It feels like the Tigers have been searching for a closer since Todd Jones retired — Percival, Valverde, Nathan, Soria.  They prey on dead meat so much, they’re more like the Vultures than Tigers. Papelbon recently was heard saying, “I am going to close forever.  Wait, are those Tigers’ front office people circling above me?  Crap!”  It’s too bad none of the Syrian refugees don’t have closing experience.  So, hopefully, the Tigers’ wait to find a closer is finally over.  Unless Bruce Rondon is reading this, then the wait has just begun.  Assuming Francisco Rodriguez doesn’t get off the plane in Detroit, see an Alburquerque jersey, think he’s in New Mexico, then beat the crap out of an American Airlines pilot for flying him to the wrong city, and get arrested by federal authorities for beating up an employee of a company with the word “American” in the name and get sent to Gitmo.  Sure, this sounds unlikely, not impossible though.  With K-rod sent to the Tigers, I’ll give him the projections of 4-2/2.69/1.02/66, 42 saves in 61 IP.  As for the Brewers, their closer now is Jeremy Jeffress, Will Smith or Corey Knebel, i.e., the offseason is still young and they could trade for someone.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Andrelton Simmons – Traded to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Which Is 40 Minutes From Los Angeles.  Interesting that the extraterrestrial Andrelton was moved to be close to Disney right after they secured the rights to Star Wars.  Will Andrelton be moonlighting as a greeter at Disney dressed as Jar Jar Binks?  Here’s my reaction video of watching the new Star Wars trailer, “Wow, Princess Leia looks terrible.”  Why was this trade really made?  I’m scratching my head, looking perplexed.  I have no idea why the Angels wanted Simmons.  Last year, he hit four homers, five steals and .256 in a full season of at-bats.  I guess the Angels were feeling Yunelvious.  For 2016, I’ll give Simmons the projections of 66/8/71/.252/6.

Erick Aybar – Dealt to Braves for Andrelton.  I like this move for Aybar.  Sure, the Braves’ offense is the most awfulest thing in the world like a depressed Keith Murray would sing, but Allahu Aybar should be near the top of the lineup and have the green light to do whatever he wants on the base paths.  For 2016, I’ll give him the projections of 77/5/45/.276/17.

Sean Newcomb – Also sent to Braves for Andrelton.  You might be wondering why the Angels GM is trading away a top pitching prospect for a shortstop who hit .256 with 4 homers in 147 games last year when they already sent Aybar.  The Angels organization is handled like this:  put The Sciosciapath’s willpower in one hand and make a fist.  Now, put Arte Moreno’s money in another hand and make a fist.  Now go to the center of the boxing ring, and pound fists.  Newcomb lacks lice, but has a few bugaboos in his game with walks and will go back to the minors until at least June.

Devon Travis – Underwent shoulder surgery and will be out for about four to five months.  To honor him, Jose Bautista and Edwin Encarnacion hung their cortisone shots at half-mast.

Leonys Martin – Traded to the Mariners.  Yay, Leonys is traded, so he can get a starting job!  Lowercase yay, it’s to the Mariners and he’ll likely be platooned.  Can one team have more great nine-hole hitters than the Mariners?  I’m not sure it’s possible.

Joaquin Benoit – “Who knew when the Mariners traded for Benoit last November it would produce one of the top bullpens in baseball and help them to the World Series?”  That is something that no one will say next year.  As of right now, Benoit looks like the closer, so he’ll be someone that I might be excited about drafting for some cheap SAGNOF, but Benoit also feels like someone that may never be anointed the closer by the Mariners, whether he closes games or not.  Lloyd Christmas McClendon is gone, but his shadow of stupidity looms large.

