Max Scherzer has heterochromia, which is a condition where one eye is a different color than the other. Here’s a picture of him. Christopher Walken, Kiefer Sutherland, Mila Kunis, Kate Bosworth, to name a few, also have this condition. Doesn’t this seem like something that at some point will be the “it thing?” I could totally see teenagers in the future riding their hoverboards and wearing only one colored contact. Then further down the line the government will require everyone to have different colored eyes and teenagers with the same colored eyes will rise up to overthrow the government, only to be thwarted because some counter-terrorism organization supplied the teens with marijuana and a new “awesome” video game. Actually, I’m kinda surprised this hasn’t happened yet. With my deep, dark, mysterious, cock-eyed peepers, I looked into Scherzer and decided he’s been the 3rd best pitcher in baseball so far, if you throw out his ERA (the 2nd best is Anibal and 4th best is Burnett). Sure, when one looks cock-eyed at things, they cherry-pick stats and throw out common sense. Still, Scherzer has been fantastic. His K-rate of 11.26 is fifth in the league. His walk rate is 24th. Besides Peavy, Scherzer is the only one in the top 24 with a 9+ K-rate and a walk rate that low. Basic math: if you strikeout people and don’t walk them, great things will happen. Scherzer has been better than F-Her, only F-Her has an ERA of 1.53 and Scherzer’s is at 3.98. Fantasy baseballers (<–Grand Dame Albright’s term!) tend to overrate recent past results and ratios they can understand like ERA. If someone in your league thinks Scherzer is nothing but a #2 or 3 with good Ks, they’re wrong as no rain. I’d pursue Scherzer quickly before his ERA turns around like a dramatic prairie dog. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into today’s Buy/Sell, I just wanted to announce we have something huge coming on Monday. I’m not going to get into specifics, but you’ll start to see it take root this weekend. Get excited, it’s a good surprise. Anyway, here’s the Buy/Sell:
BUY
Yasmani Grandal – The off-Broadway production of OBPwulf, begins with Grandal talking a walk. He then stands on first for nine innings waiting for a Padres hitter to get him to 2nd base. It’s an existential play that an audience doesn’t applaud at as much as sigh. (Since I’ve never read Beowulf or Waiting for Godot, I’m going by the plot of Waiting for Guffman. I’m cultured like yogurt!)
Ryan Doumit – In the 1940’s, someone commented on this blog that they were thinking of dropping Al Lopez for Clyde Kluttz, because they didn’t like the cut of Clyde’s jib or the way he kept inadvertently dropping pitches. We laughed for days about that. We will have similar guffaws if you ask me if you should drop catcher A for catcher B.
Brandon Belt – I was just thinking how “Bible Belt” would be a super easy one to get on Win, Lose or Draw. Any hoo! Belt has finally started to show power that he’s only hinted at in the past. Put on you big boy pants and grab Belt.
Corey Hart – Not sure how he’s only owned in 28% of ESPN leagues, but when you factor in ESPN signs up 27,000 fake accounts to inflate their numbers, it kinda makes sense.
Emilio Bonifacio – Emily Goodface isn’t just another pretty face, he’s SAGNOF!
Derek Dietrich – Younotrich has been hitting in the meaty part of the Marlins lineup, which is like saying Ben Affleck is in the meaty part of Gigli.
Dee Gordon – He’s hitting .220 with 5 steals. Over the course of the season, that’s about .185 with only 17 steals because there’s no way he’s going to keep the job all year hitting like this. I’m not sure what happened to this young brother, but I do like him. I just wouldn’t drop anyone too valuable for him.
Stephen Drew – In the top ten players that I don’t like on a personal level. He’s joined by two members of his family, J.D. and Drew Barrymore.
Didi Gregorius – It looks like Father It Takes Time For Pitchers To Get A Read On A Guy is catching up to him as he starts to slow, but he’s still hitting and at the top of the lineup. BTW, Father Time is sick of getting mail meant for Father It Takes Time For Pitchers To Get A Read On A Guy, he’s got no time for that.
Tyler Cloyd – Goes to Crayola Canyon next, i.e., the House That A Demented Unicorn Spit Up.
Brandon McCarthy – Goes Crayola Canyon next, i.e., the House That A Demented Unicorn Spit Up That The Taxpayers Paid For. What would surprise you more within the next two years: Lindsay Lohan dies of a drug overdose or Jeffrey Loria is on trial for tax evasion? Tough call, right?
