna hear something completely crazy? I’m typing this with my toes. Wanna hear something completely crazy related to fantasy baseball? Gyorko could have a better year than Tulowitzki. Tulo’s already hurt and said last year he’s no longer stealing bases. So, Gyorko hits 27 homers and .250, Tulo hits 27 homers and .295. A few weird bounces in BABIP and they hit the same. So why are you dropping Gyorko? Better yet, why are you not trading for him? Don’t drop guys that just happen to have a bad one or two weeks to start the season. In general, anyone that you drafted in the first ten rounds, should be untouchable in April. You need to let your Clydesdales carry your beer. There’s a fine line between reacting and panicking. Walk the line, Johnny. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Jim Henderson – The Muppet Master will get the job back, even if he’s not directly pulling the strings.
Luke Gregerson – I just went over him this morning. You know that because you read all of my posts. Right? Riiiiight? Mmhmm. Damn, whenever I say mm, I get hungry, and I bet on the Mariners to win the World Series. Why do you have such power over me, M’s?
Adam Warren – The save situation in New York until K-Rob returns will prolly be some Frankensave shituation of Shawn Kelley, David Phelps, Matt Thornton and Adam Warren — or Shamatt Phallton. That rolls right off the tongue!
Jonathan Broxton – He actually is the closer until Aroldis returns, or until Broxton blows a few games. Damn, picking up Broxton first was so sweet, and now I got caveats.
Jose Valverde – The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he was a terrible closer, yet he was still named the closer for the Mets. Yes, Valverde is the devil, not Keyser Soze.
Nate Eovaldi – I already went over my Nate Eovaldi fantasy. It was written on the wall of a bathroom.
Jesse Chavez – Right now, he has a 1.38 ERA, which isn’t sustainable, obviously. However, his xFIP is only 2.60, his K-rate is 9 and his BB/9 is 1.38. Okay, those numbers are worth owning in any league. If they were completely out of nowhere, they’d be worth owning now, while expecting major regression. In Triple-A, he had a 8+ K-rate and an under 2 walk rate. An under 2 walk rate is Cliff Lee territory. An under two walk rate is ownable in all mixed leagues with a 7 K-rate. With an 8 K-rate, you’re talking about a guy who could be a top 40 starter. With a 9 K-rate? Well, he’d be an ace. Due to the scant track record and me not knowing what scant means, I’m not willing to guarantee much, but I would own him.
Garrett Richards – Member how excited I was about Eovaldi because his fastball was so, well, fast? Richards has averaged a 95.9 MPH fastball through two starts. Eovaldi is on another plane than Richards, because Richards walks the house. Not to Tootie my own horn, but I did grab Mr. Garrett in one deeper mixed league. Hopefully it wasn’t a blairing mistake.
Drew Hutchison – I don’t have that much faith in Hutchison, so this is a strictly Stream-o-Nator call. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him get hit, call it a Hutch.
Josh Collmenter – Will take over a rotation spot in Arizona as long as he’s not found out to be gay or Mexican, then he will be deported.
Alberto Callaspo – He’s hitting out of his mind right now like he’s Margot Kidder at a Bed and Breakfast that just ran out of orange juice.
Adam LaRoche – Double negatives be damned, but LaRoche shouldn’t not be owned in any leagues if he’s healthy. If he’s healthy and hitting, LaRoche is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Though, isn’t slicing a bagel harder than bread and thus greater? Shouldn’t this be updated to the greatest thing since a sliced bagel? I got questions, y’all!
Mark Reynolds – He has two homers and two steals so far, but you will have to platoon him since he’s sitting vs. most righties. You can see his upcoming matchups at the Hitter-Tron, you can also see the Hitter-Tron rubbing itself against a washing machine.
Trevor Plouffe – Plouffe goes the hot schmotato!
Dee Gordon – I don’t even know why he’s being listed. Not that I wouldn’t own him, I mean why isn’t he owned in every league? Are you people auditioning for a role in the off-Broadway adaption of Awakenings?
Chris Owings – Another one I don’t fully understand, but this is the last time I’m mentioning him. I got places to go! Like the comments to answer catcher questions.
Devin Mesoraco – I could mention other catchers to pick up, but then I’d just be feeding the beast.
Yangervis Solarte – Fun fact! Yangervis was once stopped at customs for three hours because the Customs Officer thought he forged his visa and misspelled it Yangervis. He’s not a long term option; he’s just a hot bat right now, but compared to, i.e., Yangervis-à-vis a cold bat, it’s good.
Mike Morse – I feel similar to Morse as I do to LaRoche. He kinda should just be owned if he’s healthy. This message was brought to you by Grey in an attempt to jinx and injury Morse and LaRoche since I don’t own them.
Jason Kubel – He’s hitting .481. Ty Cobb never hit .481! Kubel has the highest average ever in baseball! He should be in the Hall of Fame! Do you hear how dopey I sound? That’s what people sound like who are worried someone is hitting in the .100’s after one week. It’s a small sample size. Any the hoo! Kubel is hot, so there’s that.
Ryan Ludwick – Okay, so his fan club isn’t well attended, and his name sounds like a 17th century composer, but he’s hitting and healthy.
Marcell Ozuna – He looks solid in every at-bat I’ve seen of his (7 at-bats, that’s what I’ve seen). I don’t want to yell fire in the theater of Razzball, but I think Ozuna could be one of those guys that isn’t owned in many leagues for the first few months but ends up a top 40 outfielder and– Sorry running out of my Marcell minutes.
Lorenzo Cain – I’ve already picked him up and dropped him twice and will probably do that dance again a few more times. I’m addicted to Cain…Sugar!
J.B. Shuck – Since his initials stand for Just Brad, you’d think his folks would’ve went with just Brad. Oh, wait, they did. The nurse filling out his birth certificate must feel silly! Love Shuck in AL-Only leagues — so much so I went to $19 on him with FAAB dollars, which is fun to try and use in West Hollywood, “Hey, do you take FAAB dollars?” “You know it, girlfriend!” — and wouldn’t be surprised to see Shuck mixed league viable within a week.
SELL
Ryan Zimmerman – Ah, it’s my old nemesis, Bummerman. He’s Lex Luthor to my Superman. He’s the Joker to my Batman. He’s Mr. Glass to my character played by Bruce Willis in Unbreakable. I am the superhero in this scenario, because I have two working shoulders and didn’t trick fantasy owners into drafting me! As if his shoulder just suddenly became an issue. My pfft to that has two F’s, which is more F’s than I give about Zimmerman. He had to know in the spring that there was no way his shoulder was holding up all year. You couldn’t give the media a heads up? No, of course, you couldn’t. Instead he says he can play through a shoulder injury that makes him throw like he’s a drunk Chuck Knoblauch. Now he says he can hit with this shoulder injury. I’m sure it won’t affect his power at all. Watch him get less than 15 homers this year. For serious. You’re probably looking at getting fifty cents on the dollar, but I’d absolutely explore trades.
