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I was craving sashimi last night, so I sauntered to my local sushi joint. When I walked through the door, I heard the familiar, “Irrashaimase maido,” from the chefs behind the counter. As I nodded my head down reverently, I realized there was a new member of the crew. I like to live dangerously, so I sat down at the bar in front of him. I usually ask the chef, “What’s good today?” but last night it was just, “Prepare what you think is best.” Like I said, I like to live dangerously. If I wasn’t sitting on the edge of my seat in anticipation, I would’ve knocked my chair backwards and banged my head on the floor from the show I was presented. It was all so un-Benihana-esque. The skill. The grace. As he wiped the sweat from his forehead after slicing and dicing the manta rays placed before him, I asked him one simple question. “Who are you?” He looked me in the eye and responded, “I am Masahiro Tanaka of the New York Yankees.” Tanaka was perfect for five innings Friday night. He ended up allowing two hits, one earned run, did not walk a batter, and struck out 14 in eight innings. 77-of-109 pitches were thrown for strikes. That’s how you earn a big tip! Now, keep in mind that Tampa Bay strikes out the fourth-most frequently against RHP and the huge night knocked down his ERA to 5.09 for the year. He did give up four, three, and five earned runs in his prior three starts and got pummeled in his two previous starts against TB. As Friday night showed, though, Tanaka does have the ability to absolutely dominate. When I eat raw fish, I know there’s always the risk that I could be eating some three-eyed monster from Fukushima. That’s how I feel about starting Tanaka. As I said before, I like to live dangerously.

Here’s what else I saw from Friday night’s action:

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The NKOTB (New Kids on the Block), Rafael Devers (31.5% owned – increase of 25.9%) and Nick Williams (29.3% owned – increase of 25.5%), were the two most added players last week. If you don’t know what NKOTB is, please click here. Now, you no longer live a blessed existence. As for Devers, the Supreme Leader (Grey) and Prospect Jesus (Ralph) of Razzball went over him here, here, and here. If you don’t believe in Prospect Jesus, I present you with physical evidence. Remember the guy/girl with the mic before/after Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech? Exactly. So, I’ll focus on Williams. For some reason, I always think of Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys when I see the name Nick Williams. I know. I know. It’s blasphemous to put NKOTB and the Backstreet Boys in the same post. That’s on some Biggie vs Tupac-level shit. I apologize to the five female readers. Back to Williams. Since making his MLB debut on June 30th, he’s batting .303/.345/.592 with four home runs, 10 runs scored, and 18 RBI. The ISO is .289 and wOBA .383. The hard hit rate is a robust 44.8%. He’s primarily been hitting third in the batting order and never lower than sixth. He’s been a DFS monster, as his salary has been super-cheap. Now for the bad. He’s hitting a crap of ground balls, 51.7% in fact. The HR/FB rate is 28.6%. He’s chasing 43.1% of balls outside the strikezone and has a 17.8% swinging strike rate. His overall contact rate is 69%. Granted, this is all in a small sample size of 84 plate appearances, but that makes me want to fade him even more. The adjustments are coming and many of the peripherals portend to a quick and sudden decline. If those words aren’t doing it for you…

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Image result for david peralta

Did you know that David Peralta’s name is actually Senger Guerreiro? So it’s Senger David Peralta Guerreiro Maria Conchita Alonso. Whew. Ok, without the Maria Conschita Alonso, but it made me think of this. That’s better than Sum Ting Wong and Yu Stin Ki Pu. Anyways, his father is also named David Peralta, so I respect that he decided to go with that. I also love his back story…