Craig Kimbrel – Traded to Red Sox for Carlos Asuaje, Javier Guerra, Logan Allen and Manuel Margot, four guys that sound like background extras in the movie, Casablanca.  “Manuel Margot, I need you behind Bogart, and stop looking into the camera!”  Member last year when the Padres were pretending to be a contender so they went out and got a top-notch closer?  Feels like longer ago than it is.  Shame the Padres gave up on being a winner, it was fun to watch them fail when they had expectations.  Now it’s just depressing.  Kimbrel will once again be a top closer, but, ya know, SAGNOF.  For 2016, I’ll give him the projections of 3-3/2.03/0.98/89 with 43 saves in 60 IP.

David Ortiz – Will retire after the 2016 season.  That means in the winter of 2021 we’ll be hearing arguments on whether or not Ortiz is a Hall of Famer.  In 2021 when those points are being argued, voters will beam their votes telepathically to MLB headquarters after the general public realizes the movie, Zapped, was actually a premonition of the future.  Of course, that’ll mean Keith Law will telepathically beam us all his thoughts about why other voters are tele-pathetic.

 
  1. Lville Jim says:
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    Hoping Jeffress ends up with the closing gig as I picked him up midway through last season in anticipation of the Brewers moving K-Rod, although the other two look to have better numbers than him.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Lville Jim: He could, I’d be surprised if it’s not until the last week of spring training when we know for sure

    • Montezuma's Revenge... right now says:
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      @Lville Jim: i’m glad to have flipped jeffress in a dynasty with exactly this selling point (even though i thought it would be mid last season), i didn’t need closers and did want to get kela.

      • Montezuma's Revenge... right now says:
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        @Montezuma’s Revenge… right now: if nothing else after that trade the other owner will believe i might be on the ball, and certainly wasn’t trying to snow him.

  2. Clyde Prompto says:
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    The pitchers reasonably expect to see significant innings for the Angels this coming season to me are: Richards, Santiago, Heaney, Wilson, Weaver, Shoemaker, Skaggs and Tropeano. I’ll add Street to the mix, because CLOSER. Of those guys, Santiago, Heaney, Weaver, Shoemaker, Tropeano and Street all have GB% below the league average. Santiago, Weaver, Shoemaker and Street are significantly below average. In fact, Santiago had the lowest GB% of all qualified starters. So the Angels gave up their #1 prospect for a guy who’s greatest asset is seriously blunted by the very makeup of their roster. GENIUS.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Clyde Prompto: I don’t think there’s anyone that can stand up to Scioscia and I wonder about his thought processes sometimes

      • Clyde Prompto says:
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        @Grey: “The Rise and Fall of The Sciosciapath” would be a mildly intriguing e-book.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          If written by him

  3. Scott Kimmel says:
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    Morning Grey and J-FOH

    I am still on the fence as to whether or not I should let the guy who put a bid on Urias with a third round pick (#22 overall)sign him or use my second overall pick to sign him. I just don’t know. If I do sign him he has to stay on my major league roster all season long

      • Scott Kimmel says:
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        I need backups at C,2B,SS,and at least 2 SP. this league is a keeper league. So I should let Urias go to him for a 3rd round pick?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Depends on your options

          • Scott Kimmel says:
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            I need to make a trade for SP. should I try and trade a closer for SP. my closers are:

            Davis
            Holland
            Osuna
            Soria
            Storen
            Tolleson (is he closing since the Rangers got Wilhelmsen?)

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              That works for me

  4. royce! says:
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    Nice for things to get back to normal for a Padres fan, by which I mean that the only thing to get excited about is their potential a couple of years from now.

    Also, Simmons had the second highest defensive WAR last year, and has been consistently the best defensive SS in baseball since he joined the league.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @royce!: re: Padres, yeah, like Yonder Alonso, Gyorko and OBPwulf from three years ago… WAR, what is it good for, this is fantasy baseball…Say it again! How have you been?

      • royce! says:
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        @Grey: A fan base stuck in perpetual anticipation. This last season essentially wiped out the last of the fans that I personally knew. Dudes who had season tickets since Petco opened cancelled them. What a drag.