Zach McAllister – Okay, I basically just went to the Stream-o-Nator for a bunch of these. McAllister gets the Mariners next.
Julio Teheran – After he was roughed up in his first few starts, he’s started to settle down. I just wouldn’t settle too long on a chaise because the tide is rising and Beachy’s coming.
Jeff Locke – As with most of these guys, Locke gets a nice match-up next (the Astros). Locke’s not a throwing smoke monster, but he’s fine for the match-up (at least I hope so since I grabbed him).
Jake Odorizzi – Since I highlighted Chris Archer the other day when I said who I’d grab with Price’s injury, I’ll bold up Odorizzi here. It could still be either of them (or even Alex Colome). Once one is announced, they are an immediate pick up.
Will Venable – His season stats right now are better than a lot of guys that you don’t even second guess having in your lineup. His current average might drop down another ~20 points. But you know I like him when I bring out the mustache symbol.
Oswaldo Arcia – Been going through the standard peaks and valleys of a rookie…4-for-5 with a homer one day, 0-for-4 the next day. Basically Matt Wieters’s career game log. I think Arcia will probably be a 27 homer guy as soon as next year, but he’s a hit or miss rookie right now.
Michael Brantley – I don’t love carrying bench bats, but I have been carrying Brantley for the last week (a long time in the world of Grey’s fantasy baseball rosterbating) because Tito tends to bench Brantley about once a week. I need steals though, and I think Brantley could click at some point and get 10 homers and 35 steals. With my luck, it’ll probably be next year.
Andy Dirks – Has three homers in the last ten days, and when you say his last name repeatedly it sounds like Dr. Evil dancing.
Avisail Garcia – Really needs Dirks or Don Kelly to go AWOLNATION before I’m screaming Avisail.
Dayan Viciedo – I almost made him the lede this week. I’m most excited about picking him up. There’s a chance here for 27-30 homers and a doable average. Before you say I’m crumby with crackers, he had 25 homers last year and has 4 homers in 19 games already this year. As long as his average doesn’t drop into the gutter, you’re gonna wish you grabbed him.
Domonic Brown – He still has a while to go before getting the record for most consecutive Buy column appearances. Ty Wigginton in the summer of 2010 has that shizz on lock at, like, 8 weeks. (Sorry about the vague record keeping. Our record keepers are a bunch of monkeys. Literally, I have a rhesus monkey sitting next to me wearing a Wigginton jersey with the number 8. That’s all I’m going on.)
John Mayberry Jr. – Batting 8th is death in the NL, but so is not breathing and that didn’t stop Bernie Lomax from being a hit at parties.
Adam Eaton – In the preseason, I said a lot about Eaton, but here’s a key part — “Adam Eaton, Josh Rutledge, Manny Machado, Aroldis, Todd Frazier and Paul Goldschmidt. Search for each of their names on the top right and see what I’ve harped on. I love them all. ” Do you see the company I was putting him in? He was one of my “I got a crush on you” guys prior to his injury. Now is the time to stash him.
SELL
Carlos Beltran – I could’ve put Nelson Cruz here too. One has ten homers and the other has 11 homers, and if you were to get 27-plus homers from either, then my name isn’t Dr. Grey Tupac Albright.
Josh Donaldson – I feel like Donaldson won’t even be ownable in some leagues in the 2nd half of the year, so if you can get a piece for him now, I’d listen to offers. It seems like you found a corner infidel that you’re gonna love long time, but at the end of the year when he has 17 homers, 5 steals and a .265 average, you’re gonna yawn. Here’s an example: I’d take Todd Frazier for Donaldson.
Shelby Miller – NOOOOOOOO!!! Your Sell smells like Abe Vigoda’s ass. I got a show for you to watch, Blow Me Miller’s Awesome. I hate you! Whoa, sorry, Random Italicized Voice, this isn’t for keepers and I still like Miller a lot, but he’s pitching over his head right now. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR CAVEATS! YOU COULDN’T JUST SAY TO SELL VERNON WELLS?! OR JAMES LONEY?! Wow, never heard you this upset before. You hurt me. I own Miller in a couple of leagues, and I’m not selling him for even ninety-eight cents on the dollar, but his ERA is at 1.40. C’mon. He’s more like a 3.50 ERA guy. There’s a fairly large gap there between what is and what will be. Don’t sell him for your mom’s leftover pot roast, but I’d listen to offers.