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Almost 10 years before The Fast and the Furious, many of my friends were into street racing. They’d form crews and fix up their cars to race at Battle of the Imports or on the street for cash or pink slips. I remember one crew was called the Decepticons and had the logo plastered all over their cars. Some looked so tight. I’ll never forget one guy, though. He’d spend a ton of money on the exterior: rims, lights, body kit. He even decked out the interior with a roll cage, racing seats, pedals, instrument gauges, etc. His ride looked so, so nice. The only problem was that he spent no money on the engine. ALL SHOW NO GO. Which segues perfectly to Carlos Gonzalez (70% owned – decrease of 6.1%). CarGo sucks. One of Grey’s favorite movie lines is: See that S Car Go from Trading Places. One of my all-time favorite movies by the way. Anyways, this CarGo ain’t going anywhere. He hit 40 home runs two years ago. Last year, he hit 25 home runs. This year? He’s hit six. SIX! The ISO is at .116. The triple-slash line is .218/.296/.335. wRC+ is 47. His ground ball rate is at a career-high, hard contact rate is at a career-low, and he’s going oppo at a career-low rate. Steamer has rest of season projections at .277 average, 12 home runs, 33 runs scored, 38 RBI, and one stolen base. I’m just not buying it. He’s 31 years old. Side rant. Why didn’t the Rockies trade him last year? Anyways, other than the fact that he sucks, is he even going to play everyday? Charlie Blackmon is entrenched in centerfield. You guys know my love for Gerardo Parra. I guess he platoons with Ian Desmond. But….what happens when David Dahl returns? TRASH.

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Paul DeJong (25.7% owned – increase of 19.2%) is batting .313/.331/.602 with nine home runs, 17 runs scored, and 20 RBI in 128 at-bats. Over the past week of regular season games, DeJong is 11-for-16 with five doubles and three home runs. He has hit a home run in three consecutive games! Why am I suddenly walking through a Vegas casino and see a roulette board showing that the last 15 spins have all been red? “Always bet on black.” When trying to dig deeper into DeJong, Fangraphs just happens to be down. Kind of like every missle launch that the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un has had. Thank goodness the internet has a plethora of options for any and every subject matter. Too much perhaps? North Korea scoffs at the notion, as they have just 28 websites. Anyways, DeJong is striking out 28.6% of the time and has an ISO of .289. The BABIP is also .378, so expect that .313 batting average to come down. DeJong is eligible at 3B/2B/SS, but he’s batting eighth in the batting order. He did hit .299 with 13 home runs in 190 at-bats down in Triple-A, so there’s hope, the same amount as an American going to North Korea and not getting arrested for being a spy. TRASH…

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I am Son. Son I am. I like green eggs and Tommy Pham (20.6% owned – increase of 9.7%). I do! I like them, Son I am. When I think of Tommy I crave for Pho (pronounced “fuh”), probably due to the fact that he’s half-Vietnamese. Duh!!! He’s hit ten home runs and stolen nine bases. Those numbers are real. You didn’t drink too many cases. The walk rate is good (11.5%) while the strikeout rate is high (25.7%). Not anything too obscene to crucify. The average is solid (.289) while the OBP is great (.381). I’m feeling the same vibe from when I listen to Warren G’s Regulate. The BABIP is high (.358) so some negative regression should take place. But not so low that I’d link The Sign by Ace of Base. The swinging strike rate is 8.8% and he only chases 20% of pitches outside the strike zone. I hear the moans. How can we clone? Mike Matheny bats him in the two-hole against both righties and lefties. That’s more valuable to me than snatching the panties. Now, he’s much better on the road than at home (.234 vs .344). Yo, Google Chrome! Shalom! Enough PaRappa the Rapper. Pham won’t be a season winner and he’s streaky, but he could be a viable fill-in. If you do pick him up and have the urge to drop him, just watch this over and over again. On a side note, Pham has a rare eye disorder called keratoconus, which thins the cornea. He started wearing contact lenses back in 2009 to be able to track the pitches better. I’m just excited for the inevitable moment when Pham is used as a guinea pig for a Terminator-like eye transplant. TREASURE

Here’s what else I saw in the most added/dropped list:

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When Ian Happ (45.7% owned – increase of 25%) was called up in May of this year, we fantasy nerds were giddy with excitement. I imagine it was the same tingly sensation boys felt when they first saw a young Britney Spears on the Mickey Mouse Club. Unfortunately, Happ proceeded to bat .214 with only two home runs in his first month of major league experience. The dread was comparable to “young boy with tingly sensation” realizing that Britney was probably “studying” with fellow Mickey Mouse Club’er Justin Timberlake. In the month of June, though, Happ is batting .277. More specifically, since June 13th, he is batting .316 with five home runs. He’s had at least one hit in 12 of the past 14 games.