        I’ve been alright. Various flus have made their way through our house recently, so I’ve been laying low. Going to open a bar in Seattle soon, so I’m taking Lauren and the kids there for all of January. I figure spending an entire winter month in Seattle will shut me up about wanting to move back there…for a few months, at least. Really excited about the bar. If it works, I’m one step closer to being able to quit my real job!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          That’s amazing! Not about the Padres, obviously, but about the bar. Where in Seattle are you thinking of opening it? I was just there with Cougs over All-Star break and it was my only time there, but loved it… Of course, it was during the summer, which I’ve heard isn’t necessarily indicative of “typical Seattle weather”…

          • royce! says:
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            @Grey: It’s in Georgetown, which is south of downtown. When I last lived there, which was nearly 15 years ago, it wasn’t much of a neighborhood, but it has since become pretty cool.

            Seattle in the summer is great. Which is why it’s a good idea for me to go in the winter, because I can’t move there so I’m better off remembering how much it sucks for the other 8-9 months of the year…

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Cougs (I asked) and I don’t remember Georgetown… Any landmarks? We really loved Ballard. Two suggestions for you while there, go to Hot Cakes and Slate Coffee…

              • royce! says:
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                @Grey: Not really…there’s a park with giant cowboy boots! It’s an industrial part of town south of downtown between the football and baseball stadiums and boeing field. It’s developing for the same reasons that any hood like that develops in a city that’s getting overpriced- people just need places to live and its convenient to downtown. It’s not a part of town that you would go to as a tourist, really, especially because other hoods like Ballard have a lot more to offer. But in another 10 years, it could be (Ballard 10-15 years ago was pretty dead). One of the dudes involved owns a couple of places in Ballard: Hazelwood and Hotel Albatross. Both are pretty hip, good places.

                Hot Cakes and a coffee place?! Thanks for the ideas of where to take my mom…ha! Burn!

                Did you stay in Ballard?

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Yelp Hot Cakes and Slate, seriously… Makes sense to go in an up-and-coming neighborhood… We stayed at Chelsea Station Inn B&B for three days, then we stayed three days at the Inn at the Market, which was right above Pike…

                  • royce! says:
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                    @Grey: A lot cheaper…I’d imagine Ballard rent is cray for a bar…Looks like a great trip! I used to ride a soap box car down a hill they had for em in Woodland Park, which was right across the street from where you stayed. Also went to the zoo all the time as a kid, but that’s not as exciting as tearing down a steep hill in a death trap.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      By Linden Ave (St?)? Was a really nice neighborhood. That’s by Slate Coffee… Crazy tight streets, which must’ve made soap boxing all the more harrowing and so much better!

                  • royce! says:
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                    @Grey: Oh, and we’ll be in Ballard a lot in January so I’ll check out those places. Thanks!

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      I’d go back to Seattle just for a cup of coffee from Slate, it was insane

    • J-FOH says:
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      @royce!: grey wears defensive blinders

      • royce! says:
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        @J-FOH: Makes sense, to a certain degree, though we might want to pay attention to how much Simmons could help Angels’ pitching. Idk anything about how much a single defender contributes to a pitcher’s success, but I’m sure it does.

  5. J-FOH says:
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    Benoit has the most mature man muscles in Seattle. I see no conflict here just endorsements of him after his 7th blown save in 12 chances

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @J-FOH: Yeah, should be

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: I drop a man muscles reference and get that. Pour another cup of coffee already

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yupcha

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: don’t you Yuptcha me. That’s my move

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              You got me there

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Grey: gotcha

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Snap

  6. Halp

    Mike HC says:
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    Angels made the trade because their new GM, Billy Eppler, values defense to an insane degree. Same guy who gave us (Yankee fans) the Stephen Drew/Brendan Ryan platoon at 2B last year. Seriously, that was plan A. Simmons might be the one guy whose D might actually be worth it, although I wouldn’t have made that trade either.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Mike HC: Oh did they hire a GM? Google failed me on that…

      • Halp

        Mike HC says:
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        @Grey:

        I don’t doubt the Sciosciapath (tied with Cortisone Brothers for best nickname) was all for this deal. How much grittier does a no hitting, great fielding shortstop get, and a high strikeout, high walk prospect is all shine, no grit.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, exactly…

  7. GhostTownSteve says:
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    No Rich Hill mention?

    Rich Hill is where all the kids from the Cobra Kai lived.