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Michael Taylor of the Washington Nationals is:

A) A bad baseball player.
B) An improving baseball player.
C) A good baseball player.
D) A good looking baseball player.
R) All of the above.
If you selected A, then you are correct. Anytime a headline for a story reads, “Nationals’ Michael Taylor Might Have Had The Worst Game In Baseball History,” you’re always in consideration for being labelled a bad baseball player. I mean, the article opens with, “We’re not even exaggerating…” So, Taylor went 0-for-5 with five strikeouts and left five men on base in a game against the Los Angeles Dodgers. That’s not even the end of the story. In the bottom of the ninth, with the Nationals up by one run, Taylor charged a ball hit by Yasiel Puig but the ball went under his glove, which allowed two runs to score. Okay, one game does not make a player bad. It just means one game was played poorly. You gotta admit, though. That was pretty bad.
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Who doesn’t love sugar? Okay, a diabetic, but there’s a good chance that they loved sugar a little too much, no? How could someone not love a commodity that makes any food or drink sweeter and is used to describe “good lovin?” The thing about sugar, though, is that it is a complementary item. Granted, I used to love popping those C&H sugar cubes into my mouth. The sweetness. The way it felt when the cube melted from the saliva in my mouth. Mmmmm. Do you think I have a future as an erotic writer? Penthouse forum writer for sure. Anyways, sugar can never be a main item. No matter how you dress it up or package it. Which brings me to Lorenzo Cain.

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Andrelton Simmons (48.9% owned – increase of 12.2%) is the No. 12 shortstop in Razzball’s Player Rater. Addison Russell (63.5% owned – decrease of 9.2%) is the No. 31 shortstop. It’s as if the names should be swapped. Russell should be 48.9% owned and Simmons should be 63.5% owned. I have the sudden urge to listen to some jams from Russell Simmons’ Def Jam Records…

Russell plays for the Cubs. Woohoo…He’s 23 years old. Yipee…He hit 21 home runs last season. Woo saaaa…Can you feel the excitement? I’m about to open up an incognito window on my computer. Hold up. Give me like 20 seconds….Sarcasm alert. Not about the incognito window thing, though. Now, I like Russell in dynasty. As mentioned above, he is young and could be a monster in a few years. But we trying to win rings like Kevin Durant now!!! Nothing has really changed with Russell in regards to batted ball profile and plate discipline. He pretty much is who he is right now. .240-ish hitter with 10-15 home runs. He also hits seventh, in front of the pitcher. As for Simmons, he’s always been a low strikeout/high contact batter. He has some pop and will probably end up with around 10- 12 home runs, but with a batting average closer to .275. The surprising thing with Simmons this season is the number of steals. So far, he’s pilfered 10 bags, after ending up with that total in 124 games last season. Stealing bases is one of the few stats that a player has more direct control over, so that’s a nice trend. In this week’s Razzball Baseball podcast, Grey touched on the value that power/speed guys have. Go listen to the pod and…LEAVE A REVIEW!!! Special things will happen. Anyways, back to Simmons. Actually, it’s more a rant against the Sociopath. Simmons is batting .180 against LHP and .305 against RHP this season. His career numbers are .268 vs RHP and .244 vs LHP. So, what does the Sociopath do? He bats Simmons 6th against righties and 2nd against lefties. To bring everything full circle, I guess it makes sense that Simmons is owned in 48.9% of leagues and Russell in 63.5%. What a world. TRASH for Russell. TREASURE for Simmons.

Here are a few others that stood out to me in this week’s add/drop list:

Please, blog, may I have some more?