    Loved Martin Kove in “The Dog Who Saved Summer.”

    The previous is just my childish response to never understanding any of the references in the comments.

    Let’s draft a league today. C’mon gang. My dad’s got an old barn. We could put on a show and raise that money ourselves.

    Who was the Truman Capote type who used to haunt the comments. That guy was terrific.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      You mean Costa Rica Chata? Was Rich Hill a sample size talking last year?

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Grey: Where did he go? I think he told me to assassinate myself once…

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          He appeared one day this year to wish me a happy anniversary… Then disappeared again… Must’ve built up some good will with the guards to let him use the puter

  8. CMUTimmah says:
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    K Rod projections would be nice… but I can’t fathom a closer (who starts as closer day one) in Detroit not having a 3.5+ ERA. It’s just not right.

    You definitely didn’t steer me wrong too often last year (I’ll admit, I bit on the idea that Cingrani was going to fix my Kyle Lohse/Jimmy Nelson back end of my rotation (we have deep rotations).. but I’m still kicking myself for drafting C Dick in the first round and calling up Rendon from my minor leagues before the start of the season. Even with those bad choices, I made it to the world series with a solid assist by Grey. Your job isn’t to get them all right, but get more right than the rest of the garbage sites.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Amen, brotha!

  9. Scott Kimmel says:
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    Grey,

    Just got a trade offer Bautista for Perez and Zobrist. Would you do that trade?

    • Scott Kimmel says:
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      grey he withdrew the deal

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Okay

        • Scott Kimmel says:
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          Grey

          I give up Bautista for sal Perez would you do it

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Nope

      • Scott Kimmel says:
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        with Texas acquiring Wilhelmsen, is he the closer or is Tolleson still the closer

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I’d guess Tolleson

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Bautista side

  10. Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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    Gut predictions – if Gardner gets traded, to who will it be and who will headline the package coming back to NY? Lots of Carrasco/Salazar rumors, but I can’t imagine that happening without giving up a whole lot more..

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Indians would have to be stupid to do that deal… My guess is Dodgers for Puig

      • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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        @Grey: Yeah agreed. I’d certainly love it though!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I saw Jays also in mix… Yanks should take Pompey and run

  11. Regan says:
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    Yo Grey and friends, thanks for another year of great work! Won all 5 of my Roto leagues thanks mainly to going all in on Harper, Arenado and Arrieta.

    M’s fan, so of course I wanted to give my two cents. It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, time for a clean slate. Finally got rid of our front office hacks and now have a real GM who understands sabermetrics and will put together a functional team for once. Love the Martin trade, we finally have a real centerfielder for the first time in a decade. They value defense so i’m expecting to see Martin in the lineup almost everyday.

    Like the Benoit trade also since he is a great fit for Safeco. He doesn’t give up hard contact and there is nobody else even close to his caliber on the back end now that Tom Wil is gone so i think his job is a lock.Both of these guys are SAGNOF worthy and will be on most of my teams next year.

    Peace

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Nice! I hope you’re right on Leonys, love to see him as the everyday CF and as the leadoff man eventually… Agreed on Benoit too

  12. Brian says:
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    Andy van slyke throwing puig and Cano under the bus! Does puig get dealt and blossom or is he what he is?

  13. Scott Kimmel says:
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    Grey

    Would you trade deGrom for Jose Fernandez or is it a lateral move

Comments are closed.